Mismatched Matches
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Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups.
The reason, researchers suspect, is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband.
Researchers admit that looks are subjective, but studies show there are some universal standards, including large eyes, "baby face" features, symmetric faces, so-called average faces, and specific waist-hip ratios in men versus women.
Past research has shown that individuals with comparable stunning looks are attracted to each other and once they hook up they report greater relationship satisfaction. These studies, however, are mainly based on new couples, showing that absolute beauty is important in the earliest stages of couple-hood, said lead researcher James McNulty of the University of Tennessee. But the role of physical attractiveness in well-established partnerships, such as marriage, is somewhat of a mystery.
The new study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, reveals looks continue to matter beyond that initial attraction, though in a different way.
Supportive spouses
McNulty's team assessed 82 couples who had married within the previous six months and had been together for nearly three years prior to tying the knot. Participants were on average in their early to mid-20s.
Researchers videotaped as each spouse discussed with their partner a personal problem for 10 minutes. The tapes were analyzed for whether partners were supportive of spouses' issues, which included goals to eat healthier, to land a new job and to exercise more often.
"A negative husband would've said, 'This is your problem, you deal with it,'" McNulty said, "versus 'Hey, I'm here for you; what do you want me to do?; how can I help you?'"
A group of trained "coders" rated the facial attractiveness of each spouse on a scale from 1 to 10, with the perfect 10 representing the ultimate babe. About a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband and the remaining partners showed matching looks.
Trophy wives
Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.
The finding "seems very reasonable," said Dan Ariely, a professor of behavioral economics at MIT's Program in Media Arts and Sciences and Sloan School of Management. "Men are very sensitive to women's attractiveness. Women seem to be sensitive to men's height and salary," said Ariely, who was not involved in the recent study.
In couples with more attractive husbands, both partners were less supportive of one another. McNulty suggests wives mirror, in some ways, the level of support they get from husbands.
"The husband who's less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get," McNulty told LiveScience. "He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard to maintain that relationship."
Men who are more attractive than their partners would theoretically have access to partners who are more attractive than their current spouses, McNulty said. The "grass could be greener" mentality could make these men less satisfied and less committed to maintain the marriage.
Physical attractiveness of husbands is not as important to women, the researchers suggest. Rather, wives are looking for supportive husbands, they say.
So it seems the mismatch in looks is actually a perfect match. "Equitable is unlikely to mean the same on every dimension," Ariely said during a telephone interview. "It just means that overall two people make sense together."
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That was from Yahoo! News as reported by www.livescience.com
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Um, yeah, so I was just thinking today about how I should limit myself to ugly guys with small penises so that they'd be eternally grateful for my attentions and then, of course, be faithful, committed and adoring.
OK, I'm so sorry, y'all...I just couldn't resist poking a little fun at what sounds like something concocted to get gorgeous babes in the beds of busted pervs. But I'm sure that it's for real and based on very sound research
! (Is this ME, becoming so cynical???!!!
) ....Actually, my experience really is different in that the more butt-ugly the guy has been, the more he seems to see himself as totally hot. What's up with that?
OK, I'll shut up now......
~Marin
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So does this mean that any man, regardless of attractiveness, can find a mate, but that less-attractive women are basically screwed?
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Unless we can find a man uglier than ourselves which, of course, is impossible (has anyone looked through the online profiles of men over 40 lately?)
~Marin
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People, the "study" above :
- looked at couples married for under 6 months. They were frickin' honeymooners! So they went out together for a while first, they were still new marriages. And they discussed "eating healthier" - oh my. Let's try sex, in-laws, finances, or who does the chores - those are the arguement starters. At least after a few years and it's a real marriage.
- looked at individuals under 25. They're too young to be married anyway! Babies!
- based their assumptions on ten-minute observations. Yah, right. Truly valid conclusions may be drawn from that, I'm sure!
Gawd, I hate bad science.
Lisa
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My ex-husband used to go to "online" forums with men and women and it would drive him crazy when guys without jobs, not too attractive or smart would try to go after the hottie women. It would also drive him crazy when the opposite would happen. I forget what he used to "preach" ... something like "know your rating" or "rank"
What he always forgot was that sometimes people fall in love with the heart of a person instead of their face.
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You know, to get serious for a minute, I do wonder just what it takes to make a good judgment about a potential mate. I guess this is more a question for consideration with online dating. I mean, it's pretty natural to evaluate someone based on his looks. But, in my experience, it comes to mean very little when you meet up in person and begin to engage in conversation. The most essential ingredient then, for me, is that elusive thing called "chemistry" and, lately, I've started to question what that is. I don't think that it's just physical attraction, but its also not just a decent personality. Any thoughts?
~Marin
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Marin your right "chemistry" is so important in a relationship. I remember still getting butterflies in my belly ten years after with my sons father, that never happened again.
I still haven't done any online dating stuff yet still to tired and going through to much crap, but some days I wonder am I going to be alone forever, or die alone, probably because I'm to damn lazy and tired to start any relationship, cancer, as someone else said, the gift that keeps on giving. And the above study should be redone with with couple that are more mature and together longer.
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Oh is that why I'm single?
Got it. I'll start chasing the ugly ones.
Thanks for the tip!
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Aw, Pearl, you know the online dating thing doesn't take a whole lot of energy. It's a bit scary in the very beginning because you feel like you're on the selling block or something, but once you relax and just focus on learning stuff about the guys you're writing to, it becomes fun! And you don't have to even meet up with anyone if you don't want to (in fact, there are some guys out there who just want to have cyber-sex, but that's not what I'm recommending
!). I'll bet that once you get into the swing and maybe start communicating with someone you are attracted to, you just might find a drop more energy. Alternatively, have you considered using one of the online sites for people who have had or have cancer? It can't hurt to check one out, can it?
Cheer up, girl. Once you do get yourself out there, you will meet someone! And they'll be grateful to have such a kind, loving (and very funny!) woman!
~Marin
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Pearl, get yourself out there and get the ball rolling!
I understand the "butterflies" thing as I had it with the guy who broke my heart 8 years ago but that hasn't stopped me from dating and from looking for that again. I absolutely LOVE the fact that men are out there wanting me (actually they want any woman but I try not to let that interfere with my hopes/dreams/horniness) and if this one or that one doesn't work out then I know there will be another one just around the corner.
Men are simple creatures; they want to get laid, they want companionship. It doesn't matter what we look like naked, they just want us naked!!!
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LOL!! Not in costume?
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Rock, they want us any way we'll give it to them!!!
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Thought I'd bump this up as I had a 'date' last night.
I'd 'met' this guy on-line months ago but we couldn't coordinate our schedules, plus I wasn't all that keen to meet him despite his being local and "withing my age-range. Up until a few days ago we'd only exchanged voicemail messages. He seemed nice but I wasn't driven to make it happen for some odd reason.
I let him choose the time and location (Friday's at 7:30) which was very close to my house but too late for dinner really (for me anyway and besides he didn't even ask until about an hour later). I was pleasantly surprised as he looked better than I remember from his posted pic.
Well, for all his good-looks and his (seemingly) in-shape body he was a total bore! I have NO idea what I didn't like about him but I guess there wasn't much to like? I actually found myself watching the Cub's game and I don't particularly like baseball. Too bad as he fit my "requirements" but perhaps he was too good-looking? He didn't seem arrogant or anything, just not very interesting I guess. He did have bad breath so maybe that was the problem???
The up side was that I was able to dash into the Taget store next-door afterwards without a toddler in tow as Grandma was babysitting.
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Jaybird, your "up side" made me laugh. As a single mom I can totally relate. Oh well, no chemistry but at least you got to do some kid-free shopping.
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Okay girls, I have to pull this topic out of the mothballs. What do you guys think about dating someone 20 years older than you?
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I think it's hot....as long as he's giving you the things that you need, whether that's intellectual stimulation, kindness and nurturing or amazing sex. And as for that last item, I, personally, would need reassurance that he's very okay in that department. Some older guys are much too "hit-or-miss," if ya know what I mean !
But even then, there are many ways to have sex and they don't all involve a constant erection. And of course, there's always Cialis and Viagra, right?
Do you really like him, Sherry? Isn't that the most important issue?
~Marin
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FitChik, why you always gotta be right on point???? smile.... I don't know if I like this old dude. He's nice, intellectually stimulating, kind, nuturing, lots of money, and well THE DO, I can't even imagine getting some from someone that old. Seriously, geez.... Makes me think of my dad. Ugh. Well, I guess that answered the question, huh? Although, the one thing is that he's always available and caring; that says a lot, especially with my history. I don't even know why I'm tripping. I should just enjoy myself. Wait... I am enjoying myself!! Thanks FitChik!!
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