Dealing with Chemo Alone

I started chemo the end of feb and am going for my second treatment tomorrow.my mastectomy was jan 17th. I was fortunate enough to have a friend stay with me after my surgery. My family all lives out of state. Driving back and forth to chemo myself is not a problem it is the days after when you do not fell like  getting out of bed. It is differcult to ask for help never say no to help because there will be days when you do not feel like doing anything.  It is good that you have family and friends to help you through this stressful time. Just remember housework will still be there tomorrow the important thing is to listen to your body and take care of yourself. To be honest recovering from surgery was the easy part,aside from having a little pain it was well managed with pain meds. take one day at a time get through chemo first then worry about your surgery you have friends here who will help you through your tough times.         lisa

I posted this on another thread & someone helpfully pointed me over here.  Great thread.  I hope people are still checking it!

My original post:  "Is there any interest in sharing strategies on coping with chemo and radiation for those of us who live on our own and whose friends and families may not live close by/be readily available?  I'm trying to think of this experience along the lines of when I've gotten the flu -- I managed. I just had to make sure I stocked up on what I needed in the house before the symptoms peaked.  A couple ideas to get things rolling, but I'd welcome others' take on the subject!

For instance,

• 1. I set up wireless internet access.
• 2. I'm going to try to keep $200 in the house (order take-out, dispatch friends to the store, cabs)
• 3. I bought a couple water bottles to make it easier to stay hydrated.
• 4. I'm also thinking about getting a rolling hospital bedtable (one that tilts) [is this too much? or a good idea?]
• 5. My friend mentioned www.lotsahelpinghands.com to coordinate help, food, etc."

Also, an embarrassing question: I'm thinking that dose-dense/heavy chemo is in my future.  How important is it to be a good-great housekeeper (which I am not)? 

Rockthebald - in my experience w/ chemo, a rolling table hasn't been necessary.  I'm thinking that stuff like that might be helpful post-surgery if it's really hard to get around.

I'm not a great housekeeper, and I have a 7-year-old boy (= runny nose and dirty hands) and so far w/ chemo this hasn't been a problem.  I learned from my onco. that chemo makes us more susceptible to bacterial infections, not viruses.  We should stay away from anyone with strep or conjunctivitis, make sure we wash our cuts, etc.  Run-of-the-mill viruses like the common cold are not going to make us deathly ill (they just might add to the unpleasantness of chemo).  I have to add that my coworkers have offered to help pay for a cleaning service while I'm going through chemo, and it has been SO nice not to spend my "good" weekends in between treatment mopping the kitchen floor.

rockthebald - good prep ideas.  As a control freak I have been totally into the "preparation" phase - stocking up on all the otc drugs for se, foods to deal with different side effects, extras of things that would be a pain to have to run out to get when I am really tired (cat food, cat litter, toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc.).  I love your idea about keeping a stash of cash on hand for takeout, etc.

I have also been worried about having a clean enough house.  I am a very lax housekeeper; I let the mess build for awhile and then do a radical clean and then repeat. . . So, I had been planning to spend these last few days before chemo (starts this Thurs) doing a deep clean, completely forgetting that I would be getting a port put in.  This has slowed me down considerably, and I am going to have to just let some things go.  So it is good to hear that I don't have to be fastidious about everything.  

I'm divorced, two kids (7 & 12) and now in the middle of a second round of chemo for a recurrence.  I can offer some things I've done to survive but being divorced with two kids is different than being single, no kids or ex around . .  . not that my ex is compassionate.  So I'm not sure my coping skills are what you need.

Anyone here without family support...

Yes, I went through chemo alone and did every thing myself.   You do not "need" someone to help.   Now, I have no kids - so if you have kids, that is different.   I imagine then I would have needed some help.    But I cleaned, cooked, pretty much worked full time because I was flat broke and you don't get paid under FMLA days. 

You can get through it alone.   I am proof.

Oh, it's definitely a 'lonely' thing when you're 'alone'. I think I was mostly in denial, went to work, 'acted' normal, broke down at night and cried. Came here for support but mostly inernalized my feelings otherwise. Had some long-distance friends who'd listen but no real family support. I'm now past it all (5 years) and rarely talk about it.

Janis

I did everyone of my eight chemo treatments by myself.  The third day of each is the worse, they say and is.  I only missed a half a shift of two and then one entire shift during this four month ordeal.  The fifth chemo treatment, was the worse with Taxol.  It made me feel like my fingernails were ripping off.  What I found to help was to hold your hands overhead throughout that particular treatment each time (this way, the chemo isn't just stationery in your hands and feet).  After the eight chemo, that one incident damaged my fingernails nails and including my toenails, detaching one half of each big toe.  Also, ask the doctor if you can take a Benadryl before your treatments to help keep you calm. Keep your hands overhead, IF the neuropathy or pain in the fingers are horrible!  I also had a PET scan done to see how much the cancer had spread before chemo.  I was very fortunate, thank God with it just being in my left breast and lymph nodes of the underarm.  The chemo for me was to just kill out any invisible cells that might exist.  I am finishing my number five surgery of the year.  it is a corrective reconstruction.  The assistant had cut off my bumpy of my aerola that the cosmetic doctor made.  They are going to build it back with scar tissue.  Also my other breast is lumpy and they are going to fill it in with excess fat.  Then in a few weeks, I get the tattoo job.  May God be in the hands of the surgeon, with text book knowledge.  God bless you all too.  I hope this information helps someone.

Yes, many of us endure alone.   I think it is misleading when you read about how you "need" support during this, and how you "have to" have help at the house.    Not all of us are fortunate enough to be close to our families, have a lot of friends, or have a spouse at home.   It is wonderful that we can talk to our on-line friends at forums like this one.   But you can endure alone.  

I'm not a mom, so I can't speak from the point of view of someone who has children, though.

I had chemotherapy on Tuesday...(4 out of 6)

Thursday I had a non- invasive surgery for uterine fibroids...(uterine fibroid embolization)...I stayed overnight in hospital...

I managed it all alone...

I do not have any children either Fearless...

 Fearless,

 My insurance pay for Visiting Nurses only...

Yes look into that procedure...it took less than two hours and a overnight stay...

Hi there (long time lurker, finally decided to sign up today)

I went through chemo alone, with the exception of getting a drive a couple of times and having a cousin with me during the first one (she was also with me through surgery, although I recovered at home alone), I even drove myself to several of my chemo appointments (an hour away).  Had a friend or two pop in to check on me at home but also went it alone there.  All my family live at a distance, although my parents did come to visit towards the end of my radiation. 

It was pretty much my choice to stay in my own home and not move back with family or what not.  I did this because things happened so fast, because I wanted the normality of my own bed, but also because I wasn't the only person with cancer in the family at the time and I didn't want to pile on more. 

I was glad to have the familiarty of my own home but I won't lie and say it wasnt extremely difficult at times, and I think it may have contributed to the whole ptsd-type stuff I've gone through since and sometimes doesn't help others "get it" when I talk about what I went through. 

I was solely responsible for cooking, cleaning, shovelling and taking care of my dog who unfortunately is also old and incontinent and picked up a few neurotic behaviors around that time.  And I had a few rough weeks where I couldn't even take care of myself, but still had to take care of the dog and her messes.  That was hard.  And a snotty visiting nurse who compained about the lack of pristine snow shoveling didn't help either, I did what I could without passing out. And TBH my house never got cleaned much over that time, aside from the little I could do.  And I basically turned into a hermit around that time, often going weeks without seeing anyone, and not just because of recovery time post-treatment. TG for phones and emails. 

I did a lot of prepping though, lots of cooking and freezing, buying convenient things, taking the dog to the vet for a workup, getting to the dentist etc etc.  I did have a friend or two pick me up things from the store once or twice but I really HATED asking anyone to do anything for me.  It was the ones who did without asking that were the best.  I think some people assumed I had loads of help (I didn't) Aside from that I used my good weeks to get groceries etc. 

The experience of being alone and going through cancer treatment is not well represented IMO and I'm glad people are talking about it.  Even when I googled stuff like this during treatment I mostly found people writing about senior citizens facing illness after their partner had passed on, nothing about being a younger person without a partner or family going through it.  And based on some things I've heard other people say about cancer patients, there is the stereotypical image of the cancer patient who sucks up all the support and attention from within a ten mile radius etc.  Sadly, this assumption seems to be held even more so for breast cancer patients (because you know, we have the "sexy" and "popular" disease).

@softness, hugs to you.  The first chemo, there are so many unknowns.  Keep drinking your water and get into those pills at even the first hint of nausea.  I also kept crackers in my bedside table and ginger things around. 

Lonliness is an issue when you're holed up in the house and everyone else is off doing their thing.  Sometimes looking at Facebook would be real hard for me because its all too much photos of vacations, status' about parties, etc etc.  I got the "poor me"s a few times myself.  Sometimes you just have to feel shitty about it and cry it out a little.  Don't ever feel guilty about it, this is not a walk in the park. 

I also struggled a bit with the "why me", but I also remember thinking "why not me" when the doctors were giving me those odds on whether my mass was cancerous, or if I was going to be one of those 7 other women who didn't get it.  Someone gets it, unfortunately its us. Shitty, absolutely. I wrote about this once on my blog, click if you want to read: http://achemicalworld.tumblr.com/post/2325731606/on-survivors

Hope you feel better soon.  Chemo is crappy, but you will hopefully have good days.