anyone starting chemo in Nov 2005

AnnaM

I am saving that link, Margerie, thank you. But it looks like I would have to get myself a stethoscope as well, and then learn how to "hear" my BP. Whew! I'll look into it post-surgery. I'm already waking up in the middle of the night with cuff-on-arm nightmares.

I had my bilateral mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction on September 14, 2005. One year before you! I love my girls. No bras anymore, they're nice and undroopy. I'm excited about the nipples. Do you have some tummy on you? You sure won't afterwards. It's pretty amazing how you get all zipped up and flattened out.

We're getting there....

Anna

Anonymous

My husband, Greg, is typing for me because my surgeon won't let me on the computer yet (ACK!). I was able to briefly scan the last several pages of posts and I MISS YOU ALL!!!

Thank you all for the prayers and good wishes! Also, for the phone calls and cards. I am feeling better and better everyday and can't wait to be able to pick up Daniel, and catch up with all of you.

Love you all,
Deb

AnnaM

What great news to see you are home, Debbie! We sure missed you. I'm looking forward to hearing how everything went. Did they send you home with some groovy exercises? If so, make sure you do them. I saw tremendous progress right away and soon had my full range of motion back.

Hugs,

Anna

Anonymous

Thanks Anna! Don't tell hubby and Doc, but I am being naughty and typing a quick HI to you all! I miss you all so much I can hardly stand it. I think about everyone all the time! No, I haven't been given the go-ahead for exercises...my surgeon is like a stern mommy. She is so stern, yet she is willing to cry right alongside me if I get emotional. Anyway, I had no idea what the exercises were for until now. WOW, it is really weird how you can't move your arms after surgery!
Margerie! As I was scanning messages again (to find where I left off), I saw your excellent news of NED! That is AWESOME and major reason to celebrate!

I had a mini-breakdown today. Daniel found my black bra hanging off the closet door (been hanging there since the day before surgery), and started playing with it. Greg snickered a bit and said, "If you aren't going to wear that, then stop playing with it." I burst into tears. I know it will be cute and funny to think back to Daniel playing with my black bra when I am 90, but at the moment, it is just validation that I have strangely misshapen breasts and although I have no desire to be a DD again, I wish I didn't experience the loss of my boobs this way. I know you all understand this is some way or another!

OOPS-my quick hi is getting lengthy...It is like when you call an old friend and talk on the phone for hours. There is just so much to say!
I love and miss you all! Deb

Mary-Lou

We love you too Deb.((((HUGS))) and yes we understand. I was a DD also. And a stretched one at that. Not pretty.

I will have to have reconstruction surgery. I want small girls this time. And I want them PERKY! For once in my life

Will you have reconstruction? I will be finding out when as soon as I see the Onc on the 11th.

AnnaM

I never indulged in nostalgic reminiscing as much as I did after my bilateral mastectomy, when pictures of the wonderful time I experienced nursing my baby flooded my mind all the time, and I worried about how I would ever again have a happy sex life without my very sensitive parts. But you know what, my memories are mine for as long as I live, and nothing can take them away. I can learn how to be happy in this body too. My body might be different, and my head may be much more adult, but I am the same me. And you are the same dear Debbie, different in many ways, but the same loving soul.

Hugs, Anna

AnnaM

don't want to slip off the page....

Mary-Lou

Well said Anna.

I think if I were young, I would have had a harder time dealing with all of this. My children are all grown, and gone. So I had the alone time I needed to just pray, and deal the best I knew how.

I must tell all of you that have been here with me, I really don't know what I would have done with out you there by my side. I'm truly greatful.

Now looking back, it is hard to remember what I really went through. Dates escape me. Chemo brain, or MEAN_O_PAUSE has taken me to another world at times.

I had the cats fixed today, and was down town trying to remember where I was going. I really forgot. It's 5 min down the road!

I had to laugh, but it also frightened me to a point.

I need to colour my hair soon, I fit the part of a blond to a tee.

Hope all of you are doing well. Odalys, where is the "new do " picture?????

BTW, the cats were so funny when they got home from the vet. They were drunk as dogs. I had to laugh, but I felt sorry for them too. Poor babies.

Odalys

Hi ladies - I've been out of town on business this week without internet access and could not wait to get back on this board to check up on everyone. I've missed you all. Wow, there is lots to catch up on.

Debbie - I'm so happy to hear you are doing better and back on the board again. We have missed you so much. May God bless you and continue to make you stronger.

Sending love and hugs to all.
Odalys

Anonymous

Anna-(sniffle!). Thank you for such a beautifully worded sentiment. It really made me feel better. I feel like I am noticing boobs everywhere. Is that normal, too? What I mean is that I catch "boob jokes" on TV, see people flaunting their boobs on magazines, etc, etc. It is making me so bummed out. But you are so very right-I have blessed memories of the first time I tried to breast feed my precious baby boy, and I treasure that memory...struggling to keep a hold of my tiny preemie son while he struggles to latch on.
I gotta go...I promised I'd just read messages! Love you all, Deb

AnnaM

Oh yes, indeed. I notice breasts wherever I go. I keep wondering if those women know how lucky they are to have their "own" breasts and all the feeling that goes with intact nerve endings and the like. I think they are also blessed not to have to know anything about what comes after a diagnosis like ours. And then I remind myself that prior to chemo I never realized how many women were running around with wigs on their heads. So it is more than likely that some of the women I think I am envying are actually survivors just like us, and some of them might even be sporting flaps, fills, inserts, etc.

Hugs,

Anna

AnnaM

don't want to slip off the page again....

I hope you are all having a good weekend. I go in for Stage II reconstruction surgery on Wednesday. My husband and I will be going up (it's in Baltimore) on Tuesday and we'll try to stay up to see the fireworks at the Inner Harbor that night.

Happy picnic!

Anna

Margerie

Anna,

Have a great fling with your hubby in Baltimore! And I will be thinking of you on Wed. I'm sure you will be glad when it is over.

We are having a great weekend- swimming, golfing, going to the lake Sunday. This is the best summer we have ever had. The first one with kids and without diapers!

Hope everyone is healing up, taking it easy and enjoying life!

Margerie

Mary-Lou

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy 4th!

AnnaM

Happy fourth of July to all my sisters!

We head north tomorrow and I will be saying goodbye to my Barbieness on Wednesday if all goes well.

I'm nervous to say the least....

Hugs to all,

Anna

Mary-Lou

Be safe Anna...we will miss you.

kim825

Happy 4th to all my sisters. Hope you are all enjoying the long weekend and spending it with family and friends.
Margerie, I can't wait until that summer w/o having to change diapers. It has been 9 years now. LOL!!
Why can't I bring myself to go out topless. I mean I have a fair amount of hair and I am sweating my you know what off wearing a hat everyday. Sigh...
One more week of rads. Then CAT Scan the last week of July to see how these lung spots are doing. I am already nervous.
Hope you all have a safe holiday.

hugs to all,
Kim

Mary-Lou

Prayers for you Kim. It feels funny at first , but once you get used to it, you don't even think about it.

Do it today for the 4th! Your independence day!

kim825

I did it MaryLou. I went to my SIL without my hat. Well, I thought it was going to be just family and then when I got there with no hat realized it was neighbors and friends also. BUT then I went to rads this morning with my hat. Two steps forward 1 step back.

hugs,
Kim

Margerie

I remember the first few days of no hat, I felt really self-conscious. Then after 3 or 4 times I didn't care- it felt so good not to wear anything!!

I did go to the drugstore and buy a semi-perm (no ammonia) hair color. I had a lot of gray at first. The color looked good. Anyway Kim, I hope topless days come soon!

And a big hug for Anna, who probably has her headlights now. Hope everything went well in Baltimore!!

Take care,

Margerie

AnnaM

Yep, I got those headlights and some nipping and tucking, according to my PS. I looked under my tummy band last night and man am I a flaty, I don't think I've been this flat since I was in my single digits!

They were great to me at the hospital and did all the surgery-related stuff in my foot and leg (IV, BP cuff) like I asked them to. My nipples seem pretty big, but the dr. said they'll reduce by 50%. All I can say is, even though my breasts are covered in purple lines (ink) and some stitching, they actually look like breasts to me now!

I hope I keep something down this a.m. because I'm supposed to take my antibiotic pill. My husband made me a very gentle meal of rice and egg last night, which I promptly chucked, antibiotic and all.

Nonetheless, I am one happy camper.

As for the very very short hair - I only wear my baseball hat when it's sunny out (I'm getting addicted to the visor part). I take it off indoors and get lots of nice comments on my "haircut."

Kim, congratulations on this being your last week of rads! I hope you get only good news from here on.

I pray for all my sisters when I go to bed at night, and then, whenever I wake up during the night, I pray some more. I like filling my mind with only good things, and you guys are the best.

Anna

Odalys

Anna - Glad to hear the procedure went well. I've been thinking about you and hoping for a smooth recovery. Is this the last of your reconstruction or do you need more? I'm jealous about the flat tummy finally a positive side to this ugly journey.

Kim - Congrats on finishing rads; one more milestone accomplished. As for going topless, just do it. You have earned your right to be comfortable; too hot for wigs.

Anna and Kim - This is a very special week for both of you so I am doing the happy dance for you.


Margerie - Yeah, no more diapers. I know exactly how you feel. Did you finish painting the porch?

Deb - Hope you are feeling better. Was Daniel able to enjoy the fireworks this year?

Mary Lou – By the looks of your upbeat posts it seems you are feeling better. How is the neuropathy?

Well ladies, I go in tomorrow for my port removal. It will be a minor surgical procedure because the port is in too deep. Yikes… the thought of more needles and cutting into my skin is keeping me up at night. I sure will be glad when the port is out.

Take care, love and hugs to all.
Odalys

kim825

Anna, glad everything went well. Hope you were able to eat something, AND keep it down. Hugs for you.

Odalys that is wonderful that you are getting your port out. Congrats. We will be thinking of you tomorrow. Lots of hugs and I will say an extra prayer tonight to make sure everything goes well.

Kim

Anonymous

Hi Everyone! I have a check-up today (3 week) and I am hoping to have the official YES to get on the computer again. I really miss you guys. Anyway, the fourth of July was my 32nd birthday. It was good to celebrate the milestone of another year of life, because, as we all know, we sometimes wonder if we will be robbed of such a gift too soon.
I had better go, we have to go get some pictures developed before the doctor.
Lots of love to you!
Love and prayers, Debbie

LAT56

MaryLou - I haven't been keeping up with the boards as I have been depressed regarding a situation with "friends". When I started reading the boards today, I started with your 6/20/06 entry. After reading your story & everyone's comments, I no longer feel alone!! I've decided that I will no longer feel guilty about how my breast cancer has affected their lives. Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!

Margerie - I will adhere to your words, "forgive most & ignore the rest". It should come as no surprise that I would find understanding & comfort here on this board. I will also focus on my husband, family, & the friends who have been supportive.

Debbie - Glad to hear you are growing stronger!! Hope you had a good check-up

Odalys - Prayers for you tomorrow as you have the port removed!! What freedom that will be!

Anna - Happy to hear that all went well with surgery. Prayers for continued & quick recovery.

Kim - CONGRATS on finishing rads.

Hugs & prayers for all!!!

LAT56

Odalys

Deb - Happy 32nd Birthday!!!!!

Lat56 - Thanks for the prayers. Don't stay away for too long. We are here for you; not many others understand this journey.

Kim - Thanks for the prayers. Yes, it will be very liberating. The port has served it's purpose but I am so done with it. It is the last reminder of chemo, and when they remove it, it will close another chapter of this journey.

FYI - The port did not set off the metal detector at the airport. What a relief. According to the surgeon, it's made with titanium (sp?)not metal.

Take care,
Odalys

Margerie

Odalys,

Hope you are port-free and pain-free. That must be a relief to get it out.

Have a great weekend everyone. Taking the kids to the driving range now. I am so happy that my golf swing is better than ever.

Margerie

Odalys

Hi, everyone. The port is out. I am thrilled to finally be done with that part of the journey. The procedure was quick and I went home after 2 hours. The site is sore and painful. Surgeon perscribed Tylenol w/codeine as needed. Sorry can't type anymore right now. Thanks for all the prayers. Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Odalys

AnnaM

Hi my sisters, it sounds like we are all moving forward in many ways.

Odalys, congratulations on being port-free!

Lat56, I have been babying myself this week, listening to lots of Belleruth Naparstek's guided imagery tapes and I just finished one on Anger and Forgiveness. It has some beautiful affirmations that really help. One that I like is "letting go is not giving in." I'm glad Mary Lou's post helped you feel less alone. Please come to us. We really understand. I have let go over and over, and I think I am beginning to get better at it. It's real hard, but it's the only way to be good to yourself.

Debbie, it sounds like you are doing great! Happy belated birthday!

Mary Lou, how are you doing? Have you colored your hair yet?

I wonder how our Kaye is doing. And Nancy.

Did I say I how much I love my nipples?!!!!

I feel almost whole.

Hugs, Anna

Anonymous

Odalys, how exciting! One step at a time, we are all leaving this sucky journey behind. I am confident that we will not leave each other behind, though!

Boy do I feel out of the loop. I need to print every entry since surgery!

Anna-sounds like your surgery was a huge joy! I'm so glad you love your nipples. That made me giggle out loud-almost nervously, because I have a nipple procedure somewhere down the road.

My hubby just said, "That's an awful lot of typing goin' on there," because bless his heart, he is really protecting me. My doctor told me to still take it easy, so I have to wait another week.....
Love and miss you all! I wish I could type a personal note to everyone....sad face....
Love and prayers, Debbie