Exercises to Prepare for a Mammogram

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gsg
gsg Member Posts: 3,386
edited June 2014 in Humor and Games
Exercises to Prepare for a Mammogram
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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008
    By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam
    and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test
    and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your
    home.

    EXERCISE ONE:

    Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door
    as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time
    wasn't effective enough.

    EXERCISE TWO:

    Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is
    just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with
    one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly
    back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
    over and repeat with the other breast.

    EXERCISE THREE:

    Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a
    stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
    Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment
    with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

    YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!
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  • newter
    newter Member Posts: 4,330
    edited April 2008

    OMG, LMAO

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008
    Laughing
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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited April 2008

    OMG!!  That is too funny, gsg!!!  ROTFLMAO!

    This is why I asked for a breast MRI this time, and NOT a mammo!!

    Harley

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    BHAAAAHAHAHA.......LMAO!!!!!!! Priceless.......sheer torture....OH NOOOOO.......I gotta go for one......AGGHHH

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008

    Good luck, daisy!

    harley:  thanks for the reminder....my doc was supposed to be sending me an MRI referral and I think they forgot.  I'm going to call right now!

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  • takingcare
    takingcare Member Posts: 1,941
    edited April 2008

    This is so true, it's almost sad! lol   Mine was the end of March and my boobies are still smashed.  Great, two smushed boobies with a chunk out of one!   Now...

    Gsg, Did you make your appointment????   Wink

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008

    I had one in March.  Cool but I am making an appointment now for an MRI this summer.  Wonder what I can do to prepare for that.  hmmm.  maybe lie motionless on my stomach in a flying superman position in a closed car trunk for 30 minutes.

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited April 2008

    gsg,

    Yep, that is about what I did!!  But, it is very hard to NOT BREATHE, for about 35 minutes or so, while they keep running pics with that stupid machine!!

    Do you get mammos, and MRIs alternately??  I am only supposed to go ONCE a year, and my surgeon thinks I'm gonna squeeze my new FOOBS in one of those MAMMO machines??  NO WAY!! 

    Good Luck!

    Harley

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  • gsg
    gsg Member Posts: 3,386
    edited April 2008

    Hi, Harley: 

    My onc & breast surgeon want me getting a mammo & ultrasound once a year and then six months following that, an MRI, which I'm relieved about.  With my dense breasts, I don't trust the mammos or ultrasound as much as the MRI.  After diagnosis of one lump, following mammo & ultrasound, an MRI saw 4 additional small lesions around the main large tumor that were not visualized with the mammo or ultrasound.

    Do you think yours would authorize an MRI instead of a mammo for you, if  they're going to limit you to once a year? 

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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited April 2008

    gsg,

    Yes, I think I am authorized to get either a mammo OR a breast MRI ONCE a year...  The thing is, I had a bi-lateral mast., with reconstruction.  So I don't really have breasts, just saline implants, and I refused to get a mammo because:

    1.  I don't trust 'em, since the mammo didn't catch my bc, until AFTER I felt the lump, and THEN, it was a DIAGNOSTIC mammo... I KNOW that would put a hole in my new boobs! 

    2.  see above...I don't want to risk puncturing these new boobs...

    so far, NONE of my drs. has even MENTIONED that I should be getting a breast MRI or Mammo or ultrasound... only my breast surgeon, and I usually listen to him.  I just refused to get a mammo.   My surgeon told me that he can't be sure that he got ALL my breast tissue, so that is the reason I still need to be screened for local recurrence.  Some think that this is not necessary, since the surgeon took out my breast tissue... I figure it's better to be safe than sorry...

    sorry for the long post...

    So, even though my surgeon wants me to get a mammo... I won't.  My insurance will cover either a breast MRI or a mammo, once a year.

    Hope your tests are all clear for any abnormalities!!

    Harley

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  • candie1971
    candie1971 Member Posts: 4,820
    edited April 2008

    oh boy...this is funny..thanks for the chuckle....I have to make my appt for my mammo....oh, just can't wait to have them smashed!!

    lol

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  • bluesky
    bluesky Member Posts: 389
    edited April 2008

    i just found this thread and was laughing out loud too true and funny.

    i am one of the ones like you harley that does not do mammos, i am 43 and had three done; once a year and the mammo did not find my bc, i did, even when i and the bs found the lump the mammo was negative, the us did show suspisicousness, i don't trust mammos and also there is a lot of conterversy about them they give off alot of radiation and all of the squeezing extra is not good. i only do mris and us, if your doctor finds them to be a medical neccassity insurance will cover them.

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