son skipped school

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gracejon
gracejon Member Posts: 972
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
son skipped school
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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited April 2008

    Thought I would like to elicit opinions regarding punishment.  Of course we already have some things going but think with help some of these things could be more creative.  He and many others were under the impression that senior skip day is for the whole school.  Of course they have detention from school but just one afternoon.  I think we all are getting to soft.  My main problem is he has some learning problems and okay if you were academically doing wonderful, I may have thought less.  I still would dole out punishment but I do want him to know he needs every second of learning he can muster.  So far can't use anything electronic including cell phone and will not be able to go anywhere with friends.  Haven't made a decision on how long the punishment will last but jokingly think it should be until graduation 3 years from now. Last week he was required to do ironing cause he just can't figure out if clean things in laundry room are hanging and fall, he needs to pick them up and rehang.  Also school uniform pants that are wadded in a ball need to be hung up to be worn the next day or ironed at 5:30 am in the morning for school by him.  My friends think I am too tough but really a lot less tough than my own mom was on myself and siblings

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited April 2008

    Grace, I imagine you enforcing these obligations (I don't even really see them as punishments!) with firmness and a twinkle of good humor in your eye!  I think you are doing a wonderful thing for son!

    About how long the skip-school "lesson" should last -- I think if it drags on too long the lesson may be lost.  Maybe it could be a total of 3 or 4 weeks, with privileges restored in increments for good behavior?  Then the "punishment" in itself continues to be instructional?  Like a homework plan?

    If you really want to tie it to schoolwork and learning -- is there some school-like assignment you want him to do for you?  Read the newspaper when he would have been playing a video game and report a story to you for discussion?  I'm just thinking you might both in some way enjoy the alternate use of his time -- not a bad thing, IMO.

    Anyway, I think the ironing thing is already very creative, so I'm sure you're doing great -- better than I did when my son was a teen!

    Best,

    Ann

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    For me, I always remember that we cannot control another person, not even our own children. Not even what they will eat.  We can only control what we do or in the case of eating, what we serve.

    That being said ..... I think you have to say to your son that he made a real bad decision in skipping school.  (drama .....  OOOOOOOO whaaaat a baaaad deeeeecision.... tsk tsk......  I hope you can handle what your teachers are going to say or do.  But I guess you can handle things like this. Good luck, son. I love you.)

    Can you imagine what he will do if you make this HIS problem and not yours????

    I recommend the tapes:  Parenting with Love and Logic.

    It truly teaches that you have to teach them to make small decisions along the way so that when big things like this come along, they realize that they are making the choices.  Now for teens, they have a series as well.  When your teen does something that throws you off balance, buy some time by saying, "I’m going to have to do something about this. But not now… later… try not to worry." Take some time to calm down and get some ideas from friends.  Can you imagine telling them that they shouldn't worry?!!!  LOL!!!!  They will be so totally worrying about the punishment you will be doling out.  You can even ask them what they think they should do!

    There  are so many one liners I have gotten out of it.

    "I love you too much to argue about stuff like that."

    "You go to your room, I'll go lay down and I'll pretend you're at the slumber party." 

    "Energy drain ..... but I'll  get thru it."

    "oooooooooooo bad decision"

    "It's ok to _______ (whine, swear, cry) just go to your room and work it out and come out when you can talk sweet like me."

    ............ 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    From their website: 

    Use enforceable statements:

    • I give treats to kids who protect their teeth by brushing.
    • Breakfast is served until 7:30. Get all you need to hold you till lunch.
    • My car is leaving at 8 a.m.
    • I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine.
    • I’ll take you guys the places you want to go in the car when I don’t have to worry about fighting in the back seat.
    • I’ll do all of the things I do for you around here when I’m feeling respected.
    • I give allowance to those who finish their chores.
    • I’ll provide TV and Nintendo when the chores are done.
    • I keep the toys I have to pick up. You can keep the ones you pick up.
    • I’ll be happy to buy you the clothes I feel are appropriate.
    • I’ll be happy to listen to you as soon as your father and I are finished talking.
    • I lend money to those who have collateral.
    • I lend the car to those who have made a deposit equal to the insurance deductible.
    • I’ll reimburse you for your college tuition for those classes in which you earn a “B” or above. I’ll be happy to give you the money when I see your report card.
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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    I really do this to my daughter when it comes to meals .....  when she doesn't finish her meal

    "I hope you had enough to last til the next meal."

    I promise I say that ...... enforceable statements. 

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  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited April 2008

    I like manual labor.  It's spring - give him some yardwork to help you with then let it go.  Kids are stupid, sometime....I know I was!

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  • Paulette531
    Paulette531 Member Posts: 738
    edited April 2008

    Rocktobermom...those are awesome statements!

    I would pick out a required reading (for his grade) and tell him the punishment is over when he finishes the report from reading the book. If it is a book that is required he will be ahead on his school work!

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008

    I agree with KariLynn.  Manual labor and then let it go..you get something out of it while he learns his lesson.  it's a win-win.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    This is why I like that statement:  "I’m going to have to do something about this. But not now… later… try not to worry."

    See, you are getting good advice from Kari, Paulette and gsg and by delaying your punishment decision, you are getting some good choices and he is "trying not to worry" ... LOL!  I know my daughter would be bugging me every 5 minutes:  "Have you decided what you're gonna do, Mom?"  ....  

    If you choose the manual labor punishment you could tell him that's how he can replenish that Energy Drain he caused.  Make sure to lay down and relax and drink a soda (or whatever) and say how good it is to relax and read while he is working!  LOL ......  When I have Teryn replace my energy (I have her fold laundry) I say out loud "Oh what a nice thing getting chores done while I sit and relax.  Sure is nice getting my energy back."  

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited April 2008

    It is hard to enforce these punishments.  

    For that reason I favor keeping them short. Otherwise he'll be sweet-talking his way out of it and then it won't mean anything.

    I would also tell him right now what the punishment for doing this again will be.  

    Collecting the cell phone was always my favorite. That seemed to mean something to 'em. I am not in favor of "you must read this" as a punishment as it's hard enough to get kids to read. I always coupled things that needed to be read with a reward. 

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited April 2008

    Love the quotes from "Parenting with Love and Logic"  He knows that the decision about how long restrictions are lasting has been delayed until dad and I agree.  I am working at replacing energy but the yard is calling for a supervisor and staff today so a bit of direction is in order for the "fun" to begin.  The bit about earning back priveleges is not one I have thought of in the past but it does make perfect sense and definitely Anne one I will using now and in the future.  You all continue to give me reason to ask for more input in everyday things like these cause I am so willing to admit that I don't know it all and am willing to ask others.  You're the best.  Wishing you all a early Mother's Day happiness.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited April 2008

    My dh would ground them for life and I grounded them for a specific time, then it was over.

    It was usually one or two weekends. Plus, they had to ride the bus, which my dd hated! 

    One thing they fully understood, I said what the punishment was and stuck to it.  I didn't make them overly long, I wanted some time to myself, too.   LOL

    We;ve always had one TV, in the family room.  They could have electronics for music and 'puter but no TV.  If necessary, their phone was removed from their room for bigger transgressions. 

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  • Mary-Lou
    Mary-Lou Member Posts: 2,230
    edited April 2008

    So glad I'm a grandmother.......LOL

    Now I sit back and watch my children squirm....My oldest granddaughter is a teen....my son ( her dad) whom I just knew would be in prison turned out fine.

    I thought everybody skipped school.....we went to the beach, or at least tried. Took 2 hours to get to bay bridge...so we had to turn back. I will always remember that as long as I live.

    Momma never knew, and I had my brother with me who was 3 years younger. We still talk about it to this day....we are 49 and 52 now.

    Momma is almost 75 .....

    I would love to have those young days back....skipping school and having fun. Not what I have today. Bones that can't seem to get me out of my tracks.

    aarpavatar

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  • junie
    junie Member Posts: 1,216
    edited April 2008

    Mixed thoughts after reading this thread.   My kids did enough things that there was no punishment, or length of punishment available to teach them any kind of lesson.   I did "Tough Love" with my daughter; counseling with my son.   Somehow we lived through it.   They are wonderful adults today and have given me 7 grandkids--who I hope will return "the favor" of being kids and also grow to be wonderful, mature adults.

    I, too, remember skipping school.   And, being stupid enough to ask my mother to write me an excuse note!!!   She wrote the note, didn't say a word--because after taking one look at me, she knew my punishment would come the next day at school.   And, it did!   We'd spent the day at a lake, picnicing and drinking.   Next morning, I was so hung over and sunburned but no way would she let me stay home from school.  She was so wise to know that the peer pressure I faced at school the next day would be worse than any week--two-week punishment take away privileges she could give me.   She was right!   I never ditched school again!

    A once or two in a blue moon transgression is so different from continual, escalating behaviour problem.    I am glad those days are behind me!

    hugggssssss

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  • gracejon
    gracejon Member Posts: 972
    edited April 2008

    Found out today that recently promoted by internet was national skip school day.  Never thought of the possibility but a google found several dates over the last few years devoted to national skip day.  Seems like facebook, my space maybe a vechile for marketing of these days.

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