A 'job'? A 'career'? Does it matter?

Jaybird, I agree with Ann that he may have some benefits (flexible schedule, fabulous quads, etc.), but I also like to have a man who is intellectually engaged. It doesn't have to be in his career - I dated a guy for a while who did yacht maintenance for spending money, but he was writing a book on his own time. Uhm, he was 29 also, not 42. I don't think you are being a snob for thinking 'karaoke host' is not the sort of thing a grown man considers a 'career' - if it matters to you, it matters.

I lived for a while in a small town where three of the hottest looking young men all came from the same family. All tall, athletic, steely blue eyes, dark wavy hair, nice Irish dimples. All gainfully employed in the successful family business. Had a helluva time getting married. The family business was funeral homes/undertaking. Guess it mattered to a lot of girls.

Well, Jay, I do agree with everyone else...it does matter if it matters to you. I also agree with you that it says something about a guy who, at the age of 42, is still messing around and lacking a "serious" job. On the other hand, if you're just looking to hook up, who cares what it says about him. As long as he's clean, safe and not twisted, it probably doesn't matter whether he's a truck driver or an MD. Still, if it bothers you....

~Marin

I have a friend who has been divorced for 3 years and is desperately seeking a man, has paid good $$ for several dating services, etc., yet whenever they want to match her up with someone who sounds "blue collar" she complains.  At one point, she refused to go out with some guy who sounded terrific except for the fact that he worked as an elevator repairman.  My response was, I bet he would have some funny stories to tell! 

Seriously, my opinion is that we are not defined by our jobs or careers.  When I met my exH he was washing cars for a living.  But once I got to know him, I learned that he was washing cars because he was an immigrant trying to learn English, who did two years of college back in his country until he ran out of money and all he wanted to do was go back to school.  He was intelligent and interesting and wanted to go somewhere with his life, he had just been slowed down by lack of opportunities and resources.  (BTW, 11 years later he just graduated from college and is an RN).

If I were to meet someone who was 40 years old and still washing cars (or working as a bike messenger, or repairing elevators), I wouldn't automatically write him off, or place him in the category of "fun for a while but not for anything serious."  I'd need to find out what else was in his head, and his heart.  As Lisa said, he could be a novelist, or a jazz musician, or just getting his bearings after 3 years volunteering in Africa.  For me, it's more about values and interests and connections.  One of those values happens to be responsibility -- so if a guy was clearly trying to escape the responsibilities that come with being a "grown-up" that would take him off my list for sure.  And if all he did was work at the car wash so that he could make enough $ to come home at night and drink beer in front of the television, I would have no interests in common and that would be the end of that.  But IMO it's worth giving someone a chance to see if there is that connection.

I'm kind of an oddball -- my prejudices tend to go in the OTHER direction, if I meet someone who works in banking or investments, or drives a showy, expensive car, I immediately assume that I won't have any values in common with him.  But that's not fair, either-- good hearts and souls come in all kinds of packages!

Lauren (the idealist -- still!)