I can't get my act together and I don't know why

Harley,

Reading my last post made me start to cry again just remembering how SAD I was at that time. How stupid is that? We are women and emotional creatures. Sometimes I wish that my brain was more like a man's (simple). You are over the physical part and now it is time to let your brain catch up. Now is the time to process everything that you went through. Be kind to yourself, and pamper yourself, do what you want to do now. You will get better.

Take Care,

Kerry

Hi you all -

Shirley has her daughters and grandkids with her right now.  She is probably baking cakes 24/7 and will return after the crew has left!

gsg is inundated with work right now that much I know.  But I also get the heebie geebies when a regular drops out of sight.  I expect she'll be back to pop her head out like a prairie dog, then go back down to continue with all her workload. I hope she is OK too.

DebC has been out awhile too and I really hope doing better. 

I don't have much to report right now except I wish I had a lot more money since gas prices are making impossible to live without a credit card.  Gas prices are taking away from everything right down to the very basics.  Everything has to be arranged from errands to doctor appointments in a line-up so gas can be used most effectively.  Oh, this is not the moan and groan thread - sorry.

I'm becoming a regular at the dollar store.  I also heard there is some new store where Sarah Jessica Parker has started up her own fashion line and everything is $10 or less.  EVERYTHING.  But I don't know where it is and if it's in New York, I couldn't afford to drive there.

Well, I hope things get better for everyone.  Especially for DebC, Badboob, Snowyday.  And Harley. Kerry, you too for when you're sad.  Also for everyone who is having chemo struggles, I hope for you to be feeling much better soon. 

Love,

hanna

Shirley,

Glad to hear that your DD called you. I know my Mom and she is like you and I would have called her when I was back in the country or I would catch big trouble from her.She justs wants to know that I have landed safely and that all is O.K.Sounds like it was a busy time with all 3 of them there. What fun though!!!

I think that you should bake a cake for your DD's mil and tell her that this cake is for her BOOTY!!!! Cause she doesn't have one and she needs to grow one!!!!Like I have grown one with all the sitting around that I did this winter.

But I must say that I lost 1 pound being back at work for the first week. And now I have lost another pound being at work for the 2nd week and having the flu this weekend. Life is just tooo much fun. At this rate I will be ready for the beach by July 1/08.

Let DD read our posts. She will think that we are all Nuts!!!! May give her a good laugh.

P.S. I went to the beach today. Did not do any cleaning. I don't think that I will ever clean again. The nice weather is here now and I spent all winter in the house getting over surgery. All my friends were out all winter having fun and no one was home. So now it is my turn. I am going to be at the beach ALL SUMMER!!! I told my husband that if anyone calls me this summer to tell them to come to the beach to find me. I will be the one under the orange, yellow and white umbrella. The one with the BOOTY!!!

Kerry

P.S. I have made up my mind. I am not cleaning this summer.

You ladies are singing my song !!!



It's funny you know ... I sooo looked forward to the end of treatment. Now that it has come (as of May 7, 2008), I almost feel worse emotionally than I did all through the diagnosis, the surgery, the chemo, the rads ... all of it. I do believe I was going through the emotions on adrenaline. Now what the heck do you mean - get on with it and enjoy your life. What life would that be? What am I supposed to be doing? How do I just get back to it ... I don't know what "it" is anymore ... How do I walk back into the work place? I'm not the same person (although I don't really know who I am now) and yet, the same coworkers exist.



My analogy has been like I am in a row boat but have only been given one oar ... I paddle as hard as I can and no matter what - circles. Just keep going in circles with no direction.



And people telling me that I "look good" is making me crazy !!! Would they feel better if I looked like crap? I want to say that maybe I look okay on the outside but have a boo inside - not so pretty - it's a mess of stuff in here and I do not know how to begin to get it together.



House work ... oh geez. I have fits and starts ... basics are done but I wouldn't say I really give a crap. The weather can be lovely outside and yet, here I sit in the house.



So much to truly be thankful for but ... no motivation to say cheers.



For me .. the post treatment is harder than during treatment. My friends say yippee ... you're done. And me .. I have hard time to push the "smile" .. that ever so painted smile ... why aren't I saying yippee, why don't I feel like celebrating ...



anyways ... just venting this out and saying "you are singing my song" .... thank you

Hey ladies, haven't been on in a while but glad to see no one has changed their cleaning habits. Well, of course, with the exception of Sue, but she's forgiven. . .sometimes it just happens. . .glad you got a new pair of shoes for your efforts. . .definitely makes it worthwhile.

Harley, hope you're starting to feel better. I agree with what everyone is saying about your brain now catching up with everything you've been through. I took a few months of anti-depressants last year to get me through some rough spots and would recommend it. Take care of yourself and come here to vent when you need to. We've all got big shoulders.

G - Read your story on the moan thread and still can't believe how ignorant some people are. . .maybe she'll end up with some horrid little kid in her chair that will actually bite her fingers!

Well, it's after 12:00 and I'm still sitting here in my pjs. Must get showered and dressed before the family comes home. Some days it's just so hard to get motivated. . .well, actually most days!

Take care all. Kerry, I'll be joining you at the beach in my mind and I'm bringing a nice, cool adult beverage plus a big towel to cover my very not beach ready bod (then again maybe I'll just wear my pjs)!

Wishiwere. I'll be in jail with you, because when we have a 'hosepipe ban', I quietly go out in the dark and water my plants....so there.

Our water companies keep bringing in record profits each year, and moaning and groaning about not being able to build new reservoirs because they have no money. So, they lie. So do I

Isabella.

Laura,

Sorry you feel at loose ends--don't know who you are--I know the feeling and I am not done with treatment!! BC just yanks you out of your real life for YEARS and people don't understand all the emotions.

Come here and vent anytime!!!

Love,

Sue

P.S. We don't care of your house is clean. 

Hey everybody.

I have a whole other problem when it comes to watering in the summer. . .I can barely afford it. Our town has a really messed up water/sewer system and our bills are outrageous. My normal monthly bill averages $135 and that's with just 3 people living here! When I retired last June, one of the first things I did was plant all kinds of flowers and plants, buy hanging baskets, potted flowers, etc. I'd just finished rads in May, was down over my forced retirement (company merged and moved to another state) and needed something to pick me up. Well, I was out there every day working on my gardens and my yard looked better than it had in the 21 years I'd lived in my house. I was so happy and proud until I got a $330 water bill!!! That was for one month.

Needless to say, there are a lot fewer flowers this year. No hanging baskets and very few potted plants because they require too much watering. I love the little town we live in, but hate that we pay more for water than most people pay for taxes. Wow, this may have belonged on the bitch thread. . .

BTW, I got over being depressed about being forced into retirement. I do miss the money because I took a 60% cut in pay (but found that you get by on a lot less when you're not working) and I definitely miss the people I saw everyday. I still get together with my closest friends from work, but also spend a lot more time alone than I did before and that took some getting used to. But when I had to go through more surgeries this year, I am so glad I don't have to worry about going to work. I so admire you gals that do it.

I may look for something part-time later for a little extra blow money and the social aspect of being around people. Then again, that would require getting dressed. . .hmmm

You all will be happy to know that I have't clean since the other crew was here. I just "pick up" stuff lying around and it looks better. LOL

I still have my gypsy dd and her dh around.  They were here for dinner last night.  She stayed with me one night and we watched Notebook.  I cried.  She didn't.

Sue, I'm envious.  I want to clean my closet and drawers.  Someday.  And I often find surprises when I do. 

Hey, Patrice.  Glad you dug your way out from your messy hole for a quick update.  I read your other post.  That woman was not nice, to say the least.  Don't work too hard!

Kerry, YIPPEEE, on your new car.  Loved the license even though it wasn't personalized.  Good omen!

Awww..Laura-Vic, it's gonna take time.  Vent anytime you want.  It is difficult to get our "act together" going through what we've been through.  Many of us experience PTSD.  Believe me, what you are going through is "normal."  You wouldn't believe how many women go through the same thing.  I hope you feel better soon.  Maybe, just maybe when you go back to work you'll find part of yourself.  {{{{Hugs}}}} to you.

Sheila, it's so much more comfy sitting in our jammies or gowns.  I hate wearing my bra with the prosthesis.  Sometimes it's just uncomfortable.  Of course I could wear a big tee with no bra.  And, Sheila, over $300 a month to water.  You need to put concrete in your yard!  A little over a year ago we had to hook up to the sewer system and water.  We have a pump out back, but dh has never hired a plumber to hook it up.  I'm wondering if it'll even work anymore.  There are some people who have shallow wells drilled for watering.  Our's is a deep well because we used it for everything until we had to spend thousands on hooking up. 

Wishiwere, we've been in a drought.  We've had some rain.  Now we're suppose to be able to water.  However, I don't know which days.  Our backyard looks like a desert or beach...sand everywhere.  We have to plant new grass.  BTW, do you remember how much I hate (dislike) yard work.  I pulled a few weeds the other day.  My dd 'bout fell off the porch swing. LOL

I'm going to drag myself away from the puter.  I'm so hopeless.  It's Sunday...no cleaning.  No it's not.  It's Saturday, right?  Let's see.  I went to the dentist on Thursday.  Yesterday was Friday.  Yes, it's Saturday.  I want my brain back.

Shirley

Sue, I don't think it's scandalous, for goodness sakes? Are you saying it's scandalous to go without a leg or arm if it's no longer attached?    J/K of course, but I've never bought the fake boobies and don't intend too.  I am completely comfortable being a One-boober and really don't care IF it makes someone uncomfortable and they notice.  FIrst off, as you say, manners would be to NOT stare, but we all know that goes out the window when someone is different!  I figure H*LL, if they can get past this butch cut on my head and still notice, whatever!  I'm me, short haired (used to be down to my waist) and one-boobed.  So what?  I'm still me!  If I lost a finger, I'd still be me.  I've never been one to follow the crowd though, so that might be it too.  And IF I chose to do recon down the road, again, it will still be me, so I certainly won't flaunt my naked 2nd boob, but continue on continuing on, right?

Okay, off to mow....how does grass grow with so little care, I'll never understand?  Shouldn't it have died by now?

Ya know what, Sue?  I wear a prosthesis.  And it ain't purtty when you bend over with a V-neck and everyone can see down your blouse and wonder what the hell is in that bra...the side the fake boob is in.  I have to try to remember to hold my tee or blouse together.  Even when I wear my jammies and a duster over it (when the kids are here) you can tell I'm lopsided.  It's cuz I'm chunky and I have a fat boob.  If I could get down to where I used to be HAHAHAHAHAHA (THAT'S A HOOT!) I'd probably have a little boob too.  I need my dh to put up my clothes line that I haven't used in 20 years.  The polls are still there, but the lines aren't.  We don't have snobs for neighbors.  The trouble is...I probably wouldn't hang out the bed clothes.

Wishiwere, most of our grass has died.  I need to put a cross out back.  When dh asks, what's that...I'd say, what's it look like.  Ya won't plant the grass, so I wanted to honor our dead lawn with a cross. 

Sheila....ooooooooooohhhhhhh,your gonna get in trouble....Patrice is gonna kick you off this thread....Well, maybe not.  After all, she did clean off her table.

What'chall eating tonight or cooking?  I'm hungry.  I had a salad for lunch.  I want something good.  I just don't know what's good.  I know..a chocolate cake!  LOL  Oh, btw, one of my DD's told me she saw a recipe where you use a Devil's Food cake mix and instead of the oil and I BELIEVE the egg (gotta ask her about that), you use a 15 oz can of pumpkin.  She said it's supposed to be brownie like.  I want to try that.  I need to while I have "kids" here.  However, they ARE trying to eat healthy.  Don't they know they can't do that when they visit Mom!

Well, guess I'll look in the freezer and see what's in there.

Love you gals.  You always bring a smile to my face (and you're giving me a few more smiley wrinkles).

Shirley

Shirley,

We had chicken for lunch after church and we're having sandwiches for dinner.  But I'm making Paula Deen's banana pudding for dessert:

1 box Jell-o vanilla instant pudding

1 8-oz. pkg, cream cheese (can use lowfat)

1 can Eagle Brand Sweetened condensed milk (Can use fat free)

1 container Cool Whip

3 pkgs. Pepperidge Farm Chessmen cookies

3 bananas

3 cups milk

Make pudding according to pkg. directions.  Store in fridge to set.  Meanwhile mix together cream cheese and Eagle Brand with mixer. Add now set vanilla pudding.  Stir in thawed Cool Whip.  Use a 13 X 9 inch pan.  Layer Chessmen cookies on bottom.  Slice bananas on the diagonal to top each cookie.  Add 1/3 of mixture on top,  spread with spatula.  Repeat.  Top with cookies.  Grind any broken cookies with a rolling pin.  Sprinkle on top in areas not covered by cookies.....or you can eat the broken ones.  Put flour on your nose.  Act tired. Walk into the living room and ask if anyone wants dessert.

I usually increase the recipe by 1/2 and make a small and a large pan of this.  Then we eat the small one for dessert at home and I take the large container to work to share (It finally becomes clear why my co-workers like me so much).  I don't do this every week, right now I usually take something sweet in the day before my chemo to thank them for doing my work for the next week and a half.  There are only three workers and a boss in my whole department and we do Quality Assurance for Dallas/Ft. Worth  Tower and the radar room (TRACON--it stands for Terminal Radar Approach Control) so they really do have to do my work while I am gone.  But you know, I don't feel as bad about it as I did.  And they really are quite good to me in return. I'm lucky in my coworkers.

Well, I didn't get everything done this weekend that I wanted to, but I did hang the covers out on the line.  My dh has gone to the store for me and I said I would do the dishes while he is gone, so I better go do that.  It doesn't count as cleaning because we don't have a dishwasher  (note my address) and I will leave the banana pudding bowls in the sink later with water in them--to be taken care of tomorrow.  Thanks for letting me be messy me!!!!

Love all you guys--hope everyone is doing fine.  Hanna, still hoping for a story..........

Love,

Sue