Getting Over The Fear

Hi Victorious, You are making progress. Getting through treatment, at least the worst of it, not counting the AI we take, is tough. Getting rid of the fear is the hardest part in my opinion. If there is a good way to do it, I haven't found it yet. Lots of things seem to work for me temporarily, but then it sneaks back into my head. I have been doing everything I can to distract myself and find happiness in my daily life and especially in spending time with my husband. I've been doing some cooking, like making home made pasta, baking pizza with my own crust, trying French recipes I've wanted to learn to make. What's working for me lately is learning how to do watercolor painting, starting to lift some weights (light ones, as I'm weak and new to this) and studying about why I worry about things I can't control, like breast cancer. I have been making myself take small steps towards things I have wanted to do but resisted doing or have not had time to do. I come on these boards to read and share. That's about it for me. I have also tried yoga, tai chi, meditation, visualization, walking, and a bunch of other stuff. The list goes on. Anyway, cancer takes up a little less room in my brain than it did 6 months ago, a lot less room than it did a year ago.

Oh, and victorious--I have a lot of well-meaning people who try to tell me what to eat and do, also. They like to think there's some measure of control over cancer. They don't understand that if I'm going to recur, it's not b/c I ate too much sugar or didn't eat shitake mushrooms. Your onc is right that everything's fine in moderation. A margarita isn't going to hurt anything.

Vitorious,  I'm 60 years old, too.  Getting old is no big deal if we can stay healthy.  Anyway,  I had reconstruction with implants and I'm glad I did.  I had genetic counseling, too. Normal has to be worked at every day, I think, and anything we can do to get closer to it is a good thing.  I had a long period when I had no joy, and being able to feel joy again is really helping me, now.  Like Nash said,  "If you're having fun, it's hard to think about cancer"  YES!

Hi victorious,  It's good to hear from you again.  I had expanders put in when I had my mastectomies, so the surgery was not a big deal.  It wasn't painful, at least it didn't seem any different than mastectomy surgery when I compare it to what others say they experienced.  Even the expansions for me were not painful.  My PS gave me meds for pain but I never took them.  Others, however, felt uncomfortable during expansions, so I guess it is different for everyone.  My replacement surgery, I had the expanders replaced with saline implants, wasn't painful either.  I recovered nicely.  I had nipples made from skin grafts from my upper inner thighs after the replacement surgery had healed.  That was not a problem either.  All in all, I would say reconstruction is no big deal, at least it wasn't for me.  My real boobs were sagging by the time I was diagnosed, and these actually look better, although nothing will replace the sensation or the natural feel of the real ones. I'm glad I did it because I have boobs.  I don't know if I would have been happy without boobs, I didn't have a chance to find out, but I probably wouldn't have had a problem living without boobs either.  

Yoga, huh.  I went to a yoga class at our senior center.  I really was amazed, as everyone was able to do exercises with ease and almost everyone was older than I was. (That doesn't happen many places, I love the senior center for that!)  It was a bit too much for me at the time; I wasn't really recovered enough from treatments and surgeries to get the benefit I could get now.  I should try it again.

 Write back soon.  It's great to talk. 

Hi everyone, there are so many sites here and I keep losing the ones that I have already chatted in. Sorry, I was dx with IPLC grade 3+ 02 June 08. Had mast RB and 3 Sentinel Nodes removed 20 June 08.  I am going back to surgery 1st August 08, to have LB Mast, and Bulk Dissection of Lymph Nodes in the Right arm.  Haven't spoken to the Onco yet, have got Path report, ER pos, PR pos, HER 2 neg.  Anyone out there with similar to me. Spec says I have 2 Indian Files, this means that my CA runs in 2 lines behind each other. Bloody sneaky crap isn't it.  Not that into Indians either!  donspink