Anyone starting Chemo in August 07?

Nash,

Thanks so much!  I don't know how long I'll be working at this store, but I am trying to put things into perspective, to remember that this is just a 'temporary job', for a few months, or the summer...but I don't think I'll last the whole summer!  I had some dental issues, thanks to that darn Taxotere & Cytoxan, and now I'm afraid to go back to the dentist, and my dh lost his dental plan when he retired... YIKES!

The customers can be very nasty, but I am finding that my boss is also snippy at times...  not a good combination.  A customer came in yesterday, and wanted to buy some discounted items, but the policy is that she needed to pay with a check or cash in order to get the discount.  My boss said, "Just make it work, so she feels comfortable..."  WTH??  HOW was I supposed to handle the transaction??   Oh well... I will have to start really looking for a job that I'll actually LIKE...but, I haven't really ever liked my job. 

Sorry... I try not to think about work when I am home, but I have found that the day before I have to go back, I get more upset, just thinking about it.  But, I don't have to go back til Tuesday, so I have a couple more days....

Hope you are all doing well, and that everyone is able to keep dry in this leaky boat.

Harley

Kaye,

Well...  My boss followed me to the counter, where SHE folded all the clothes, and wrote up the sales slip for most of them.  I wrote up the slip for the $29 item, a cute top, and the customer paid CASH for the top.   She was very nice, and thanked me for helping her.

The rest went on her credit card, and my boss said "I fudged this... She can pay with her credit card..."  So I don't know how she did it, and next time, I'll have no clue what to do. 

My leg hurts SO bad, when I work there, and it takes a week before it starts to feel better.  When I reached my ONE YEAR bc dx anniversary, on 3/15, I started having this back ache... and well, I had never had pain like this.  So of course, I was scared.  My surgeon ordered an MRI of my lower back, and I have a herniated disc!  I was never so happy to have a herniated disc!  But, now I feel so fragile, and susceptible to all kinds of aches and pains.  I feel like I'm about 83 years old!!  Not to mention the joint aches and neck pain I'm getting lately, from Tamoxifen, I guess.

Hope you are doing good...  I still haven't got all caught up yet, reading this board...  I think of you often.  You really are the glue that keeps this group together!

Harley

Kimmee.... I'm thinking about you, and hope you are ok...  Are you ok??

Hugs

Harley

Kaye,

Yep, that retail episode is over, but I'm sure something else will come up...and I have to go back tomorrow, YICK!  I don't think I will be there much longer, so the next time may never come up.

Funny, my hair looks like BOZO... I went from Sluggo to Bozo!  The growth seems to have stopped to a standstill... 

I saw my new primary care dr. today.  He seems nice enough, but I still have to tell them what to do, to get these onc appts. AUTHORIZED THRU TRICARE!!  I don't know anything about insurance, but I thought you saw your primary dr. and THEY took care of all the mumbo jumbo, getting authorization from your insurance company.  I guess I was wrong.   Also, I need to get another trans vaginal u/s, because I have fibroid tumors and Tamoxifen can make them grow, and it can cause uterine cancer.... YIPPEE!!  I haven't have enough fun yet....

Take care everyone...

Harley

Harley - it really doesn't sound like a good place, I am glad that you aren't planning to stay long. Crossing fingers and hope you find something a LOT better... Hopefully the Tamoxifen aches will dull out in time. Tamoxifen is a joy, isn't it? Strangely, the hot flushes are easier to deal with warmer weather (I thought it would be the other way), perhaps the fact of being more lightly dressed helps.

I guess we all tend to get really really worried to all aches and pain, as if the big MONSTER was waiting around the corner - and it is, right?

Kaye. How frustrating. just a few extra pounds can make shopping for a dress a true ordeal... it always get me in a foul mood. All the weight I'd lost during chemo (that was truly the ONLY positive side), is back on my tummy - I feel pregnant... with Tamoxifen! yuk.

Overall I am ok. Worried about Kimmie as she hasn't checked in.

Girls, I guess the "cancerversary" is around this days for most of us... mine will be at the end of this month. Nash, it isn't surprising that it brought you down. Such a big change; but I would think it is all the better reason to celebrate, to make something of all this. I just don't know what...

Hugs. I like to come here and read about your lives. It feels less lonely.

Don't let Kaye fool you--her hair is absolutely darling--gorgeous curls. Never seen a scrubbee pad that looked like that!

And you look terrific, too, Jackie. I can understand how you felt going in for the bone density test. It's like we repress all these feelings, then they come out when we're in a certain environment. The first time I went into the chemo room after my mom died, it was like someone punched me in the stomach.

Kim--where are you? Hope you're able to check in soon.  

Good luck on Friday, DeAnn.  I'm sorry you have to get Herceptin but I hope it works out without the port.

Nash, thanks for understanding.  It just hits you unexpectedly.  I must admit this:  the lady that did my mammo last year was the same lady that did the test today and I wanted to hug her and thank her for doing a good job but I felt so choked up and overwhelmed that I couldn't.  I felt so stupid when I left.  I do intend to write a letter to the hospital.  But I wish I would have thanked her face to face.  I just couldn't. 

Hugs, Jackie

Thanks Angie!

I DID mention my depression to my primary care dr. today.  He is new, and doesn't know me.  But he may have been willing to write a Rx for an anti depressant.  However, I will be going to see my onc nurse at the end of July, and I'll see what she thinks.  But, I promise to call my primary care dr., if I start to feel suicidal. 

I am just MAD, because my primary care dr. just gave up the practice, and I saw her partner today... new, like I said, I don't know him.  I didn't know HER either... story of my life.  This woman must be a FIRST class idiot, because she went scuba diving and then flew home the next day...she got a major case of the bends, and now her dr. says she can't work again...ever.  But, her partner seems nice enough.  He said that his wife had bc when she was 32, and that was 24 years ago!!  She is 56, and doing great!  This dr. told me, (and I swear, I don't know WHY!) that I will feel better, and I WILL have a sex life again... 

Now I am fighting with the staff at my drs. office again, because they just can't 'get it'... they are my primary care dr., and THEY need to get me AUTHORIZATIONS to see my specialists and to get whatever tests I need....but NO, that girl in the office is SO NASTY to me!! 

                                                                                   .....sigh...

Harley

Hi All,

I'm pretty bummed today. I had my Muga scan this morning, and it shows that my LVEF (left ventrical ejection fraction) is down to 55%. It was 67% before I started chemo back in August last year. I get one every three months, and it just keeps going down, first to 63%, then to 60%, and now a big drop down to 55%.  This makes me nervous. Supposedly anything above 50 is normal, but I'm getting close to being not normal, and if the next drop in three months is anything like this one, then I'm not looking too good. I don't want to beat breast cancer only to have congestive heart failure.

I did have my herceptin today because my onc still says everything is "normal", but with being on Tamoxifen too, I know that has heart issues as well. I'm just not happy with this significant downward trend, but I have an appointment with a cardiologist at the end of June to see if there is anything we can do to improve the heart function.  I read one study that said any drop of 15 points from baseline would mean that Herceptin should be dropped. I guess I need to do a bit more research.  Sigh. 

Just a little out of sorts today I guess. I know I'll bounce back fast, but I'm pretty sure it is because last year at this time, I was still blissfully ignorant. In about one hour will be one year from when I got "the call" saying "The doctor would like you to come in to get your test results. Can you come tonight?" Shudder. I'm starting to tear up thinking about it. I know you all can probably guess exactly what that feels like. 

DeAnn  

DeAnn-- Hey girl... I had a crazy time at my last Herceptin too.  Here was my scoop-- my ejcection fraction was 71% at the start last July.  Then I went to 69.  Then all the way to 60 in March.   Being a young gal such as yourself, that much of a drop made the onc and her NP a bit worried.  They said before I had another tx I had to go and get an echocardiogram.  If it went any below 60%, my onc said no more Herceptin, just basd on "principle."  Luckily, I have been exercising like a good little trooper and I actually recovered back to 62%.  So I was very lucky.  And I know how you must be feeling.  i was doing everything I caould do to "will" the results to be 60 or better.  I did NOT want to consider ending treatment early. 

Since you are already so fit, I suppose this must be an even harder blow.  With my pudgy self, I had a lot of room for improvement.  But then, I also only get echo's and I would guess they may not be as sensitive/accurate as a MUGA.  Here was my plan though... I was considering that if I needed to get another echo during tx (which I doubt I will-- only a few more Herceptin tx's to go), that I would decline the test.  OK, maybe not "decline" so much.  More like flatly refuse it. 

We have so much in common-- I commonly describe my life to this point last year as "blissfully ignorant."  My D-day (dx day) is coming right up too.  Biopsy was Friday, the 13th of July.  Dx on 7/16.  Have I ever mentioned that the first time my "something" was called a "tumor" I was sitting at work with a vendor at my desk?  And I was also at work when the surgeon told me on the phone that I had cancer.  He said, "your results were surprisingly positive." And I remember thinking, "what does he mean 'surprisingly' positive.  Just what does he mean by 'positive?!?'"  Turns out his idea of a "positve" result and my idea of what counts as positive were decidedly different.  It is so odd looking back on this last year.  And with the "anniversaries" all coming up... So strange.  I don't know how I will feel when the 13th and the 16th come rolling around.  It was all such a mess... I could go on forever.  You ladies are the only ones still all that interested these days.  You know how it goes.

By the way... I just had my 9th wedding anniversary yesterday.  Even after almost dying on him, my dh doesn't even bother with a card.  But I try to be greatful just for the fact he's still here..... 

Hugs to all.  Yeesh... I am starting to feel depressed a bit now.  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  All this recollecting of such crappy stuff is so... ugh.  But all shall be well after a good night's rest.  Again... hugs to all.  And i really mean it!!    Ang

Harley, Angie's right. Also right about us all needing a cruise.

Happy Wedding Anniversary, Angie. We'll all run over and smack your DH over the head for not getting you a card. Then we'll go on our cruise.

Lilith! I love the new avatar! Your hair looks great!

Thanks everyone for understanding how I feel. Angie, I appreciate the info that your LVEF went up after exercising a lot. I'm wondering if maybe because I was down for the count the past two weeks from surgery and have not been able to do any exercise makes any difference.  The  swelling is mostly gone down and minimal soreness, so I think I can swing it back into gear again.

Nash, Last night right around 5:00 I felt rather physically ill too. I'm just grateful that I don't have to do that year all over again! I feel so much better today knowing that I am now an official one-year survivor, and that year is behind me!

DeAnn 

Hey to All,

Just wanted to check in and let you know I still read every word y'all write, just haven't taken the time to write lately.  Shame on me! 

I too just had my 'infamous diagnosis anniversary' last week.  I was driving down an interstate with 8 lanes of horrific Atlanta traffic when the surgeon called.  I managed to pull off into an exit before she actually said the cancer word.  I think for all of us we will never forget where we were and what we were doing when we got our news.  For us it's kind of like how we remember when Kennedy was shot, etc.  except it was us and not someone else.  I know how some of you feel walking back into the places we had to visit in the last year.  I saw my onc. in May for a 3 month check-up and I am sick to my stomach before I turn the knob on the door.  I am in a hyper state the entire time I am there and can't stand it that they drag a 15-20 minute visit into 2 hours every time I go!  Mainly this is because they are so overbooked all of the time.  I wish I knew of another onc. and I would switch in a heartbeat.  However, after asking around to many people, they either don't have anything good to say about their onc. or their onc. won't take a new patient unless they are currently diagnosed with cancer!  Don't you think that's a fine kettle of fish?  So, in the meantime I stay put to have some onc. that sees me. 

Harley.....just keep writing to us and telling us how you feel.  Yes, you and DeAnn are exactly right when you say we're truly the ones that understand the most....and always will.  You know we care about you and that you have been here for us.  Take this time for you now and don't be afraid to say I need some help NOW!!!!!

I know you know best, but I agree with others that waiting another 6 weeks seems to me to be unusual punishment for you dear.  Let us know what you decide, won't you?

DeAnn,  BUMMER...BUMMER!!!  You're Young and Fit and this ain't right!!!!!  I think you can trust your body a little though to bring you back to a more comfortable level.  No, I don't take any of the meds that many of you are on, so I can only imagine your anxiety regarding the taking or not taking them.  Tons of good vibes to you and I truly believe it will work itself out just right.  Oh, glad to hear the port is out.....I was so happy when they took mine out in Dec. with the surgery.

Nash, I love your little picture but I miss your smiling face when I sign on girlfriend!  Could we maybe have one week of your face and the next week for you to be creative????  

Kimmie,  Come out, come out, where ever you are!  We are all thinking of you and miss hearing from you.  We are going to believe that old saying, 'that no news is good news', ok? 

lilith, so glad your surgery is over and you're recuping nicely.  Listen...boredom is ok sometimes, right?  I agree that we all need to find some way to really celebrate as one year survivors.  I think what holds us all back in a way is the old fear thing.  You know, don't make too much of this...just go along and don't call attention to ourselves so the C monster out there won't know where we're hiding.  Am I wrong?

Jackie and Angie, glad to hear you're both doing well.

Kaye, are you still looking for a dress or have you decided to keep the one you bought.  BTW, Nash is so right, your hair is absolutely darling and so suits your face. 

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone because I think of you all every single day and continue to be grateful to each of you.  Be well and have a wonderful weekend!

Best to all...

June