anyone starting chemo in Nov 2005

Margerie

Kim, I don't know who the little birdie was, but I am sure it was only good intentions!!

What is going on with your breathing?  Is it asthma? Please tell me it is not the beast affecting your lungs. I am sending good thoughts your way. I am hoping your treatments aren't taking the fun out of everything. 

Give Mickey a big kiss for me and bring some hand sanitizer! 

Odalys

Kim - I think this post will answer your questions.    http://community.breastcancer.org/topic/84/conversation/685175

You are loved by many and we will continue to pray for you and your family.

Love and gentle hugs,

Odalys

Oops I don't know what happened here? These boards are so weird lately.

Mary-Lou

Deb, prayers are coming your way. I almost didn't find you all again....I still can't load pictures.

It is late, will pop in later. The week end is busy....

Mary-Lou

Mary-Lou

Wow, I did it purely by accident.....OMG!

Mary-Lou

Here is the grand baby, he is 9 months old. And Jessie is pregnant again for the second time!

Mary-Lou

Boy this is easy , all you do

is go to photobucket.com, search for anything you want or upload your own pictures from your PC.

Then click the html code and it will copy. Then come to post and click the little clipboard and the picture shows up here!

Where are all of you?

Anonymous

OHHHHHH!!!!!!!  ML, the grandbaby is such a little pumpkin!  He is a cutie-patootie.  And congrats on another one on the way!  How exciting and what a blessing for you all! 

I need some prayers-and for once, not because of my health.  We are having financial woes.  Major ones.  The house we moved into is the "Money Pit," and has literally eaten away at our savings.  After getting the basement completely flooded and staying up an entire night to save the house, I have felt my attitude about this house go down the tubes.  It's really hard, because Greg knows me so well, he knows exactly what I am thinking and feeling, and I don't want that pressure on him. 

So, we are already considering moving.  Is that horrible?  The mortgage is just too much on top of everything else.  We both feel awful.  Greg feels awful because he feels like this is his fault.  I feel awful because I feel like I should have pushed harder for the other house with the amazing price tag, and a hot tub in the guest house! 

We just need some prayer that we can once again give this all to the Lord.  Gheesh, we gave up control during cancer, why is it so hard to give up control now?! 

Kim-thinking of you!  How are you and your family doing?  What is the latest news? 

Anna-I MISS YOU!  I have Anna withdrawal. 

Margerie-how are you?!? I could use a dose of your humor right now! 

and where the heck are Nancy and Lat56? And of course, Special Kaye. 

Love and prayers to you all, Deb

Odalys

                                 

Hi sisters.  Sending you some FL rays to brighten up your day.  I sure miss everyone.  We've been so quiet lately.

ML - Hope your surgery went well.  The baby is so cute and soon another one, wow she is curageous. 

Deb - Goodness, it seems like we get to the end of this journey and with a pile of bills.  Sorry to hear you guys might have to move again.  (((((hugs)))))

Kim - Your in my thoughts.  How was your trip to Disney?  How are you doing?

Ana, Lat 56  - How are you?  Miss you!

Got to run, work awaits.  Love and hugs,

Margerie

Alright, humor here we come.  The Margerie Report:

I was walking my dog on Friday (large German Shepherd) and this little dog comes out of nowhere and charged us.  I wrestle my dog away and we both fall down this hill, and the little dog is still biting him.  I have to scream for help, and this neighbor came out and got the little dog to run back to his house.  I high-tailed it the other way.  I am thinking this lady thinks I am insane because my dog was 100 pounds bigger than this little one, but I just didn't want to watch a dog die (the little one) that day.  OK so now I have a sprained ankle- but I will live.

Today I go to a coffee shop with a friend who had her baby with her.  We go to sit on an outside patio there and my plastic chair totally explodes and I fall on my rear in front of at least 30 people and whomever was driving by.  What is with my luck lately?  I am glad it was me and not my friend, she had her baby in one hand and a hot cup of tea in the other.  When I told the manager what happened he said "Oh."  I know I am not a petite person- but this did nothing for my ego!

My 4 year old daughter wants  a "purple boob holder" still.  My 8 yo wants a cell phone.  My husband is coaching our 6 yo soccer team and one of the boys seems very effeminite.  Not that there is anything wrong with that. But when my husband told him he has to "go both ways" on the field I had to laugh. 

I went to Seattle for one of my clinical trial visits last week.  I always get the kids a little something.  My oldest wants to be an electrical engineer, so I got him an electric science kit/book at Border's.  I get to the airport and realize this kit (didn't really look inside at the store, was in a hurry) has batteries, wires, clamps, all kinds of stuff and I have it in my carry-on!!  Talk to the TSA at the curb and he says it is fine.  At the security checkpoint they scanned it the guy's eyes got real big and I told him what it was, he just let me thru.  I was expecting a little more drama.  Chemo brain strikes again!

Hope you had fun at Disney Kim.  I am sorry Debbie- moving and buying/selling are such big changes and it is hard on everyone.  We had house woes a few years ago, but it was for the best because we are now in the perfect house for us.

How are you Odalys?  Hoping the hurricanes don't blow your pretty hair around too much down there.  And keep the pictures coming Mary!

I haven't been posting many pics because we are on dial up and it takes all night to upload about 4 pics- no kidding.  Cross your fingers- we may get high speed hooked up in a couple of weeks if the tech can swing it.

Best to the best,

Margerie

Anonymous

Odalys, I'm so chemo-brained out, I didn't yell out to you on my last post....I'm so sorry!  I miss you-what have you been up to? How is Stephen? 

Marg-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Love it.  Thanks for the giggle! 

  I've been feeling lonely for my chemo sisters lately, too.

Gotta do laundry, Love and prayers, Deb 

Odalys

Deb - don't sweat it.  I understand.

Margerie - dial up?  Argggg...it must take you for ever to load these pages.  DSL is the way to go.  I really miss your posts.  You are such a great story teller.  I just love reading your posts.  Sorry to hear you sprained your ankle.  As for the chair incident- I am glad you were not wearing a dress or mini skirt. 

That reminds me, the other day I was in a hurry to get to the office and the elevators were not working so I had to walk down 8 flights of stairs.  Well, when I got to the ground floor I opened the door and proceeded to miss the step down.  Next thing I know, I am flat on my butt, purse and beeper went flying off and I yelled "shit".  I was wearing a suit, panty hose and heels.  Not a pretty sight.  I looked up and there are all these folks looking at me.  Boy was I embarrassed.  Luckily, I only scuffed my heels.  There are guardian angels. 

Hugs to all my beautiful sisters.  Love you!

Mary-Lou

Wow, we have all been gone. Michael and I were to go away this week end for my 2 year survivorship dancing with ned trip.

But he called tonight from work and said that he has to work on Sat. I wish he wasn't a supervisor....he could get out of it.

He fired someone tonight too. So that makes them short. I don't know how he has worked there for 17 years...

Deb, my prayers are with you and your family...something will work out. As you know life has a way 0f working it's self out....some how some way.

And I have learned at this ripe old age, that there is always something.....just take a deep breath.

Have you started to work yet?

It is good to see everyone here....I miss Anna, and all the other sisters too.

Marg, hope you get some high speed soon, I just love the pictures you post.

Kim, hope all is good on your end...

AnnaM

Sorry I haven't been a good sister lately but it is sooooo hard to get on here from where I am! Can any of you give me tips for a shortcut? Why do I have to log in each time, then go onto page one of our thread before coming to page 76?



Sorry for the rant.



Kim, how are you?



Debbie, you are going through a lot and I am thinking of you.



Margerie, yikes! Yikes to Odalys, too! All this falling we have been doing. Gotta watch out. Mary Lou, the pics are so uplifting. What a cutie.



We'll be home the second week in October and I'll be a better communicator, promise.



I love you all.

Mary-Lou

OH ANNA!

We have missed you so much...

The boards are just strange, and I can't get here as easy as I once did.

Good thing we all have each others email....I would hate the thought of not having you all in my life after 2 years...

I will post more after the week end, we are going to leave  after Michael gets home this afternoon.

He knew I was disappointed, so even if it could only be one night away.....it was still better than none.

We are going to North Carolina, so I will post some pictures for you all.

Mary-Lou

Odalys

Happy Saturday sisters.

Kim - How are you doing?

Love to all my beautiful sisters.

Mary-Lou

  New hair pictures, I just took these myself while I was sitting here at my desk....so they look dorky.

My hair is starting to look like "my" hair again....And not my mothers....  

I used a hot straightener on it, so it helped a great deal .

I really need a shape up, went the other day while waiting for the guys to change my oil, but they were to booked up.

Then ended up spending about $50.00 on the Grandson

This is what it looked one year before!

On Sept 20, 2006 OMG!

Anonymous

Dearest sisters,
Two years ago today, I waited nervously for the entire morning and tried to keep myself busy on the computer.  What was I waiting for?  I was waiting to go to the doctor, so he could tell me, "It came back cancer." 

I knew it the moment my husband found my lump.  He saved my life, and I will never be able to fully share with him how tremendous of a husband he really is-I don't know what kind of words can completely portray that message.  When my husband said, "When was the last time you did a breast exam?", and put my hand on the lump he had felt, my heart sank. 

I did do self exams on a fairly regular basis, but as a woman with "lumpy boobs" it became so monotonous to me that I often let it lapse to a once every other month occurrence. 

I also just had my yearly check up with my gyno, and came up all clear. 

However, that moment I felt that lump, I KNEW it wasn't right.  It felt as hard as a rock.  It was HUGE.  It was sickening. 

I tried to reassure him (him?  I mean myself....) that my boobs always got lumpy between my period cycles.  I said I would wait till my period came (due about a week later), and if it didn't change, I'd get it checked. 

I poked at my breast constantly that whole weekend and hoped/prayed the lump would go away.  "Maybe it was just the angle we were poking at it," I'd think to myself as I poked and prodded so hard my breast turned red. 

We had been trying to get pregnant as of that very month.  I was feeling tired and nauseous, and my BOOB hurt.  NOT my boobs.  Nonetheless, I was excited and was sure I had a baby growing inside me.  Yep, I was giving birth; just to cancer instead of a child. 

I couldn't take the nagging feeling I had and called for an appointment that Monday.  I had the sonogram and mammogram, and with both tests, I had such a horrible feeling.  Both tests took forever!  The tech's would just say, "Oh, the doctor wanted a different angle....." and took TONS of pictures. 

When the doctor came in, I really knew it wasn't right.  She said, "It's up to you, but I think you might want to do a biopsy. I'm concerned with the irregular borders I am seeing." 

Oh, the whirlwind of emotions!  Denial!  Anger!  Fear!  Sadness!  Confusion!  What?!?!  This couldn't be! 

I had to wait nearly two weeks for the biopsy, and that is when I came to breastcancer.org.  I grew to love the women here instantly.  What an amazing resource I had right before my eyes.  I was on the computer constantly, chatting away and asking question after question. 

Two years ago today, my husband, 15 month old son and I walked nervously into a small room where we had to wait for our lives to be forever changed.  The doctor who did my biopsy came in, avoiding eye contact, and in a sing-song voice, said, "Hello!  How are you today?"  He smiled awkwardly, looking at the enormous packet of slides, and the giant breast cancer book he held. 

He said, "I'm afraid I have a bomb to drop on you.  It came back cancer....."  He continued on with a flurry of statements that I just heard as "cancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancer" 

He stopped briefly and looked at my glassy blank eyes, saying "Are you ok?!?"  I nodded and didn't say a word.  After he finished talking I asked him all the questions I was told to ask him (thank you, all the women who taught me!).  He had no answers, handed me a yellow post-it note with a name and number, and said, "I wish you all the best, do you need a moment in here?"  I nodded, and began a high-pitched wail that lasted for what seemed to be an eternity. 

I clung to my husband, who held on just as tightly to me and let me cry.  I looked at my sweet, precious baby who sat unknowingly in his stroller, happily eating cheerios the entire time.  I needed my baby and held on to him, afraid to let go. 

Oh, the things that have happened since September 29th, 2005.  All the things that went wrong....the doctor I was referred to that day had no idea I was told to come to her, and had no openings until a month later.  Like I was going sit idly and wait?  

I was told that there was time to wait, because it takes years for cancer to grow inside of you.  However, my tumor was GROWING before our very eyes.  I had a high-grade cancer, and to this day I am so glad I took it upon myself to say, "Forget you, I'm not waiting,"  I went to the American cancer society president, and a winner of the MacArthur genious grant almost immediately.  How is it I got in to see them so quickly?!?!  Oh, the Lord was working His ways. 

It was the genious doctor who saved me from that point.  She determined that my tumor was simply out of control, and while it looked to be only 2.3 cm on the surface, it went back to my chest wall and was anywhere between 7-10 cm. 

I did pre-op chemo, which had it's own list of mishaps.  I had infections galore, missed lots of treatments due to bad blood counts, and had to remind my doctor at the end of treatment that he OWED me some treatments!  I learned to FIGHT for myself. 

I had my bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction on June 15th of 2006.  The morning of surgery, my husband took a short video of me without my top on, and took pictures of my once huge DD boobs.  It makes me cry when I see the video-not because I miss my huge boobs (I do, by the way), but because I looked so sick and so terrified. 

So, my amazing husband took care of me, even helping me to bathe.  What a precious man he was during my 6 weeks of recovery.  Don't get me wrong, we fought like crazy, because we had not spent so much constant time together since we were dating.  Nonetheless, he gave so much of himself to me. 

I had 36 radiation treatments, and made  the rads team a hotdog cake with hamburger cookies and french fry cake pieces.  I attached a note saying, "Some things were meant to be fried, grilled, and broiled.  My breasts aren't one of those things!"  I loved my rads team. 

Now that I am two years since dx., I am piecing my life back together.  I am getting back into life slowly but surely.  I still deal with lots of pain issues, but I have MS too, so who knows what is causing it?!?! 

Not a day goes by where I don't think of parts of my cancer journey.  I still wear my CANCER SUCKS t-shirts, and talk openly to anyone who questions it.  I stop people in the stores who are clearly going through chemo and talk to them. 

Cancer has changed me, and while I would NEVER want to go through this again,  I am grateful for what I have learned during this journey.  I have learned to appreciate my husband who can drive me crazy at times.  When he makes me nuts, I remember all that he did for me. 

I have learned to appreciate each and every precious moment I have with my baby.  The same principal applies-he is a 3 year old who can make me crazy!  However, I am so glad I have that opportunity to experience him growing up. 

Dear sisters, if you are beginning this journey, take heart in knowing that you have a wealth of support right here.  I love breastcancer.org, and want to say

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!  For getting me through the longest 2 years of my life.  The terror of cancer will never fully leave my heart, but the comfort of knowing the women here who walk the journey with me makes it so much easier to deal with. 

I love you all, and pray for each of us! 
Love and prayers, Deb

Cancer took my breasts, but it did NOT take my spirit!
Dx 9/29/2005, IDC, Stage II, Grade 3, 0/7 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- [Edit]

kim825

Hi all,

I just tried to catch up and read all the posts.  I really don't like this new format.  I am sending love, hugs, and prayers to all of you.  Thanks for the laughs too. 

I can't (yeah, I can) believe that we are all coming up on our 2 year anniversary.  What a 2 years it has been. 

Disney was great.  I had a wheelchair for the whole time.  As much as I didn't want to use it, I had no choice.  Right now walking is not so good without breathing hard.  I have oxygen for the house when I need it.  I had another 2 bronchoscopes and the oncologist feel it is knocking down the tumor.  Radiation just seems to work well on me.  Hopefully this works as well.  We are keeping our fingers crossed.  I am still on chemo (will probably never be off). 

The kids are doing great.  We were 14 in Disney and all had a great time.  It was good to come home though.  It was sooo hot and humid.  I  couldn't wait to come home.

I think of you all often and pray for youall every night.

Love to all,

Kim

Mary-Lou

Beautiful Deb........

kim825

Odalys,

I couldn't open up the link to the above post.

Mary-Lou

Kim so glad you had a good time....and I understand about the heat. Here it was a pretty good week. I don't seem to be able to take the heat at all anymore. I have been loving the morning 50's

Prayers are still coming your way. We all think of you everyday......

I know what you mean about the 2 year ride.

Sept 26th was my 2 year mark!

We took off to Mayberry days in Mt Airy NC....

We had a blast!

I was walking the streets and looking at art, candles, and crafts. Plus smelling and tasting food all up and down the streets....When all of a sudden I remembered not being able to walk across the Wall*Mart with out stopping to sit. 

The neuropathy was just unbearable. I was just taken aback with that thought, seems as if it was a really bad dream.

Made me enjoy my time there even more....And I got some great ideas for Christmas....Plus some gifts out of the way too.

When we were at the Pilot Mountain over look,

This guy below was out sleeping on the ROCKS!

see his head as he was being asked to get up by the park rangers.

Here is the view over the fence.....

Here are a few from town

Anonymous

OH, HAPPY 2 year anniversary of our friendship!!!!!  It's just about here, and I WANT TO MEET YOU ALL IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Happy 2 year survivorship to us all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

I love you all.  Kim, I'm sending lots of prayers to you, and I'm so glad you had a great time. 
Love and prayers, Debbie

Mary-Lou

I think we should go to Washington DC and meet. The city has allot to offer. I know my way around a little.

I went there for a trip with my Weight watcher sisters. We had a blast! And the price wasn't bad. We got a group rate.

There is a comedy club that was so good. And it was a family show. You can go to the raw shows too, but that is late.

Do you want me to plan a trip?

I will send you a link to where I stayed if I can find it.

Personal Email....so we will not be tracked for any reason. You just don't take chances here on the web.

Anonymous

ML-I would be totally interested if the rates are super-reasonable!  That would give me an incentive to sell sell SELL on ebay. 

I have to develop a thicker skin.  I take it so personally when people are not nice to me, but it is even worse for me when the people are those whom I have never met.  I got a crabby ebay customer who threatened me to send his stuff by tomorrow or else.  I sent it out two weeks ago, I can't control the mail delivery!  It's been eating at me for the past hour. 

Lots of love to all!  Love and prayers, Deb

Mary-Lou

Mary-Lou

AnnaM

Kim, special kisses to you, and special kisses to all my sisters, too.



We are packing up the house to head home on Sunday and expect to be in Virginia on Monday.



Till then....



lots of love from Anna