moving too quickly!

hi there, don't overthink the side effects, cause you'll be able to talk yourself into anything if you stress too much...basically, it's hot flashes and weight gain.....i've dealt with both for 3 1/2 years, and it's certainly NO fun i must say. but it's what i have to do for my health. you'll be fine, just keep positive.

Oh, man, leaf. You've had way more than your share of bad experiences. I'd be screaming if that happened to me. Yikes!

You are right about not being able to tell about doctors. My onc sent me to a GYN onc a couple of years ago because she thought I needed to consider an oophorectomy (so I could take Arimidex--no thanks!). Anyway, the guy is nationally known and well-respected, blah, blah, blah. I couldn't stand him. He oozed arrogance. As it turned out, he disagreed with her about the whole surgery/Arimidex thing, so I didn't have to see him again. It's so important to have a good relationship with our doctors, and sometimes it takes getting a few different opinions to find the right doc.

I hope you will have much better luck going forward. Hang in there till April 1! (I'm right behind you--mine's April 2.)

Hi, leaf,

I know you are so concerned about your friend. It is extremely difficult to watch those whom we love getting weaker and weaker. I'm so sorry to hear that she seems to be resisting her pain meds. My mother did the same thing. We and the nurses reminded her constantly, but for some reason, she just didn't want to take as much as she could have. I'm not sure why people do this, but it doesn't seem all that uncommon. It sure is hard to watch, though.

I am sure your friend is so grateful that you are with her. As we all know, sometimes friends are a little hard to come by when illness strikes. She knows that you will be by her side, and this surely strengthens her. I'd be willing to bet that even when you think you might not be helping her, you really are, just by being there for her and with her.

You probably already know this, but most hospices have community resources such as lending libraries, classes, support groups, and individual counseling. These are usually available to anyone, whether or not they have a connection to a current or past hospice patient. Often these services are free. I wonder if you might find some useful resources and information through them.

There is a book that I also highly recommend for anyone dealing with a family member or friend who has a terminal illness. It's called Midwife for Souls, by Kathy Kalina. It was out of print for a while, but I believe that it has come back into print recently. It was written by a Roman Catholic hospice nurse and does have some specifically religious content, although it is overwhelmingly a medical book and not a theological one.  The medical information is extremely well-written, understandable, and succinct. She also includes information on how families may deal with the situation. It's written for professional caregivers, which I am not, but I still have found it extremely useful on more than one occasion. Just wanted to pass that along in case you might be interested. It will probably be most useful as your friend nears the end of her journey. It explains, in a very sensitive and caring way, the physical changes that occur as the end of life approaches.

You've got a lot on you right now, so I hope you'll be able to take a little time for yourself to rest and recharge. You do such a good job of taking care of other people--don't forget to take care of yourself!