Playing the waiting game...

My Mum had breast cancer about 8yrs ago now and like most she had to have her regular check ups every 12mths after however they never found anything. Which was fantastic until one day she began to experience pain in her left hip and leg. After going to the doctor wo said it must just be a muscle thing. We tried everything from chinese medicine to pysho but nothing was halping. Till one day our family friend suggested she go and have x-rays just to check that the cancer had not returned. The result was YES it had returned and was now in her bones, lungs, kidneys and brain. Cancer for my mother is a weed that contunies to grow even with all the different treatments and drugs. This was about 3yrs ago now!

My family has always been very close and my Mother has always been the leader of the family. The one that keeps everyone together and strong. But these days she is the weakest of us all health wise and she's not even 50!

The doctors have not given my a time which I is a good thing I guess. However the waiting game is a different pain it itself. The thought that you never now and that you want to make sure you do everything you wish to with her before that day stikes is hard.

My family are all dealing with it in different was. My little brother and I seem to manage our emotions in the same way.However Im not sure that we're doing it the right way. We're not ones to talk about the situation but our heads are forever having the conversations.

I can and I am very strong infront of my family especially my Mum.But behind closed doors its a different story. The thought of my mother not ever meeting the man I will marry, seeing my children or being in my life kills me inside! How do you come to terms with that? Ever!

I apologies for deleting my post. I was being to feel alitlle silly.I know peoples emotions arent silly but Im not so good at the emotional sharing as yet

Thank you May54 for your reply.

My pervious post was about my family and our on going struggle to deal with the fact my mother is dying.

I come from a very close family, with four children. My parents have been together for 21yrs now and have always been in a strong loving relationship.

All of us are dealing with the situation in different ways. My sister and mother cry and talk alot. Were as my father, brothers and I are def not talkers. We're busy trying to work it out mentally in our heads.However my little brother and I are sending ourselves crazy doing so.

Mothering your mother is apart of my everyday life. Whilst it is a hard situation to be in I love that Im there for my mother. However I had the thought of her not being in my life, not meeting the man I will marry and my children never knowing their Granny. Mum was meant to be around forever not just until she was in her early 50's.
Like yourself May54 I like to know everything thats going on or could go on. But Im finding that even if I know all of this Im still not able to find comfort. 

As things with mum seem to worsen I feel I seem to do the same. Im not sure if this is due to not wanting to loss her or the fact Im being made to deal with the situation? 

I remember feeling happy and not crying everyday. I wake up every morning and wish just for a day I could feel like that again!Just for one day.

I remember being so in control and knowing who I was. These days I feel a lack of control and sense of knowing who I am. Yes, Im living this life but it feels like when I reach a fork in the path someone else has lead me down the path.

Yes'I know Ive changed in the past 3yrs due to mum's illness.But is it possible  Ive changed so much I dont even know me anymore?