Calling moms of "tween" girls

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nash
nash Member Posts: 2,600
edited June 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer
Calling moms of "tween" girls
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  • nash
    nash Member Posts: 2,600
    edited June 2008

    My 9 1/2 year old told me tonight that she doesn't want to develop breasts b/c she's afraid of getting breast cancer. Considering I was diagnosed in my 30's and my mom just died of bc, on top of a strong family history of all sorts of cancers, she probably has a valid fear. However, it's to the point where she's really upset about it. In fact, she's starting to develop slightly on the left side, which is the side both my mom and I had tumors, and she thought that meant she was getting cancer.

    So I've told her that the doctors will check her carefully when she's a grown-up woman, but that the doctors check all women for breast cancer, and that she shouldn't worry about it right now.

    Any thoughts on what else I can say to her? It breaks my heart that she's worried about this.

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  • newter
    newter Member Posts: 4,330
    edited June 2008

    I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. My daughter will turn 9 in July but no boob issues yet.  I guess I had better start giving it some thought because I am BRCA 1 positive and both my mom and my husbands mom had BC so we are going to have to teach my daughter to be very vigilant.

     She is so young to be worrying about this, poor sweetie. 

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  • TenderIsOurMight
    TenderIsOurMight Member Posts: 4,493
    edited June 2008

    I just saw this thread, thanks to Newter's kind response. Oh how this does make a mom's heart ache to hear one so young and developing talk like a grownup. 
     
    Here are a few ideas from my own child rearing:
     
    Affirming her right to be afraid is necessary, but you know that. Reducing the fear with open discussion as you already have and encouragement of further discussion when she needs it gives her the maternal shoulder she'll seek. Encouraging her to let you know when inner pressure mounts is very important, imo, so she expresses her anxiety rather than repels from it, sending it inside. One anxiety-management technique I like is encouraging direct thinking of the anxiety thought when it occurs, but limiting the amount of time dedicated to it to say, a couple of minutes and then consciously shutting it out of the mind. With your and your families direct help, perhaps she might be able to learn this technique even at her young age.
     
    Reassurance of lack of breast cancer at such a tender age and years beyond in general (hence giving her a time of limited present-need for worry on her developing breasts) and working out a prevention approach together may be very helpful in letting her feel control over the matter.
     
    Not over emphasizing (but you know this too), but "just right" emphasizing of good diet (limit sugars which adolescents love), good amount of exercise, weight management if necessary, teaching x-ray avoidance (my child's doctor took x-rays without my permission while I was in the restroom), etc. now may give her encouragement, and of course as teen years approach, it's wise imo, to start the talk of alcohol and breast ill effect.
     
    I have a soon to be sixteen year old girl who saw me through this since seven. I pretty much took the above approach, perhaps over emphasizing exercise (which she took me up on) according to one pediatrician. But I don't agree as she is normal weight for height, not underweight. My daughter has had some anxiety but not lingering, and I wish the same for you. Now I need to take it to the next level: teaching the breast self exam without over stressing her, trying to teach her about exogenous hormones in oral contraceptives so she may make an informed choice when she needs to (I have discouraged the use of the pill for her irregular periods and explained to her that hormones may have unknown lingering effects while acknowledging that the pill is epidemiologically felt safe), and always continue the discussion about alcohol and breasts.
     
    I'm glad we have the knowledge to share these life modifying behaviors with our daughters. I wish you well, Nash, and all of we moms out balancing this very real reality.
     
    Thank you for sharing this touching scenario,
    Tender 
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  • revkat
    revkat Member Posts: 763
    edited June 2008

    I've got 3 girls, between 13 and 21 yrs old. It's hard because I don't want them to be afraid, and I do want them to like their bodies, including their breasts. I did find Dr. Love's idea of getting to know your breasts rather than "self-examination" helpful. Somehow getting to know what is normal for oneself so you can be aware of changes seems so much more positive than looking for lumps. I also have talked with them about the importance of exercise, maintaining appropriate weight and avoiding alcohol as ways to lower risk. They're great kids, I wish they didn't have this worry, for either themselves or me.

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  • lilith
    lilith Member Posts: 543
    edited June 2008

    Hi Nash...

    as you know I am with you in this :)

    Tender has excellent advice. Thank you for posting such an informative and positive review!!!

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  • nash
    nash Member Posts: 2,600
    edited June 2008

    Newter, thanks for the support. Tender, that was great advice, thank you so much. And revkat, I agree, I like Dr. Love's views on BSE--I remember reading her book years ago when my mom was first diagnosed, and that approach was something that really stuck with me. And hi, Lilith! *waving*. Smile

    I had to take my dd to the pediatrician for pink eye on Monday, so I brought the issue up with him while we were there. He basically told her the same things I'd told her--that it was pretty much impossible for her to have bc right now, that all women develop breasts, that they're not intrinsically "bad" b/c they can get cancer in them, and that the doctors will check her closely when she's grown up, but that they check all women. So I think that helped. 

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  • brencal
    brencal Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2008

    Hi   My daughter is 9 1/2 and is developing breasts at a younger clip than her friends.   She had the same concerns and has asked me more thank once if she too will get breast cancer when she is "33" which was how old I was.  I tell her that it is my job to keep her safe and it is her job to stay happy.  I try to tell her that eating right/drinking water/going outside ect. are things that will help her...all things I know she does so she feels like she has the upper hand.  Hope this helps

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  • nash
    nash Member Posts: 2,600
    edited July 2008

    Hi, brencal. Thanks for the input, that is helpful, and welcome to the boards!

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