Anyone starting Chemo in August 07?

Nash, thanks for posting that obit. for Kim...  Now I am feeling so sad!  What a beautiful young woman!  Oh, I HATE this terrible disease, taking so many young women with so many people who love them and depend on them!  Oh, it just SUCKS!

On another note, I didn't get the biopsy, because this gyn I saw yesterday was a total jerk!  He refused to even examine me!  He wants me to see a gyn onc, and just the idea of seeing yet another onc scares the HECK out of me!  I may not be able to get in to see him for months, and then what happens??  I don't want to think about that!  I am willing it to NOT be ca...  I can not even type that word!  

But, I AM seeing my onc's P.A. tomorrow for my 6 month check up, so I'll discuss this with her.  Maybe my onc can get me in sooner.  I think I will just ask for a hysterectomy, because I don't want to keep these parts that have never worked properly anyway, and could turn against me in the future. 

Harley 

Nash, Thanks so much for posting that obit with the picture. It somehow gives me a small feeling of peace to see what she looked like. I don't know why, but it does.

June, so sorry about the fall. No fun! I hope nothing is broken.  Those freak accidents do pack a punch. A friend of mine broke his ankle last year at my 40th b-day party by taking his turn at the pinata, of all things. You just never know. One minute you are trying to get candy, and the next minute you are lying in the back of your friend's minivan being carted to the ER. Life is plain crazy. 

But, I hope not terribly crazy for you, Harley. Let's hope your onc's PA can get this all sorted out for you. 

Kaye, I tried some savory smoothies this week. I don't prefer them over the fruit ones, but I'm still tweaking the recipe to get it right. Any good recipes to share? I think I need a better blender.  

Oh, and I think I'll hang on to all my body parts for awhile still. I kind of like them all! Actually, I had a follow-up with the plastic surgeon today and he pronounced himself "very happy" with the result. It is a darned good match size-wise. I'm pretty impressed myself. Now, I just need the nipple, and I'll be ready to go. 

Oh, and one last thing... I'm going to color my hair tomorrow. Yes, yes, I know the gray looks nice, and I get lots of compliments, and "people pay lots of money to get this kind of look" blah, blah, blah. I figure I'll have the rest of my life to wear the gray. Why not have fun with it while it this short. I found a stylist who does all totally natural coloring - no ammonia and no other nasty chemicals. All botanical stuff. I'll let you know how it turns out!

DeAnn 

Kaye - I never thought about putting worchestershire sauce in a smoothie, but what a great idea. Did you know Annie's makes a vegetarian version, by the way, that is quite good! I'm not a vegetarian, but  tend towards it (not tonight, however. We are having shrimp on the grill).

Nash, have an awesome party! And may this be the start of a very good year for you! Welcome to 40! 

Oh, by the way. I love my new colored-hair! She did an amazinginly subtle job, and it looks so much like my original hair color, that I feel like my old self (you know, minus the one boob and all). 

DeAnn  

Hello Everyone.  Well it was a beautiful weekend on the Eastern Shore of Maryland.  DH and I finally got to go out on the boat.  Only the 2nd time this summer (and we won't even talk about last summer. .  Anyway being on the water, enjoying the sunshine and feeling the breeze got me out of the funk I was in. Hey maybe there's a song in there DeAnn.  I know it's cliche but sometimes we really do need to "stop and smell the roses".  Chin up Angie, dear.  Kaye's right it does ebb and flow.  Nash I was partying with you in spirit.

Okay, now for my dumb question.  When is one's anniversary? Is it the day of the surgery?

I been trying to help my neighbor the last several days.  He was in an accident.  The lady ran straight through the red light. He hit her and she died.  He just got a few cuts and bruises.  The lady's son is one of the big wigs at work so that's kinda of how I got involved.  The son has been very gracious and compassionate to my neighbor.  It's going to take alot to get my neighbor through this.  Life can change in an instant.

So I've been doing some reading on survivor's guilt for him and I think I had a touch of it myself after Kimmie's death.  Why Kimmie and Stacey and not me?  I don't have children.  Oops, enough of that...this was supposed to be a happy post.

Thanks again for everyone here.  I wouldn't have made it through this without each and everyone of you.

Hope you're felling better June.  

Hi everyone,

I had my appt. with my onc's P.A. on Friday.  It was my 6 month check up, and we discussed the trans vaginal u/s results.  She thinks it isn't anything to worry about, but said IF it were HER, she would se Dr. Gaejowski, and he is the gyn onc that I am going to see.  The appt. won't be til July 22nd.  I will insist that he do a hysterectomy, because I don't want to have a biopsy and then still need surgery.  Besides these parts have never worked right, and as Kaye said, I don't want to wait for them to turn on me.

I'll let you know what happens, but I'm sure that next week's appt. will just be to talk about what to do next. 

I was telling my DH that I can't take ONE more thing happening!  My nerves are just shot, I can't take anymore medical problems! 

I just got back from an opthalmologist appt., to check for cataracts.  He was fishing for more money, because he asked me "why do you have TRICARE PRIME?"  I told him that it is the least expensive plan for me.  There is a STANDARD plan, but you have to pay deductibles and all kinds of things... in fact, my drs. can charge me for the difference between what my insurance pays and what they charge...  Then he ordered all sorts of tests, because he said "my optic nerve looks weird..."  I think I will go to an independent Opthalmologist and pay out of pocket for another opinion, but I am just too overwhelmed by all this!  I think I'll wait til March, when it will be time for my next eye exam.  Can you believe that a dr. would just order tests for more money?

Well, it's time for dinner.  Thanks for asking how I'm doing.

Take care everyone!  Sending HUGS to all!

Harley

Nash that is just so wrong.  My onc listened to the heart and lungs, checked my reflexes, checked my feet and legs, checked my port area at every visit.  I think I'd have to report substandard care.

Hang in there Harley girl.  I'm thinking about you.  Thinking healing thoughts and I asked God to send an angel your way. 

Nash,

That is just SO WRONG!  How can your dr. say that they did things that they didn't do?  Hope you can get them straightened out.  Yes, Tami is right.  That sounds like sub standard care.  My onc listens to my heart and lungs, the P.A. always feels my new breasts, and last week, she felt my abdomen/pelvic area too, because of my abnormal tv u/s.  I think that my onc only feels areas if I say that I have noticed something weird or pain, or whatever.  At least, I'm pretty sure that he would. 

Thanks Tami for the healing thoughts and prayers.  I can feel that Angel by my side.  Next week, my dh will go with me to the gyn onc, but he won't go in when he examines me, and I'll just close my eyes and think of that Angel next to me. 

DeAnn,

What a dilemma, to have to take MORE drugs, just to protect your heart, while you are getting Herceptin.  It sucks that you won't be finished Herceptin til October!  I'll be thinking of you on the 30th, and praying that your pics of your heart show that it is in PERFECT health!!  I'll be seeing my ps one last time, for a photo shoot of his art work... if I'm not having that hysterectomy sooner, which I would prefer.  You know, I don't want more surgery, but I just can't see keeping these parts which never worked right anyway, and then having to worry that they will turn cancerous.  Now I am worried that I will have to get chemo again & radiation this time.  If I knew that just taking it out would be all that was necessary, I would be ok.  The latest development is that I am now bleeding, it is just spotting, but now I am getting scared again.  Seems every day there is a new development.

Thanks everyone!  Sending hugs to all of you!  You have all given me so much support!

HUGS
Harley 

Hey all.  Today is my one year anniversary from my diagnosis.  SO I consider myself a 1-year survivor.  Tomorrow is my LAST Herceptin (at least I am pretty sure).  It's crazy to think of what a whirlwind I was in last year-- I got a cancer diagnosis and somehow, within 2 weeks I had found a reliable cancer center and had my first chemo. I was getting weepy up until today, but so far, today has been OK.  I occasionally think to myself that today is the day, and I feel myself tense up a bit and then, luckily it goes away.  I had a follow-up with my horrible Rad Onc on Monday and just driving there got me feeling physically ill.  Sitting in that office again made me terribly uncomfortable.  I HATE that place!!

Nash-  I work in a hospital and help support our medical records computer systems (among other things). What happens here is that docs sometimes have their "typical" note format and our transcription people are supposed to edit a canned statement that matches what that doc likes in his or her reports.  I am wondering if whomever types their reports just always throws the typical header in and never takes out what isn't mentioned in the doctor's dictation.  Of course, in this day and age, it may not even be a person doing the report, it could even be just a computer program that spits out a report based on the doc's words and a generic template.  I think you should report it to the Medical Records department.  It could be a crappy transcriptionist, not necessarily the doc.  But then, I am sure the doc signed the report, so the onc isn't completely off the hook.  And... I'd be interested to see how they are charging your insurance company, since the time they spend with you and the evaluations they do are supposed to be the basis for the charge.  So they could be over-billing you to top it off.  So I'd report it, get an explanation, and probably still be on the market for a new onc.

Harley- I wish you could get a break.  And I understand your wanting to have prophylactic surgery.  I was all set to have the whole lot of "girlie bits" removed if my BRCA tests came back positive.  But please be sure to think this thru.  You are still young-- for one thing, make sure you are positive you are done having kids.  And then consider whatever hormones someone would normally get after a hysterectomy.  Can you even have any?  My onc said nothing with hormones, just to be on the safe side.  I will keep you even closer in my thoughts and hope good things for you.

Deann- I was thinking you had said you have had migraines before.  Was that you?  If so, beta- blockers are supposed to help those, as Kaye mentioned.  So that could be the bright side?

And finally, thanks to everyone for bringing me back to earth after my tirade.  Kaye, when you said something about "If this is the start of my eleven" then I will be grateful for every one of them.  That was what I needed to hear.  Well put.  Thank you.

Well... this is a long post and I am still AT WORK, so I will end here.  Love to all.  Angie

Hugs to you Angie on this anniversary day and to you Nash, too on this day of many memories.

Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments on the beta-blockers. I actually don't get migraines, so no bonuses there.  The cardiologist did say if I felt light-headed while on them I could eat pretty much any salty thing I wanted which would raise my blood pressure.  So, free license to eat chips! Too bad I never eat chips anymore. Part of me wants to say, hey, you know what, I'm healthier now than I have ever been. I eat something like 13 servings a day of raw fruits and vegetables, I eat meat maybe once a week, I don't do dairy, I don't do sugar, I exercise every day, I don't use any chemicals. Why am I still doing this Herceptin thing anyway if it is toxic to my heart? But then I see the "statistics" that show that my odds of having heart problems are overshadowed by the odds on getting cancer again and that Herceptin is the "wonder" drug, and I'm right back in the chemo chair every three weeks.  I guess I'm doing it because I would probably kick myself if I didn't do everything I could to keep it from coming back. No easy answers I guess.  I just appreciate you all being here for me to vent to! 

Hugs to all! Just an FYI that I may be in limited touch for a few days as we get ready for the big party on Saturday. I'll let you all know how it goes and try to get some good pictures! And then figure out how to share them!

DeAnn 

Thanks Nash, Kaye, and Angie

I am trying not to stress out about this, but it's hard.  Now that I'm bleeding, a little, after I went for a slow run on Tuesday.  Stupid of me, to think I could try to help deal with this stress by exercising...

Angie,

I could never have children because at age 35, I was dx'd with premature ovarian failure.  So there is no sense keeping these defective parts, in my opinion.

Take care, all.  I'll try to post next week, after my gyn onc appt... just the idea of ANOTHER onc scares me!   I don't mind having a hysterectomy, but I don't want to have to get chemo again or radiation... I just don't think I can do it again.

Harley