MOJO Without Matrimony!
Comments
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Hi Pepper,
Funny you should be talking about staying single at this point.....I dont want to be attatched to anyone person either and one of the guys Ive been seeing this past few weeks and I just had a discussion about that...he doesnt live here (which is good in my book)....he lives at Centrailia and is here for work a couple of days a week...we so far we havent been "BAD" together yet but it is definately leading in that direction...but we have talked some about it and are both in agreement about how we want this to work....so we will see once things progress a little further...
So all in all, I suppose things are good....
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You chicas sure are super-independent and I think that's awesome! I'm on almost the opposite end of the spectrum at this point, except not at all looking to enter that tragic state called marriage....like ever again! What I DO want is a long-term lover, but they sure seem hard to find! Alternatively, my FB comes in mighty handy. What I don't want is something in-between or especially something undefined, particularly if it's the guy doing the "undefining"!
I hope everyone's mojo is flourishing!! Due to my decision to hold off on sex until I felt safer, I'm feeling a bit.....um....frustrated!
~Marin
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Yes Marin, independent is a good way to put it!!!
I have learned over the years to depend on myself because it seems if I let myself get close enough to somenone to depend on them for anything I always get hurt.....
The marriage thing scares the BEJESUS out of me so Im not looking for that at all, but I agree a long-term lover would fit the bill perfectly...thats why this guy is so perfect...we have lots of things in common and our moral beliefs are very similar....we also appear to be looking for basically the same thing in a relationship right now....we've followed in your foot steps as far as the no sex until I feel comfy and he is very supportive of that decision and doesnt put pressure on me about it at all....I think for now our beginning relationship is very well defined and once we decide to take things further is will be very satisfying.
But yes FRUSTRATED is a big part of my life right now too....but all good things are worth waiting for!!!!
Jule
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I'm not even looking for a long time lover. I just want to be by myself and have fun with family and friends. I'm too busy learning about what I want at this stage in my life: newly single, getting ready for the empty-nester thing, buying a new house and traveling.
I want to do some serious traveling again, I want to hang with my friends, I want to do my own thing.....
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Pepper,
Theres nothing at all wrong with wanting to do your own thing....Im a little further ahead that you are in all of those things....kids have been on their own for awhile, have my own home, havent travelled much but will do that as I go along and have been single for a little over 3 yrs so Im ready for something more steady in my life I just dont want to commit to a full time relationship....does that makes sense??
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Oh, I'm very ready for a committed boy-toy!! I travel for work so there's my traveling (and some alone time in my hotel rooms!) and I have my own home so having some sort of company is always on my mind as I love to entertain and have people over, and the libido isn't completely gone - yet - so that desire is still there, I just can't afford a babysitter! I'd be out all the time if I someone cheap and reliable!
Despite all the crazies I've encountered, I'm still hot for a man's body.
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Jay, its not that Im not hot for the guys....its just the committed part Im not interested in right now....Im sure if the right guy came along I would feel different but for now I just want to play.....
Thats why this guy would work so perfectly.....he's only here two days a week, sometimes 3
. So see....Im looking for the committed boy-toy too, just dont want him around full time...Jule
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Oh, hell - commitment??? Um, NO! As in, No Way Jose! I want a man when I want a man and no other time than that! Unless of course he's a clone of Brad Pitt - I'd accept him even if he snored! (and he probably does!)
I almost had a 'date' tonight with a 'friend' but he contacted me too late. I have to get my butt to NY tomorrow and I'm still doing laundry and organizing so no fun for me tonight!
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Ok Jay, so how do you find the guys that dont want to be tied to you at the hip???
It seems that anyone that I see ends up getting attatched even though I tell them up front that I dont want anything like that???.....
Just my dumb luck!!!!!! I finally decide to stopping being so reserved (my daughters word) and unless I jump in the sack with someone that Ive never seen before in my life (NOT happenin) Im going to have to figure out how to play without making them pay emotionally....
Im hoping this thing with the guy Im currently seeing works for a long time since he lives 200 miles away and is only in town a couple of days at a time..
Hope you have a wonderful trip.....
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I've decided to become the Crazy Cat Lady when I finally have a permanent job and am fairly settled. I even know what kind of cats I want.
Cats won't care that I have a six inch scar across the left side of my chest, and that my hair is only an inch or two long.
They won't say they want to move to Fairbanks, Alaska, whenever I get too close or accidentally slip and say I would like a long-term, real-life (as opposed to internet) relationship.
;-)
Taxotere Side Effect: Kills fast growing cells and hopeless romanticism.
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No romance here - the guy I was hoping to see will be leaving town as I get back in! Oh well. Maybe I'm supposed to be celibate for a while? The play toys sure have come in 'handy' lately......
Jule I wish I knew how to keep someone I'm interested in interested in me! Seems those I desire are much less often available than those I only want as friends.
Time to get that babysitter position filled so I can go out and be a trollope!!!
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Oh man,
I'm going on vacation in August to Las Vegas. Okay let me tell you the situation. The friend I am going with was my therapist for 5 years and I finished therapy last year - during therapy we developed this bond and we became friends after I left therapy and I mean just friends and this is the first time that we are vacationing together. I would NEVER normally associate/cross that therapeutic boundary but things happen in life that can be surprising. She SAVED my life, literally!
I found out that my supervisor, the Director of the Dept and his wife are going to be there as well and he wants to get together for dinner.
Then one of my Investigators is also going to be there and wants to get together. I make it a habit of not getting personally/making friendships with my co-workers outside of the office.
I'm going on vacation to get away from him and my co-works...but to also explore this new friendship, which is very special to me.
I do not believe in lying so does anyone have any suggests that I can use to tell them that I would prefer not to have dinner with them or to even seen them on this trip.
Help me out ladies!!
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I'd just say thanks for the invite - but I'm going away to get away and have already made plans for how I'm spending my time in Vegas ...
polite and probably not a lie ... you do have plans for how you want to spend your time and it's not with them...
Doreen
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hey my chicas havent been on in a bit - have to catch up with all our stories
marin - whats happening with your new man? is he still all you imagined- i hope so !
i have to say that a leopard NEVER changes its spots- i forgave my now ex husband when i found out he had cheated on me ( i was 7 months pregnant and he really broke my trust and my heart) stayed because i didnt want to bring up another child without her dad (my first husband died of cancer when my older daughter was 2) well surprise ! surprise ! he did it again....... and then again...
happy to be rid of him but it was a tough lesson to learn
still with nick now for a year and all is good for now
xoxox
julia
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Ohhhhhh, my lovely lady friends, I've been MIA for a few days and totally slammed at work. But, betwixt and between salaried responsibilities, I've been learning more & more about how amazing P. is! I don't think I've ever met a man who is so introspective and who takes such pains trying to understand himself and communicate his feelings. I feel as though I know him better than I've known most men in my life and we've only been dating about 1 1/2 months! Still no sex, but it is majorly percolating...yessssssss! And OMG, you would not believe the freakin' body on the man! He is 56 and has the body of a 30-year old. And I get to see much more of it on Sunday when we take his boat out. I'm thinking that, come evening and time to clean up after a full day in the sun, I might get to see, perhaps, ALL of it! I mean, c'mon, y'all, this will be our 5th date! How much longer can a girl wait?!
~Marin
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OK, Pepper, this is simple....you just say that you're traveling with a friend who has booked you all solid. If that seems weak, add that she's treating you (or has relatives she's committed you both to) and you can't disappoint or get away. I think that's totally plausible. In your line of work, you desperately need a vacation away from those guys, so don't allow them to take that away from you or spoil your time with your friend. Remember your mission to be a strong, single woman.....and lie your effing ass off
!!!~Marin
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WR, did he REALLY say Fairbanks, Alaska?
Has this guy disappointed you again? Are you still going to try to meet him in person or have you decided against it? How did you meet him, anyway???As for long-distance internet romance, I do have one friend (who I know from my online working moms group) who met a guy online (on a DuranDuran fan site, of all places) and ended up marrying him and moving halfway across the country with her son. They are very happy together. However, when I was looking at online dating sites I never considered anyone who was not within driving distance -- after a few weeks of correspondence I like to move on to face-to-face interaction to get a better sense of the person, KWIM?
Marin, what about the Russian chick? Is P willing to be exclusive with you?
As for me, I am going with my dbf to his 20 year college reunion this weekend -- it is local but I convinced him that we should get a room in a hotel Saturday night. He has been rather distant lately and I am hoping this will be a way for us to reconnect on the emotional as well as the physical level. Or maybe I'll realize that we just don't connect anymore...
I sure hope not but it is a possibility. All of this is extra hard for me to deal with in my current bald state -- I just feel so vulnerable, and so unattractive, and sort of disconnected from my own body/self. I miss my hair.Lauren
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Lauren....Can't you get a sexy, long-haired wig and wear a raunchy-wild outfit, both for fun and to bolster your self-esteem? Sometimes, when we don't feel so good about ourselves, playing someone else can bolster our spirits. I say try to have fun with it. Consider the alternative....serious sex- how fun is that?
P. really, really cares about his Ruskie chickie (and she does sound pretty cool), so I'm just not worrying about it. The woman lives 6,000 miles away and is as poor as a church mouse, so she won't be visiting anytime soon. I'm pretty confident that her "presence" will not affect the development of our relationship. P. wants a real, live, in-person, flesh & blood woman and that would be ME!
~Marin
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Hey ladies,
Thanks for the sound advice! I will have to just tell them that my stay in Vegas is book and it is booked. My friend and I hav a full schedule of things that we want to do. I NEED this time away from the investigations, the offenders the therapy work and most of all my co-workers!
Marin sounds like P is a great guy. I think you are smart to wait on the sex. SEX ,if it happens to fast, in a relationship can do more harm than good. Give him something to look forward to and build a good solid friendship first and then the sex will be so much more worth it.
Remember: BE BAD - BE VERY BAD!!!!
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Wow,
Im gone for a day and you ladies get all chatty!!!
I have seen Dave the last two nights in a row and will see him again tonight....we talked a little more about the sex side of things and are both willing to just go with the flow of things and when its right it will happen...
Im hesitant to head that direction with him (not that I dont want to!!!!!!!) and have told him and also explained my reasons and he's still around so who knows maybe he's worth putting some effort into...We click on most all fronts and Im certain we would in the sex arena too....not sure why Im so hesitant really but I guess time will tell...
Pepper-I would ditch your co-workers effort to meet up on vacation too!!!! You need to relax and have a great time.....NOT chit chat about work and thats what those dinners would turn into!!!!! I vote with everyone else that you just tell them that your schedule is booked......
Lauren-Im hoping things settle down for you an BF, I hate that detached feeling under normal circumtances but while dealing with self-esteem issues too make it 100 fold worse!!!!!!!
Maybe the two of you just need to extra special time alone together...
Marin-in many ways I agree with the attitude you have on P's russian lady friend, but there's just a little something that keeps wiggling in the back of my mind that I havent been able to grasp yet, so stay wise with the (as I KNOW you will).....
Rose-Between what happened a couple of weeks ago and a comment like that I would ditch that guy so fast his head would spin!!!!!!!!!
Julia-welcome back!!!!!! happy to hear you and Nick are still going strong!!!!!
Have a wonderful weekend ladies and like Pepper said---------
BE BAD, VERY VERY BAD!!!!!!!
Jule
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I'm pretty sure that I know what might be "wiggling around" in your mind, Jule, and that's the unconventionality of "allowing" a man to have a lover besides you. We're very ingrained to think that monogamy and exclusivity is the only way to have a healthy, growing relationship and, ordinarily, I would agree that this is so. For example, if he had another woman physically present in his life, I'd never entertain getting serious with him unless he severed that relationship. But that's not the case and, frankly, I don't feel myself at the serious juncture yet anyway. If it ever gets to that point, the whole issue will need to be examined from that perspective. For now, though, I'm wanting to take it a day at a time and savor it. So far, that seems to be working and I do feel pretty happy!
~Marin
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Marin,
Yes I think you might be right about the wiggle, but I agree with your attitude....heck, like you said she is 6000 miles away!!!!!
Also with taking it a day at a time and enjoying the crap out of whats there, thats what I meant about I KNOW you will be wise about things so that no one gets hurt if things bomb out.....
Im actually very happy for you as I think you deserve to be happy!!!!!!
Jule
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Jule -- true, I don't "get" this guy at all. I'm not sure what he's afraid of.
Lauren -- We met on a message board (like this one but with a different topic).
I don't know what I'm going to do, but it might all work out for me. I have another interview in the midwest next week, for a job that starts August 15. It might all be irrelevant by the end of June. So I'm just not going to worry about it.
If I get the midwestern job, he will be a six hour drive from me. We will see what happens then. (I'm several days' drive away right now.) Sometimes when you meet, either the chemistry is there and you "click" or it isn't and then you either split up or just put each other in the "friendship bin."
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So Rose...you haven't actually met this guy "in the flesh"? Do you all talk online via email/IM or do you webcam? How do you know that you'll be attracted to him? Wouldn't it be funny if y'all met and he went insane over you and you felt nada? It could happen.
I think that you're smart to be pursuing your own interests and leaving the door slightly cracked for the possibility of a hook-up (or many
). And btw, you probably didn't read over on the "wig" thread that I mailed your tapes yesterday, so be looking out for a manila envelope in the mail.~Marin
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Thanks, Marin! I'll be watching for that envelope!
No, we haven't met "in the flesh," which has been one of my gripes from the beginning. We had time and money last Fall to fly me over there, but there was always some reason why I couldn't come (usually he was doing something: a wedding, another wedding, a family gathering, blah, blah) -- then the semester started and I couldn't because I was teaching.
We've been IMing and talking on the phone and the webcam. He's not a bad looking guy, but he thinks he's "huge" (he's 6'4", but I have no problem with "tall") and has some other body image issues. (Well, I have a few of my own, including being bald and missing a breast!)
I think he will go insane over me (LOL) but at this point, I've been on the rollercoaster ride for so long that I've lost my feeling of "hopeless romanticism." So the "nada" could definitely happen!
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Update here....went out on P's boat yesterday and had an amazing time. For the first half of the day, several of his close friends joined us and I really like them. Then we dropped them back on land and took the boat out for another few hours. Still no sex and pretty soon that's gonna be because he's quite reserved and takes things veeeeery sloooooowly, because I'm getting hot for him more & more. Ugh....it's a little frustrating, but I know it's the "right" way to go if I really like him and want more than to get laid, ya know?
~Marin
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Yes Marin, I know what you mean completely...
My Mr. Man and I havent gone that far either and I think there is wonderful potential with this relationship if I can make up my mind if I want anything serious or not......Im not sure but I just cant decide...one minute I really like my life the way it is and just want to add a little play time for me.....but then this guy showed up and now Im not so sure about things....
It feels really strange to even be thinking anything even close to serious thoughts as very recently we were just discussing the "I dont want" subject and that was at the top of my list.....
Oh well, guess I will take it as it comes and see what happens..
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Well, I'm not getting any either - and I don't want to wait for a 'relationship'!
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Jaybird - LOL!
I don't even want to admit how long it's been since I had any. Maybe if I get this job things will turn around for me career wise, financially....and sexually.
For now, I rest and heal.
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So as I mention under the "Intimacy..." thread, P. is going for a record with me...a record in not doing IT! We're past date #5 and still have only kissed. Oy. Maybe this is his tactic...to get me soo needy that I'll attack him or beg him for it? Well, that won't happen. In fact, I'm now corresponding with two more guys on chemistry.com and both are extremely attractive and interesting. I'm hoping to get to the meet-up point this weekend.
But did I tell you that P. has a Liberator Wedge http://www.liberator.com/products_wedge.php ? Niiiiiice!
~Marin
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