Need You Again

Anonymous · June 2008

Ok ladies,

I need some strong words to keep me going. I'm still having a really hard time since Stacey/Sunshine passed away. I have tried really hard to get through this but I'm finding it harder and harder to cope.

I keep hearing that time heals but it has a year already and I'm feel worse than before. I have this hole in my heart that just can't be filled right now. I have been dreaming about her almost every night and in my dreams I can almost touch her but then she is gone.

I miss our conversations, our laughter, her smell, her smile and her wonderful way of making me feel that life was going to be okay. She is on my mind when I wake up and when I go to sleep and all day in between.

I have been seeing a grief counselor but even that is not helping. I know you are probably thinking that I should be over this already but I can't seem to let her go. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want her with me so badly that it hurts!

AlaskaDeb · June 2008

Pepper- I wish I had some wise words for you....I don't, but I want you to know I hear you and I feel for you. There is no timeline for how long it takes to grieve. It take different people different amounts of time. Any advice I would offer I am sure you have heard a hundred times before.... Keep posting about it here if it helps. We will listen.

Gentle hugs

Deb C

Anonymous · June 2008

(((Pepper)))

I'm sorry you're still feeling so much pain. I have no words of wisdom but just wanted to say "hugs" to you.

Me

tawyna1 · June 2008

i am so sorry . god bless you .

lexi4 · June 2008

Hugs to you sweet Pepper. I am sorry that you are suffering. I can't think of any words that might comfort you. Just want to send you a long distance hug.

Lexi

iodine · June 2008

Hi Babe, there is NO set program for grief. Having lost a few myself, I know that even years later, something will strike me and I break down and cry like a baby. 3 years after my loving aunt died, I sat on the kitchen floor and wept as if it was yesterday.

My mom has been gone for 15 years, but that doesn't make any difference in the dark of night or when I need someone to love me.

I hate that you are so low, but don't feel you have to "get over it". We all grieve differently, and with all kinds of time frames. I would welcome a chance to dream of my lost ones, I really would. But I hope you will keep remembering the good stuff and know that she would never want to cause you this much pain. I think the first 2 years are the worst, after that, it's just a blindsided blow when it comes back.,

My heart is with you, and we are all pulling for you.

Hugs,

Mom

pinoideae · June 2008

Pepper, we are here to listen whenever you want to talk.

Poppy · June 2008

{{{Pepper}}} I'm sorry you're still having a tough time. There's no magic time limit then BAM, the grief passes. My Mom and Dad divorced in 1980 and it wasn't until 2004 when he died (ok, then she went through some weird stuff like putting out "family photos" so it was really a year or so after that) that she found closure or whatever you want to call it. She says she still dreams about him alot. Not trying to turn this into "my story" but it just goes to show that everyone handles grief in their own way. I would be lost w/o my dh or my best friend. I can't say that a year would feel like enough time for me either.

I think the grief counselor is a good idea if (s)he gives you comfort but maybe a support group would be an idea too. Sometimes having others who are feeling the same way, even when you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy, can help.

I'm just so sorry that you're sad. I do think time helps and hopefully you'll turn that corner and start feeling better.

I still find that sometimes I really NEED a good cry. I'll pull out all kinds of stuff of my dad's and cry my eyes out. Bing's "White Christmas" cd kills me to hear b/c it reminds me of my dad, but I'll put it on, cry like a baby, then I'm ok. It's ok to let it out. If you find that it's affecting your life (in a scary way) definitely make sure you tell someone.

BIG hugs to you tonight.

Love,Erica

Emelee26 · June 2008

I'm so sorry Pepper..I can't imagine how you feel..hugs

Love Marisa

celia088 · June 2008

pepper, i do understand how grief can be with us a very long time. I think the counseling is a good idea and i think you should continue that. the thing that i do to help me get thru the feelings of grief is to do a project that memorializes the person, like a journal with photos, or a quilt, or a crocheted, knitted, or sewn form like a doll, or anything that you can attempt to transfer and compartmentalize the feelings about that person and the spiritual sense of that person into a concrete, touchable object of some kind. You could plant a garden or find something that Stacey was dedicated to doing and try to continue her legacy by doing something similar. You don't have to be creative to do this kind of thing.

i hope that you are able to bring this experience of losing Stacey into a manageable size for yourself. I am so sorry that you are having this experience. Best wishes to you.

hugs, celia

Miss_Lolli · June 2008

Pepper, I don't think a year is "enough time" to be over the loss of someone you love. I don't know that anyone ever gets over it, but eventually, I think we maybe accept that someone can't be in our lives (at least at times when we're feeling our strongest). Not sure if accept is the right word, but it will eventually consume you less often, probably even to the point of being rare. Just let yourself grieve, it's a process you can't rush, and I think if you don't do it properly and in your own time, it will be a bigger problem further down the road. Everyone comes to terms with traumatic events at their own pace and in their own way. Don't be hard on yourself. I've had a lot of experience with losing family and it's really a stressful, extremely difficult thing. Hugs....

AnneW · June 2008

Pepper, dearest,

Stacey was your more-than-sister, your sould mate, a spiritual part of you. Her passing has left and unhealed hole in your psyche. You--and she--will decide when it's time to move on.

I'm thinking you should write a book about this unusual, and most wonderful of bonds, and how hard the healing process has been. You could help so many others who have experienced this.

I ache for you. I worry about you. I wishwishwish I could help.

Big hugs,

Anne

althea · June 2008

Pepper, I am so sorry to hear of your grieving heart. There's no time limit here. It will take as long as it takes. It's good that you're consulting a grief counselor. No doubt, you've been made aware of the different stages of grief. I believe there are no shortcuts, no leapfrogging over the process. But I also believe the knowledge of the grief process is very empowering. I like to think of it as driving in high gear, as opposed to the granny gear. But even then, it will take as long as it takes.

If it's any consolation, I still have grieving issues for my father, who died decades ago when I was barely 3. Like anyone else, I have a number of grieving issues. I lamented to my counselor one time, when will I be DONE with all this dreary crap of grieving??? To my chagrin, she suggested that it's never completely done.

Then she gave me a visual image to create that I find very helpful. She suggested that each time the grief comes around, it's part of a spiral. You won't spend every minute in moments of grief over time (your favorite phrase, I know), but it will come around every so often, and each time, you'll be just a tiny bit further from the intensity of the original pain. Surrender to it, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, and that is truly the fastest way I have found to grapple with these issues of grief. Hope this helps pepper. Your mileage may vary.

Need You Again

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