I can't stop worrying

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KP1970
KP1970 Member Posts: 192
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
I can't stop worrying
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  • KP1970
    KP1970 Member Posts: 192
    edited April 2008

    I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 10/06. HER neg and ER pos (I am on Tamoxifen). I am 37 (36 when diagnosed). I had a mastectomy, 8 rounds of chemo (4 A/C and 4 Taxotere) and 6 weeks radiation. I have done everything that I need to. But I can't stop worrying that this will come back. I have had some general achiness for the last week and I worry that I now have bone mets! I posted a question about this in a different forum, but I am wondering if Tamoxifen can cause achiness (?)

    My husband and I have three girls (13,8 and 5) and I can't stop worrying that I may not be here for them. We are planning a move to a different city this summer which would involve my husband commuting during the week (he would be home with us on the weekends only), and I wonder if I should even be contemplating this type of situation (what if something happens to me and my husband has the hassle of having to move them back closer to his work...and who will take care of my babies)??!

    For a long time, I was doing pretty well, trying to keep my mind busy so that I didn't dwell on this. All of those old feelings are coming back now. I keep telling myself that the majority of women diagnosed with early cancer survive it, but then I also start thinking about if it DOES come back...I know I wouldn't be able to handle a doctor telling me I have stage 4 cancer and only "x" amount of time left :(

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  • bluesky
    bluesky Member Posts: 389
    edited April 2008

    dear kp-i know it's hard, some days i feel the same way, but we are doing all that we can to ensure that it does not come back. i do alot of yoga, walking, pilates, i try to keep myself busy and think healthy thoughts, whenever i fear about recurence i repeat the mantra i am totally healthy and i feel alot better.

    i finished treatments (chemo and rad) july 07 and i am on tamoxifen, i am still achy in my hips, shoulders and back, this is from the taxol and tamoxifen. believe that you will be fine. take care.

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  • hollyann
    hollyann Member Posts: 2,992
    edited April 2008

    hi KP.  Sorry you're going thru this.It's really hard not to worry.  Yes Tamoxifen unfortunately can cause all sorts of aches and pains.  When i first started taking it I thought the same as you, what if what if what if..   Well, It is over a year out I am now on Femara and have even worse aches.  I know it is not mets, but the Femara which makes me hurt so bad.    Kp, you have to tell yourself EVERYDAY   This is not mets it is the Tamoxifen.......     I had such bone pain at first that I realyy thought I had bone mets, then I remembered I had had a bone scan the yr before dx and it was negative for mets,   same as with a CT scan in December before my hysterctomy...... hugs to you because you need them...you WILL be there for your babies.......and your hubby too  LOL......Not everyone gets mets and being Her2 negative is a really good thing.......Good luck to you KP...Come chat with us in Treatment and Beyond room soon......HUGS!!!

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  • roseg
    roseg Member Posts: 3,133
    edited April 2008

    One thing I'll say is that sometimes tamoxifen can cause depression, and these repetitive thoughts and fears you're having might be considered an anxiety-based depression.

    Do you find yourself crying sometimes? That's another sign. It might help you to talk with a professional. Cancer has already been a pain-in-the-butt for you -- don't let depression and cancer steal more of your life from you! 

    That said - you are nearly out of your first two years. Many gals who have reoccurences have them within the first two years, so it won't be long before you can breath a sigh of relief.  

    It's hard not to worry and it's even worse when you fall into a worrysome thought pattern. I hope you can think yourself into the happy/healthy life that you deserve! 

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  • KP1970
    KP1970 Member Posts: 192
    edited April 2008

    You gals are wonderful. I feel better already. Thank you. :)

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  • momtothree
    momtothree Member Posts: 74
    edited April 2008

    (((Kim)))

    I know how you feel. I was 36 with 3 young kids when I was dx. Did the chemo, rads, and 5 years of Tamoxifen. I'm now on Femara, the bone pain and body aches are terrible. Most days I feel like I'm 90 years old!!

    The first few years after dx were so bad for me...I thought EVERYTHING was cancer. My doc's put me on an antidepressant, it helped me stop obsessing about recurrence. Still thought about it...but those thought did not consume me. My youngest son was only 15 months old...I remember praying/pleading to God to just let me see him off to kindergarten. I did..and now he is in 6th grade! I just celebrated my 11th year cancer free. I still get scared...I think I always will, but it gets better with every passing year.

    I have a great support system (unfortunately my hubby is NOT included) of my sisters and friends. It helps me to talk about it...and I know everybody on this site understands, truly "get's it". So keep coming here....you will always find a shoulder!

    Right after my surgery, my brother (who is a physician) had to keep telling me over and over that I was going to be fine. I would look to him constantly for reassurance. One day I told him I was sorry for being such a pain. He said no matter how long it took...he was there to "pull" me "over the line". lol Kind of like Pavlov's dog's...SO, Kim I/we are here to pull you over the line! When you need some assurance, understanding and friendship you know where we are.

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited April 2008

    When I started my journey my twins were 4. They are 7.

    I am 3 years out. Do I worry about not being around for them? Every day. Do I obsess? no. I have cancer anxiety. It was worst the first 2 years. It does get better.

    Unfortunately it is a reality for us as survivors.

    My mom is 17 years out, the farther you get out from diagnosis the easier it gets.

    My goal is to enjoy every precious minute I have with my kids. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

    I am a planner by nature.

    I Let myself go 'there' and come back. For me it helped. My kids will be okay. No matter what. They will have the best support system in place.   I can control that.

    Hang it there.

    My goal is to watch my kids graduate from HS..college...

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  • Fitztwins
    Fitztwins Member Posts: 7,969
    edited April 2008

    oops, double post!!

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  • bluebell
    bluebell Member Posts: 19
    edited April 2008

    hello girls, i just came across your thread, would like to say a big hello to you all and send you lots of love and prayers from dublin ireland. i was dx in may 07, i had a right lumpectomy was her her2 negative and eostrogen positive and am on tamoxifen since january this year and it is freaking me out, i too feel about a 100 most mornings. My body aches and my feet hardly manage to move for me, i also have pain in my right thumb that goes up to my elbow, i rang one of my docs and he said it is just the tamoxifen, so i have stopped worrying about the aches and pains, but could anyone help me, i am driving myself and not to mention my long suffering husband mad worrying about the other breast, i am terrified it is now in the other one, i had a mammogram and ultrasound when my cancer was first diagnosed and i suppose it was checked then and must have been ok but i cant seem to stop worrying that maybe they missed it and it is growing there, im doing ok and survived the chemo without too much side effects, so i feel this should be a positive time for me but i just dont seem to be able to pull myself out of this anxiety, wondering if any of you went throught similar thoughts, i really feel for all you wonderful women who are mothers, you are amazing and never forget that, i will not be able to have any children the docs said, im 38 and have none so that is something we will have to accept too, im thinking of you all and will say special prayers for you all, i was in the states last week in florida and saw an amazing man on a programme called 60 minutes who says he has a cure for cancer, he was not a quack, he seemed so positive and it was an inspirational and very hopefull story, i will post a link so that you can all read about him, anyway sorry for going on and on us irish luv to talk and talk, love and prayers to you all, leonie

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  • bluesky
    bluesky Member Posts: 389
    edited April 2008

    bluebeil-i know how you feel, once i had my lumpectomy nov 06 i had an mri because i was so afraid for the other breast, thankfully all was fine, i had another mri and us sept 07 and everything is clear and great on both breasts, i don't do mammos because mine was negative and did'nt even pick up the bc, but i found the lump and the us showed suspicious tissue. ask your doctor to order an mri it will put your mind at ease.

    take care.

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  • bluebell
    bluebell Member Posts: 19
    edited April 2008

    thankyou bluesky for your reply,  i know it seems the right thing to do would be to have an us, i just get so nervous at the thought of more scans and tests, my us when i was first diagnosed must have been ok on my good breast so i am trying to focus on that, ive been told it is very rare to have it in both breasts, i hope your doing well, thanks again for taking time to reply to me, love leonie

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  • KP1970
    KP1970 Member Posts: 192
    edited April 2008

    I am not too nervous about cancer coming back to the other breast. What I AM nervous about is that they didn't "get it all" in chemo and it may come back to my liver, brain or bones. :(

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