Dealing with mom and breast cancer

jHOPE

My dad passed away in august of 2003 and man do I wish he were here, cause he would know how to be strong. We keep getting test taken but no answers she had to make a decision and decided to have a masectomoy but now they found another abnormal mass on her chest x-ray and we have to wait for the cat-scan to come back to find out what this is. I just wish this was all over and my mother did not have to go through this. After my dad died it was depression through the whole family, well that feeling never goes away and now just having to deal with more bad news is unbearable. Any advice for a 25 year old that has a sister living 3 hours away, and a mother that is negative and depressed.

cowgirl

jHope you won't like what I have to say but this is your time to be "super positive". Honestly that is what she needs most is for you to be the strong one, and be determined for her.

That and an anti depressant might really help her!

Shemp

Like cowgirl said, it's your Mom's job to fight this, and your's to put on the positive face and keep your mother motivated and encouraged. You can't dwell on the negatives for too long as they'll consume you. There are a lot of things to be optimistic, even if you have to look a llittle harder for them some days. Good luck to your family... and don't be a stranger.

didda566

I am in the same corner as you. Mom was diagnosed with stage iv in March. We have been trying to understand and accept ever since.
Myself, I agree with the above members. I try to be super happy, and my mission each day is to make my Mom laugh so hard she almost pees her pants!
Breast cancer to me, is never good news. All we can do is help the fight, give them support, even when you feel like crying yourself. Believe me, I dropped my car pool partner so I could cry all the way to work (35 minutes). (I don't do this anymore, but I still don't have the carpool partner. I like the freedom!)
Believe me, it does get better.
Mom is responding so well to the chemo, is accepting all the minor setbacks, like her broken leg, a blood clot, that how can I be negative?
Stay strong, be there for her, and find the humor section in this place. There are really funny jokes here.
If you succeed to take her mind off the negative, even for a few minutes, it'll help.
Take care.

Anonymous

Hi jhope,

I am very sorry for the loss of you Dad. Although it has bee close to 3 years now I remember how the loss of mine effected me....it took a very ling time. I notice you refer to him as Dad, that says a lot.

Your mom certainly has a full plate right now........having lost her husdband just a few years ago and now a devestating DX. It is only understandable that your mother would feel negative and depressed at this time.

Unfortunately, your plate is also very full with all that has, is and will be going on in the near future. Like the others I feel reflecting a positive attitude to your mom is very important. One other thing I feel is important also is this.......put your foot in the door and let your mom understand that it is OK for her to tell you how she truly feels. Let her know she can be honest and cry in front of you or with you if need be. It is painful but the honesty is something needed.

You might get her to come either to these discussion boards or this BCO cht room for additional support. It is a VERY long and difficult haul even without the recent loss of a father and/or husdband.

Sure hoping the scan turns out favorable.

Please keep posting and let us now how you both are doing.

gentle hugssssssssssssss

cowgirl

This is a great place to vent too! We have all hit the wall, and want to crawl into bed and never come out! Don't worry you are not alone, and this is a rollercoaster ride on the best day.

The people here have seen the worst and have come here to help you, please posts updates and vents. It all helps us too!

laryy48

Cowgirl and Shemp gave you great advice. As the caregiver for my wife who had mets to the bone, liver and lungs, I did for my wife what you have to do for you mom. Be strong and positive! MY wife lived for three and a half years with mets. Kathy told me MANY, MANY, times that she could not have made it as far as she did without me. I was always there for her for support, guidance, and to tell her that she would be fine. It is not easy. I know. I walked the path that you are on for a long time. Your mom need you to do this for her more than you both know. BE strong. I pray that everything will be fine. Feel free to contact me any time and I will try to help with any advice i can give.

laryy48

Terese

Hello, jHOPE,

I agree - you have some great advice here and it is a great place to vent.

I can feel for you, as I lost my dad 2 years ago. I am still grieving and really miss him. My mom never stops missing him and feels it more now that she has been diagnosed with metastatic BC (hers is in the spine, lung, pleura).

Keep humor in the heart and try to stay strong!

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Terese

lizqueen

jHope,
My mom is 61, she was dx and had left mast in January and had her 3rd round of AC on wednesday. Fortunately my dad is still around, but he is, most of the time, weaker than her dealing with her BC, most of the time we get the impresion she is the one who has to support him. As a daughter I can only tell you sometimes you will have to encourage her, sometimes you will have to cheer her up, sometimes you will have to push her, some you will have to pull her, sometimes you will yell at her, sometimes she will be your little girl, you will have to remain strong... just take it one day at a time and come here to vent when needed. There is ALWAYS ALWAYS a group of brave and gentle people WHO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH to help you.
My mom doesn´t always tell openly how she feels, I have to catch sentences in her conversation to realize she is depressed or scared or just fed up, sometimes I mother her, sometimes I tell her to pull herself together. It has not been easy for me as until January I was the one relying on her for everything, but in a split it is suddenly May and she is half way through her treatment. You´ll be amazed of how fast time runs and once treatment starts you are DRAMATICALLY closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Your mom will be fine, especially because she has a daughter who cares.
My prayers are with you!