MOJO Without Matrimony!

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  • jdash
    jdash Member Posts: 754
    edited May 2008

    pepper  me too thanks so much for all your hard work to get this man behind bars where he belongs   the satisfaction you will receive when this is done will probably be worth so much more  than being BAD BAD  !  there is always time to make up for that   i have a tremendous respect for what you are doing!

    xoxox

  • LorenaB
    LorenaB Member Posts: 937
    edited May 2008

    Jule, how horrible about your grandmother - I am so sorry.  Pepper, I'm not sure exactly what your job is (detective? DA's office?) but I admire what you are doing.

    I'm here to express a teeny bit of frustration.  Just came back from dinner with my dbf (and also my son -- oh the joys of dating as a single parent).   DBF came back after DS fell asleep and I tried my darndest to tempt him into my bed.  But he's doing the 20-mile Walk for Hunger tomorrow, and he's one of those responsible, do-what-he-is-supposed-to-do kind of guys -- so he gave me some hugs and kisses and went home to put away his laundry and get a good night's sleep.  Hmmmph.  The fact that I have any libido at all in the middle of chemo is downright amazing to me.  I shouldn't have to sleep alone tonight.  Phoooey.

    On a slightly more positive note, he told me that he's finally signed up for the mandatory parenting class that he needs to take before filing for divorce (after being separated for 4+ years).  It's good to know that he's moving forward with the legal side of this (although who knows when his ex will take the class).  Unfortunately, the class meets Monday and Tuesday evenings until late -- so it looks like the earliest I'll be gettin' any will be Wednesday (Mr. Responsible never stays up too late on weeknights).  Grrrrr.

    Thanks for "listening," my fellow single ladies!

    Lauren 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Aw, Lauren, I'm sorry about your overly-responsible BF, but it seems that you, wisely, see that characteristic realistically....a benefit with sometimes annoying & frustrating side effects. I'll just add the reminder that B.O.B.'s (battery-operated boyfriends) are just for those "solo" times, ya know Wink

    Well, speaking of getting/not getting any, I'm finding myself in a rather unusual (for me) position. Had the second date with P yesterday and it lasted 9+ hours during which we had an incredible time. He is, truly, the first man I've ever met, besides my ex, with whom I have nearly everything in common, from taste in books & music to past experiences & memories to opinions, goals and aspirations. I mean we like the same things and want the same things in life! PLUS, I'm all-out totally hot for him and he, clearly, reciprocates the feelings of attraction. But here's the deal....he's, well, respectful or something. Like we've begun to lightly touch the way ya do in passing (arm around waist or back of neck/shoulder) and at the end of the night.....we only kissed!!! It was amazing, but it didn't go any further. I know that we both desired more but I, at least, felt as though our connection should be nurtured and allowed to follow a natural course before it became intimate & very physical. What the hell is up with that? I swear I'm not getting it, but I feel as though it's right for now.

    Anyway, the bottom line for me is that I'm not getting any right now and that's completely fine....for now. Hmmmmmm...Undecided

    ~Marin

  • LorenaB
    LorenaB Member Posts: 937
    edited May 2008

    B.O.B.s -- I never heard that term, very cute!  And not a bad idea....

    Marin, this guy sound great -- and there is something to be said for moving a bit slower at the beginning sometimes.  My first date with dbf ended in just a teeny little kiss, and our second "date" was a trip to the aquarium with our kids.  By the time it got physical, it was very intense partly due to the anticipation on both of our parts.  But I didn't want to go too fast - -I had just ended a 10-year marriage and didn't feel ready for an intimate relationship.  So we waited and didn't jump into bed together. OK, it was only 2 1/2 weeks after our first date - so not that long.  But it did feel that the physical and emotional connection moved on parallel tracks, without one getting ahead of the other. 

    ENJOY - and I hope the amazing connection continues and progresses!

    Lauren

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Marin,

    Glad to hear that you are taking it slow. Nothing wrong with getting to know someone before hitting the sheet. Just imagine when you do get intimate - it will be that much more special.

    Lorena...I'm a Sexual Assault Specialist in the SVU Division.

  • jdash
    jdash Member Posts: 754
    edited May 2008

    marin  i am not a prude by any means and certainly not conservative at all but i do believe in taking intimacy slow in a new relationship-  thats what makes it so incredibly special when it finally happens naturally -  any of my significant "love" relationships have developed this way -  now i am certainly not putting a time limit on the wait  LOL !  it depends on so many variables but i have discussed this topic with some very close guy friends and NONE ever seem to mind the waiting period-  if a guy is really attracted to you he will stick around and i happen to think have a lot of respect for you

    All guys want to be made to feel special and i think that them knowing you dont jump into bed with just any guy you date makes them feel extra special

    enjoy all this fun stuff-   falling in love is the best medicine in the world!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Hi ladies

    Thought I would drop by and see how you all are doing with the "BE BAD" thing...

    Ive been too busy to "BE BAD" but sure would like to!!!!

    Marin, I agree with everyone, if this guy really is your prince in shining armour then waiting will make it even better!!!!!

  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited May 2008

    Hrmph. I haven't had an opportunity to be bad lately.....

    But, I do need some advice!

    The guy I was intimate with once last month really, really wants to see me again, which I don't want, and he occasionally sends 'suggestive' e-mails and phone message which I don't like.

    (I had a weak moment and while he had a grand time my eyes were closed most of the time!)

    Background: we casually dated on and off for about a year and a half about 4 years ago. We kind of stayed in touch, again very casually, through my BC dx & tx and I put him off then by saying I had no libido. (I kind of did, kind of didn't - didn't for him for sure) The sex part was never good for me and that's one of the reasons I didn't keep the sexual part of our friendship going. But, he's interesting, thus fun to be with, hence my letting him into my bed.

    Now: he's back in my life, or wanting in anyway. How do I get rid of him without his going berserk? He's acted weird before, when I didn't want to see him, and I'm afraid of him acting weird again. I don't feel threatened but I don't think he'll take too kindly of my telling him I just want to be 'friends'.

    What to do, what to do? Any advice experts?????

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Well, Jaybird, off the top of my head, I'd go with a big, fat lie to ditch the guy. Something like you really are in a committed relationship with someone with whom you had had a little falling-out, but are getting back together and you both want it to be exclusive. Or you are really a lesbian and have finally decided to find yourself a good woman. If none of that works, maybe just dodging him, not answering his calls or emails will have to do.

    If I think of a better idea, I'll be back with it. I hate those situations....trying to get rid of some puppy dog who wants into your pants is a real pain!

    ~Marin

  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited May 2008

    ACK! I just hit the wrong button and ::poof:: my message disappeared!

    Anyway, maybe the "I'm again seeing someone I used to see" might work. He'll be pissed/upset but I don't think he'll cross any lines.

    BTW, I've ignored his last two 'suggestive' e-mails.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Jay,

    I think that is probably the best way to get rid of him.....I hate these situations!!!!!

    I would write him a gentle email that you have re-united with your prince charming and hope for the best...Im sure you will get a few emails and phone calls but those you can avoid....

    Good luck..

    Jule

  • shokk
    shokk Member Posts: 1,763
    edited May 2008
    I would just tell him you are ready to get married.......that should get rid of him......Laughing.........Shokk
  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited May 2008

    LOL @ Shokk!!! Yep, that should do it - he definitely doesn't want to get married! Maybe I should push that and then watch him run! Wink

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    OMG, I never thought of that!!!!

    Yes that should make him run with his tail between his legs in a quick hurry!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    I'd be very careful with that one because you never know what these stalker/hangers-on types will do....He might freakin' want to marry you! Go with the initial thought, Jaybird.....your true love is back in your arms and you're head-over-heels for him.

    Since this is, specifically, about mojo, I'm gonna post under the "eternally optimistic" thread about my guy, P. He seems almost too good to be true and I'm sort of glad he's going on vacation. It will give me some time to make sure I'm staying real, ya know?

    ~Marin

  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited May 2008

    And speaking of mojo, I really need to get my mojo on with someone soon! The young man I saw a few weeks ago has been busy (?) but I do expect to see him again. He says he's interested but actions speak louder than words, right?

    The other guy had exhibited weird behaviour before (I call him Psycho Man) so I really don't want to piss him off but I don't think he'll be okay with a platonic friendship so I just have to tell him that I'm seeing someone else and hope he'll just bow out gracefully.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Jay

    no matter how you tell him be safe and watchful about it please.......stuff like this is really scarey.

    Why is it we always get stuck with the puppy dog guys??? I have one too but he isnt even close to being weird...he's a really nice guy and things  have NOT and never will progress to our finding out if there is MOJO going on between us or not......we have had pretty intent conversation about this and are both in agreement.

  • WildRose
    WildRose Member Posts: 244
    edited May 2008

    Chemo brain...heh heh heh...  sorry if I posted this already, but I don't think I did.

    I may just get to try out my Mojo!

    When I got back from my out-of-state interview last week, I had a letter waiting for me that basically said my contract at work wouldn't be renewed for summer and probably not for fall, so I'm officially unemployed. Then my landlady said she was SO SURE I would get the job that she rented out my room as of August 1. Unemployed and homeless, all in the same day.

    I cried on my SO's shoulder -- the LDR one (the guy I really like) -- and he said, "come out here and stay with me. You can stay as long as you need to, as long as you can stand me. No hesitation. If you can get here, you can stay with me."

    Just like that.

    If I can come up with the gas and motel $$$ to get to Ohio.... wooo hoooo... Talk about some serious Mojo! I've wanted this guy since last August! 

    It's all about jobs and money now. 

    Wish me luck! 

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    What do you mean she rented out your room? She can't do that without your permission...even if you are renting a room in her home.

    I'm sorry that you are going through this....

  • WildRose
    WildRose Member Posts: 244
    edited May 2008

    Pepper, she felt that she could do it because my lease is up August 1. But mostly because she didn't think....she was only thinking about having someone helping pay the mortgage. I had not given notice, and I have two months before my lease requires me to give it (30 days notice that I'm leaving).

    I did talk to her hubby late yesterday and he was rather pissed that she had basically evicted me by assumption. I've been living here two years and faithfully paying my bills and my rent every month. So he said, "no you are not being evicted," and the guy the landlady rented my room to will have to stay in a different (smaller) room.  

    But I probably won't stay unless I find a local job. I still need $$$! I've applied for unemployment. I'll keep you posted on how it all goes.

    And I am looking forward to getting my hands (and lips and other parts) on my SO!  

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Rose...I gotta say that I so admire your spirit! In the face of all of your economic woes, you're looking forward to getting laid. Way to go, girl! That is the attitude and spirit of hope of a survivor!!! I hope that you find some work soon or that your unemloyment comes through quickly. Have you thought of using a contracting or temp agency?

    ~Marin

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Rose,

    When I decided to take a break from working full time a few years ago I worked through a temp agency called "Kelly Express", alot of the stuff I did was work from home for them transcribing court & medical files, but I also worked a week or two at a time in different offices for people on vacations....Im not positive but I think there is a branch of them in your area...you could look for them online to see....

    I hope all you ladies here have a wonderful Mothers Day!!!

    Jule

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Thanks, Jule! As usual, my daughter is MIA and probably not even aware it's Mother's Day. Well, I'm celebrating anyway and treating myself to a take-out Thai dinner.

    And I join you in wishing all of us a Happy Mother's Day!!!

    ~Marin

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Your very welcome Marin

    Im on my own today too, but my family all had ours last night...they have a hot air balloon stampede here every year on mothers day weekend so we all went to that.

    Ate tons of fatting fair type foods....wondered the booths, then stayed for the night glow....

    Had breakfast with my mom this morning and will have  dinner with a girlfriend and her two girls later this evening...

    Enjoy that Thai food....thats the spicey hot stuff right? I dont think Ive tried Thai but love asian foods.

    Jule

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Hey Jules,

    I just noticed that you live in WA - what part? I'm in Vancouver

  • jdash
    jdash Member Posts: 754
    edited May 2008

    marin  i always smile when i read your posts  " Rose...I gotta say that I so admire your spirit! In the face of all of your economic woes, you're looking forward to getting laid"  you are too much!!!  i love it!

    happy mothers day everyone whatever you may be doing

    i am happy to say i am lucky enough to be going out with my mom and dad who are both 80 yrs old-  i feel so blessed to have them in my life

    xoxox

    julia

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Just adding a note about my day (isn't it funny that we talk about everything on this MOJO board? For my part, it just indicates how much mojo I'm not having! sigh.....maybe once I get to know P. better...). OK, so my daughter calls right after I posted earlier to ask if she and her friend, David (who I adore...they were bf & gf thru college, until she started to realize her preference for girls), could come over. They did and we've had a wonderful afternoon and evening. Now for my "Asian-fusion" food. An Indian appetizer (Chili Paneer) and Thai entree (Dan Dan noodles)....YUMMMMM!!

    ~Marin

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Marin,

    Glad you spent Mother's Day with your daughter....

    Hope everyone is doing well...

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Hi Pepper

    Yep, Im in Washington...I live kind of between Walla Walla and Tri-Cities.

    If you ever get this direction let me know....I also go to the Oregon coast at least once a year so have passed through Vancouver many times.

    Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend....the weather held good here for once but this morning it is overcast and cool...I know we need the rain but Im SOOOOOOOOO ready for spring and summer...

    Yep Marin, I think your right...our conversations here seem to be indicative of our mojoing or not mojoing!!! Also glad to hear your daughter & her friend made your day a little better...kids can be so unpredictable!!!....

    Hope everyones week starts out right.

    Jule

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited May 2008

    Jay-How's it going with your quest to get rid of "Psycho Man"????

    I sure hope he isnt causing you any grief....

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