Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Melia - my feelings about this board are similar to Rebecca's. I don't read any posts other than ours anymore. I think of you all as friends first and bc support second. I do truly struggle with moving on. My current thinking is that bc is not something that I will put behind me. Instead I think I will incorporate the experience and my new body into the rest of my life and hopefully reach a point of acceptance. I can't forget it, but I think I will be able to make it a small part of who I am. For me reconstruction has helped with this process much more than I expected it to. While I wish I could do without the extra surgeries I find that I think about bc much less each day than I did while I was wearing the prothesis.



I took a climbing class last Saturday and met a woman that I have a lot in common with and we seemed to really click. It was so fun to hang out with someone who didn't know about the past year + of my life.



Rebecca- I wore my socks in the OR today. They made me feel very brave.

Melia, I agree with the others.  I don't read the other parts of the board, and don't think of this as a "cancer" related place to come - to me it's totally about friendship.  However, as issues arise, you guys will understand like no one else.  As things stand now, though, I just think of this place as a group of friends I care about and want to keep up with.  Some days I don't think about the cancer at all now, but every day I think of you guys, and wonder what's up with everyone and their families.  I hope you'll find a way to keep coming - without you, it wouldn't be as rich.  You are a very special lady, and you so deserve to forget about cancer for a while. 

Jan, so glad you're out of surgery and doing well.  When you're up to it, give us a report - I'm sure you're going to be pleased.  Three weeks from tonight, mine will be over at last.  I'm scared to death that I'll not pass my stress test Friday, after this year of waiting, but barring that, it will be over with soon.

By the way, I also love talking to people who don't know I have had bc.  There's a great freedom in that - but it's also nice to talk with you all, who already know.  I hope we go on forever.

Melia ...... I am in the same space as you man .... its tough to shake , being tired all the time for me too . Having a shower i need to lie down for a few .

You have hit the nail in the head there girl and at the same time try to shake the past year .

So am I reading and keeping in touch , the healing goes on past the realities of the health care system and doctors ......

Thats why we are all still here ..... friendship first always !

And then I go back to thinking that I DON'T want to know ... it was so hard to wait for all of Steve's results, to know now that every three months he has another psa test with only a 30 - 40 % chance of cure (though he has beat every odd so far and looks so great). So even though I am suspicious of the tiredness, of the ache in my side, etc, I am not sure I want to call the dr, go through scans, worry .... gosh, I need to get a grip. There is no empirical reason for me to think of mets, lots of women have cancer and live a normal life span, what is WRONG with me?  And even with mets, women live a long time. Grrrr, I need to get a grip.

Hi girls,

I have been busy with our business - we hired a new accountant, we've gone to our bank to renegotiate matters going forward, I've been working on our customer confirmations for their fall orders etc.  And today I had a 2 hour nap, which I really needed. I hope my fatigue will alleviate soon since I've finished the Herceptin.  Skye - how are you feeling this week, since you also finished last week?

Gals I hope we keep this going for a long time.  I think there will always be "cancer" issues - including the fears of mets - or unfortunately like our dear Joni - having mets. I know I can always come to this group to whine, bitch, or talk about any fears I have - as well as rejoice in the successes and know that the Ta Tas will understand.

Jan - I hope you are doing well.

Rebecca - how are you feeling?  I hope your situation gets resolved soon. 

I confess I do occasionally check out other discussion groups on this board, sometimes to help out a "newbie", or to find out info on things that concern my situation.  But this group is number 1!!

xo 

Mel - Here are the surgery details for you. He revised one small spot on my tummy at the end of the incision where there was a tiny bit of skin that stuck out. I have a small inch and a half incision there now and it barely hurts. On my breast I had two indented/flat areas that I didn't like. One was below my armpit and one on my chest where it was very visible in any type of t-shirt. Neither area bothered me much, but he wanted to fix them and after all of the misery I've been through I figure I may as well try to get all I can out of this. So the flat spot on my chest turned out to be an area where the muscle had retracted. So he pulled it down and reattached the flap over it while adding some extra fat in there. Ouch - that part hurts a bit. He also re-opened the incision all along the top of my breast. Now, before stage 2 I was quite satisfied with the shape and size of my breast even though it wasn't an exact match for the real one. Now, with the revisions I think that when the swelling and bruising go away I'll have as close to a perfect match as possible. The new nipple looks weird, but I think it will be great when it's done. I'm just amazed at how good it all looks so far. I never expected results this good! I can easily envision a time when the new breast will feel like a normal part of my body. The reconstruction process has really been worth it for me.

I took vicodin on Monday and Tuesday. I didn't take anything today except a couple of advil. I feel like someone punched me really hard in the chest, but that's it. Not too bad.

The worst part is wearing the plastic nipple sheild for 5 days. The surgery side looks several times larger than the other side. Very annoying and hard to disguise in t-shirts. But only 2 more days... 

Melia, I haven't even read the posts yet where it sounded like you may be leaving the board.  Anyhow, glad that's not the case.  For me, this is so much more about our friendships.  It makes me happy to see us all moving on...  yes, we still have our periodic setbacks and scanxiety's, but the comfort of knowing we have US to talk to is priceless.  Do I sound like a Mastercard commercial?  LOL!

Jan, congrats on getting through with flying colors!  I was wondering where you were and now I know.  So sorry I didn't wish you good luck...I've been soooooooooo preoccupied.

Viddie - good luck tomorrow.

Jan - hope you're feeling better.

will post more tomorrow, had a long day here.

Jan, so interesting to read what they did, and I am glad you are home safely and pleased with the results so far.

Viddie, I drive a Saturn (long story, has to do with Steve's refusal to support Japan b/c of their whaling policy). It's fine, but our younger daughter bought a corolla last year, and we all LOVE it. It's about the same size as mine, but so much peppier and more comfortable. I think it's a great choice. Enjoy it!

We will all be thinking of you tomorrow. You will do fine.

Rebecca, how are you feeling?  And Tina, what's new with you?

Off to work; will check in later.

Melia

Viddie, I drive a Corolla and love it. I have the sport package and it's a pleasure to drive and ultra-reliable. I'm thinking of you today and hope you can let us know soon how it went. I bet Meri will find some time to socialize; kids always do.



Jan, hope the five days of wearing the shield go fast. Sounds less than comfy.



On my hip pain, my onc told me to skip Femara for a week and see if that helps! I guess it is a not uncommon side effect, although seems strange it would only affect one side.



I wanted to plant lilies today but it's kind of chilly and windy, guess they will survive in their pots another day. I have a snowball bush itching to go in, too.



Grendel and I saw a fox on our walk...cool! - Skye

Hi everyone,

I saw my new oncologist today at Georgetown.  She was very smart, easy to talk to and I'm happy with her.  Apparently, my old onco. is personal friends with Georgetown's director (he is the director of the Ohio State program).  However, she was overloaded w/cases and referred me to this woman.  She was hired by them in Sept.  The Lombardi Center (at Georgetown) is one of 39 NCI designated cancer centers in the nation.  It was very easy to get to.  I drove through McLean, which is all leafy and green, big brick homes.  No city or icky areas to drive through, which was nice.  I got there in 30 minutes.  Took Jaclyn w/me.  They had volunteer therapeutic artists in the lobby and she painted and did some weaving project with them.  It was great because I could talk freely to my dr.  I had to give her the whole history.  She did order an echo. for me as I said I'd been a little more short of breath as of late, but likely due to the move.  So, she's proactive and that's good.  I see the new cardiologist in June.

Hi Gals,

Not much happening with me, the same old, same old. The house is coming along, but I surely am sick of it. Jeff got a temp. job technical writing until Sept. Then we'll figure things out from there. Laura is going to go and live with her sister in Mesa for the summer. Her BF of 4 yrs just broke up with her and she needs a fresh perspective on life. Guys are sooooooooo stupid sometimes, they wouldn't know a good thing if it kick them in the !*(%$!

This has been the most depressing spring, all it seems to do is rain!? And it's still very chilly?

I planted flowers last weekend during 1 good day and got the beds mulched too. Just in time for the monsoon. Whew!

I am really suffering big time with the hot flashes again, they are back with a vengeance and I don't know why. Making me virtually crazy. My face sweats profusely and I feel at times like I am going to burst into flames! Then I start feeling faint and dizzy, just so unfair!

Also just had root canal number 2! Now if anybody tells me that chemo doesn't do a number on the enamel of your teeth. I beg to differ! Since treatment ended for me I have spent nearly 5000.00 restoring my teeth, and I worked very hard at taking care of them during chemo. But get this the last root canal was because my canine tooth literally cracked the enamel off like the shell of an M&M. It was weird. No pain, and I wasn't even eating at the time, but suddenly there it was. So now I have prescription fluoride to use and try to strengthen what is left.

And recently I have noticed my fingernails have gotten extremely thin, never had an issue with them before? Why hasn't this nightmare ended???

Glad everyone is doing ok, Bet you are all getting anxious for the big trip! Take lots of pictures for me!

Love

Viddie, glad you are safely home. Tina, your onc sounds excellent, and how nice that they have childcare so that you can ask questions, express feelings to your dr. Caya, sounds like you are making lots of progress at work; I just got another huge project yesterday, due on the 30th. That makes three big tasks to finish in two weeks, but I just take baby steps ... if I look at it all at once, I panic.

Mary, I think you and I are on the same page re recon. If I could do it as an outpatient in one appt, I would. But the only type that seems feasible in my case is an implant, which means a lift on the good side, and the whole procedure daunts me. Maybe in a year or so, if and when I ever trust my body again .... I don't like the prosthesis, take my bra off when I get home, and walking around in a t shirt with one droopy breast and one missing one is not a pretty sight. I so admire the courage of those of you who have done it. I am just afraid to go back into the hospital and the implant procedure sounds so painful.

Nancy, I hear you on the teeth. I broke another one yesterday, the third one since diagnosis. They are just so weak. I had stopped at two grocery stores after work, was tired and hungry, and broke off a piece of a baguette to munch on. That did it. We have no dental insurance, so it's yet another financial hit. I was / am so annoyed.

Hope everyone has a calm, safe day and weekend. Thinking of all of you.

Hi all,

Lynn,

I also had swollen feet and ankles when I was in Florida, but they have gone down now. I hope we don't have this all summer.

He gave me nipples, lifted my breasts a little, filled in an area on my breast that was rough due to my hole complication by taking some fat from my lipo and redistributing it in that area. He also took off my dog ears and gave me lipo on hips and in one area on my breasts. He also fixed a hard area on one of my breasts. Now it is nice and soft. My surgery was also three hours.I will have the unveiling on Sunday. Vicodin luckily keeps the pain in check.

I spoke to Maria this morning about my removing the dressing on Sunday and she spoke with Dr. Lee. He confirmed that the dressing was to come off after three days and I didn't have to protect the nipple after that unless there was a small leakage. If I want to put a piece of gauze on them to protect my clothing, that would be okay. Did they give you the nipple protector? He also suggested that my binder should be worn tight to prevent fluid buildup.

Did you have any leakage from the nipple after you took off the dressing?

Melia and Caya,

I couldn't have said it better than Lynn. I would also love to talk with you about the procedure if you want.

Caya,

Have fun at the spa. Please let us know what the PS suggests.

Jan,

How are you feeling?

Nancy,

Hopefully your spring will get nicer soon.

Tina,

Your new oncologist sounds wonderful. Having supervised artists in the office where Jaclyn could keep busy is fantastic.

Skye,

I also heard that the AI's could cause some bone discomfort.

Mary,

Have fun today at lunch.

Joni,

How are you?



Love, Viddie

Have a great day everyone,

Hi Viddie,

I didn't wear a bra until I took the bandages off, and only when I left the house.  Dr. Lee suggested the bra after stage 1, but I didn't like that bra because of the seam.  I had a bra with me and he approved it, he said just make sure there are no wires.  I wear the bra when out of the house, but go braless at home.