I can't get my act together and I don't know why
Comments
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Oh, yeah, yesterday I wore what was supposed to be a figure flattering A-line-type flowy dress that fit me like a sausage casing and I couldn't button the jacket. To get dressed today, I might have to search through some garbage bags I shoved stuff into once to make it look like I had gotten something cleaned up in 2006. Oh, well...a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
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I found the perfect solution. Instead of cleaning out my drawers, I went and bought new socks! Hey, I needed them anyways.
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Shirley
, I have to ask? When you said, "I'm going to bake my other friend who had the liver biopsy yesterday a chocolate cake, AND I am not eating, nor saving ANY for us. It will be a surprise for her."
Did you really BAKE your friend? I mean, dear friend, perhaps it's not a wise thing to put this down in writing on the internet. I think I read one time, that the Feds do read the internet too?
AND I GOT MY DRAWER CLEANED!
NOT! I lost my puter connection before I got to the drawer and was so frustrated with the cable company and all the construction starting around us, that I went out and spent an entire day weeding and transplanting and so on!
To be honest? I should have stayed in the house and cleaned out the drawer! MY goodness. These muscles are wasted away! Will I ever see them return
I'm sickened by my lack of strength and endurance
Okay, my b*tch for the day....now I'm done.....till it starts raining and I've not gotten my piles of weeds picked up and they ruin the grass. Alas, that's a more important mess to clean up then some ol' dumb undie drawer!
Unless of course, it's lightening out too 
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Shirley, The BIG question has been answered. Now I can sleep at night. Thank you soooo much. But, (you are going to kill me) I have another question. What is the "Cain brothers". Never heard of that one. The thing that they used for your friend's IV. Enquiring minds, want to know.
Gsg, Thanks, now I know what an oosik is. Don't worry all of my clothes from last summer do not fit. That is why I hate to clean out my closet because it goes from a size 8 to a size 16. Now I only have to buy a few bigger clothes for this summer. My DH is sabatoging (sp?) my healthy eating plan. He bought a pumpkin pie and whip cream yesterday. And of course I had to eat some. I need to get back to work to loose some weight because I am usually so busy at work that I do not have time to eat a lunch and not thinking about how hungry I am, so by the end of the day I usually forget to eat my lunch.
Drawer is still NOT cleaned out!!!
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Wow, I feel like you guys tricked me into cleaning out a drawer. So many of you SAID you were gonna do it, and I actually got out of my chair and did something, only to find it was a cruel hoax to see if I was capable of leaving the chair! In the end I decided it was a good thing. Maybe next time I won't be so gullible, though.
SO we finally get the news about the oosik and Shirley's daughter. I wonder if Shirley's daughter is aware that the whole nation of BC knows she wears mildos as jewelry. She may have to go into a side business to accommodate us.
Shirley, did you bake your friend? If so, why didn't you save any for us? Was she surprised when you put her in the oven? Did she knock on the door to get out? Tell us more, please.
So Dotti, you cleaned out an entire closet! That is so impressive. My closets still have boxes in them from when I bought this house in 2003. I know I must have wonderful treasures hidden away. I just didn't get enough square footage when I moved!
My house is a wreck (except for the one drawer) and I have company coming tonight. LOL I better go clear a path.
Love you gals!
Miss S
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Just make sure to leave that drawer open and that the path you clear takes them right past it!
They should be duly impressed with it! 
It truly wasn't a hoax. I WILL DO MINE! I promise!
Just not sure when yet. It's overcast today so I can't use the garden excuse, but I'm so danged sore from the work out there the last 2 days, that I'm not sure I can make it to the drawer. Maybe just to bed after I down a couple of motrin!
I hurt! -
I have a confession to make. Remember I cleaned my drawer by dumping it all in a trash bag?....well, I didn't get the laundry done so I pulled a pair of undies out of the trash bag to wear today!! See, I knew there was a reason I didn't take the bag to the dump.
Only one problem.....now I remember why I never wore these undies. They are giving me a wedgie! -
See there? It's punishment from the 'clean it up God's'!

just had to say that! Deb, you are too funny! Now get those things off your heiny and throw the bag OUT to the curb and just go commando till you (Or preferrable someone else that feels sorry you are going commando) gets that laundry done! You're little heiny will thank you!
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I actually cleaned up a shelf in my closet today. . .does that count? I needed some larger size t-shirts to wear while recovering and decided to dig some out of the mess. Well before I knew what was happening, I had actually straightened the shelf and everything is folded neatly. . .it was kind of scary, I cleaned without thinking about it! It won't last because as soon as I pull a couple of t-shirts out of the piles they'll all be a mess again. But it sure is pretty right now!
Deb you crack me up. I'm thinking a wedgie might actually provide some excitement in my life right now. . .I know, TMI.
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Oh my,Sheila!
Can't say as I've felt a wedgie would be a good thing? You're too funny! Thanks for the crack ups today ladies!
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Miss S, Love the new avatar. It is cute. Really it was not a trick. I am going to clean out one drawer when I get time. But, show the clean drawer to your company and tell them to ignore the rest of the house.
Shirley, Hope your friend wasn't to pissed that you baked her. Now I know what an oosik is. Sounds like an oosik from hoosik. Isn't there a place in the USA called Hoosik? Maybe in New York state.
Deb, The wedgie underwear, just pretend that it is a THONG!! I don't know how people can wear those things!!!!
Kerry
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All,
I have a drawer in my coffee table which holds batteries and the remotes. I threw away all the old batteries and stacked the remotes in descending size order. Does that count? I would also like to state for the record that there were zero mildos (mildoes?) in said drawer.
Deb, take those panties off!!!
Love you guys,
Sue
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S-U-R-E there weren't Sue....me thinks you protest tooooo much! LOLOL.
The wedgie panties are GONE! I'm at work though and I didn't dare throw them in the trash. Could you imagine the janitor finding my panties at an elementary school??? YIKES. So they are wadded up in my purse. If I get in a car wreck on the way home you guys have to explain this too my MOM.
Deb C
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Deb, All I can say is "Drive CAREFULLY!!!!"
Kerry
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OMG, I'm at work and you guys have me on the verge of giggling hysterically!
I haven't written on this thread before because I am sure I am THE MESSIEST person here -- I'm like one of those fire dept emergency cases, those Oprah-sending-you-in-for counseling cases -- and I was that way LONG before BC. Not an excuse for me.
And not only my home, but my desk at work...
I can't even join the clean-out-one-drawer club! At home, I would have to clear a path to GET to the dresser, first! And at work, the file cabinet drawers are empty! The papers are stacked up on my desk. I guess my work project could be to FILL one drawer.

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OK, I'm joining this game a bit late, having sidestepped the drawer-cleaning episode completely, I hope; and I don't know what the rules were, but, Sheila:
"Well before I knew what was happening, I had actually straightened the shelf and everything is folded neatly. . .it was kind of scary, I cleaned without thinking about it!"
I don't think it should count if you clean the shelf accidentally.
otter
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Deb,
That is TOO funny! Did you REALLY take off your underwear and shove them in your purse?? Really?? LOL
This thread is just priceless! Now if I could just make myself get up from this computer and clean my bedroom, cause I have started to make piles of stuff, and it needs to be sorted out... Hey, maybe I can just stuff it all into one of those big plastic tubs, that are in my closet, and then I can deal with it all after my sister in law leaves. She is coming down for a visit tomorrow, but surprising my MIL.
Now I just need to make this place look presentable, until she gets here tomorrow. She will hang out here, until my MIL gets here, and then she'll go back and stay with her MOM for the weekend.
Harley
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Yup Harley, I really did....but first I had to shove them in my pocket to get them back to my office. I didn't take my purse to the bathroom with me. And here I sit, going commando at school, getting nothing done because I am chatting with you guys. I figure what are they going to do? Fire me? I'm done in 10 days anyway....
Deb C
Who has a a bad case of the don'tgiveadamns today

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Oh HARLEY! Don't do it! Oh my! Dh used to clean that way! When we first moved in together, his brother and sil were coming by to visit unannounced from out of town. Called when they were 15 minutes away. It was early morning and the dishes from dinner were still in the sink and stove top. I had a new baby (was about 2 weeks) so he starts loading the stuff into the oven! OMG! I had a heart attack! I said, what do you do if they stay for lunch and/or dinner! That was his way of cleaning up quickly! I should have known I was in for worse scenarios! He does NOT file anything! OR throw away. When someone comes for a weekend, he'll box the crap on his desk and stuff it in his closet. He's got boxes in there from the last 2 years (since I went through back then!) Every time someone comes to stay it all gets dumped and shoved! UGH!!!!!!!!!!
We need an update! DEB? DID YOU GET HOME WITHOUT GETTING IN AN ACCIDENT???????
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Deb's not at home. She's over on Traci's bitch thread right now.
otter
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First of all, I feel I need to clear up something about the "mildo." I know what "mildo" rhymes with. However, you have to know I have NEVER seen a "&ildo." Yep, it's true...never seen one. I've seen an Oregon, but not the imitation "thingy."
Hey, I'm turning 62 in a few days...does that make me a prude, or just an old lady? I sure ain't gonna go in a store and buy one! Can you see this grandma walking out of a store with ANYTHING to do with "gratification" objects!? Shirley
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Now, I've read the entire thread. You girls are fast. I haven't even been to the moan and groan thread.
Wishiwere:
Shirley
, I have to ask? When you said, "I'm going to bake my other friend who had the liver biopsy yesterday a chocolate cake, AND I am not eating, nor saving ANY for us. It will be a surprise for her."
Did you really BAKE your friend? I mean, dear friend, perhaps it's not a wise thing to put this down in writing on the internet. I think I read one time, that the Feds do read the internet too?
Wishiwere, you are really a smart arse! LOL Okay, so my English/grammar/language skills are not so great. Here's how that shoulda (sp?) read:
"I'm going to bake my other friend, who had the liver biopsy yesterday, a chocolate cake, AND I am not eating, nor saving ANY for us. It will be a surprise for her."

Or:
"I'm going to bake a chocolate cake for my other friend who have the liver biopsy yesterday....."
I've baked the cake, but haven't taken it to her yet. Her dh is taking her out to dinner tonight. However, I will only give her half. Why?
- 1. She told me that her cholesterol went way up. She was taken off of Lipitor because of her liver enzymes. Since the biopsy has been done hopefully her doc will start her on another cholesterol drug. Is that a good enough excuse?
- 2. My dh wanted to know if I was going to keep any for us/him. I don't want it. I don't want it around me. But, I must keep some for my friend's sake. Plus her dh is a diabetic, and after seeing his endo found out his glucose level was too high.
See, I am keeping some of this cake for my friends' sake. It could be detrimental to their health!
Shirley
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Smart arse hey?
Tis okay, I've been called worse!
I knew what you meant, but read it a few times to be sure it wasn't my reading that was failing me yet! 
So nice of you to share you df and her dh's health by keeping 1/2 at home! Now...can we expect a piece of this? Sounds yummy! For dinner would be great!

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Sheila, I was going to say before I looked to see what thread I was on that you should go over to the "I can't get my act together" thread. I'm so confused most of the time on what thread I'm on. These two have sorta blended. Until your mind is in a "safe place" do not, DO NOT clean out any drawers or closets. We don't want you walking around in the buff. You can get arrested for that!
Deb, be very careful how you exit your car. Could be some paparazzi hanging around thinking that you are Britney Spear. After all, you just shaved your head!
Patrice, I haven't updated the "moan and groan" thread about the "mildo." "Moan and groan" sounds like it should be under the Mojo Thread. Did I read on this thread that you were going to the gym to work out? Wow, girl! I'm jealous! So, trying to fit into that sausage casing made you decide to get fit!? I just keep buying larger sizes. I'm too tired to work out. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
Nicki, you had the best solution. Buy new socks is much easier than trying to sort socks, sticking your fingers in them to see if there's any holes, find matches..hell, just throw all the old ones away PERIOD! That way you won't really need to go through your sock drawer and "clean" it out.
Wishiwere, stop bragging about all the work you did outdoors for pete's sake! Pulling weeds...what are weeds? My dh'syard is starting to look like a desert. Geez! I had to use the online dictionary cuz I couldn't remember if "desert" is spelled, "desert" or "dessert." With all the dessert I've been making lately you'd think I could remember!
Kelly, the "Cain brothers?" I think it's like Novacaine or Lidocaine...a numbing agent. I can't figure out why they don't like to use it before getting a IV started. Perhaps Dotti could fill us in since she's a nurse. Or Nicki.
MissS, doesn't it feel good to have achieved getting SOMETHING cleaned? Tricks are fun! I clean out the closet under my stairs, then I start throwing stuff back in there. If someone's coming for a surprise visit I throw all kinds of stuff in there. And if my dd knew that I was telling the world about her jewelry she'd freak! She'd freak knowing I'm talking like this! She and her dh are coming back from a loooooonnngggg trip in Africa. I'm sure they'll need to make some money. I'll suggest that she start an "adult jewelry" business.
Sue, throwing out batteries is indeed counted towards cleaning. I figure if you through out old newspapers or magazines that counts. It's so hard to throw the mags out. But, I bite the bullet and close my eyes, and just do it. I've solved that problem. I do not have mags coming to my house anymore. Nor do we take the paper. All the news I need is right here on this board.....I REALLY NEED TO GET A LIFE!
Deb, I'm still laughing at you. What I would tell your mom if you had an accident with no undies....Mom, you always advised me (Deb) to have clean panties on in case I got into a wreck. That's why I took off my panties, Mom. I forgot to change them. Pssttt...It's okay to tell a white lie now and then.
No, Ann, you are NOT the messiest person. I do believe some of us would fit right into the "messiest person's club." Right now I have dishes in my sink. I baked a cake and the mess is in there. I should be cleaning the kitchen instead of playing on the puter.
Harley, take Wishiwere's advice. DO NOT start putting stuff in boxes. You should see my garage. Stuff in this box and stuff in that box...Christmas stuff I'm getting rid of too WHEN we decide we have the energy (we = dh and me). I promise you, you will forget that you stuffed the stuff away. I have found things I forgot I even owned!
Geez, I'm tired. I need to clean the kitchen now or whenever!
Shirley
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Shirley,
You forgot to tell us what time we should come over tonight to share the 1/2 cake with you that you are keeping. My cholesterol is O.K., I think, so I can eat some chocolate cake. My DH says that "you are always on the computer". This coming from the man who is TRUELY "always on the computer". O.K. for him, but not for me! I will have to straighten him out soon enough now won't I? Should have saved this for the moan and groan thread. Oh Well.!!!! When I kill him I will post that on the moan and groan thread!!!! LOL,LOL,LOL. Poor DH he is truely the BEST!!! And I love him so!!!
Kerry
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Shirley,
Well, what am I gonna do with all this paperwork that needs to be sorted out, from medical bills to birthday cards, and lots of other junk like that. Also, I wrote down people's phone numbers, addresses, cell phone #'s (yours is in that stack somewhere, too!), and birthdays, and even reminder notices about upcoming drs. appts. ... WHATEVER am I going to do with all this crap?
If I throw it away, I'll need it one day, especially for the next time we get together, or if I just want to annoy you one day, and call you on BOTH of your phone numbers AT THE SAME TIME??Oh, just WHAT am I gonna do??? Please don't say "get your act together, and clean up that mess!"
Harley
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Shirley,
Will you be my new Mom? I'll send you a picture of something you''ve never seen before.

Love,
Sue
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Shirley,
I have never seen a &ildo, either...
Years ago, when I was MUCH younger, everyone thought I was a TOTAL innocent, who knew NOTHING about s.e.x.... anyway, one lady was SO SURPRISED to find out that (I'm whispering ...) condoms are available in lots of different colors and textures. She asked me, Harley, did you know that condoms were 'ribbed'? I said YES, I knew that.... and Emily was 50 or 52 years old, but she didn't know...
I just thought it was funny! Whenever anyone would tell a slightly off color joke, they would look at me, and say, Well, I would tell you, but... Harley is over there...
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Okay, we have to figure out what we're gonna tell Deb's mom if she's in a wreck without her undies.
Dear Deb's Mom,
We're sorry about Deb not having on any undies at a critical time in her life. It was truly unavoidable. She did, however, have a wonderful BM this morning. Could you please let everyone know for us? Thanks.
Deb's Breast Friends

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@ Miss S! Great one!Harley, you need one of those little planner. Just the simple little ones that have a couple years in them, to keep track of your appt and to jot down names/phone # in. That way you can pitch those little notes you have piling up! My desk was like that too. Welll, it's got a few on it now, but it really helped when the MRI place gave me one, after my last biopsy, with other stuff. It has really helped keeping track of appt, b/c otherwise, I'd forget 99 % of them!

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