sex only twice in 10 months

Options
neeliecar
neeliecar Member Posts: 73
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
sex only twice in 10 months
· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • neeliecar
    neeliecar Member Posts: 73
    edited June 2008

    I am 55 and I was always the one that didn't care much about sex, but now that I have had a double mas, my hubby, who I know loves me dearly doesn't seem to want to have sex anymore.  I have to make a date and then it's not like it used to be.  He seems afraid to touch me.  I don't know what to do to get him interested again.  I also have a problem.  The last time we did have sex, it hurt me really bad.  It feels like something sharp jabbing me upon entry.  Has this happened to anyone else.  My life is boring enough right now without any sex and I need some ideas from you gals that have been there. eileen

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ICanDoThis
    ICanDoThis Member Posts: 1,473
    edited June 2008

    Eileen --  

    You're not going to believe this, but there is this thing called vaginal atrophy, that makes your tissues shrink! It evidently happens to post-menopausal women who aren't messing around like bunnies. Like me. And maybe, like you.

    Arimidex makes it worse, but tamoxifen evidently makes it a little better, according to my gyno.

    It can be managed. in really interesting ways.

    See the Getting My Mojo Back thread at the top of this section.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited June 2008

    Eileen....Please join us on the Mojo thread because there are four years' worth of discussion and advice on these very same issues over there. So many of us have experienced the distancing from our partners and the fear that they have around our disease and treatments, not to mention the dryness, vaginal atrophy and lagging libido that also sometimes goes along with post-tx. Tons of ideas from focusing on techniques and body parts other than breasts, using toys or other new approaches to sex, to using the Estring, Replens, or various recommended lubes and oils can be found on the thread. Try browsing the pages to see what might appeal to you. Most of all, though, you'll see that there is alot of hope for getting yours and your husband's groove back. So check it out....and soon you might be posting your own tips to help others here regain their mojo!

    ~Marin

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BMD
    BMD Member Posts: 1,492
    edited June 2008

    Marin-You missed your calling. You should have been a sex therapist. I think you are great.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Believer0711
    Believer0711 Member Posts: 351
    edited June 2008

    SO THAT'S WHAT MOJO MEANS!!! I've been seeing that thread, but kept ignoring it! I want my mojo back!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • artsee
    artsee Member Posts: 1,576
    edited June 2008

    For those of you that find intercourse too painful....there are lots of other ways to pleasure each other. Who said there is just the one and only way....Might as well make it pleasurable, so it doesn't get to be once every year because of awful pain.Surprised

    Artsee

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • neeliecar
    neeliecar Member Posts: 73
    edited July 2008

    I have not been able to find the MOJO thread.  Where do I go to find it.  Thanks for letting me know about this, but I have to find it to be able to join you and benefit from it.  Eileen

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Yogi70
    Yogi70 Member Posts: 654
    edited July 2008

    Eileen,

    The the MOJO thread you're looking for is under the "Moving Beyond Cancer" forum, is called I WANT MY MOJO BACK!!  Go to the Forum Index and you will find it.  There's also a MOJO thread under "Singles with Breast Cancer" forum.  There are lots of tips there also and the ladies are a riot.  Good Luck.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Jorf
    Jorf Member Posts: 498
    edited July 2008

    Part of the vaginal atrophy thing is "use it or lose it" and it doesn't have to be the "real thing". If part of the reason you're not having sex is because of the pain then use a dildo/vibrator/cucumber on your own with lots of lube. (I don't have a lube problem but do have an atrophy problem and it's amazing how much it matters how often we have sex above all.)  Sexy camis or something if he's having a problem with the visuals.

    The mojo thread is great but it's HUGE and hard to weed through if you're lookinig for something particular. It's terribly entertaining tho and filled with lots of experiences and good advice.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2008

    Just want to add to Jorf's advice about "using it," with "it" meaning anything from the real deal to toys. If you're just starting out and have alot of atrophy, be sure to keep whatever you're inserting extra clean. The vaginal walls need to become re-moisturized (Replens is a great thing to try for this) and are likely to tear easily until they do. You don't want to chance an infection, so use a washable item (like a silicone dildo) and wash or swipe with alcohol after each use. And of course use plenty of lube with everything. Most of all.....ENJOY!!!! Cool

    ~Marin

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • LiniWD
    LiniWD Member Posts: 209
    edited July 2008

    Eileen -

    Just wanted to add one other thing regarding your DH's reaction - I had back surgery because of bone mets and then, 9 months later, a mastectomy.  I heard my DH tell one of his friends that he was afraid of hurting me - he didn't know what he could touch that wouldn't hurt me. 

    Just a thought - with a double mastectomy, your DH might be unsure as well.

    Good luck & hugs -

    Lynn 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories