I can't get my act together and I don't know why
Comments
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Okay, I have Merry Maids coming every two weeks and my house is still a mess. But I love knowing that there are other people who housekeep like I do...stuff shoved into the closet and under the beds when someone is coming over....and I DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!!!!!!!!
Hi, Harley, post some pics of your new white tooth!!! Glad the dentist drama is over. My sister lives in Southport, how far is that from you??Went for my neulasta shot today, the onc nurse says my insurance was denying it but "not to worry because she would take care of the insurance company."
Glad everyone is back where they belong and still messy. Whose idea was is to clean closets anyway? I may be moving soon, so I don't need to be cleaning out any closets, because soon I will have to do it all at once.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Hugs,
Sue
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See, my kids are grown (well at least the law says they are) and dh is on the road so much and well, I just am not involved in all you are. Plus, I'm recovering well. You're dealing with a LOT more than I ever could! Just finished and my back is sore and I'm thinking PB&J's for dinner is just the ticket! I'm too tired to stand up anymore but the lawn looks nice
Except for the front. They are coming through to widen the road and put in a turn lane so I'm not even going to mow out there! Ptooiii on the township! That's my payback for the day. -
Sounds like a strong enough reason for these ears, and 999.999 percent of this thread will agree with me! Nearly any reason is reason enough
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I want to know where the day goes? My DH and I spent the whole day doing stuff that I did not want to do. Running around doing garbage stuff. What a waste of a day.
Chris, Glad that you are feeling better. My poor DD had the flu. Tummy is still off.
Shirley, The toilet thing, to clean self. Where do you find this stuff on the net?
I am working this long weekend (Canada) No cleaning will get done.My MIL had one of those chicken dishes. She used to give me all kinds of crap and I would take everything. Once she gave me an ORANGE suitcase. I stopped that as all I had was garbage and stuff that I would never use, so I had to give it away to the Goodwill.
Have a good weekend. Enjoy yourselves and NO CLEANING PLEASE!
Kerry
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Have any of you all ever wondered why we hang onto stuff? Stuff many people would look at and call trash? Then there are newspapers. I had to quit getting the newspaper delivered daily (even though it was FREE for 6 months!) because I felt guilty for not being able to read them all. So I kept them and they started stacking up till I had to get rid of them before I read them!
To top it off, there is a HIGHLY specific way to dispose of newpapers around here. If I should package them incorrectly for the recycle guys, they will leave me a big yellow note with the boxes checked of all my bungled bundling efforts. Like - material not in height /width packing accordance. Or material not tied with approved twine. Then everyone knows who drives by that I am inept at recycling. Branches are another ordeal. If I trim a bush and there are more than 4 twigs bundled, my pile is rejected! Even if I tied it with the environmentally approved twine! Five twigs and forget it.
On recycle morning, I stand hiding behind my living room curtains when they pull up and watch as they analyze my stuff - I am standing there with my coffee in one hand and biting my nails on the other hand! Will they take it or not? Sometimes, the guys stand there with there hands on their hips, mulling this over. Typically, one thing gets left behind and a big yellow note and from behind my curtain I whisper, "shit"!
Christmas trees are a real problem. Never get it right. One time, where I used to live, the town decided without telling me that there would only be ONE pickup day for discarded Christmas trees. Something like January 3rd. Well I didn't know this - I believe they kept it from me probably to prove that most residents of the town were legally alert citizens EXCEPT me!
So, there I was just fine with my Christmas tree still up in mid-January because I had gotten it just a few days before Christmas (late that year) and it was so pretty and green I never thought to ask what was the day to put it out. But January 3rd?!? Gosh! That town just wanted everyone to get a move on and rush right into the next year! Out with the old! In with the new! Down with the lights! Wake up you sentimentalists...it's the next year!!
Well, sometimes I have a hard time parting with the previous year...especially if it had been a good one with good mammos. I know you all will understand this more than anyone.
BTW, that tree was from Christmas 2006 - a very good year.
Sentimental Hanna
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Hanna - Don't know if I'd recycle if they made it that difficult. Our town provides a big bin and we just throw everything in it and set it out on the designated day. The guys that pick it up sort it.
Love the newspaper story, I don't get the daily paper either but we get a couple of free local papers weekly. I usually get around to reading them about once a month, then I end up seeing something that was going on and I missed it because I didn't read the paper (they take all of 5 minutes to flip through).
I love real Christmas trees but gave up on it a long time ago. Hubby hated them and to keep peace we went artificial. Finally moved up to pre-lit too. Still miss the smell of a fresh tree though.
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Sue,
AWW... ya'll don't want to see any pics of me! I'll probably break the camera! Maybe one day, I'll get around to taking a pic of me! Well, I did post one, before my tooth turned brown! It's on one of these threads... I also have noticed that my teeth are naturally a very nice shade of.... yellow... so now I am feeling very self conscious, even with the brown one fixed.
Southport is a BEAUTIFUL place! It is about an hour or so from my house. Funny, but MOST of the places we go are 'about an hour away'... It is a very nice town by the sea! My dh and I love to go there for the day, and walk around town, and just nose around in the little shops, and of course, we have lunch by the water!
Harley
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Oh my goodness, Hanna, you sure know how to paint a picture with words. I can see you watching the recycle guys to see if you passed inspection! LOL Gotta love it!
You ask if we wonder why we hang onto stuff. I don't have to wonder, I come from a long line of pack rats. My parents grew up during the depression and they taught me not to waste. Just about everything can be reused. My Mom used to wash Saran wrap and use it repeatedly. Of course, we carefully folded aluminum foil and used that over and over. Gifts were opened slowly and carefully, because that giftwrap was going to be used for the next birthday.
Jelly jars were glasses and margarine tubs were Tupperware. You get the picture.
I was also taught that gifts were very special and if someone thought enough of me to give me a gift, I had to keep it for all eternity. Returning something to the store was never an option.
Unfortunately or fortunately, my mom was very creative. She was always making stuff. Now some of the stuff was wonderful, like two or three beautiful quilts every winter or the pears she used to can.
Other stuff, not so much. Once she gave me a cardboard and construction paper set of pilgrims to use for a Thanksgiving centerpiece. It was cute, but oh so hard to store, and that poor couple looked like they got run over by a steamroller by the time I got up the courage to toss them.
Anyway, I accepted my destiny as a pack rat until well into my adulthood. I was freed when my marriage broke up and I ended up leaving with the clothes on my back. Of course, my mom had a list of stuff that she gave me that I had to get back. My ex didn't dare refuse, cuz he was not about to mess with my mom!
But it was then that I realized I had walked out on a lifetime of stuff and I didn't die. It was okay. My friends and relatives still liked me. Now I fill bags with all sorts of crap and haul it out the door. I give to friends and charities, or I sit stuff on the curb for people to drive by and pick up. I must admit, I still have a horrible time actually throwing good stuff into the trash. I just can't do it!
While I am glad I kicked the pack rat habit, I'm glad for what my mom taught me. She was trying to teach me to appreciate the effforts of those that cared about me and not to stomp on anyone's feelings. She was trying to teach me not to be wasteful, something I think our world has become much too comfortable with. She was teaching me how to stretch a dollar and to live within my means.
I'm glad I was able to hold onto a few of the qualities Mom passed on to me. Maybe one day my kids will find something worthy of praise in me when they are talking about all the horrors they endured being raised by a lunatic.
Miss S
PS I had to quit taking the paper, too! No time and it's online!
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Miss Shapen, Your description of your mother fits mine to a T. I grew up with jelly jar juice glasses too! My mother always appreciated things I made far more than things I bought for her and she's saved almost everything I've made since I was a child. Now I've gone and done the same thing with my kid's creations. They are all carefully preserved in plastic containers from Walmart. Everything.
Your mom taught you the same things mine taught me it seems. Waste not...want not. Appreciate a gift because it was given to me by someone who thought of me. (My SIL does NOT fit into this category however as every gift she gives is her subtle way of getting your goat!...that's another story)
Like you, I remember we had a Thanksgiving set of cardboard people too, Native Americans, pilgrims, and various critters which I think we had to cut out of the backs of cereal boxes. Cheerios and a Thanksgiving centerpiece all from a few cardboard cereal boxes! And this was fun to do! We kept chugging down that cereal until we had the entire Thanksgiving collection!
I miss those days you know? Now, the the world is flooded with radio waves from cellphones and text messages and wireless gizmos. But I still keep too many things because my mom and dad advised us that everything will come in handy one day. Keep your clothes long enough and one day they'll come back in style.
I don't know about the Hawiian Luau shirt - but I have to tell you even though I think it's a field of hilarious cabbage flowers, it's itchy, and it's way too big - I keep it because my mom gave it to me. So, I can't part with it or change it into pillow covers. It will live here with me (down in my ironing basket) along with all my other stuff that doesn't matter to anyone else - just me. The good stuff I give away with no problem! I could probably have a yard sale and make some money. Funny thing about yard sales is you can sell coffee from your patio table under a pretty umbrella and make more money on coffee, lemonade and cookie sales than you do on your old loot! Try it, you'll see!
I confess I keep poems and pictures my kids drew of on bits of paper safe and secure, but I always lose just one earring from an expensive pair of gold earrings. Someone told me one man's trash is another man's treasure and he was a big seller on Ebay!
OK. Next step in my cleanup effort will be prepping for a yard sale - with a coffee, lemonade and cake table! Ahh..back to cake again!
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HannaB and Miss S,
Yup, grew up with the jelly glasses and margarine tupperware. My mom could live on almost nothing and yet always seemed to have $$ in her wallet. I think she was a good wizard, I mean steward of her funds. When she gave a gift she was famous for saying "Know where I got it?" (the correct answer was "a yard sale"), "Know what I paid for it?" (the correct response was to be astounded when she told you). When we give a gift at my house, we always ask the first question in her memory. She died five years ago of lung cancer. She never smoked, but had twenty-five or so years of second-hand smoke exposure. I miss her, a lot, and always will.
Remember when glasses came in your box of detergent or you got free stuff at the gas station for having the guy fill up your tank? Or when dish towels came sewed on your (cloth) bag of flour? Hanna, I have a pair of diamond studs my dh gave me 10 yrs or so ago. They're not very big, but I love them so much, I wear them all the time because otherwise I will lose one, I just know it.
I had chemo yesterday and keep transposing letters and it is so frustrating!!!
GRRRRR!!!!
Love, Sue
P.S. Not cleaning today. So there.
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Miss S-
That is just so sad, when a marriage ends! You have sure been thru so much in your young life!
My Mom was the same way! If someone gave you a gift, they were thinking about you, and you needed to display the gift in your home, even if it was hideous looking, or didn't match your decor. My dh often tells me, "Your Mom kept everything... if you gave her a gift, it was right there, when you came to visit her, you would see it on the table, or somewhere." He likes that quality that I inherited, but he also hates it because now we have too much stuff! When I would bring home an 'ashtray' that I made in school, or a jewelry box, my Mom would display it in the home. She really appreciated the love that went into the gift.Sue, I am so sorry about your Mother... I lost my Mom 16 years ago, and it still hurts! I think that our lives are so short, so we need to think about the memories that we leave behind. I remember when we used to get glasses in the box of dish detergent, too. I hope that you are comforted by lots of happy memories of your Mom.
Also, I am not going to clean today. The weather is too nice, and we are going to festivals all weekend. This is the beginning of SUMMER!
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Hey GSG,
After I found that Cancer was not in my lungs last Sept. I went through a real questioning period. ( that lasts even today) I discussed with my friends, "I've been the bald chick for so long, who am I going to be now". It really bothered me. I mean really? I knew I was so glad not to be the bald chick, but I still couldn't see who I was going to be. Despite all of the poems and phrases out there. i.e. "I have cancer, cancer does not have me". I think that cancer takes alot more out of us than we know.
When I was diagnosed again, this last January, I didn't feel depressed. I had my mastectomy, didn't really feel sad after that. Then I got the results. I had found out the cancer had spread alot! After getting the news, that whole day, I was fine. In fact I felt so much better that things were no longer uncertain.
But then a few days later, I began wondering if its worth it. My onc wanted me back on chemo and I have to tell you, I did not like that at all. Then I found out it would be chemo indefinitely, so I would need a port, I was just sick.
I always felt like I skated through chemo. The worst I thought, was the baldness. ( Okay that and a little diarhea ) Before baldness, I could always smile and look people in the eye. I quit looking at people because I couldn't take their reactions. Anyway, I found that I was okay with treatment, unitil I thought about the actually word chemo. So I figured I must've really blocked out just how awful chemo was.
Anyway, I think I was falling into a depression after the new diagnosis. I was calling in sick at work and just really didn't feel like going anywhere. Unfortuanatly, I was not neat before chemo, so you can imagine what my place looked like. Well, I had friends who decided to buy me some groceries and "surprise me". So when they came to the door, I couldn't let them in. I was so embarrassed the way my place looked, that I wouldn't let them in. They tried and tried even saying,"We're here, we can help you clean." Yeah right. I told them that it was way to messy and I wouldn't even have a hasmat team in here. After that, one of my friends was actually contemplating calling a social worker. That just really ticked me off. When i was on chemo, I didn't call in sick and people got mad that I didn't. And now, when I call in, people were upset. Cancer just makes everyone nuts! As for the depression, I told people that "yeah, I might be a little depressed, but I think that I have earned it."
I have had my port surgery ( last week). And I am trying to get my motivation to go back to work. That has really been hard. I have always loved going to work, but it is just so hard. But I am going to blame cancer. It is a horrible, horrible disease! It brings out the best and worst in people. It is a disease that we have to endure very publically. That's not fun at all when you enjoy your privacy. We have the treatment of poison's, hormones, radiation and surgeries that remove it from us, but the shadows of cancer remain with us. It has forever changed us, good and bad. I think that we have earned the right to be a little depressed. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Pam
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Pam you are so good to share these feelings and you're so right about things too. I know how you feel from experience. In the midst of things last year, I was up sleeping in bed during the day when 3 people came over unannounced. One of my kids went to the door and had the courage to tell them I wasn't feeling good and he would tell me they had come by when I woke up and thanks for stopping by. These were sort of pushy people too, but my kid held it all together for me. They weren't coming with anything like food or whatever, they just wanted a visit. I think they just wanted to see me but they brought some friend along who I'd never even met. I guess people who haven't walked in your shoes just don't know when all you really want is a card or email to tell you they're thinking of you - not be surprised with a visit to a messy house that would embarass you particularly when you are having the worst hair days of your life.
I've learned at hospitals you can tell the staff that you are not to be put on the record as being there. Then no room number or anything is given. This is hard to pull off at your own house when your car is in the driveway!
I know this is the moving beyond cancer section - but if you haven't moved beyond or finished treatment yet, then depression is there for lots of us and evident in the stuff all around the house. If I look at pictures of my house before my surgeries then look at it now, I can see depression with a capital D. That's probably why a lot of us feel better just going out and leaving the house behind.
Pam, you put these things into words so well. I think I was ok too before I was diagnosed again last year. It's hearing that news that really shook my roots and I've lost my footing. I want to forget, then a week of doctor's appointments brings it all back.
g has a thread called "My passion" that has some beautiful pictures that reflect how we feel inside after being diagnosed with breast cancer. They poignantly show through body language how some of us feel in our minds. Thank you so much Pam for your post, for a lot of reasons.hanna
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You ladies have told some beautiful stories that your mom's taught you.
You know what my mom taught me? Nothing like your mom's. My mom NEVER threw ANYTHING away. We'd sneak it out to the trash and she'd take it out. She'd pile old newspapers up saying she was going to snip the coupons. Never happened. She pile boxes up to the sealing with "stuff." Stuff that didn't make her happy. Stuff doesn't make anyone happy. It IS the thought behind the "stuff" that makes one happy. And my dear mom wasn't thoughtful. And my mom didn't give me "stuff."
My mom went into a nursing home in San Antonio a few years back. A dear friend of my mom's and her dd went through all that "stuff"...had a sale and threw out loads of "stuff" into a dumpster they had delivered to my mom's yard. It's really sad.
I try very hard to give my family things I know they'll like OR I'll give them money to buy what THEY want. I ask them what they want. And then there are those times you hear about something they'd really like and at Christmas, or a birthday...good excuse to give it to them. My dds know I LOVE angels. My oldest daughter gave me an "angel mom" and daughter figurine (small). Of course I display that. On Mother's Day my middle daughter gave me a plaque with an angel on it that I hang as one enters the front door, or I can place it in a garden that says, Guardian Angel ~ Bless this Home and All Who Enter. I'm going to have my dh hang it outside my front door.
And yes, I too need to do some more decluttering of "stuff." But "I can't get my act together..." And, I have to. My gypsy daughter is coming home Wednesday and I need to clean!
Shirley
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Shirley,I remember that you told me that your dd was coming back soon! I am so glad to hear that she'll be here on Wednesday!
Hope she stays longer than you think she will. I know they must have had lots of exciting adventures in Africa, but they need to settle down someplace near you, so you can see her more often.
Hugs
Harley
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Pam,
I hear you.
Hanna,
I, too, see the depression reflected in my house.
bc is horrible.
Love,
Sue
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Well, I'm not annul like my sister who cleans when she's anxious, upset or just to pass time, but....it's sure HARDER to tackle or to figure out where to start after this last 6 months of not Caring!
Oh yes, the jelly jar glasses and even thought I gave mom an entire set of tupperware when I sold it one time (did it just to make enough and long enough) to supply myself with the stuff I wanted years ago, she still has a ton of butter, cottagecheese, and other tubs! NUTTY!
And it wasn't or isn't be/c we couldn't afford more growing up. Her mother raised 7 children alone. Her father died when grandma was PG #7 and mom was only 11 months old. Grandma supported them all and even married his brother for a short time till the boys came from war and threw him out!
Granny used to sit watching TV with the lights off, b/c you can't do anything IF you are watching a show, so why spend the electricity. She was also notorious for taking the batteries out of her hearing aide and keeping them in a drawer till someone came to visit, to save them! OMGOSH! She was a hoot! But..........lived alone till she was nearly 95. She was a beautiful soul, not like many others I've ever known. A true lady. And a very conservative person! -
Wishiwere, my grandma didn't even have electricity for the longest time. She had oil lanterns. And feather beds for us kids to sleep on when we visited. And we bathed in a wash tub. And we used an outhouse (which I hated). Then, she moved up. Had a bathtub and an outhouse and electricity. Then she moved up again. She had electricity and a full bath. But still had to bring in the water from the cistern for cooking and drinking. The other water was NASTY! No one drank it. Now the town has good water. Then she moved up again. My brother moved her to San Antonio into a senior's home. would you believe my little ole grandma won two plaques for the cleanest apartment!?
Those were the good ole days. Grandma was a very sweet, shy woman. Nothing like me! LOL And she always had her act together. I don't. I've GOT to clean...kids coming in on Wednesday...<sigh> Good thing they come every so often or this house may never get cleaned.
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That reminds that granny had cataract surgery finally at one point. She was disgusted to think that no one told her how filthy her phone was! She was a cutie!
I have the wash tubs from her back room where she had them for all the years I was alive. She died in 90. It was the old type that you rolled the clothes through the wringer to get them wrung out! Still haven't planted them as i was going. Now I'm thinking I'll use them in the green house IF I ever get dh to hook up the water!
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Hi, everybody. This is just a pop in. I wonder if I'll ever get caught up on the action (or inaction) in this thread...no time yet.
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patrice come back we miss you!!!!
you are the shining light of motivation on our messiness!!!
i haven't cleaned a thing!!!
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I'm getting ready to do some cleaning
because kids are coming. I guess I better try to get my act together!Shirley
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Shirley, you're cleaning?? Traitor!
Miss S
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Oh, I just found this threae and when I read no cleaning....ah this is for me...lol. Ever since my bc dx I have been lazy. The chemo did it to me. Some nights I just come home from work, have dinner and vegetate. I don't even care that I do that cause...well, I don't care. Last week I didn't do a thing in the house and well, today it certainly looks like it. I have a 3 day weekend coming up and I think I will spend it straightening up and stuff. I do like a neat house, I just can't get it that way. Yep, the chemo did it to me. And that was in 2006.
I do want to plant my flowers this weekend....now that's enjoyable to me. I only want to do things I like to do not things I have to do. Does that make sense?
Hugs and prayers to all,
Candie
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Of course it's fine, Candy! Welcome to the club of nice yards and overgrown homes!
I'm not even keeping up the front yards, since about 2 years ago when we found out they are widening the road and taking out 20 feet of our yard!
I quit taking care of it and let the bushes get overgrown till I figure how close the cars and noise will be! I might need that buffer, so the front looks disasterous, pre-bc. But the back is looking pretty good so far. I'm starting to catch up on the lack of attention to fall cleanup finally and soon hope to get the spring stuff started! Whew! It's hard to do! -
I adored my mom. She saved EVERYTHING and asked the same questions! She also had a weekly income, before she died, of about 50-75 bucks a Week, all from coupons!
She had her coupon friends and they wrote each other and traded codes from boxes and what ever else was needed for the $ or item that was being given away. Most of the baby furniture in her house was from couponing!
She ran a business, IMO. I was so proud of her. She had been a very impressive business woman before she retired, too.
After she passed away, my dd and I went there to clean out the "stuff". She had a FULL bedroom of coupon stuff, stacked almost to the ceiling! It took us 4 van loads of garbage bags to the dump to make a dent in the room! Talk about a fire hazard.
It took my bro a year of repairing general things at the house to finally agree to sell it. We met with my cousin and went thru it all, like families do. remembering, discussing, becomming enlightened about "secrets". LOL
My dh is a pack rat and I have to keep reminding him that the kids will have to clean out this house and the extra attic over the garage when we're gone. We've not moved in 33 years, so we have a great deal of "stuff", plus my dh saved all the boxes they came in!
It was only after my dx and tx, and the death of his father, where we cleaned that house for sale, that he agreed to help get rid of stuff. BUT, mainly because he couldn't find a tire pump that he knew he'd had, cause he had so much "stuff". Had to buy a new one.LOL
So, Most of the boxes are gone, (fire hazard) and the kids helped when they came home by complaining that that they didn't want to have to move all that junk to the dump!
One pack rat in the house is plenty!
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Miss S. I'm not a traitor. I just have to. I've been sweating my "blank" off. If I'd clean like I'm supposed to it wouldn't be so hard. But, nooooooooo, have to have a reason.
Dotti, I imagine you had some very good memories going through stuff. I'm so happy I didn't have to go through my mom's stuff. Oh, my, you can not imagine.
Like you, I want to get rid of most of the STUFF so my DDs won't have to worry with it.
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I'm sorry you have to clean, Shirley. Since the *only* reason you're cleaning is because you're getting company, I'm not gonna ban you from here.
My goal is to have everything done before my son comes home.....next year.
Dotti, it must have felt great getting rid of everything. I worry about something happening to us before we get it all done...obviously, not worried enough, but it does cross my mind.
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You're such a good mom GSG!
Can I clean, since my real mom is coming down this weekend? Can I get it approved tonight, so that I can start in the morning, b/c it's going to take 2 days to shovel this mess out the door! -
Thank you for your post, Pam...I could completely relate to everything you said.
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