Three years ago today

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nowheregirl
nowheregirl Member Posts: 894
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

It is already 7th July where I live

and three years ago today, on the 7th July of 2005,

I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I thought I was given the death sentence.

I called my mum immediately

but she couldn't cope well at all.

I ended up being bashed when I needed the words of comfort the most

for not getting myself looked at by a better oncologist

when I first realized symptoms

so that I could have been treated a year earlier.

I hanged up the phone in tears and called my ex husband.

It was the worst mistake I ever made.

I wouldn't tell you what he said

because it would only remind me of the worst memory.

So literally I was totally alone

and feeling like I was in the darkest tunnel

and would never ever see the light again.  

              

                  

Today I have marked three years of survivorship.

In the past three years,

I have seen so many women like Kari leaving behind their families,

yet I am still here alive even though I have no one to leave behind besides my cats

nor do I have anyone to look forward to growing up.

But I have decided to cherish every moment of my life for those who had to go

instead of feeling guilty for them.

It is hard especially because I was so very close to Kari

but knowing her, she would only want me to enjoy my life.

     

                                

I would be more than happy if you could celebrate this day for me.

And I would be happier than you could ever imagine

if you were happy to have me alive here.        

       

                            

with hugs, luv, and deepest, deepest gratitude for your friendship and sisterhood

Fumi

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  • Jen44
    Jen44 Member Posts: 631
    edited July 2008

    Fumi, I don't believe we have really ever had a conversation before but I can tell you that I am very glad that your are alive.  None of us know the impact that we can have on others lives or what our real purpose for living is, but the fact that you are living is a true blessing.  Don't ever doubt that your life is important.  I am sorry that you don't have someone around you to remind you of that daily because you should.  I know that we have lost some wonderful sisters here, but I am sure none of them would want you to feel guilty because it was them and not you.  You have every right to be happy and celebrate this wonderful news.  I am not even a year out yet and hearing from people like you always gives me that much more hope, especially when tragedy has hit.  So please be good to yourself and know that you are cherished.  Go out today and shout it from the roof tops "IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS AND I AM STILL ALIVE!  THE D**M CANCER WILL NOT WIN THIS WAR!"

    Big HUGS and Congratulations!!!

    Keep laughing,
    Jenny

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  • ravdeb
    ravdeb Member Posts: 3,116
    edited July 2008

    Dear Fumi..

    How moving your story is...melancholy but very very happy..you are here with us rejoicing in your THIRD YEAR! Momentous!

    I raise my glass to you and honor you for all that you have contributed here on BCO. You have thought of every woman here who needed your attention. You never miss a beat.

    We are here for you..always...you can lean on us. You've certainly been here for all of us.

    Continue being well and living the good life.

    Cheers!

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited July 2008

    Oh, Fumi --

    I am SO happy to have you alive here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am so happy to know such a kind, generous, strong, loving, thoughtful, smart, creative, hardworking, sensitive, artistic woman as you are!

    Just the posting of your photo of the cherrry blossoms in spring was gift enough!  And you have given so much more!

    I am so sorry for your loss, in losing Kari.

    And it's terrible to hear of your phone calls to your mother and your ex.

    But I am so happy you found some light in that dark tunnel.

    Too many of us know those moments of rejection -- something very primitive in the human animal that wants to shun the sick member of the pack! -- but it is good that we can come here, compare notes, see ourselves and our worth reflected in another beautiful woman who was treated so STUPIDLY by those who ought to have considered themselves lucky to have the chance to love her!

    Fumi, I want to celebrate and congratulate you on three years! 
    I am SO happy to know you, and to have you alive, here!

    Hugs,

    Ann

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  • pconn03
    pconn03 Member Posts: 643
    edited July 2008

    Fumi:

    Are you kidding - happy to "have you alive here."  You are a bright and shining inspiration on these boards and I can't imagine your not being here.  You have been the kindest most loving person to all of us - always.  And I thank God today that you are in my life - even if it is only on these boards, my sister.  I know how close you were to Kari and I cried at her passing but I agree that she would want you to go on and continue to be the fantastic person you are!!! Congratulations on  this 3rd anniversary and may God continue to bless you always.

    Love and hugs,

    Pat

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  • lizws
    lizws Member Posts: 1,892
    edited July 2008

    Fumi..... thank you for sharing your wonderful day with us.  Congratulations and we'll continue to see you here for many years to come.

    Hugs

    Liz

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited July 2008


    Congratulations on your 3 year anniversary!!  We are ALL very glad that you are alive!!  You give support and advice to all of us, your bc sisters.  I'm so sorry that you had to be so alone, but WE are all here with you!   

    Much Love,

    Harley

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    Fumi: Congratulations on your 3 year anniversary ...  I'm really sorry to read of just how misearable that first day when you were diagnosed was for you ...  I remember  your first post here and how we all welcomed you ...  you've been a wonderful support to so many here - and it's been very interesting to see how things are done in Japan.  

    I know you haven't been posting as much recently and I really miss seeing posts from you!!!  

    I'm joining you in a celebration of life today and will have a nice glass of wine this evening and toast to you and all of my other sisters here !!

    Love and Hugs,

    Doreen  

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited July 2008

    Fumi, you will never be alone again with all of the breastfriends here

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  • celia088
    celia088 Member Posts: 2,570
    edited July 2008

    fumi, here on the boards you are not the slightest bit alone.  you have friends here who love you. I know i miss you when you don't post frequently, and i wonder how you are doing. congrats on your 3 year anniversary.

    hugs celia 

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited July 2008

    Fumi - you've been a wonderful addition to my life. While I am not glad you had to get cancer to become a part of my life, I'm glad that even though you did that you are!

    It's good to know that all across the world - ex-husbands are all the same! 

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  • dalycity
    dalycity Member Posts: 248
    edited July 2008

    Dear Fumi:

    Let me reach into the computer and all the way to Japan to give you a BIG FAT hug! And congratulations! I am glad things are looking good for you.  It's nice to hear some good news after a week of sad news with the passing of some of our sisters here, and hearing of bad reports, etc.

    Oh, dear, you are already at Monday.  Well, let me continue to enjoy the rest of Sunday!  

    Best wishes! 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    Fumi,

    First I want to thank "YOU" for giving us/me the opportunity to celebrate your day with you!!!!! Im so very happy that you are alive and doing well today!!!!!! Please dont ever feel that your alone like that again....."WE" are here for you and with you!!!!!

    CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!! I wish there were a way for me to hug you, but a virual one via the internet will have to do......

    Hugs

    Jule

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  • lexi4
    lexi4 Member Posts: 1,074
    edited July 2008

    Sweet Fumi,

    Congrats on being three years out! Yippee!!! We are all so very happy that you are doing well.

    You are such an amazing woman. The picture forum, starting card mailings to support each other, letting us know when someone needs us. You are a very precious lady and important part of bc.org. It is a pleasure and an honor to be your bc sister.

    Love,

    Lexi

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited July 2008

    So glad you are here!  I am very happy to celebrate your 3 year with you.  So cheers to Fumi and may the next 300 years be joyful.

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  • pinoideae
    pinoideae Member Posts: 1,271
    edited July 2008

    Woo hoo, celebrating!  Here is the Snoopy happy dance!   Smile

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  • drgnfly
    drgnfly Member Posts: 111
    edited July 2008

    Fumi~ You are an inspiration to all of your sisters here! Congrats on three years!! :o)

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  • Beesie
    Beesie Member Posts: 12,240
    edited July 2008

    Fumi,

    Congratulations on your 3rd year anniversary!  It is definitely worth celebrating and I am honoured to be celebrating with you.

    BC is so random.  There are lists and lists of all the different risk factors, yet some women who have lots of risk factors never get BC and other women who have no risk factors do get BC.  It makes no sense and it's not fair.  Similarly, some women who have every reason to live - young women who leave behind young children - sometimes die of BC while other women who seemingly have less to leave behind survive.  It makes no sense and it's not fair.  But there is one that that I do know for sure:  No one should die of breast cancer.  It doesn't matter who or what we leave behind, none of us should die of this terrible disease.  So every anniversary, every year of NED for every one us is deserved and should be celebrated! 

      CheersCheers to you on your 3rd anniversary!  I'm looking forward to your 10th and 20th and 50th!    





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  • Isabella4
    Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
    edited July 2008

    Fumi.....congratulations on your aniversary.

    What a story you have to tell, how you must have felt going it all alone. I was lucky, I had someone to go thru this with me, right by my side, all the time. I really don't know how I would have done it alone. I take my hat off to you, it is a lonely road.

    BUT...SEE..you did come thru, and you are still here....and look what you do for us all here, the things you do to help, and the things you organise, you work so hard for all your sisters, and we love you for it. You are such a lovely, selfless person, this place wouldn't be right without you.

    So, BIG congratulations from me.

    Isabella.

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited July 2008

    It seems to me that a cancer diagnosis brings out the best in people and the worst.

    I am glad that you came here. My mom said "you shoud have gone in sooner", I thought WTF? I went as soon as I found something scary.

    Sorry your first days were so crappy. You are a major part of this board and have been such a support to others. May you have many many more anniversaries.

    Janis

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    Hey, Fumi - way to go with your three year cancerversary! I'm sorry you had to come here, but so glad you did! You have been that warming light in a very dark tunnel for so many here and we thank you.

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  • SandyAust
    SandyAust Member Posts: 393
    edited July 2008

    G'day Fumi,

    Congratulatons!!!

    We share an anniversary, July 7 is four years from those shocking words "you have cancer" for me.  Well actually they didn't say "you have cancer" they said "no you can't speak to your doctor about your biopsy, you need to cancel your holiday and come home (four thousand km across the continent, even though you just arrived yesterday) and then your doctor will tell you what is going on."  I will never forget the lack of humanity displayed by that b*tch of a doctor's receptionist.

    I can sort of relate to the lack of support you got.  Mum and Dad came to Perth to help me with my two four year olds, but stormed back home across the Nullarbor the day after coming from hospital after my mastectomy because we argued about the shopping.

    Some sort of support you just don't need.  You are well loved here Fumi and have all the support in the world. You are not alone.

    Take care,

    Sandy 

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  • magsandmattsmom
    magsandmattsmom Member Posts: 424
    edited July 2008

    (((((hugs))))) and caongrats on hitting the 3 year mark!  We are blessed to have you here.  You offer support, compassion and understanding.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    ((((((Fumi))))))!!! You are one of the most amazing women here and I truly cherish your friendship, your sisterhood, and your unselfish sharing of yourself here with us! May you have many, many more cancerversaries that will increasingly mark new, happy memories instead of those from the first dark days. 

    Don't EVER underestimate how much we love and value us here, Fumi. And as for Kari, you KNOW that she wants you to embrace and love the gift of your life!

    ~Marin

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  • djd
    djd Member Posts: 866
    edited July 2008

    Z,

    I find it amazing that English is not your first language.  You have such a beautiful way with words!

    Congrats on 3 years, and many, many more, my dear friend.

    xo,

    D

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  • shrink
    shrink Member Posts: 936
    edited July 2008

    I'm two years behind you, Fumi.  Add me to the list of those who are celebrating in your name.

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  • easyquilts
    easyquilts Member Posts: 876
    edited July 2008

    Fumi....I am sitting here having a small glass of my favorite port wine, and am literally lifting my glass to you....CONGRATULATIONS on your Tree Year Anniversary....

    your post touched me deeply touched me, and I want to thank you for sharing your story with us.  Believe me, we are ALL glad you are alive and here with us today....Absolutely....We treasure all of our sisters, and want to celebrate the lives of each and every woman here.  

    God Bless,

    Sandy

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    Congrats on three years, fumi! I'm so glad you're here..... to give love and support to others. I hope you feel ours, too. We're very happy you're here!!

    Miss S

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  • nosurrender
    nosurrender Member Posts: 2,019
    edited July 2008

    Dear Fumi,

    Your story of how alone you were is heartbreaking.

    I am so glad that you are not alone anymore. You have women from all over the world who love you and who have been blessed with your kindness, generosity of spirit, and dear friendship.

    You are always there for us. I hope you feel the love we have for you.

    Three years is a biggy! Celebrate Fumi!

    I know you are hurting now because losing Kari and all our other sweet angels is so hard. But I bet you they are all in heaven looking down at you drinking a toast and celebrating that you reached another NED milestone.

    I feel so lucky to know you!

    Love,

    g 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited July 2008

    Fumi, oh, happy day!  You are one of the most respected and adored women on this board.  Except for a few newbies, I bet Everyone knows you kindness, caring, and extensive knowledge and willingness to share with each of us.

    Blessings and to 30 more years!  Yiiiippppppeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • LumiPojo
    LumiPojo Member Posts: 1,677
    edited July 2008

    Terrible way to be treated, Fumi, I totally understand how you feel (I myself am surrounded by people who don't know how to be supportive). BUT: you are here, alive and well, and this is the best thing ever! Congratulations, girl, sending lots of hugs your way...

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