Starting Chemo in May 07

Ladies, it is with the greatest sadness that I am here to pass on that CindKS died on June 16th after two weeks of rapid acceleration of her liver mets.  She had her gallbladder out the last week of May, and apparently the surgery put a lot of stress on her liver allowing the lesions to take over.

Her mom e-mailed me this morning after finding e-mails from me.  I will post on our Yahoo Group her obit that her mother sent along.

I'd been sending Cindy some things for her son and granddaughter, but I'd like to organize something for the family from all of us.  I'll start a topic over on the Yahoo group.

I shed tears this morning and now I'm just numb from the news.  I just can't believe it overcame her so quickly.  We exchanged several e-mails at the end of May and then the last three weeks she went silent even after a few prods.

Understandably her mother is devastated as they were extremely close (her mom characterized them as "best friends".)  I imagine her two sons are also having a terrible time of it.

We lost a shining light ... OUR shining light.

Oh God, that's horrible...  She didn't even see her 40th birthday.  I'm glad that she got to see her grandbaby...but lord, was she ever robbed.  I too am numb, but the tears are coming as I type.  This f*ing disease sure does suck...  My heart breaks for her family. 

Thanks Lar for getting this sad news...  I will check over on Yahoo and see what's up...  I'd like to be a part of whatever you are planning...

Virginia

Hi ladies.  I too am very sad to hear the passing of one of friends here.  She was a great contributor to this board.  I think she always had a good attitude and seemed positive about everything she was going thru.   I am so happy that she was around to see her grand daugther...........I know that she was thrilled about becoming a grandma.   Her children will tell that lil granddaugther that she was a loving, kind and strong lady..........and Cindy will be her angel from above always watching over her.

Anything I say after that will seem inconsequential.  But I just hope that you all are doing good,,,,,,and taking care of yourselves.

Lar wrote in the yahoo groups May 07 section,,,,,,,,,,and I have to comment also.  She said that we have to remember that we are all different and that all of our circumstances are not the same.  Which is so very true.  You know,,,,,,,,,,,once someone has been diagnosed with cancer,,,,,,and even though we have done the recommended treatments,,,,,,,,there will always be this lil black cloud hanging over our heads.  Everytime we get an ache or pain we will think that there was one lil cell that got away.  But for me,,,,,,,,,,,,I refuse to let that lil cloud stay over my head for too long.  I refuse to let it take control of my life.  I like sunny bright days so I blow that cloud away.  I'm getting a lil philosophical here,,,,,,,,,,sorry bout that.  But I hope you all know what I mean.

Have a great weekend ladies..............

I miss hearing about everyone.  Please post an update occassionally ok??
Cindy

I too sent Cindy's mom an e-mail.  I'm guessing she'll get a lot of them from us...  I've been thinking of Cindy a lot too...  It's so weird...I've never met you guys, but I feel so bonded to all of you...  Makes me so sad for her family.

Traci- thanks for the kind words RE my hair.  I am VERY lucky...  The new avatar isn't even a "good" picture of what my hair looks like.  Yesterday I must have had a really good hair day b/c a number of people commented.  I still haven't cut or colored it...

Thanks too for asking about my dad.  You know, I was SURE he was going to pass away in February...that's how sick he was...  He got a little better...enough to be released from the hospital/rehab.  A couple of weeks ago he was back in the hospital for 2 weeks.  Now he's home.  He's confused and gets angry if we don't understand his "code."  Like, last night he says to me, "Douglas pulled the machine out..."  And I was like, "What???  What machine???" and he got royally PISSED at me and said "the BARBECUE"  Like i'm the bloomin' idiot that didn't know "machine" meant "barbecue grill."  UGH.  I am TRYING to be patient (NOT my virtue)...

I had my second to last Herceptin treatment.  I've had a pain in my neck for a month now, and I'm starting to get paranoid.  I'm 99% sure that it's a muscle thing...but now my mind goes to bone mets (that's what happened to my mom).  Plus, hearing Cindy's news...well, my mind goes to the dark place.  I was in Hershey Park the first few days of June and it started hurting then (rode the 'coasters about 1000 times).  Then, have been playing Guitar Hero on the Wii and I can feel myself tensing up.  So, I think that's not helping.  I have an appointment with my onc on July 8th and my chemo nurse made me PROMISE today NOT to play the Guitar Hero for two weeks until I see the onc...  She said she also thought it was muscular b/c the pain wouldn't come and go...  Blah blah blah.  I'm going to drive myself coo coo.  I thank God for the Xanax these past few days...it's been helping with the anxiety.

The weather is gloomy, I have my period...  I should really be posting on the "I Bitch, I Moan" board, eh???  :O

Ok, love you girls lots....feel like I need to keep checking back here for posts just to know that you all are ok...makes me feel comforted...

V

Virginia, I sure have missed your sense of humor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot you were a Wii loon!! You are just too funny.

I feel your paranoia with the aches and pains girl. When I felt that lump in my arm pit, I was sure I had had a recurrance. Sure of it. My scan said no but, I still go to that 'dark place' more often than I would like to that's for sure.

I'm almost out of my Xanax and because my f*ing insurance isn't going to follow me to Texas, I'm about to call my PCP and beg her to refill me without me having to fly to FL to see her.

I wonder if the drug addicts know how hard they make it on those of us who really need the sh*t?

I'm so jealous about your hair. Do you blow dry it to get it straight??????

Glad to hear your dad is o.k. I know the confusion is frustrating, sorry about that part.

I hope everybody else checks in soon. I so miss this!!

I'm on Xanax too. My doc said that she would give me another 30 day supply but to get more, I have to see her. Hello......I'm 20 hours away now. My freaking insurance company. THEY SUCK!

I don't even own a blow dryer.....I guess I will have to go buy one and try that because your hair really looks cute and I'm not just saying that! We know better than that!!

Well, I'm sick to my stomach cuz we are about to lose another girl from this board. It just sucks. I hope y'all are o.k. I wish Amanda (wasn't she Mandy? Man, my brain is fried. Literally!) would stay but, I understand.

Hope everybody is doing o.k.

Cindy, did you get your house cleaned?????

Howdy girls.

Just popping in to say Hello. Things still haven't settled down all the way for me in my new Texas home. I'm beginning to think they never will. I don't like the sound of that!!

Cindy, glad you got your house clean and even more happy it stayed clean! I'm a bit of a neat freak and you reminded me of when my little sister Debbi would come to my house to visit with her two DARLING......kids. Man, within minutes, my house would be a mess!

They've got the "throw it on the floor and it'll be there when you need it again" mentality. Seriously, I spent good money on a book for her recently and when I asked her if she liked it she said "I can't find it". Now normally, that wouldn't be funny but in her case it's because it's probably been buried with stuff!!

I've been thinking about CindyKS and...those of you who knew Kari....I mailed her a card the day before she died. I keep trying to remember the words I wrote in the card. It's been a sad few weeks. I hate this disease!

I hope you guys are all doing o.k. and I hope you check in soon.

Hugs, Traci

Hey girlies,,,,,,,,,,,,,It's been so long since anyone has posted.  I am taking that as good news and that we are all busy with life after bc.

I am doing fine.  Had a mammo a few weeks ago and I think it all turned out fine.  He said there were some calcifications where the scar tissue is from the surgery,,,,,,,,,,,and he believes its not cancerous.  So whoooooooo hoooooooooo.  lol  Guess thats fairly normal to get calcifications in the surgery area.

My hair is about 3 inches long now.  I actually got it trimmed a few weeks ago and she was giving me some tips as to what to do with it.  Not sure I get it though,,,,,,,but the last couple of days I have been going wigless out in public.  Been going to the beach alot anyways and not wearing my wig.  Its just so damn short for me.........but the family says it looks fine.  And it sure isnt coming in any thicker,,,,,,,,seems the same as it used to be,,,,,,,,,,color and everything.  I do have a thin area on the top but I think I feel some new lil hairs coming in there.

 Grandson is amazing.  We've been taking him to the beach and zoos and parks.  My daughter starts back teaching the end of August,,,,,,so its back to babysitting 3 days a week.  I do have to say I have enjoyed sleeping in this summer,,,,,lol  Its all good,,,,,,,,he's growing so fast and I enjoy watching him.

That was really sweet of those of you who chipped in for the crib for Cindys granddaughter.  I apologize for not being able to contribute to that.  Its was a lovely thing to do.

We had an earthquake a couple of days ago.  Scared the crap outta me.  Not a big fan of earthquakes,,,,,but luckily not too much damage.

Other than that,,,,,,,,,,,nothing too new.  I post on the TCH thread occassionally.  The gals from there dont post as often either.  There is a new group of ladies there and so I pop in every so often to share with them and give them encouragement.

Well,,,,,,,,,,guess thats it for now.  I will check in again in a few days to see if anyone posted.  Someone post paaaaaaaaaalease?????  I think of all you ladies often and miss hearing from you.

Take care ladies,,,,,,,,

Cindy

Hi Lorain, you look fabulous!  It sounds like you had a great vacation with your kids and grandkids.  It's wonderful to see you around!

I posted on the yahoo board, but no one seems to check either, but I'll post with the hopes that someone still comes around!

My Dad passed away on Friday night...  It was a long hard fought battle for him, but he died peacefully...his heart just stopped.  My brothers were with him.  I was not...something I'll always be sad about.

I have a broken heart even though I know it was his time, I still wasn't ready to say good bye...

Hope all is well with you guys...

Virginia

Virginia,,,,,,,,,,I wrote you a note on our May 07 yahoo group.  But let me say again,,,,,,I am soooooo very sorry to hear about your Dad.  And yes Lorraine is right,,,,,,you were a very devoted daughter and I am sure he felt so much love from you.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

Lorraine,,,,,,,,,,ty for the comment on the hair.  And yeah it has grown since the last time I complained about it.  lol  It's finally doable. Kinda thin on the top but think thats coming in a little at a time. The only time I have ever had bangs was with my wig,,,,,,so was hoping to be able to have bangs,,,,,,,,but its too thin on the top.  But  you know me,,,,,,,I am the impatient one.  lol

 I quit taking Neurontin yesterday as the hot flashes were still there.  Seems useless to take something if it isnt working.  Plus I felt so bloated,,,,,and that only started happening since I started taking Neurontin.  O well,,,,,,,,,guess I will call her this week and ask her about something else.  I started menopause like 8 or so years ago and one would think after all this time I wouldnt have hot flashes huh?  I know we cant take estrogen,,,,,,,but I am wondering about that Estroven (I think thats what its called) the stuff that doesnt have estrogen in it just lots of vitamins and all.  Maybe I will ask her about that too. Or guess I will just suffer,,,,,,,,sure sucks though. 

You both look fantastic.  Nice to be on the other end of the tunnel finally huh?

Otherwise,,,,,,,,life is good.  My daughter is a teacher and she was off during the summer time,,,,so we took Nicholas (my grandson) to the beach a lot, to the parks and the zoos.  He is sooooooooo adorable.  Cant tell that I am a proud Granny huh?  They had to put their black lab to sleep over a month ago,,,,,and they have since gotten a golden retriever pup.  Very cute,,,,,,,,,but I'm not sure if Nicholas understands the puppy life yet.  He was used to a grown dog,,,,,,,,and the lil puppy likes to play and jump.  Needless to say my daughter and her hubby have their hands full.  lol

Keep in touch ladies.  And may we all continue on with healthy and happy lives.

Cindy

So sorry about your dad, Virginia. I don't know if we're ever "ready" for our parents to die. I suppose we might get there if they were suffering. I'm glad he went peacefully.

It's odd, but I've been thinking about you all lately and wondering how everyone was doing. I've gotten several haircuts because I had pretty short hair pre-chemo. The curls eventually grew out so I went and paid for a perm (my usual hair-do) earlier this week.

I'm feeling nearly back to normal, although I need to get on the exercise wagon to boost my stamina levels. I'm going in for some revision surgery on my left breast (2005 tumor). Even though both my implants are exactly the same type and size, I've got one C cup and one D cup. The PS is going to swap out the implant on the smaller side. We're aiming for matching D cups, which may sound big, but I'm a large lady! <grin>

 --CindyMN

Cindy and Traci- thank you to both of you for the kind words...  I have to now figure out what "normal" life is.  I had the year of BC treatments and then Daddy got sick, so life's been topsy turvey for a long time...

Traci- did the hurricane miss you??  I hope you are ok.  I have been thinking of you with that weather...and worrying about you...

Not much news to report...glad to see that folks still occasionally check in here...  Love to hear from you guys...

Hugs- Virginia

Hey girls,

No, we weren't affected by the hurricane at all really. It just brushed right past Dallas. We got a light rain all day which, was desperatly (sp?) needed.

Update on me:

I really like living in Dallas. Sadly, the main reason is I get alot of alone time. My sister Kristi moved here with me but, last nite, she mentioned that she was moving back to FL. Her daughter recently had a baby and Kristi is really missing her. I hate to see her go but I just want her to be happy you know?

My new job is finally starting to click. Thank God. That is making life so much easier.

I tell you girls, I have let my self go. I have gone from a size 4-6 to a size.......12. I stepped on the scale the other day and weigh over 150. Not alot I know but, when you have been 120 your entire life, and all of your clothes are for 120.... it sucks. I just can't get motivated. I drove by a Curves yesterday that is close to my house. I thought about it first thing this morning. I need to find the motivation to go there or at least, get on my barely used treadmill that is 12 feet from my living room t.v.

I think if I had a man, or a child, or a dog.....I would be more self concious but I don't have those things. Although, an old friend/lover who is getting divorced came to visit me and boy, did I feel fat then!! Thank God, he was respectful and did not try to get into my size 12 pants.

I got a little kitty (my avatar) and he died....that was sad....I'm going to get another one though. I sure did like having that little guy around not to mention I bought a bunch of toys and a kitty gym!

I'm gonna get on that treadmill today! I promise!!!

So how's everybody doing? Ginny, I know what you've been through with your dad ((((hugs)))) and Cindy (Cinrae) and I have IM'd a few times but how's everybody doing??

Hugs, Traci

Hey Cindy- Please DO let us know when they are going to air the BC Ellen show.  That's so awesome that you are going.  I was in LA 2 weeks ago and went on the WB studio tour...  That's where they film Ellen...  People in our group were going to her taping in the PM.

Not much news to report.  I'm still hearbroken over the loss of my Dad.  It's been hard.  I miss him desperately...  He died 2 weeks ago today.  In some ways it seems like yesterday and in other ways is seems like a lifetime ago...

It's a gloomy rainy day here in NJ...  But at least it's Friday.

Virginia