Ter. .

This story was in here LONG ago, think back to 04 or 05 and just wanted to share it as i had saved it and just wanted to share.

I will get back with you, im hanging...but you'll like this story

Debbie's Story
By Lolly Susi

I had belonged to the cancer support group for three years, and Debbie had never been a regular attendee. In the advanced stages of ovarian cancer, she had too many places to go, people to meet and experiences to undergo.

But we always looked forward to her return, and after each adventure, Debbie would report back to the group.
"Ayers Rock is as amazing as I had hoped it would be," she effused after her trip to Australia. "It was my dream to see it before I died." And she brought out her photos and her stories and her smile. Debbie had a smile as wide as any room she entered. It is still my strongest memory of her.

I don't think I ever knew what Debbie really did for a living, but someone once suggested she might have been a model. Even in her illness, she was beautiful. Or maybe that was her smile. Anyway, it didn't really matter.

We never spent a lot of time at our meetings talking about the past. The present was too all-consuming for each of us.

Debbie was by no means the only member of our group who was facing her own death. Some traveled, like Debbie, braving exotic locations in spite of physical weaknesses or colostomy bags or post-treatment fatigue. Some stayed at home and made the most of remaining time with family and friends. Some were resigned, some philosophical, some fearful as they came to terms with their mortality. Death is a personal thing. But Debbie's way was my favorite: facing it full-on, with verve and spunk and gusto and joy. On the night she announced she was leaving the city and moving to a hospice that would let her be nearer her family, I knew we would never see her again, and it left an empty place in my heart.

On a cold and dreary winter evening, one of our members reported her phone call to Debbie's hospice. Surrounded by her family, Debbie was close to death. Her kidneys had failed, but in the final hours of her life, she still managed to take a brief phone call. She wished us all well. That had been several days before, so we knew she was gone. During the meeting, we lit a candle and had a moment's silence in memory of our friend.

Two weeks later, Debbie appeared in the doorway of our meeting room. Thinner, weaker, walking with a crutch, she was assisted to a chair by her sister. "Hi," she beamed. "Bet you didn't expect me tonight!" We stared at her, stunned.

Debbie laughed. "Who (besides doctors) says doctors know it all, anyway?" she gushed. "There I was, at death's door and beyond, and suddenly, for some reason, my kidneys kicked into gear. Go figure." And she laughed again.

Her laughter waned. "I can't stay long. I have to get back. It's just, I know some of you are facing what I face, and I had to come tell you, it's all right. I was there, you see. In fact, I feel cheated I had to come back. And it's beautiful there, wherever it is. Then, all of a sudden, here I am again." She shrugged. "I had to come and tell you all: Don't be afraid. You're going to be okay."

I don't remember what happened after that. We all said good-bye, like we would see her next week. We knew we wouldn't.

At our next meeting, we lit a candle for Debbie once again. During our moment of silence, I thought of her smile, and her warmth and joy. Debbie had given us her last report on her biggest journey.

Reprinted by permission of Lolly Susi (c) 2003 from Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor's Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Mary Olsen Kelly.

hi, i know i havent been on here for a long long time, just too many things here with me and frank have overpowered so many things with me...its kind of like I want to help him as thats what i should do, but when i do, it only puts me down even further...feeling depressed, shakey, and much pain, but then i think of all you others out their who are working so hard at tx's.

seems like our house is a disaster and when i try to do something, im doomed..like during the holidays etc, boxes seemed to accumalate, and i keep cutting them down to fit in garbage so dh can take it to curb on garbage day, then when that happens he has fallen a few times....i feel i need a fairy G*d mother to come in a zip thru the house and try to help...what a joke....

i dont seem to see mom, as so many there are sick with colds etc and im the one who ends up with them...and i try not to but i do put things of hers in a bag, important mail like voting stuff and etc, then call her sis who is not well and she stops by and picks them up and shes not well  but goes there almost daily and they play their game of scrabble, their favorite thing for 50 years...i just am so jelous of mom that her will to keep going doesnt stop...no she is not in pain, just cant make it by herself since her stroke...she misses me and wants to come by to see me as her sis brings her but this house is a disaster, and its her home...any ideas would be greatly appreciated...

oh i took another good fall in the bath, and now i am so scarred to take one, the other day i padded the floor as my knees are killing me, but had to wash the hair, and dh was there to help..but to get in the tub???? im scarred to death..I see my reg doc this week, as he put me on cybalta for its suppose to help with my fibro etc, but after a course of a few weeks i ended up being the meanest person alive, so i quit it..and now i am not like that, but the pains all came back, as id rather be in pain than be mean to dh...

well everyone, I did meet someone from here on bcorg who lives in my town : ) that made me so happy, her name is natalie, and is in UCLA now doing tx etc, and sounds in her letters like she is taking this very well, her and i will talk when she gets home, she doesnt live far, and just knowing someone is here w/bc basiclly almost makes me cry as she is 27 yrs old..not fair..

love you all

Ter

Hi Ter- Where the heck have you been! Only kidding! I was so glad to see your post today and as always I am sorry for all that life is dealing you. As far as the house goes- who cares... It is people that are the only important things in life! Well here in Ct. it is a very very sad day. My good friend who lost his wife to bc two years ago, committed suicide. Three young children and we are all in total shock. He started a Research Fund for BC and raised over $600,000!!! He was a wonderful man who died of a broken heart and life will never be quite the same. So say a prayer for all the Brodeurs because that is all we can do! So be tough and stay strong. As far as the baths go maybe try a shower chair. Love and Hugs- Dunner

hi, thanks christine and ravdeb,  oh the falls...im so unstable its driving me nuts.

had to tell you all that frank is not doing well at all, although he is starting to be tested etc as he made up his mind "so far" for doing the antiferon, which is like chemo for his hep C....scarred yes, but Puppy and her DH are helping us tremendously on it, all 4 of us chatted on the phone for hours the other day, and besides antiferon we were told, as it is harsh as can be and normally its a one year tx... but were told there are many new tx's out there now..the bad thing is, is its been going on for so long, has all of us in tears, and trying to learn more, and our doc is trying to set up a biopsy for him, as we were told they start treatment prior to the biopsy, as its a very sure thing like 100%..so please keep my Frank'o in your thoughts, and for me to find someone to help us out around here for both of us...

Yea this just sucks and is so scarry, and the more I try to help out around here the worse i seem to get, so while i have a chance Im trying like heck to rest more, yet do more.

love you all

hugs

Ter

Ter...

I wish you and Frank all the best. I hope that Frank gets the treatments he needs..great that Puppy is guiding you through this. And I do hope you get the help around the house that you and Frank both have been needing...

Celia..goodness! I hope you heal soon! Sounds like you had quite a fall. Hope this falling isn't contagious!! :-) Feel better soon. And good luck with your car.

Christine..my curls left me about 6 months after my hair grew back in. :-( I loved my curls! But..they were just chemo curls. My hair seems straighter now than it was before this. I had wavy hair and I don't see much wave to my hair anymore..maybe it's the weather...

{{{Janet}}} God Bless You!

Hi sweety Praying for Yuz Two!

Enjoy Your Beautiful Quilt!

Puppy

{{Celia}} Praying for You!

forgot to ask you dear "guys", im having a very rough time not only at returning real emails as in my email box there are almost 400, its like im tired of jokes , long long things to read, and things "i must " pass along, i just cant do it...

i also cant let go of the past things in my life, unable to be optomistic, as the reason im such a pesimistic person, its like,hmmm, well if i think the worst, and something good happens to come my way, then i dont have to worry as much....

yes im blabbing...as my hair is growing longer , as i dont want it long long, but my blondes, as when it started growing it was silver, now i look and its still look blonde, but i see those silver things in there and I am NOT going to color it, as im loosing more an more of it..i think as this is MY prognosis is my diet, so i have learned to take a shower in the tiny stall shower, WHEN SOMEONE IS HOME, as i have taken too many falls in the tub/shower etc, and im so banged up i dont need any more...told you i was blabbing..

well sex in the ciity is on and i like it,

good nite again, and big hugs for all.

ter

well i was going to go to sleep, very tired after a nite in ER for as my tummy in appendix area was killing me and i saw my internist yesterday, he did a CT and its kidney stone lodged now in my kidney....been there before had MANY problems w/month in hospital and 3 surgeries...I am very very scarred..plus I cant talk well as I have bad sore throat, and lymph nodes in neck are so swollen....they my internist and urologist talked, as my urologist hasnt seen me since my long long thing just prior to my bc....damn i hate this disease..im kind of scarred, as its every day something new is going on...I was hoping in spring time , ok i said "hoping" I would be doing great and so would frank, and we would hop on a plane and go east to see a few of you guys in the Ohio, Michigan and W Virginia area, that is IF I could take care of myself with no help, but today it hit me of what really is going on, as I knew someday this was going to happen, just not right now....Ive been giving my things away a bit at a time to a friend or my sis "special things" of mine...and getting a bit teary eyed...but when i look at things "realisticly" ha ha I do have a lot of ole good memories and trying to look at the am, and all the good things with meeting all of you on this board...and if something should happen to me, like I say "poof" away, I want to thank all of you special ladies for putting up with me and my "rambling days of ole"

I remember a couple years ago, as some of you ole guys, like Ravdeb and Katz03 with Sarah, both Janis's, who we dont see much, but I heard from fitztwins and a pic of their new puppy and she's doing so well..quite a lady, and Ravdeb is so far from me, and so close to my heart, yea Deb maybe next year in Israel...I saw a pair of lamb slippers and almost got them for you, but I didnt, but its the thought that counts..as i sit here I look at my little lamb of soap and its still smiling and im still writing notes in my "backwards book" lol

All you guys mean so much to me, and i snuggle every nite with my quilt from you, its just lovely...and remember Jaylady? well I talked to her mom last week, and she is doing really well, and the baby is getting big..hopefully as she is working a diff job back in the skies, I'll be able to talk to her.

so many of you guys have helped me thru some tough times, and you still are....so when the "big"man up there tells me its time, I dont think Im gonna fight with him, as I think theres gonna be lots of walls for me to paint my murals again, something i long for so much but unable to do for so long.

I just want to thank you NOW, "just in case" as I dont want to miss the chance to thank all of you for all you have done for me and my family....you are ALL so awsome, I will never forget any of you.

lots of hugs

Ter

PS:  Remember, when the rains begin to fall, dont forget to jump in the puddles.

Yo Ter- It's me Dunner... Been away in AZ and just got back yesterday. Checking this site and BAM- Surgery! OK- you need to be a fighter!!! You are invincible!!!!!! We are all holding your hand and will be with you every step of the way! I will say extra prayers for you and Frank. Oh and it's ok to be a cry- baby!!!!! Love- Dunner

BUMP - to keep this at the top of the queue.

Ter,



Thinking much of you today

I know you're going through a rough time

I hope your husband is doing better and finding some peace in the storm



May today shine bright for you both

In the Sun's warm rays may you heal

You're never far from our hearts

Though I linger too slowly in remarks



Tender

Good to hear from you Ter!  I think all was getting very worried about you and happy to hear you are all about the flushing these days.  Keep up the good work and hugs right back at ya.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TERIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Love You, Puppy

TER, So glad your surgery went well. I so hope you are resting and pass those little stones right out and into some stream where stones are nice..Now, lets keep the stones in the outside streams and not in your kidneys. Good Grief, how does this happen!! Thank goodness we don't get trouts and bass too.

hi everyone,

its Sat 8AM and I am still awake from yesterday, and yea the day before.  My sleep, well there is none, well sometimes like right now, my eyes are heavy and Im afraid if i do go to sleep, I wont wakeup til 3pm or 4pm, then the day is done...and I feel like im wasting time, even though Im basically in bed...afraid I might "miss" something out of my wild life I lead...lol, gots to have a bit of humor..but lately since my kidney surg, all was going pretty good, but past week has been like the beginning, the pains down in the groin area...and frank had told me that sometimes it takes longer than 2=3 weeks for all the crusheed up stones still must past so that may be part of problem.

also i decided after all my comp problems, which my fingers hurt so bad, even from trying to get online...use to have to p;ress the big E at least 30-40 times, and after a zillion calls to so many and that repeating my story, this guy finally said, ok, well send you a box to send the notebook in nothing else...and it will take 2-3 weeks, adn no temp to send me, oy...anyway after that conversation, poof my computer changed drastically, as i only had to press the E button only one tine, and many other things changed...man ive been praying for a miracle and ooops it ended up on my puter other than ne.

ive been very grouchy lately, and lost a good friend, who i use to work for his dad long ago, any way I sent a card to his wife and a note in it, and she called and my voice is not real clear lately, but we chatted and she sounded so good,m she told me her dh didnt think he would make it to his 50th, let alone his 60th...as he was a work alcololic, and active in everything, and a dare devil,nothing he woudnt try at least once...as i asked her what happened, she said he pased away at his desk, and he died of "working himself to death" as when someone got there they realized his hand had been on the phone calling 911....makes you really think, as i think of my sis as she works so hard in her own business, and has "busy hands" and cant sit still..and i keep telling her to slow down, as she is retiring in less than a year when she turns 60....as life is short and when your not well like most of us, you want others to really think hard of "doing something" maybe we didnt do.  I dont know.

Oh yea my kidney thing is coming back if i didnt mention that before, and im drinking H20 like crazy..

well my eyes wont hold out too much longer..

just wanted to say hello...hello and thanks so much for all your thoughts and prayers as lately ive been a bit ticked off due to too many things keep happening to me and my dh.

love and hugs

Ter