Am I alone?

boobless-in-berdoo
boobless-in-berdoo Member Posts: 3
edited June 2014 in Prayers and Spiritual Support

I am at my 4th day post op from a mastectomy.  I had it done at Loma Linda hospital, supposedly one of the "best", I am not so sure.  I was put in a room around 4pm, after surgery, (the 8th) Sent home at 9 am the 9th, I had no idea what to expect, they showed me how to clean the "JP tubes", but I have no idea what to expect, I have icky stuff coming out of these tubes, i don't know what is normal, I hurt, soooo bad, the vicoden they gave me is not helping, I called my Surgeon TWICE Thursday, explaining on the answering machine I was in severe pain, scared, don't know what to do, and not a response, yet.  I finally went to the E.R., they told me it looks ok, gave me something to "relax" me,said I had "anexiety", (Ya think???) and sent me home.  I am home, alone, scared, in pain and don't know what to do.  I want to die.  I have not a clue what to expect next.  I think I'd rather let the cancer take me, than go through this!  Somebody, please, help me!  Just let me know it's ok, did anyone else go through this?  Is there anyone out there to help?  Is is supposed to be this way?  I don't think I can go on, I have lost most my friends, I think they think they can "catch" breast cancer, or maybe a boobless Woman is not good enough for them, I don't know,  I just know Loma Linda is a HORRIBLE hospital, all the so called "sisterhood" I had heard about involving breast cancer is non-existant, I am so alone!  If anyone knows how to help, or has some advice, PLEASE, PLEASE!!  I beg you to share it with me, I have been praying, and praying so hard, I (hope, have to have faith!) at least God is there...... Deborah

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  • BMac
    BMac Member Posts: 650
    edited July 2008

    Deborah I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I had a bilat mast on April 30th and, fortunately my pain was controlled with Tyelenol 3.  Everyone's pain is different.  I can't believe your surgeon didn't call back. Obviously vicoden isn't cutting it.  Is there another ER you can go to and try to get a better painkiller?  Is there someone who can take you?  I hate to think of you all alone.

    I too lost people who I thought would be there for me; namely my two sisters, one of whom had breast cancer!  I took her to treatments but she can't even call.  I've learned that it's important to just concentrate on the people who are there for you not the ones who have abandoned you.

    I too went home the day after surgery.  I had homecare nurses come in daily, starting two days post-op to help me manage the drains.  Do you have any help like this?  I was taught in the hospital how to "milk" the tubes and to empty and measure the fluid daily.  At the beginning the fluid was pinkish red and over time it became more clear.  This is normal.

    I know you feel desparate now and you have a right to feel that way.  Just know that there are people here who care about you and will help in anyway they can.  The most important thing is to get your pain under control. 

    Some of your friends just may not know what to do, not that that's an excuse for abandoning you.  Is there someone you can call to ask for help.  Some people feel so helpless and the need to be told what you need and would be so happy to help if only they knew what to do.

    I will be thinking about you.

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  • boobless-in-berdoo
    boobless-in-berdoo Member Posts: 3
    edited July 2008

    Thank You, Barbara.  I have not been told about any homecare help nurses, or anything like that.  I don't know how to look for one, or who to call?  I can't even find someone at this point to take me to the E.R., and no one has returned my calls, as far at my Doc's, etc go.  I even called a message into my G.P., hoping for an answer.  I was taught to "milk, drain and measure" the fluid, to call or go to the E.R. if I see redness in the area, (the whole area is red!  What is the difference?)  Thank You for answering me, at least I do know someone knows I am alive!  I had no idea I'd be cut from the middle of my chest to my back, I had no idea it would be like this at all!  I thought THEY, (Doc, hospital staff, someone!) would let me know what was going on, I was stupid for not asking questions in the hospital, but I wasn't thinking right at that moment... I was full of Morphine, feeling fine at that point!  Went to the pharmacy, got my meds, went home, was fine until that night,then "Whammo!" Pain like I have never had in my life!  I took two vicodins, it helped a little, have been talking two every 4 hours like the bottle says, i am now out, the pharmacy is closed until Monday, I was given 30, now what?  I give up!  I just do.  I have no family here, I had so much support pre-op. "Don't worry, Deb, we'll be here for you"... haven't hared from one of them!  When is this going to get better?  When can I feel ok?  I am so scared, so very scared.  I am NOT trying to get sympathy, I don't want that, I just want to know what is going on, how long this is going to be this way, will I ever be ok?  Am I ever going to be "whole" again?  Is this it, I have had the surgery, so I am pushed aside now?  Is there anyplace I can contact to get answers?  Help?  Anything?  I am in So. Cal, I tried to contact the American Cancer Society, but there is not one here In San Bernardino, one in Riverside, but too far for me... HELP!!!  AlI even writing at the right site?  I am so lost!

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  • zschweeb
    zschweeb Member Posts: 160
    edited July 2008

    i know you werent happy at the hospital yu just left but did you try to speak to a social worker while you were there?? when i was at sloan one day they saw that i was upset and sent a social worker to see me did you try that

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  • easyquilts
    easyquilts Member Posts: 876
    edited July 2008

    Deborah....I have not had a mastecomy of any kind...just a lumpectomy, which cannot compare.  But.i want you to know that you are not alone....and that the "sisterood" really does exist...it is right here on this forum....If you cannot find anyone to take you to the ER, call the squad (I was a paramedic)...and have them take you there.....You will be treated right away if you are brought in via a squad.....You need a better painkiller than Vicodin....People react differently to the various pain meds....Vicodin must not work for you....

    I'm so sorry you feel so afraid and alone...That must be so awful....I will keep you in my prayers.

    Sandy

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  • abinneb
    abinneb Member Posts: 550
    edited July 2008

    Deborah - so sorry you are going through this doll - it is terrible that you are alone.   Just asking - but maybe your friends are afraid to call thinking they will disturb you?  Can you call one of them?  Just tell them you need some help.  Ask them to call some home nursing places for you.  Do you have a case manager at your insurance company? 

    The 'stuff' in your tubes could be blood clotting or tissue. That is not unusual at all.  But you do need to keep stripping the drains so that it keeps moving.  It will hurt more it they block your tube.  As Barbara said, they will be red for a bit and as you heal up they will start to turn more clear.

    Also as Barbara said - you NEED to get that pain under control to start healing.  If you are experiencing pain you experience anxiety and then your body cannot relax enough to get rest and heal. And again - I think she is right - so many times people just don't know what to do.  ASK them to help you do specific things.  Take you to the hospital, pick up meds for you, make you a meal.  If you have tasks most people really want to help.  They are just scared too

    You will get this through this - so sad that you are alone but everyone here will talk to you through all this and surround you with support.  

    You are in my prayers right now and all tonight too.  You can do this -

    Amy

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  • FloridaLady
    FloridaLady Member Posts: 2,155
    edited July 2008

    Dear Deborah from a Deborah,

    I so sorry that you are going through this.  I am single also some of my family turned on me after they where scared away by my poor prognosis.  (It a long story but I have a very aggressive bc and was told I had 3 mths, that was 3 years ago. I have been in treatment this whole time and worked, while having a life in the middle of cancer.)  I am so glad you are praying and I will keep you in my prayers. Please know God does have control of your problems.  But I know the fear can become to great.  Call the hospital and start yelling long and loud you will find some help.  If you have to call a ambulance to take you to the hospital.

     First thing I can think of, why doesn't your surgeon have a answering service?  I would file complaint Monday morning.  At every center's a Patients advocacy department. Who sole job is take complaints and hopefully resolve them. Also we do normal go home next day after mast. IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT.  If your doctor knew your were going to be alone, he could have found a way to keep you in the hospital and insurance would have paid for it.  Second he should have setup you home healthcare if you needed it.  I would think about firing this guy!

    Ask for a social worker also, there job is to see you have what every help you need with transportation, home help and emotional support if you need it. Please to remember most of us do take depression meds in the first few months of treatment.  Don't be afraid to ask. I was given a pain pack that wired into my chestwall with my 2nd mast.

    I had a bulb line get infected with the 2nd mast.  It was very, very painful...I feel for you.  This is what I did to get relief until I could see the doctor.  (mine saw me first thing Monday morning)  Anyway...I soaked cotton balls or fabric bandages in hydrogen peroxide and wrap around where the line went in.  This did give me some relief. 

    Dear sister please hang in there.  You need to see if you can find a Christian support group.  Call your local churches.  Also you can call the American Cancer Society.  These lovely ladies can be a lot of support if you get a good group. 

    If you would like feel free to email personally.  If you like let me know your number I and would be more than happy to give you call right away and speak with you. 

    Mighty prayers are coming your way.  I will email my support group and have them pray for you tonight.

    Flalady 

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  • FloridaLady
    FloridaLady Member Posts: 2,155
    edited July 2008

    Deborah are you alright?

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited July 2008

    Hi Deborah , I'm so sorry you are going through this , and especially alone. You have just gone through surgery , and I wish you could call someone to be there with you. Maybe try calling one of your friends. They just might surprise you , and was just waiting for you to call them.Sometimes the best of friends just don't know what to do in certain situations. I say , if your pain is that bad , call the abulance and go to the er. You really need to get the pain under control. Please check in and let us know how you are doing. Hugs to you. Melody

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  • boobless-in-berdoo
    boobless-in-berdoo Member Posts: 3
    edited July 2008
    I know by now some of you must think I am a "nut job", I know looking at how frantic my letter sounds, now, I feel like one!  I am just so scared, so alone, and You all have no idea how much just knowing you are there, have been here, in my shoes, is helping!  I don't know why everyone is "too busy" around here to help, I do have a 16 year old Son, (he is in summer school, and works, but is really trying to help as much as he can!)  I AM going to call the hospital Monday A.M., I AM going to let them know I think their system of "help" stinks!  I AM also going to call and put in a complaint to my Doc... at least somebody could have called and said "call a medic, or go to E.R., something!  Thank You, All, I am going to get through this, I am going my G.P. for something to help me with this depression, (I have never been depressed, not like this) Barbara, Susan, Deborah, Amy, Susan and Melody... Thank You all, You have been Angels, I had no where to turn, and I was/am so scared!  Thank You, again... Love, Deborah dbbrown415@msn.com
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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited July 2008

    Oh Deborah , you are so welcome. We have all been there one way or another. But being alone right now sucks! I'm so glad you have your son to help you. Mine always calmed me down when I was going through this. He was my angel when I had my surgery. And they are so busy at that age. I'm glad he is doing all he can.

    I can't believe none of the medical people have called you back. That is bizzare! Someone should be on call or an associate of theirs. Yes , get something for the nerves/depression. I had my pc call me in a script for xanax when I was diagosed. You really need some chemical help at a time like this. Keep taking your vicodin as prescribed. It may just kick in. And your drains are a pain in the a$$! And especially just after surgery , they are still hurting. And yes , mine were red too. But the pain will subside. Try to hang in there. Time is what you need right now to help heal. Take care Deborah. Melody

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  • abinneb
    abinneb Member Posts: 550
    edited July 2008

    Deborah no one thinks you're a nut job.  We've all been dealing with this monster and know in some way or another how you are feeling.

     Tell your son he is your angel and hero.  He is a great kid to help you out.

    Keep us up to date on how you are

    Amy

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  • honeygirl
    honeygirl Member Posts: 1,718
    edited July 2008

    Hi Deborah , I hope with the light of day , things seem a little brighter for you. Hows your pain level today? Have you tried again to call your doc? I hope you are feeling better. Hugs ,Melody

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  • lisajones
    lisajones Member Posts: 17
    edited July 2008

    Oh girl have I been where you are.  You will make it but it is rough.  You definitely need someone to help and some good pain meds.  I thought I was tough but the doctor said I had to get rest to heal.  You need something to wipe out the pain and help you sleep.  It all sucks the drains, the pain you cannot lay down you cannot get comfortable.  It will get better though.  You will get through.  I will pray for you.  Remember the good lord will not give you more than you can handle.

    Hang In There!

    Lisa In Mississippi

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  • sunkistmi
    sunkistmi Member Posts: 287
    edited July 2008

    Oh sister, the tears are flowing for you.  I'm so sorry you feel so alone.  I wish I was in CA instead of MI.  I would put my arms around you and hold you, then drive you to an ER that would help you.  I too have been in extreme pain, altho not with the bc, feeling very alone and helpless.  As the pain kicks in, your body starts to react, making the pain even worse because of the tension.  I also know that pain meds DO NOT react the same in all people.  Vicodin for me is like baby asprin.  I am on a pain patch w/Percocet 10 for breakthrough pain all the time.  This makes difficult to get pain relief when I have surgery.  You need to find something that will work better for you.  I would definately report your doctor.  There is absolutely no reason for you to have been treated the way you have been.

    Like the others above have said, you are NOT alone here.  No one thinks you are a nut job!  I have been so blessed by the sisters who have responded to me.  It seems like there is someone always here to talk to.  I hope that by now you are doing better.  You will get thro it, however.  Thankfully your son is there w/you.  My son was 18 the first time I went thru this and he was super.  I do know it scared him so I tried not to put too much on him.  I am blessed with a wonderful husband who has been through more than his share w/me.  I guess that is what meant by "for better or worse".

    I'm glad you have faith to lean on.  I too believe that God will not give you more than you, and He, cannot handle.  Altho there have been times that I wish I could ask Him  "just who do you think I am?  You must think I can handle a lot more than I think I can".  These are times when we really have to rely on lots of prayer and scripture to get us through.  I always was calmed when I read thru the Psalm's.  It didn't make the pain go away, I was just not concentrating so much on it because I was so involved w/something else.

    Dear sister, I will keep you in prayer throughout this day and the days to come.  It WILL get better.  If you want to contact me directly, I would be more than happy to talk to you.  Send me a Private Message and I will give you the info there.  There is a tab at the top of the page marked Private Message, click it and follow the directions to set it up.  Then just click on my name, Sunkistmi, to send me the message.  I would love to talk to you so you would know you are not alone.

    May God wrap His loving arms around you and hold you tight.  I hope to hear from you soon.

    God bless,

    Wendy

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  • footprintsangel
    footprintsangel Member Posts: 43,890
    edited July 2008

    Hi Deborah, I am a Deborah too, And went threw 3 surgeries and chemo alone (alot) I drove myself to high chemo and drove out to eat and then went home to be sick, Now I have lymphedema and still do alot myself. I was told people get tired of people being sick. I would love to be totally well!  I would love to keep in touch and help you threw if you want. Please take care. And all the Deborahs, Heres a hug for you, Take care, Deborah 

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  • slonedeb
    slonedeb Member Posts: 562
    edited July 2008

    hi deborahs i am also a deborah from ky deborah i am sorry so are in pain and being alone i promise things will get better i know of your pain and being alone i wasnt relly alone but it sure felt like it i just hate you have to do without painkillers till tomorrow if i could give you some i would i am on percocet 10s they help but i have bone and liver mets and now possible brain mets but i thank god for each day i am alive put your trust in god and he will help you i hate to meet you under these conditions but glad to meet you know you will get love and support on these boards   love deb from ky

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited July 2008

    i'm another deborah...... sending you strength and courage for the journey

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  • AlaskaDeb
    AlaskaDeb Member Posts: 2,601
    edited July 2008

    Do you think being a "Deborah" puts us at high risk for cancer?  LOL

    Another Deb Chiming in.  I was gone all weekend, but wanted to drop in with a belated hug.  I am so sorry you are feeling so alone.  Please know that even though we are not there in person, none of us will think you are nuts....we have all been down this path and understand the fear, depression and stress that cancer brings with it.  You have gotten a lot of good advice here.  I hope that things are on an up-swing soon

    Hugs

    Deb C

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  • MiraclesHappen
    MiraclesHappen Member Posts: 14
    edited July 2008

    Hi - I am not one of the "Debs" Wink  but I am also praying for you and sending you lots of love this morning. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.  Hang in there, it *will* get better.

    I hope some arse-chewing gets you some results today...their behavior is inexcusable!!

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  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited July 2008

    My goodness, we have a lot of DEBS!  Whewweeeeeee!  STrength in numbers they say?  I'd say you're a special group with especially special names! Wow!  I feel funny even typing on this thread.  No deb in my name, except it's the first 3 letters of my LAST name! :D

    Deb, hope it's going better this morning and you got some answers and help with that pain and such!  I'm appalled that NO ONE returned your call. I know though, that I was told the same thing after my mast on Thursday....taken to my room about 5pm and left the hospital the next morning before 9:30 am.  Told if there were a problem over the weekend to go to an ER! WTH?  Thank goodness I didn't have to!

    Please update on your progress when you get home (assuming you are at the clinic/hospital now?)

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  • dhettish
    dhettish Member Posts: 501
    edited July 2008

    Oh Deborah, you are definitely not alone. I found these women to be much more helpful and supportive than any of my friends, with the exception of one. A dear friend of mine (10 year BC survivor) who developed throat cancer right after my dx. Here is where I found real hope and laughter. Laughter is so important. It really lifts my spirit.

    I am a Debra and go by Debbie. I hope you are doing better. I was fortunate not to have to much pain from my double mast. I did have the feeling that the skin had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, but no surgical pain.

    You are not a nut case. We have all been there. The pain, fear, anxiety, depression, grief, so many emotions. I did find Xanax to be helpful when the jitters go really buggy and I thought I would jump out of my skin. It also helped me sleep through the night. I had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and FREAKING OUT! Seems like in those wee hours, everything would really hit me. I have Cancer! Again! (I had bone cancer at 28).

    Stay in touch and join some of the humor threads. We have such a good time and discuss everything.

    Hang in there and know that you are definitely not alone. We are here, many even late at night!

    Prayer and hugs are on their way.

    Debbie 

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  • BMac
    BMac Member Posts: 650
    edited July 2008

    Dear Deborah, you are not a nut job and no one here thinks that.  We've all had our moments of feeling overwhelmed and a little (or lot) bit sorry for ourselves.  It's normal.  It would be great if you had one person who could advocte for you.  Sometimes you just don't have the strength to do it yourself, although you sound like you ARE able.  Sometimes just having someone guide you as these lovely ladies here have done gives you the tools and strenght to do what you need to do for yourself.

    Good luck today and keep us posted on how you make out.  Shame on the medical system for letting you down so badly.  I too am glad you have your son to help you.

    Take care dear Deborah.  (And to answer your original question you are not alone as you have seen.)

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