2005 ROCK-TOBER CHEMO GIRLS

RoseMarie

Love the poem Debbie!!!

Paula, have fun this weekend! My thoughts are with you!

Ravdeb - I finally took Benadryl and actually slept some last night. I hate to take anything to put myself to sleep but I can't stand the tossing and turning! It's up early to get the kids off to school but at least I'm no longer working! I wish you all the best with ALL your plans!!

Have a great day everyone!

ravdeb

Rosemarie,
I just can't get myself to take anything for the sleepless nights. I'm going to talk to my oncologist about it this coming week along with the jitteriness I have as though I'm on a coffee-high, and last night, along with other twitches, my whole right arm rose on its own and then fell to the bed! That was more than just a twitch. Must find out what that is about!!!
ravdeb

TracySeattle

Paula, you are not alone. I too am having a hard time getting back to life. I guess it will never really be the same for any of us, but we need to find a new "normal". I don't know what that looks like yet. It has helped being back to work and around people instead of just being at home and feeling sick.

I am glad to hear that others are feeling very tired at work because I am finding that kind of hard.

Hang in there, we can do this!

TracyNY

Love the poem Debbie! My sentiments exactly.

Anonymous

Debbie
You have a GREAT sense of humor! The poem is awesome. I am still laughing at your post when you took the bus home because you forgot you had driven your car!
Thanks for the MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH needed laugh!
Laura

Anonymous

I had my first appt. w/my Radiation Onc. He said I can wait until AFTER my vacation to MX. to begin Rads. I am really happy about this. But because I am waiting, I have to start the 5 year regimen of Tamoxifin now. My Onc. wanted me to wait 4 weeks anyways to begin rad. so the Taxol can be out of my system. Rads will be for 5 and a half weeks, 5 days a week. My last Taxol (a week ago) continues to kick my @#$! I have been really sick since then. Body aches, fatigue, nausea. Also, I look like HELL! My eyelids are swollen, my face is like a bowling ball (thanks to the steroids) my eyelashes and brows are now gone. I am a MESS! As if feeling like crap isn't enough! I can't look in a mirror because I get really upset. I am so down in the dumps. Cancer sucks! I hope in the next few days I will be able to get around better and finally begin to put the chemo behind me.

Seems as though quite a few of us are down lately. I hope you are ALL

Anonymous

Thank you so much for the poem, Debbie!!! I love it. I guess we are all checking our heads every morning. I am even using Nioxin to help it a bit.

6 more Taxols to go. I know I will be on Herceptin for the rest of the year but only having to go every 3 weeks again will be like freedom, like having a life back.

Speaking of having a life: I checked on my motorhome, the windshield is finally in, the brakes are done and now it's getting the generator serviced. I only need 4 new tires, not 10 (hurray!!) I have not rushed our service department since I have more Taxols to go but as soon as I am done, I am going camping!!!

Anonymous

sorry, I accidentally hit the enter key b/4 I finished my post. Anyways, I hope you are ALL feeling and looking better than me. I wouldn't wish this nightmare on my worst enemy.
Laura

Anonymous

Come on Laura, our worst enemy?? I wouldn't wish them cancer but I would wish their hair would fall out and their eyes puff up!!!

Anonymous

QUESTION...
I was wondering if any of you are having IMRT rad. vs. Photon rad.?

Terynsmom - LOL

Thanks,
Laura

ake

Laura...hang in there. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy. I really think Taxol was a lot harder than AC personally. AC, I just took my meds and felt tired. Taxol made me feel completely icky. But, now that I'm almost a month out of chemo, I feel like myself again. I still get random neuropathy, but my energy level is much higher now. I even went out last night with my husband to a bar and felt like a normal person, not a cancer patient. Best thing

It's crazy because moving on and getting through with treatment makes me excited but nervous because I'm scared to be on my own and not have any treatment (well, I will have Tamoxifen). I have 20 more rads to go. I keep reminding my rad. onc. that he can give me extra if he wants. He thinks I'm nutty.

Anyone into college basketball? My alma mata (George Washington Univ) is ranked 10 So proud of them...they haven't done this well in 50 years!

Have a good weekend everyone!

-Amy

TracySeattle

Went to my Onc yesterday and he gave me a perscription for Arimidex, so I guess I am getting started on my 5 year plan before my rads even start. I think I might wait until next weekend to start the Arimidex so that I can see how I handle it while I am at home and not at work. He mentioned side effects of minor joint pain (from what I have heard here it can be more than minor!); hot flashes; and bone degeneration. Anyone else already started on Arimidex? How is it going?

Anonymous

Tracey, you might ask if you should take calcium supps to help with the bone degeneration. Maybe Vit D?? The last thing we girls need to develop is osteoperosis!

ravdeb

Laura...I'm so sorry you are so down and feeling not well. I hope that you begin feeling better soon. Remember, you are on your way to a vacation and will get a break from all of this for a while and that's great!!!!!

Feel good!!!!
Thinking about you.
ravdeb

marymelodi

Well, hello all you October gals! (Sorry this is a rather long message. I'm on steroids still!!!)

I have FINISHED CHEMOTHERAPY!!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!

Took the last Taxol on Thursday. Got all the anti-nausea/vomiting drugs that I took on A/C because of my scary vomiting episode 2 weeks ago that landed me in the Emergency Department needing IV compazine and fluids. I never want to have 8 hours of unrelenting vomiting again. So, I asked for and got Emend, Kytril, and Decadron. Feel well enough that I worked a full day yesterday and came in today to make up 5 of the 8 hours I took off in treatment day. I wanted to get everything ready to go for Monday, just in case the worst happens and I cannot come in to work.

I have worked all through the chemo full-time. I am a secretary in a Child & Adolescent Psychiatry program here at the same hospital where I am having treatment, Strong Memorial Hospital, University of Rochester Medical Center. I have no children and only my husband and sister for family in the area. My co-workers, nurses and a nurse practitioner, social workers, and school teachers, have been the backbone of my support. In staff meeeting on Wednesday, they had a little party to celebrate with me and give me a boost for the last treatment. They gave me a really funny card. There's a cartoon dog on the front with the caption: "Someday you'll look back on this time and say . . ." then on the inside there is the message, "Wow, that really sucked!!" then they all wrote encouraging messages and congratulations. I was really heped by this because I was nervous about the last treatment, considering how sick I got 2 weeks ago.

As some of you have said, I was sad to leave the treatment center for the last time after my Neulasta shot yesterday afternoon. I am so appreciative of the good care, cheerful staff, wonderful nurses, and the possibly life-saving treatment. I would like to demonstrate this somehow and I'm thinking of taking them a big box of baked goodies - brownies, cookies, etc. in a few weeks. Since we all work for the same hospital it would be like treats for co-workers.

Now I have a reprive. Radiation starts for me on March 8 - that's the day they call the "dry run." If all is well, the next day, March 9th will be the day with the real beams.
They're doing the set up on Feb 27th and I have to get some x-ray studies done on the 28th. My port is coming out next week on the 16th because it is on the same side as my cancer breast and will get in the way for radiation. So, one more procedure and I can rest from meds, pills, shots, IVs, and all that stuff.

Great thing is that they scheduled my radiation treatments for during my lunch hour. It's a 5 minute walk to the radiation center from my desk so I can eat lunch, walk over, get zapped, and come back. I'm hoping it goes that easily. I have some fear about getting burns that will be difficult because I have a large breast (still, even after the lumpectomy) but the oncologist reassured me that they will watch me closely to monitor things. It's a big amount of skin to have a "moderate sunburn" upon. I am fair-skinned and have always burned in the sun so I have some trepidation.

The last 2 weeks I felt like Frodo and Sam in The Lord of the Rings as they struggled to climb up Mount Doom to destroy the ring of power. I just was so tired and felt so beat, but I have sure had a pick-up in attitude and energy now knowing it is OVER!!! Forgive me - don't want my happiness to be a "downer" for anyone still going through this chemo journey. Just let me say, hang in there!!! It feels so good to be finished. I can't wait to hear from everyone how good they feel.

debbie444: I LOVE that poem. I have fuzzies. Can't tell the color yet. Hope to get white, lovely white, like my father and my beloved aunt had. I am 53 and feel ready to accept beautiful white hair. My hairdresser told me on the day she cut off my long hair that when it starts growing in if it isn't white, we can make it white. I'll see.

Laura: Good news about being able to go on vacation! I'm happy for you. Hope you feel better soon.

Tracy: I know what you mean about work. Through this I have learned to write everything down. Harder to remember. My director has been so patient. I believe it will get better. I may be joining you in taking Arimedex. I have to get blood tests to see if I have actually crossed the menopause. I was on the verge so I think that chemo may have pushed me through that door. If so, then my ER+ status will necessitate those aromatase inhibitors. Otherwise, I'll take Tamoxifen for a while and then switch over, according to the oncologist.

I can't remember who was having trouble with sleeping. I wouldn't hesitate to take a medication if your doctor will prescribe one. I have found good sleep to be the key to being able to keep working, feeling better, etc. I got a prescription for Trazodone from my family doctor when I was first diagnosed. Trazodone is used to treat anxiety and depression by psychiatrists, but they prescribe a minimum of 400 mg daily for this purpose. I just take 100 mg about an hour before bedtime and it quiets down my mind just enough to let me relax and fall asleep normally. It also has helped with sleeping all through the night, a problem I've had for years and years. For a long time I was waking about 2 or 3 am and not being able to get back to sleep. Anyway, I've had help and success with that drug so I thought I'd mention it.

You all mean so much to me. YOur messages have taught me so much and been my connection to people who really understand. I love our sisterhood!

TracySeattle

I was taking Ambien to sleep, but decided to stop taking it because I had been on it for several months. Now I can fall asleep by myself, but wake up in the night unable to go back to sleep. I take an Ativan (Lorazapam)and it helps me to relax and go back to sleep. If you have any Ativan, you might give it a try to see if it helps you sleep.

Anonymous

Amy -
Thanks, I will "hang in there". Reading that you are 1 month post chemo and feeling normal is great! I was wondering how you were feeling at this point. You rock! And, I was wondering how you were doing with rad. and was so happy to read that it's going well. Do you have any burns from it? I start Tamoxifin tomorrow (for 5 years). I hope the side effects are easy on us.

Ravdeb -
Thanks for your nice reply, too.

marymelodi -
Congratulations! I am so happy for you. That was so nice of your work associates to acknowledge the end of your chemo. I too take Trazodone at bedtime and it works great! It was originally prescribed for me for sleep problems. My fingers are crossed that you won't get sick from your last chemo.
Laura

Anonymous

Graycie,
Am wondering how you are feeling - post Taxol? Are you feeling like your old self again? I hope so. I'm just curious how long it takes to feel "normal"
Hope all is well.
Laura

ake

When do you leave for vacation, Laura?

Rads is okay so far...I'm definitely getting tired in the afternoon, but it's nothing unmanageable so far. I'm going to the gym about every other day and I think justlike chemo, that is helping me with my fatigue. My breast is slightly pink after 5 rads, but that's about it. I start Tamoxifen the day after rads ends. I'm dreading any more side effects because hot flashes at the age of 29 is hard to deal with sometime!! I sometimes have more in common with my mom and mother-in-law than my best friends!

It's such a weird experience. I was really mad to start rads even though I know about how beneficial it will be...I was mad mainly because I didn't want to feel like a cancer patient again.

Rads is so quick and so far painless that I don't feel like a patient really. I went out with my husband last night and got all dressed up and one of his friends said I didn't look like a cancer patient at all (I was telling him I was worried about how people saw me)...more like a happy gypsy with my scarf BY the end of the night, I actually felt trendy in a weird way and when I walked around the bar, I felt like a rock star...like, here I am 3 weeks out of chemo and I'm walking all confident around a bar and I can still feel somewhat attractive (hair would help more!) . I was proud of myself. I hope that lasts. I'm trying to hold onto that self-confidence and feeling of empowerment because I'm so scared to tap into any feelings of fear, etc. because I honestly want to forget this cancer thing completely. I want to get back to normal and when I think about it, I hate that I have to worry about any of this for the rest of my life. That there's no true cure. I try not to wonder, "will it come back? how long will I live?" because then I get upset and it's not fair. I want to just pretend this all didn't happen. Is that even possible?

Such a complicated road as a breast cancer survivor...I really understand why the life after treatment can be just as confusing or hard as being in treatment.

Graycie

Hi Everyone, I went for my scan on Friday for radiation. There was nothing to it. It only took 5 minutes and then I got the 4 tattoo dots which wasn't bad either. I was there a total of 15 min. Who said it took an hour of lying there with your arm up? 5 min was enough for me although it felt like an hour. Your arm does get tired. I go back next Friday for the dry run and then I start on the following Monday.

Amy, Glad you are doing well and had a nice night out. My friends took me out to lunch to celebrate the end of chemo and we had a good time. We even had a couple of drinks. It was good to relax for a change and forget about everything.

Laura, I hope you are feeling better, I was feeling good but now I have a backache which kind of makes me nervous. I hope it is just my muscles and not my bones. I have to remember I have been pretty idle for the past 4 months and now that I feel better I am more active so that may be why. I did ask the Radiation Oncologist how long before the Taxol is out of my system. Since it had only been a couple weeks since my last one when I asked him he said it will take a couple more weeks. So I am thinking maybe I am still having some of the side effects from that......It is so scary now that chemo is over, It was like a security blanket.

To everyone who is having trouble sleeping. Now that chemo is over I am having no trouble at all. As a matter of fact, I can't seem to get enough sleep. So, it does get better........Graycie

ravdeb

marymelodi...
congratulations!!! feel good!

amy..sounds like you are doing really well...you go girl!!!

graycie... good luck with rads. You sound good!

be well everybody.
ravdeb

Anonymous

Amy -
I am leaving for vacation on April 9th and returning home Easter Sunday - April 16th. On April 3rd. I will have my simulation (CAT scan, x-rays, etc.) My first rad. will be on April 17th. I'm a little worried about waiting so long to begin rad. But, my Onc. wanted me to wait 4 weeks for the Taxol to be out of my system, so taking that into acct., I am postponing it about 6 weeks. Both the Onc. and the Rad. Onc. didn't think this would jeopardize things. Afterall, the rad. is more of a precaution than anything. But because I am postponing it, they want me to start the Tamoxifen now instead of after rad. Thanks for the update re: rad. I too, am concerned that I will worry about cancer the rest of my life. That's the reason I hate having to take the Tamoxifen. Everyday when I swallow that pill, it will be a reminder. I need to work on that one! I also might get counseling and learn how to control my continued paranoia and fear of the wretched cancer monster. I am so happy that you went out and actually felt like a normal person. That's quite impressive. Keep plugging away. You're doing a great job, and you're quite an inspiration. Rock on! (LOL)
Laura

TracySeattle

From what I have heard, the Tamoxifen & Arimidex are really what keeps the cancer away. I think I remember my Onc telling me that it prevented reoccurrance by 50%. So every day when I take that little pill, I will be thinking, "Stay away, you nasty disease!".

ake

Tracy...that exactly what I will be thinking when I start the Tamoxifen. When I get rads, I always think, "Fry, you little cancer bastard!" Anger is such a better powerful feeling than being scared

Anonymous

Tracy - Amy -
I love your positive attitude regarding Tamoxifen. You are absolutely right about viewing it as just one more shield. This is the attitude I must posess. Thanks for your uplifting posts.
Laura

Graycie

I'm with you Laura about the paranoia and the counseling. Now that I have this back pain I am thinking the worse which is probably what I will do for the rest of my life with any aches or pains out of the ordinary. I remember the good old days before BC, you wouldn't think anything of it if something hurt. I have my bone scan a week from Friday and I actually can't wait even though I am a little scared. It will give me peace of mind if everything comes out OK......You girls on Tamoxifen are actually lucky. I am triple neg. so I can't take anything to help prevent the cancer from coming back. I just have to hope the chemo did it's thing.......Graycie

Anonymous

Graycie -
I am glad that you are having the bone scan. Please let us know the results. Your back pain probably is a result from being "idle" for the past 4 months. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. There has to be something out there for us girls to help w/the paranoia. I read an article in a magazine today on Holistic ways to possibly help girls in our situation deal with our fear. The name of it is Conscious Choice. Their web site is consciouschoice.com. There was a section titled Professional Services Directory that listed many Drs. (M.D.'s) that treat this with natural resources. I don't know much about Holistic medicine but it may be something worth looking into. I hope your back feels better - soon. Hang in there.
Laura

ravdeb

Me, too, Graycie...triple negative. I do worry about it a bit but refuse to get too hung up about it. Must trust it all and take each moment as it comes and live each day to the fullest. It's my new motto. Hope I can really follow it.
ravdeb

debbie444

Wow I dont sign in for a couple of days and it takes me ages to catch up on everyone!!
Well i have a busy week coming up. Tomorrow i go to a different hospital to have my planning done for my radiotherapy.( Happy Valentines to me!!) I have found out my pink underwear with the hearts on in honour of the day - I am bound to have to flash at someone - it seems part of the having BC. My hubby says that if i ask them to give me heart tattoos instead of dots he will disown me - again!
The day after is my first day back at work since last May - i feel like the new girl in class again. i am going back for a whole 3 days before we break for half term - dont wont to tax the chemo head too much all at once.
Thursday is my first day on Tamoxifen - i will be taking it through rads.
i dont think i have time to go back to work, Monday is shopping with my dad, Tues is shopping and coffee with a friend, Wed grocery shopping, Friday coffee with my sister. Not sure how Chesterfield town centre financial economy will cope with me being back at work again!!

Hope you feel calmer when you have had the bone scan graycie - will be thinking of you.
Laura - i had the option of postponing rads but i just wanted to keep the anticancer vehicle rolling - seems ages since i was diagnosed last May!
I am not looking forward to rads as it isnt at a local hospital - a nightmare arranging cover for kids etc - soonest started soonest over!
We are all geting there ( but i wish we were on a different journey together!!)

Debbie

debbie444

Laura - where are you going on holiday - anywhere nice? Remind us again before you go - dont want us all panicking over you not being around!
Debbie