Goodbye for a spell

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mailman
mailman Member Posts: 81
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
Goodbye for a spell
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  • mailman
    mailman Member Posts: 81
    edited March 2008

    Hello ladies.  I first want to tell you all that I truley wish that I had the power to remove all the pain and hurts you all have experienced from BC.  During the

    short time I have been reading these threads I have witnessed more strength than one could possibly imagine. 

    I Originally had posted about my friend with BC whom I for a while I was her bf.  Our relationship was hard to begin with and I had hoped that her views of what I believe to be inaccurrate would eventually be seen for what they were.  That said,  she is upset with me because I didn't want to go to phx with her.  She says if I were a real friend i would of made the 12 hour journey to phx on friday and came back with her today.  I really didn't want to spend 24 hours on the road during the four day weekend.  That said,  she said I am not a good friend as she wanted to have a last hurah before going through chemo and consequently losing her hair.  She says I cause more stress in her life and so I am going to bow out of her life.  I am not able to be a supportive person in her support network as she continues to verbally lash out.  I understand that she is scared and that she is upset because her life has been turned upside down.  That said,  my belief is that we as ill individuals need to see the positive sides as well.  I can't win in my opinion and so I have reluctantly decided to step out of her life for good.  I had hoped that she would reaize that the trivial issues that she latched onto three years ago would of rapidly faded into distant memories as real issues are now needing her attention.  Sure,  we all make mistakes, etc.  But sometimes some people just latch on to things that are so trivial that it blows other peoples minds.  To allow the negativity of a incident that happened three years ago to rule and to govern conversations three years later.  I just can't take it anymore.  I am here to help her deal with bc and I keep getting kicked and punched emotionally.  I told my friend that it appeard to me that she was pushing her real friends away....................that didn't register with her.  I guess I will  have to just give her space and hope that she finds peace with her decisions.

    To all of you my prayers are for all of you to feel God's presence in your life and to allow God to comfort you and yours when times are difficult.  May god be with you.

    Bye

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  • Yogi70
    Yogi70 Member Posts: 654
    edited March 2008

    Well, mailman, I wish you the best.  You tried to be a true and good friend that is a very rare thing.  Hopefully your friend will come to her senses but if she doesn't, remember you tried.  I pray that she will seek the help and support she needs to get through this journey. 

    God Bless You.

    Yogi

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Mailman,

    Im sorry to hear that things didnt go the way you would like with her...

    I personally think she is loosing a very good friend!!!!!

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  • NaughtybyNature
    NaughtybyNature Member Posts: 1,448
    edited March 2008

    Dear mailman: I don't know much about you or your situation but just wanted to say that it's always so nice to have a man around, a man that is not afraid to laugh or cry w/ us.  Thank you for that.  G... knows how many men have just plain and simple taken off on us when they were suppose to be there for us for better and for worse....

    Hang in there, better days w/ come.

    ((((((((Hugs))))))))))

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  • caitb
    caitb Member Posts: 24
    edited March 2008

    Wow - just read your farewell letter and was stunned!  I guess that maybe I see so much of myself in your girlfriend...  In October it will be 11 years for me.  There are still times when I have to be alone - to stand in the shower and cry when no one can hear me, to go for a long walk with the dogs so that no one can see me cry.  I never got the chance to *feel* the cancer diagnosis or the surgeries or the radiation because I spent all of my time trying to hold everyone else together - my parents, my brothers, my friends.  I never took the time to feel sorry for myself and maybe I should have because I turned into a raging bitch when I was going through treatment, unmarried and by myself most of the time.  Most of the men I knew back then started to take steps backward - because I was angry most of the time.

    So I'm looking back now over the last almost 11 years...  What was I angry about?  I think that subconsciously I wanted to drive away the men who cared about me.  I didn't want them to see me after surgery, I didn't even want to look at myself!  It's funny though, there was one man in my life who simply refused to go away.  Kept sending stupid cards that he made to make me feel better.  I just couldn't get rid of him.  He never bugged me about anything - he called once or twice a week, sent dumb things in the mail (angel figurines - I'm a 30-year Buddhist).   He was just always there deep in the background...

    I married him 5 years ago.  He has now been through 3 recurrences with me, 16 surgeries, the adoption of 4 dogs, the purchase of our first home...

    My point is - sometimes clarity and light just come to each of us later than we would like.

    Hang in, hang around.  Send a stupid card.  And know that a lot of us really understand what you're going through!

    -Cait

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