Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Mary, I'm getting to know my immed. neighbors a little.  Tonight I let Jaclyn go w/the two girls next door, Stacy and Kiana, w/one of their dads, to a soccer scrimmage.  She just went along.  The dad is a Mexican soccer pro.  The girls are adorable and Jac is LOVING them.  She had her spanish books and clash cards out in the back yard today, trying to learn.  She takes it 2x a week now in school, which I'm thrilled about.  Anyway, the girls are fun, down to earth.  Nothing like Ohio.  The dad was more than happy to take Jac along and he said she was great..."very agressive", which we saw in her during her first season last year.  I'm happy for her.  She really hasn't missed a beat here.  Pauly is OK.  More down time on his hands but quite honestly, he needed to slow down his pace.

Craigs list guys showed up tonight and took one part of the china cabinet and will come back tomorrow night for number 2.  They did a good job, so I'm excited.

Mary, I think it'll be at least until after my parents leave, that I'll feel put together enough to venture out to meet people.  They come May 8 and spend a week.  I have lots of projects for my father, i.e. changing out the builders cheap dining room chandelier.  That'll raise the bar in that room tenfold.  Other than that, though, just some inexpensive touches to this house.  I am not overinvesting.  I like the more cozy aspect of the house.  All of our 3 bedrooms are up one staircase and makes for nice privacy.  The guest suite is off the back of the house w/it's own private staircase and bath.  It's a great set up.  I think I could see this being home...  I just need to drag my friends sorry butts down from Boston to take a week and do a road trip w/me, just exploring the area.  I know my cousin Annemarie in NY will.  She'll do anything.  And if any of you BC gals wanna do road trip (kids included....sorry...can't ditch 'em!), feel free.

American Idols on soon.  Hope it's good.  I like Jason Castro and one other....  don't care for Archuleta...he's too baby.

Sorry Tina, speaking from my years of singing lessons and vocal competitions, my opinion of David Archuleta is, as Randy J. says - da bomb.  That kid has one of the purest, perfect pitch voices I have ever heard - he's never given a bad performance, sings with feeling and emotion - I LOVE that boy.  Granted he is young, but that kid has more talent in his little finger than Jason C. has in his whole dreadlocked body - Jason is very charming, and his baby blues are gorgeous, but as a SINGER he can't hold a candle to David A.  I think the two Davids will be the final two - that is the way it should be.

Other news - we bought the LG W/D - they are coming on Monday.  I cannot wait.  Yesterday DD#1 and I went to a local laundromat for a couple of hours and did about 7 loads of laundry.  At least there you can do them all at once.  So hopefully we're good until Monday.

I have not been feeling all the great due to the CIPRO XL I am taking for the UTI, the 'roid that is still bothering me and I guess I am also starting to have a bit of anxiety because next Thursday is my final Herceptin.  Believe me I am happy that I will no longer have to shlep down to the hospital every 3 weeks for it, but I have this eerie feeling that my "protection" may somehow evaporate.  I know this is common when treatment stops, so I guess I will get used to it.  And of course Atiman will come to the rescue.

Good morning sisters...I do not follow American Idol very closely, but Frances likes the show and was horrified this morning to find out that they booted Brooke White off (she is her favorite). Ah well...such is TV.

Well I am officially fed up with Plastic Surgeons.  I have been waiting for a callback from the guy that I was going to have do my revision, and never got called back only to find out that he never dictated a letter or started the approval process or ANYTHING.  In the meantime I changed my mind (as you all know) but still need a minor revision to my scar because of that *&$#@ open wound that continually oozes on my clothing.  I was told he would call me back "tomorrow" 

that was last week 

At this point I do not trust him any more...do not like the other guy I saw because he just seemed nasty and made me feel uncomfortable so I have just placed a pleading call to my (absolutely wonderful) Breast Surgeon who is going to see me TODAY and take a look.  I hope he fixes it quick...it is such an annoyance.

Well anyway, off to conference with the last set of students....wish me luck!

Oh...and BTW, Bella did very well in her surgery, and is resting comfortably at the vet.  She will be coming home on Friday morning. 

Rebecca, I can't believe how much grief those ps have given you. It's so unprofessional. I am so sorry.

Tina, I know how you feel about not telling anyone. I find it awkward to work into a conversation anyway. As you make friends, it will be more natural .... esp because, tragically, you will meet someone with the same diagnosis at some point. I am glad you and the kids are adjusting; sounds like a great area.

Skye and Caya, I am so glad you are nearly done with herceptin. Good luck today, Skye, with your muga. And Caya, I wish your "issues" would clear up .... seems like adding insult to injury, doesn't it?

We met with Steve's urologist yesterday. There was one positive margin, and since it was on the rectum, no surgery is possible. They will watch his psa, and if it goes up, they will use radiation. The dr says there is a 60 - 70% chance that we won't see any further problems, and I am hanging on tightly to that. Not great odds, but not awful either. We just need to live our lives as joyously as we can, and not give into the fear.

Love, Melia

Joni - good for you. No one deserves that level of care. It's absolutely unacceptable and you did the right thing.

I'm on my way to go climbing tonight. My arm has been pretty much back to normal. 

PS Joni I forgot to say I am THRILLED that you are keeping your rendezvous plans!

Joni that is so horrifying it is hilarious.  IS SHE FOR REAL?!?!?  Get a clue….I agree with your Doc, report this behavior.  Imagine if you had not been smart and proactive.  Stay away from her for sure.

Well, my wonderful Breast Surgeon made time for me today so he could take a look at my “cavern”.  That is where the good news ends.  He said that the work had to be done by a plastic surgeon because of my implant, which he (by the way) thinks is exposed to the air via the hole in my skin.  He thinks that I must have a low grade infection (present for quite some time I guess), and that most likely  my implant will have to be removed to allow the infection to be resolved AND because it has likely become contaminated by exposure to the air and can not be sterilized…and then replaced at a later date. 

I was (and still am) absolutely crushed. 

We discussed Doctors, and I told him that I had left PS #1 because it was just too much money and I needed to go in-network, but that when I tried I did not have much success, with Drs either refusing to see me, giving me the creeps or not returning my calls.  He suggested I go back to PS#1…and after I left the office he placed a call to PS#1, who then had nurse “mommy” call me and make an appointment. 

Which I did, with great sadness. 

At this point I do not have much choice…I can not get treatment anywhere else, and this is no longer a matter of aesthetics…I require medical treatment for a complication.  So I am going back to my old PS…but this time I am just going to assume that it is going to cost a fortune, and if it does not and he really “takes care of me” this time as he promised last time I will be pleasantly surprised. 

I am also preparing myself for the worst (implant coming out) but I am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised again and the hole will be the “no big deal” thing that I had thought it was. 

Isn’t it funny how the things that you think are minor so often turn into something huge?

Well anyway…I am going to crash on the couch with my DH and a stiff drink.  Love to all…..

Ugh. Rebecca - Ditto what Melia said. I'm really sorry. That absolutely sucks!

Oh, Rebecca - I am so sorry. This really is just too much and you don't deserve it, and I am so sad for you! I hope it ends up being nothing serious, but I suspect your breast surgeon is correct - you should not have a draining cavern after all this time. Now, is the guy you are going to see the one who put your implants in to begin with? Honestly, it is hard for me to understand why you have had so much trouble finding a satisfactory PS - you are not in rural North Dakota or someplace, you're in New Jersey - there should be tons of people to choose from, and yet all of yours have been losers. Is your network very small, or is your luck just very bad? When do you have your appointment set for? Maybe you can find someone to help you later on, after you get your current situation taken care of. I know you are disgusted with the whole process now, but I do think that at some point you will want to try again with some kind of reconstruction - you are young yet, and beautiful, as Melia said, and you deserve to have two breasts. Since this one was never satisfactory, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

Joni, I applaud you for standing up to the oncologist's nurse, and for writing her up. Too many people have let her get by with that for too long, including your oncologist. I guess the unionization has protected her, but even with union support, it is possible to get rid of someone who is not doing a good job, it just has to be documented. People just don't bother, or are afraid to complain. So go for it. She sounds like a real bad apple, and unfortunately nursing has it's share of them just like any other profession. Maybe she'll get her act together (or get mad and leave). Are you having numbness in your fingertips already? I didn't complain about mine in time, and it is still with me, so be sure your oncologist knows about it and if it gets worse. So glad you'll be in Vegas with us.

Skye, glad your Muga went relatively well. Sorry the fibromyalgia's back, but glad you're feeling better and have the witchy one under control.

Melia, glad it's only one margin, and that your odds are 60-70% for no further problems. That's much better that what you were looking at a month or two ago, and I have as trong feeling that Steve will be ok. Of course, the monitoring will drive you crazy, just like your own checkups do, but I guess that's a fact of life with all of us now.

Tina it sounds like you are all adjusting so well to DC - that's so good to hear, after all you've been through. I don't blame you at all for not spilling the beans about your bc - it will come iup eventually, but it would be nice to sort of pretend it had never happened, for a while.

Viddie, be safe coming home - it'll be nice to have you back. Mary, just how wild IS your wild side??? Caya, hope you get to feeling better. I understand the anxiety surrounding the end of treatment - I sure had it, but it has decreased with time.

To all who asked, I guess it's 31 days till my diep - one month from tomorrow! It's June 2. I donated my unit of blood this week, so it's starting to feel more real.

Hugs to everyone. Can't wait until July!

Mel, there are literally ZILLIONS of plastic surgeons in my area...the problem is that none of them take my insurance...or in fact ANY insurance at all.  The list of Drs that take my insurance was distressingly short, and they were for the most part far away from me (I had to travel in order to see the ones that I did get to talk to me).  The other thing that bugs me about the other opinions that I got was that they all noted that the hole needed to be repaired, but they did not really seem all that alarmed, nor did they tell me that it was possible that the implant might have to be removed as part of the treatment.  I think that is a fairly important point!  My BS and the old PS were both fairly horrified by the cavern, and I suspect that it is going to be dealt with rapidly.  At this point, of the three Drs that have examined me (including my old PS) I trust and feel the most comfortable with my old PS...which is a pretty pathetic state of affairs if you ask me.

I now do not feel like I have the luxury of shopping around because I am, and have been possibly walking around with a contaminated appliance inside my body and I am a nasty infection waiting to happen so I just suck it up and do what I have to do. 

What really irks me is that I had finally gotten used to my new body, and come to terms with everything, and everything had FINALLY settled in and was starting to look pretty good and now I have to start over.  On the plus side of all this I think that I will be able to get silicone implants out of this. 

Baby Bella is coming home from the hospital today.  I hope she is perky...I missed her a lot!  The kids will all be at school when I bring her home so I will get some quality time with my kitten before the hoards descend. 

Lynn- Thanks for posting - glad you are doing okay.  Perky nipples now too?  OY!!  Good for you...

Take it easy this weekend and relax.

xo

Congrats, Lynn - you're going to look soooo great!! Once that lipo swelling and bruising goes down, of course, and that will be sooner than you think.  You can make us all envious by July.  Hope you get to feeling less addled soon, but on the other hand, that's why they make Percocet...take it as long as you need it, and enjoy your rest.  And of course, let us know how you're doing.  So glad that's behind you.  And in exactly one month, I should be under the knife at this time - at last!

Congrats, Lynn!  Glad things are going so smoothly for you.  You're so lucky to have it all done now.

I feel like such a monster but I'm way too chicken to do anything about it.  Plus, my stomach scar is so gross, nothing matters.  Oh well...  not too many people seeing that part of me.

Ta Ta's,

Triple the OY's, Rebecca. I so hope that this all will lead you to the best results at long last, tho I am mad as h-e-double hockeysticks that you had to put up with the infection crap and everything else. The silicone implants sound good though. But what a rigamarole!



Lynn, SO glad you got thru the surgery and safely to the Percoset stage. Just pop those babies as needed. The new girls sound grand. Please keep us posted.



Mel, one month isn't long at all. Keep reminding us of that date.



Melia, it's so tough to be philosophical about a thing like cancer. None of us should have it and yet we do. Or did!



Caya, may you find the perfect accountant, and an honest one... that is an important job.



I have two signings tomorrow, one in the little town I grew up in and then one in a nearby city. The city newspaper, which is read by everyone in my home town, did a story on me for the signings. I thought the reporter would write mostly about the things in the book which have to do with those 2 towns, but instead she focused it on my cancer! The headline was, "Writing kept me going, author says." The inside headline was about losing my hair. I'm feeling rather naked right now. I knew she was asking questions and told her it was ok to mention it but didn't expect the full treatment. So now I wonder if I will be dealing with turtle faces all day tomorrow. I will let you know how it turns out. - Skye

Ugh Skye that is really stinky.  The pathetic truth is that cancer sells, and I am sure that is why that nasty journalist did that to you.  If anyone gives you a turtle face, give them a raspberry.