CMF Question

Good Evening fellow CMF ladies,

Just trying to catch up on all the posts.  It's amazing how much you miss in a couple of days.

Carol and I had a wonderful visit!!  Beautiful weather, great dinner (thanks to my dh) and great company. It felt like we have known each other for years.  It was nice being able to share our stories, and as the pictures show my kids (puppies) enjoyed the conversation too!  We both agreed that this board has definately helps us through this bump in the road.  Thanks everyone for your support.  2 more treatments for me!

Harley- Will be praying for you on your scans. It will I ask my ONC when he will order scans to make sure this treatment is working and he said after chemo. I hope and pray that it is.  The SE's of this treatment are so much easier to handle and sometimes this worries me. (it's amazing how we all think alike!)

Well off to bed for me, my dh and I will be planting our first garden tomorrow.  Should be alot of fun!

Have a great weekend everyone and Carol and Kent have a safe trip home!

Jill

Jill,  Thanks for your message. 

I slept better last night, but I took an Ambien before I went to bed.  I guess since I haven't been sleeping very well for the past couple of nights, it knocked me out, and I slept all night...  only when I woke up this morning, my hand was VERY NUMB!!! 

Now I am REALLY worried....

Harley

Annie,

ALL these se's are on the LEFT side of my body, and I can't help but think it's bc... 

I will call my dr. tomorrow, and maybe they can order the tests sooner, but...  I am just too scared! 

You know, when I decided to get the chemo, it was 'cause I said "I am NOT going to do this again, EVER....If I can help it!"  I am NOT strong enough to go thru this again...  ...especially since I am thinking if IT IS bc.... then.... game over.

Harley

Harley:

It's so easy to go off on this thought process, and I do it too, we all do...but as of right now, you have nothing going on but some admittedly scarey things that can be caused by other things than bc...I know, believe me, I know, bcuz mine came back as well...six years later, and not one single sign or symptom anyway. 

For tonight, why don't you just be.  Try not to think about it at all, do something nice for yourself, watch a movie, have a drink, anything but sit there and be scared.  Since you've had some back pain, moved a mattress, it honestly does sound like perhaps you've pinched a nerve somewhere.  Most likely your neck from the sound of it.  Or there is a muscle in spasm impinging on a nerve.  And remember, you said pain killers like tylenol helped.  So often, things that are happening are caused by little things we did not notice at the time like Rita's band aid.  Moving a mattress and having it drop on you ain't little!  When I get a new ache or pain these days I usually look at what I've been doing over the past week or so....can almost always find the answer.  Also, you look so young, you can't be more than 40 tops and you wouldn't have a whole lot going on yet would you.  Wait til 50! (52).  JK!

Go and see what the dr. says tomorrow.  We can have alot of symptoms that have nothing to do with bc...but it's only natural to assume it is, as we are all part of the "knee Jerk Reaction" club now.

The good news is: this does go away in time!!  the bad news is: it takes awhile and a few freak outs before that.

You will feel better when you see the dr.  Look at it this way: If you had not had bc, and went to a dr. with these symptoms, well, what would they do.  Prescrible tylenol/advil, etc.?  If they persisted (and like rita said, the word is "persist") then they'd go to an MRI to rule out pinched nerves, see what got hurt and where....you've had treatment for bc, but how recently was it?  It's doubtful it'd be back so soon, it does happen, but not too often.  Most people get a remission for quite some time I believe if not for always

So for tonite: Unless you really need to, why not take a tylenol and look on the bright side?  It's most likely something else, but you know what?  Good for you to be cautious and check it out with your onc.  it's your body!  but try to view it as being the responsible person you seem to be and not the chicken you keep calling yourself.

That you are not!!! Love to you, sending good vibes and big hug (                                                                               ) and a positive

white light to surround you with protection!

xoxo

annie

Hi everyone....

I feel like a total idiot...  I've been so scared, I had just about decided that all these pains were bc...  I am so sorry for obsessing and bothering all y'all so much.

Thanks Rita, Jill, and Annie for all your kind words of advice.

I will tell my surgeon about these pains when I go on Friday, but I saw what my constant worrying and obsessing was doing to my dh, and I just can't keep doing this to him.  I saw what happened to him when I was dx'd, last year, and I saw what happened to him when my FIL had kidney cancer with bone mets.  It was horrible!  I guess that is especially why I am so scared about my pains.

Anyway, thanks so much for all your words of wisdom!

This is a wonderful group of women!!

Harley

P.S.  I just realized that it has been raining here for the past couple of days, so maybe that is why these old joints are aching so much!

Carol, welcome back!!

It must have been wonderful...but to have chemo a day after you get back?  Girl, talk about rubbing it in...ow!  I wish you could have had a little more ease into it time for re entry.  Altho I do like the chemo tini bar, perhaps our se's could qualify as a "hangover"?

remember what they all say tho, that after the middle treatment, it kind of gets easier, if you are a little more tired?  Like your body gets "used to it" sort of?  I will wish that for you tomorrow and send good vibes that is how it will be the day after for the tummy troubles.  I am devoutly hoping for myself too cuz it hasn't been working in that department at all vis a vis se's.  I could use a break from this squeezing in midsection and swollen feet, stiff neck, etc.

At least I'm not throwing up!

I'm thinking you were very smart to schedule a nice "break" in the midst of all this....I think I am going to do the same, can't get away, but something nice for each chemo, bunch of flowers, new book to read, (preferably funny) I don't know, but something like that.  Even a drive elsewhere than to a drs.  Lunch with a girlfriend, etc. We should and can reclaim our lives in little bits and pieces all around this.  You were wise, I think.  Again, no worries with rads, it honestly and truly is soooooooooooooooo easy compared to this.  I hoped so much to be able to do that again vs. chemo, but nope.

You'll be thru that like a breeze, I promise.  You won't even notice it.

One step at a time tho.

On the sleep issue; from someone who has seen this twice (and hopefully nobody else will go there, and this is it for us all now), the sleep issues and the worries do go away...it took me about three years, maybe three and a half to be able to sleep without worrying and over thinking.  I started leaving the tv on and that helped so much.  turned the volume way down, but it really helped alot.  that and working out, felt I was doing as much as I could.  So then you get to a place where well, dammit, what else can you do.  Might as well relax.  I hope it works for anyone that wants to give it a shot.

(A "shot" would work too, and I can't drink ha ha)

Anyway, welcome back, you've been missed, but so glad you had a blast.  Must have been great to meet Jill and see her adorable fur babies.  What cuties! 

Harley, I hope you are beginning to feel a little bit better?  I was chatting to a buddy and mentioned a friend was having back and leg pain and they said it sounded like classic sciatica.  Worth a question to the dr, maybe?

We've all been there tho.  I hope you are feeling braver and calmer,

and that your visit on Friday goes smoothly and eases your mind.

Good luck Carol!  Kick Butt at Chemotini "happy hour"!!

love to all

annie

Annie,

I really feel like a fool for obsessing so much!  This morning, the pain seemed to go away, after I got up and started moving around.  But, at night, it seems to come back...and then I toss & turn all night!  Tylenol doesn't seem to help me when I take it at night...hey maybe I need to take Tyleno PM at night?? 

I will mention the back pain to my surgeon on Friday, and see what he says.  Knowing how he has been so far, he'll probably say that it can't hurt to have the MRI...  just to be sure there isn't some other problem, like a herniated disk or whatever... I don't know much about back problems, and I don't know if an MRI would show sciatica.  I think my dr. will know, though.  Funny, my aunt had a very bad bout of sciatica at Christmas, and she was even in a wheelchair for awhile, and in rehab.  At least this isn't that debilitating. 

You are such a trooper, you are getting through tx...just chugging along...

You know, it seems to me, now, looking back on it, that the tx was alot easier than this period for me... Now, I just take Tamoxifen every day, but the se's...  of course, I didn't have that gorilla hug pain after tx!!  You are one strong woman!

Thanks for all your words of advice!  You are so very wise! 

Hugs,

Harley

Hi all:

Just popping on to wish Carol luck and best wishes today!!! Sending big hugs (                                                        )and a big "YAY"

that she is now on the down swing of chemo after halfway!!!

Harley, sounds like you are figuring this out pretty much..I am so sorry you are having se's with your tamoxifen, I can't help there I had nothing with it.  They must have advice for those, isn't there even a web thread on here about it? 
Good luck everybody!!   Hello, Miss Ritajean(I love your name) hope you are feeling good!  Interesting to read everyone's diagnoses, and evals, I don't know much about mine, but Ritajean, I think it was mostly like yours, no nodes, a little over a cent., no HER2N and estrogen positive.  It's interesting how much they know now about it, I hope they come out with a vaccine against it, I know it's in the works right now, according to another onc. in the office who is in the front line of cancer research and heads up the lymphoma dept. 

I personally cannot wait, hope it's soon!  He said prob. within 5 years.

We can all go get it and celebrate.  Kick butt Carol, I know you will.

love

annie

Annie,

Yep there IS a thread about Tamoxifen, but I have noticed that everyone's reaction to it is different. 

YAY...A vaccine would be nice!

Hugs

Harley

Hey Rita,

Have fun at lunch with your friend!

I am also very glad to see the sun today! 

Harley

Rita,

Hi!  I'm doing ok, hanging in there.  My surgeon appt. isn't til tomorrow, so this week has been a long one, filled with anxiety.  I thought that  most people who have back problems usually have them ALL their life.  They don't just start when we get old, but I really don't know.  Last year, at Christmas, my aunt had sciatica so bad she wound up in the hospital, in a wheelchair and in rehab. 

Annie, where are you?  I think I remember that you told me you took Tamoxifen the first time around, but you had no se's from it.  I am not sure whether this back pain is from the Tamoxifen, but it seems unlikely.

Everyone have a great day!

Harley

Good AM ladies!

Carol I hope you are feeling well today after last treatment.

Jill, good luck w/ treatment #5, boy you guys do look awesome in you photos..and having alot of fun!

Rita, hi! I did indeed have five years of tamoxifen and not one single solitary side effect, except for losing 20 lbs. and feeling great!  The 20 lbs. seemed effortless coming off, but could also be attibuted to that fact that I kicked my own butt and said "OK, no more junk food, missy!".  That it came back anyway?  You know, they said it's a different cancer, but Sloane kett. in NYC said it must have been a tinsey calcification they never saw the very first time, and then it was "held in check" by tamoxifen, grew when I stopped it.  Makes alot of sense.  It was very close to chest wall, hidden from mammos and unpalpable.  For some reason unknown to myself, I decided to have that MRI...wasn't going to as all mammos were clear.  Thank god, I did, it found it! I would have been one of those "uh oh" stories

I think otherwise by the time it showed up on a mammo. 

Moral of this admittedly rambling tale is I think everyone should have an MRI cuz yeah, they do catch things that are not found in mammos!

Harley good luck tomorrow...

  Alot of times sciatica is just literally a passing pain in the butt and that's it.  And I'm not a dr. for sure either, just musing on what it may be, so let's not go there til a dr. takes a look..

Your poor aunt sounds like a very extreme case.  And I am sure you will be reassured by the visit, and feel much better very soon!

I'd love a vaccine too, this onc. group is amazing!

love to all

annie

Hello Ladies,

First off, thanks for the well wishes for #7, so far so good on the se's front.  My WBC was low again 2600, but no change in txt or the ugly n-lasty shot, Whew! 

I had txt on Tues and spent all day yesterday at a free retreat for cancer patients and their caregivers.  I synopsized my day to share with the Jan 2008 group I chat with and thought I'd copy it to this post ... kinda lengthly but I was pretty jazzed up about it!

Had a great day at Harmony Hill, walked in a little nervous, and was greeted by a very nice facilitator.  The setting was in a "Yurt", never even heard of a Yurt before today.  It was very cozy, with chairs all in a circle.  Blankets were placed on each chair, many took there shoes off to get comfy.  There we're 8 of us undergoing txts at this time and three spouses in attendance.  A very personable sized group.  I was the only one with bc, four women had non-hodgkins lymphoma, and I thought bc was the popular cancer.  Unfortunately two of the attendees we're dealing with stage 4 cancers.  It was pretty hard to hear their stories and then share my own, quite a few tears we're shed by all in the first hour.

Things lightened up with some breathing exercises, and then some basic yoga stretches.  All new to me, never knew I was supposed to be doing deep breathing through my nose and not my mouth.  I did have to ask how the heck you can do that when your nose is stuffed up like mine is half the time.

Lunch was interesting but good, very organic and free of just about everything that is supposed to be "bad" for you.  It was served in the main building dining room.  The grounds are quite large, with accomodations for there 3 day retreats as well, there was a nurses retreat taking place on the grounds for these 3 days.  Thats probably why we were in the "Yurt". There is a scheduled 3 day retreat for bc patients, but unfortunately they scheduled it the same weekend as the Komen 3 Day, which I plan on being a cheerleader at this year.

Had time to just visit with one another for about an hour after lunch, I spoke in length to a gal with lymphoma, who was also diagnosed with thyroid cancer within the last 6 months.  She had a great fighting spirit but was just tired of not feeling "normal".  I had very little to complain about after hearing her story.

We returned to the Yurt, and learned about some self facial massage, and then listened to a tape on Relaxation and Wellness, by Belleruth Naparstek.  We we're each asked to get as comfortable as possible, many took blankets and pillows to the floor, I noticed the sun coming through the window and decided to pull my chair into the warmth.  About 10 min into the tape my head was bobbing, and I literally missed the last half of the tape.  I'd say it put me into relaxation mode with no problem.

I thoroughly enjoyed my day, it was definitely not something that I would have ever thought I'd be a part of, but then again I still have a hard time believing that this isn't all a dream.

Harley, I bet you'll be happy when tomorrow comes, isn't that your day to see your doc in regards to your back aching?  Try to hang in there for one more day, stay relaxed as possible, "breath through your nose"!!!

Annie, I like what your posting on Tamoxifan.  Losing weight (albeit with diet), and having no se's.  I still want to talk to a couple of docs about having my ovaries removed vice taking Tamo for 5 years.  And I'm with you on the MRI vs Mamo, I'm not too confident with the mamo as it showed nothing 7 months prior to my diagnosis.  I'll be demanding a MRI in the future.  Refresh my memory but did you have rads as well?

Rita, always appreciate your popping in for so many well wishes, got those clubs dusted off yet?  I sent an e-mail to my surgeon thanking him for the numb underarm and missing boob, my golf game was unbelievable!!!  Gotta love the roll your ball gets in the desert.  You could literally putt from a 12-15 foot fringe.  I missed the opening of Women league on Tues (had chemo) and now I'm scheduled for next Tues as well.  I need to see if they will change my txt day starting in May. 

Jill, how you doing gal friend?  I'm off work today, trying to get caught up around the house from being gone last week.  Oh how I miss the AZ sun, send a little this way would ya!

To all, refresh my memory, but did your hair continue to thin about the same amount throughout all 6 mos?  Mine seems to have kinda kicked it up a notch in the last couple weeks. 

Okay, better motivate to complete a few things on my to do list today.

Take care my friends,

Carol

Carol,

Thanks for the positive, warm thoughts!  Oh, and BTW, I have done yoga before, so I know about the breathing!!  Sometimes I think "How the heck am I supposed to do the exercises and breathe?"  That is, I can only seem to concentrate on ONE thing at a time...either doing the exercise properly, or breathing properly... LOL

Oh, I am starting to try some of the easier yoga poses again, and I am alternating them with walking.  Since it's been so cold and rainy here lately, I will probably be doing more yoga than walking!

Thanks again!!

I am so glad to hear that your tx #7 went well today.  YEAH!!! 

Hanging in there,

Harley

Annie,

Thanks for the hugs!  I really need them!!

Oh, Annie!  I don't trust Mammos, either!  I will be fighting with my surgeon, 'cause he says I still need to have mammos, to screen for recurrence, but... I don't trust 'em!   Plus, I am afraid I'll get a blow out!  with my implants! 

Well, the stress...if that is the case, then no wonder I have been feeling worse!  I can't seem to turn off that worry gene!  Sorry about your friend, but glad that she's feeling better now.

Thanks for reassuring me that it will get better.  I sure hope so... I am driving myself and my dh absolutely crazy, with my constant worrying.

Thanks

Harley