What if Cancer was just ...just cancer?
Comments
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So, I go to a support group today, and in comes my old yoga teacher. She has, of course, been transformed by her totally enlightened experience. Suddenly, I find that I am carefully placed in the lower echelon of the cancer hierarchy.
She is the goddess of positive. Oh, yes! Cancer has been her savior! It has brought her to new levels of enlightenment. She is totally committed to alkalinity, to meditation, to the goddess, to healing as a personal mission.
And all I can think of is,' Heck! I heard the owl call my name and I am scared spitless. My chest hurts. I'm half-nauseous all the time, and I've lost my mojo?Does that count?"
The group leader says, " Do you want to tell M. about how you became such an enlightened being?" alright, she wasn't that obvious, but here it came anyway.
I am told by this enlightened being that she meditated, did thousands of hours of yoga, mindmapping, journaling, dietary discipline, and deep spiritual development.
Oh, thank god, I think. She didn't need her husband to become so evolved. Because. I don't have a husband.
Indeed, she admits, "he was something of an inconvenience."
So, now I am deeply embedded in my unhealthy inner child.
Finally the session ends and I limp home. What the heck happened there? I wonder.
Then I realize. Cancer is not a new competition. I do not need to learn its lessons the quickest. And they are not all the same lesson.
I may not become a guru or high priestess. I may just become more myself than ever. And that is not a bad thing.
I may just bumble along being me. Not perfect. Not a goddess. Not highly evolved. Not even wiser.
Just me.
And when it is finally time for me to die, which is not now or soon, I will still be me. Likely as not I will not be profound or important, or wise. Neither death nor cancer will infuse me with the otherness that I have hoped for. I will just be me. It will have to be enough.
I
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amen!
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I second that!
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Ya got THAT RIGHT!
Oh, Lord, save me from "enlightened beings". Amen
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You got it right.
From one of the "unenlightened ones."
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That was a wonderful story, thank you for sharing it. I guess I must be unenlightened also.
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I loved your story. Laughed my butt off.
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I've read your story and I believe you are very enlightened. You just don't know it yet! LOL
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I totally agree... if I hear the words.."keep positive" one more time... I will have to kill someone
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Good morning Morning,
And it's so much better after reading your note.
Not too enlightened here either. Mostly nauseous, overweight now, more scared, but finding that's about it post cancer. No new revelations about God, life or love. Maybe I try to stay a little more focused on today. I have brought my ab machine in from the front porch and I did use it once.
Too bad with all that "enlightenment" her DH was pronounced an inconvenience. LMAOFF!
Cheers to all the unenlightened!
Bren
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Morning,
I LOVE your post!!!!! but I must say Im also one of the "unenlightened" ones.....
Im just me too and thats who and what I will always be!!!!!
Thank you for making my day a little better...
Jule
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Amen from me too.
I have a friend who is a bc survivor who keeps sending little notes like this: "I do hope that you are finding this whole experience one of mysterious grace, I sure did. I learned in a new way to live in the moment, to notice the beauty, the gift, the sunlight, the humor and joy of right now."
I on the other hand, am just stumbling though this day by day. I can't think of things I want to change about my life (except for that one night early on when I woke up and thought "I can't die, I haven't written a book yet!) and the sun is just like it always was.
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Thanks for the laugh! You did mean to make us laugh, right???
It sounds as though this woman needs to be the center of attention. I let people like that have their moment(s) because they seem to need it more than I do/don't.
Sure BC has changed me but I don't preach about it and prefer people to not preach to me about their BC (or whatever). I am enlightened in my own way and prefer to keep it that way unless someone I know really wants to talk to me about it.
I will agree about the husb, though. Mine was an inconvenience, too!
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I couldn't agree more. If somebody finds something profound in this experience, if somebody becomes a more "enlightened" person (whatever the crap that is) because of their experience with cancer, good for them. But just don't insist that the rest of us have to do the same.
I will acknowledge that BC has changed me, although as you say, I have just become "more myself" than ever. Or more to the point, I've given myself permission to be myself. Specifically, I was never one to tolerate much garbage from other people, but now I tolerate even less. And that feels really good!
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i would have thrown something at Ms. Yogi. Seriously. Its really presumptuous to present yourself as if you know the answer and the rest of us with our blind faith in mainstream medicine don't know beans. Oh blech. I don't do well with such people.
This is also one of the problems with support groups. I know many women love their groups but if there is a bad dynamic the whole thing can be a bummer. -
Yep! I did mean to make you laugh, Jaybird. And, now that I think of it, if cancer is a journey to the self, then maybe it does have a certain messianic quality.
How could we be more ourselves? than when we are stripped of our breasts, our hair, our eyelashes, our vanity,and our illusion that life will go on forever. That leaves the basic model. The mask is gone.
Of course, it's not as hard as raising teenagers.. but that's another story.
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Morning,
You write beautifully. You need to turn that into an essay for MAMM or something.
I, too, am one who has not been touched by the enlightenment torch during this cancer process. Or Journey, as some will say. I have learned no big life lesson, nor have I become a "better person" (I was pretty darned good before cancer!)
I have met wonderful people as a result of this disease, but given my druthers, I'd rather not have cancer.
Oh, and obviously I didn't learn what I needed to, or release my anger, or nurture my inner yogi enough, because I got cancer AGAIN!
Does anyone ask people diagnosed with, say, Parkinson's what they did wrong to get it, and have they fixed it in their lives? Or, ask about what sort of spiritual Journey they took on the road to wellness?
Yes, it's a Cancer Competition, brought to you, in part, by those pushers of the Pink Ribbon. Let's see who can "do Cancer" the best. I'm not auditioning for this reality show!
Anne
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Thanks Morning for putting a smile on my face - I too am one of the unenlightened!
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Very well said!!
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Thanks for the laugh, morning! and Anne, great post also.
This story reminds me of a friend of mine who found her 'Authentic Self'.
She should have never went looking. lol
~Pam
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" have yet to attend a "support group" for fear of someone being in the group saying things such as this! You need to write more, and continue to make some of us laugh! Thanks -
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I love you. Here I have been feeling guilty about feeling guilty and looking for that inner peace, etc. etc. All I had to do was come here and laugh like I haven't in a long time.
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I'm with Anne, you write so well! Please consider offering that peice to a mag.
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Sounds like Miss Yoga has been to boot camp for breast cancer.
Heck, I just want to be an unenlightened goddess again with BOOBS!!!!LOL
Kerry
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...totally committed to alkalinity...
Hmmm - just not one of my major life goals, ya'know? I must truly have missed out on the lessons of The Creative Carcinoma Experience, too.
equally unenlightened,
Lisa
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Can someone clue me in here. What does "totally committed to alkalinity" mean anyways? Sounds like a battery. Any thoughts anyone? Is this acidity vs alkalinity? OMG!!!!!
Kerry
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Kerry,
There are some thoughts out there (and they are only thoughts, not evidence based, to my humble knowledge) that if our blood is too acidic, we get cancer. So we must do what we can to make our blood alkaline. Like eat certain foods, certain supplements, and maybe run around naked during the solistice.
Anne, feeling a tad bit irreverant right now
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<snork>!!! Run around naked during the solistice!! Shall I send you the bill for fixing my 'puter after blowing iced tea out my nose laughing at your remarks, Anne? LOL
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Anne,
Thanks for cluing me in. Now we can all run around naked during the solistice, like the energizer bunny and I hope that it is the summer one and not the winter one. To cold here to run around naked at the winter solistice.
Kerry
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Trying to remember . . . but I am pretty sure that I ran around naked during the summer solstice (or at least close) in the mid 1970's and I still got cancer. Any other thoughts?
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