Starting Chemo in September?? where are you ladies

Pax that is awesome that your gene test was negative, I know how worried you were about that. Guess now you are the stage where you will recompose and move on, that must feel great ! Cant wait till I am there.

Cheryll, woohooo !!!! every normal diagnostic/image is layering the ice which we are treading on mentally. you are wise about not asking for lab reports (did you see how I freaked myself !@!! )

I also want to take antidepressant but am afraid for the implications with tamox, although I am not on it. I have severe night sweats and nothing is cutting them.. effexor is suggested but I really do not want it. 

Started radiation yesterday and had a hissy-fit cause my shoulder and neck started killing me after 45 minutes of staying in that position for the mapping and first treatment ! My shoulder was still aching that night.

Did all kinds of meditations, trying to keep the focus out of my body but I was as tense as a piano string ! And was even shivering I was so nervous.

Today the 2nd treatment went so easier, during treatment I pictured my normal cells donning shields like the ones in the movie 300, and pushing the cells that 'have the thought of being immortal - c cells' outwards exposing them to the radiation beams unprotected.

 And today finally I was able to focus at work. 

But I did start feeling a bit fatigued 1 hour after tx, and then slowly recovered about 5 hours after, I think it might be psychological since I am only at the start.

Howdy to all!

Glad to hear everyone is doing well and congratulations to all on the great test results!! A big YIPPEEEEEEEE for you all!  

Sorry I haven't been online lately-- I have been so busy and just trying to focus on lots of things other than BC for a while-- and I'm doing great!!!  Rads are going well--had number 12 yesterday and will have my "break" next week while I go to my school bus conference in Charlotte, NC-- can't wait!  I think hubby is going too, and there is a huge Bass Pro Shop across the highway from the hotel where the conference is to be held, so hopefully we can check out their bow-fishing equipment! 

Paxton, I hope you get to bowfish a lot soon.  Keep us posted on your outdoor adventures!  I have been shooting my bow quite a bit and am doing very well-- can't tell that I've lost any strength in my arms.

Tri, I have had shoulder pain ever since I started rads and I know it's from holding my arm in place above my head.  I have shoulder bursitis anyway, and that's not helping any.  I've been told it will improve soon. 

I've had some real fatigue too, but I've noticed is isn't as bad when I eat well (more protein) and it comes and goes, isn't consistent with every day.  I've not been resting enough either-- gotta slow down some.

Marietta, glad the job is going so well!!  You sound really great and am glad you're doing so well!

Hugs to all and take care, everyone!

Mary Jo 

Hey everyone,

Completed 6 out of 33 rads.. yey.. I am feeling a lot better than I did at the start.  No fatigue yet. Skin is holding up as of now.

I am putting aloe or aquaphor immediately after treatment and then again at night.

Went to a naturopath doctor to discuss complimentary therapy he will give me my regimen next tuesday.

Pax you are so handy !

MJ hope your trip goes well, keep us posted on how rads are going.

Hope everybody is doing well .

Sorry to hear you've had such a tough time Nancy.  Hope things continue to improve. 

I guess we're all moving on a bit from here and that's good.  I have days where it feels like before dx.  But then there's nights like saturday where we went to the local bar and drunk people who haven't seen me much come and hug me like 100 times and ramble on and on. 

Oh well...

I am also going to a naturopathic doctor today saw him last week, he seemed ok, will be giving me a regimen to help me through rads, and then we'll work on building the body back up. If only he can help with the night sweats ! He will also do acupuncture today,

Next week I will also be seeing an endocrinologist.

I am thinking back of how I felt the last couple of years and am trying to work that information into what I have been reading about bc.

I always had a high heart rate ( although I work out a lot ), as if there was an inflammation in my body ( well there was bc brewing .. probably the immune system was on overdrive ) .. I was anemic.. that would be preventing oxygen transport to the cells making them feeling the need to be anaerobic ( which is one explanation of why normal cells decide to go beserk.. in order to be able to survive without oxygen).

So now I will give feedback to these 2 doctors asking them to design my protocol as to fight inflammation, increase oxygen transport.

And ohh.. most importantly I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP FOR 6 HOURS WITHOUT WAKING UP...PLEEeAASSSEEE.. my oncologist could not care less. !

I forgot to say I've now got the attention span of a knat (or some other animal that cannot hold a thought for more than 5 minutes).  Barely go to work.   How long does this take?

StillKickin you definitely are not alone like pax said, everyone on this site is in this state of mind ( and I would not think it would be normal if you felt perfectly secure about your future as if you just went through an ear infection !!! )

 I too find it hard to balance between ' living the day to the fullest' and 'acting responsibly thinking about the future and acting cautiously'. Every morning I am tempted to 'call in sick' and go to the beach or just sit in front of tv and veg instead of doing a job which I really do not like, but pays the bills and has good medical coverage.

I was told that it really does get better, I have completed 9 out of 33 rads and will be going on tamoxifen. I find that I am learning to live with my fear, denying its existence was too tiring.

Denial to an extent seems to be necessary for daily survival, but I am not kidding myself and am factoring that I harbored bc at one point in my life in all my decisions.

We just have to learn to live with this uncertainty I presume, after all no one having bc or not, does not have a guaranteed expiration date right ?

Hang in there, and it is great to hear from you !

Sometimes it is really bad and I think about going on antidepressants ( would probably help my night flashes which are horrible ! ), and I might anyday do so.

Hey Laurie,

Congratulations on finishing your treatments!

I've not been on these boards quite as often as previously, but I have been trying to check in and at least say 'howdy' to everyone.  I am trying not to read a lot in an effort to give BC as little room in my mind/life as possible, even though I am still in the midst of radiation treatment and Herceptin.  I too have been feeling very "down" just in the last couple of weeks-- not sure why because I was sailing along great and doing very well emotionally until all of a sudden, bam-- and I have given thoughts to anti-depressants too.  I have had weird feelings and thoughts too, and I truly and honestly think mine is fatigue, and I bet yours is too.  I have also wondered if radiation has a part too. I have worked mostly all through treatment and thankful for being able to, but I am just worn out, mentally and physically.  Last week, I came home from a busy day at work and a stop at the grocery store and just sat down and cried.  My husband wondered what in the world was wrong (he is weary of all the BC stuff too and is being distant lately, which is very stressful for me) and I told him I was sick and tired of being stared at when I go out in public.  His response was "it's all your imagination".  Well, it's not.

Is your hair re-growth a boost for you?  Mine is coming back but not yet ready for public viewing.

Good luck on your Walk-- you're awesome for doing it!!!

I hope you can hang in there, Laurie!  Maybe some nice spring weather will help us all.  Keep in touch and take care!

Mary Jo

I can't remember where you are in florida, tri, but I've booked my trip apr 8-16 to bradenton to stay with my parents. 

I posted the following on Moving Beyond Cancer topic, but wanted to share it with my September chemo sisters in case you are not checking that thread:

Ok so how do we 'move on ??' I find myself thinking about bc while driving, at work, in the middle of the night, at the movies... you got the picture.

Then I thought of something. I will forbid my mind to think about anything related to cancer at certain places/doing certain actions. Then I will add on to the list until I am bc free ! I did not find it possible  'not think about bc at all' suddenly, it is as if I became addicted to bc stuff .. not good ! So this is the way I am planning to wean myself.

First I forbid myself to think about bc at my kundalini yoga session.

Then I added the rule that I am not allowed to think about it in the bedroom.

Then I added the rule that I am not allowed to think about bc while biking.

Hopefully one day this list will include everything in my life..

Aylin

Smile !!

Hi again,

Yes, I know, a 3 day walk -- I'm nuts!  Another local breast cancer survivor asked me to walk -- and I barely knew her.  So, I said "yes."  We have been training for weeks now and on the weekend we walked 7 miles both days.  So, I'm getting there.  But that is a long way from walking 20 miles in one day. 

I actually find that planning for the walk is a great diversion from thinking about stupid breast cancer.  As you, I am so sick of thinking about breast cancer and wanted to take the focus off of it.

I also am trying to get up the courage to take the tamoxifen.  I was given a prescription for it in January and haven't gotten the courage to take it yet.  My surgeon keeps telling me that this is the easy part ....

In addition, in order to "give back" to my community, I am trying to get a program that I have called "Camisoles for Comfort Project" going at my local breast care center.  I found after my diagnosis of breast cancer, I was not offered any real support there.  So, I have posted to a few sites asking women to share their post-diagnosis experiences with me.  I welcome your comments, too.  Another hospital in my state offers tote bags with post-mastectomy camisoles, pillows, a book on breast cancer, a calendar to track appointments, etc. 

I hope you all have a good day.

Laurie

We definitely will figure something out, but I am always looking for an excuse to go to Ana Maria.. ( guess I have to wait and see how my skin will hold up .. for far 15 treatments done and there is no sign of redness however I do feel fatigued after treatments) Or maybe you could come one day and we can go to one of the theme parks then I will come to the beach.? That would be awesome I have not been to one in at least 8 years ! ( sea world, universal .. mgm.. ?)

Hmm I am getting ideas .. like you somehow get to Orlando, we go to a theme park, then I drive you back to Bradenton and we do beach ?

It is all about fun for me nowadays.. it is really hard to focus on working.. hmm... how is everyone else doing ?

I'll just wait to see how I'm feeling closer to when the trip is.  Maybe I'll feel ok and be up to doing more and maybe I won't.  The days I feel good, I do quite a bit but when I'm feeling junky I just can't get the gas moving.  So bare with me.  I might sneak some of my zofran along to help with the nausea from my ear problem.  Can't hurt.

I didn't have to stop until about tx 26 but I really didn't think it was that bad and having the time off to heal made me that much farther healed when I was done.  You can barely even tell I had anything done now and its only been a few weeks.  So you'll do great.  And glad u went off effexor if it did all that.  I was on medication before all this so I've held tight to the same regime even though I'd like to go off or lower it.  But now isn't the time.

Hey Pax I  PM'd you.

September gals what is everyones status ?