Help me to help my wife....

Thank you all for your support.  Yes, I have screamed and cried with the nurses. 

Mailman, I have a story for you...Deb's 8th grade nun, is now a lay chaplain, she has been a great comfort to Deb through all of this. She came to counsel me and asked if I had a plan, I stated out ok and told her my version of how I believe I can get through it. Towards the end of my story to her, I lost it...cried for all I was worth.  I then composed myself and said to her, Well, THAT is my plan.  I then started to laugh and cry while this former sister huged me for the next 5 minutes. Every time I think about how absurd it was to think I had a handle on this, I laugh to myself.

My two older daughters and I (I have told them everthing) were counseled by hospice today.  It was a relief to hear that we were on the right course and I felt a great weight off of my shoulders as I unburdened myself to a very special man. I have never had the benefit of any type of therapy but I received a gift today.

We have stopped all testing for Deb, no more needle sticks for glucose checks and insulin (her sugar went up with the decadron).  Her liver continues to deteriorate and we are told she is failing, however, she seemed to have a great day today, she chastised me for getting her the wrong nightgown. She ate cookies and sat up for about an hour total and talked to a room full of her loving neices and nephews and other assorted family and friends, not at all what the doctors told me to expect.  I am sure that they will be right soon enough.

Thank you all again for your thoughts and kind words and prayers and hugs.  They are all a gift to me and my family and I thank you.

Hopefully you will hear from me again tomorrow.

Floyd

Luckywife,

It seems that the more I do now and the more I talk about things, I am distracted by the reality and the weight of my life now.

I am happy to tell you what I know if it would give you knowledge about how these things work.

The best part about Hopsice was that the counselor was a gift. He told us that what we were doing and how we were feeling was the right things.  He told my daughter who is a junior in college that if there was any excuse to miss school, there is no better one than this.  He told my older daughter who half wanted to return to her life in Virginia, that she should go, but to make peace with her mom because she would probably not see her again, he told her how and she did.  My daughter is at peace with the way that happened, I would not have been able to give her that.  He told me how and when to tell my two youngest, 12 and 17. I did and yesterday they thanked me for not telling them earlier as they would have not been able to handle it.  They found out the night before their mom died and it seemed for them, the right time to know.  For me, he told me that I would never understand the why's and hows, but to find strength in the children and keep Debbies love in my heart.  So far, it has worked and given us the boost we needed to get to this point.

Hospice for Debbie was a bit of a different story.  I am sure that in a home setting, Hospice is a godsend.  I am not sure that there is a true understanding between the hospital and Hospice exactly what the role of the Hospice nurse in the hospital setting is. I was told that they would review the charts and make recommendations about pain meds.  They did. I don't know how much they were able to help as much of that discussion took place away from my sight. A hospice nurse told me that because that there were so many people in Debs room that whe would not let go due to the overstimulation. I told her that Deb and I lived closely with our family and that we would not have it any other way. When the time came, Deb was only with me and two of her favorite people.  I was told whe didn't want to pass in front of her kids.  They were right.  We only had Hospice for about a week so I really don't know all they do.  My freind recently lost her mother and she told me how wonderful they were with them during and after her passing.

I called hospice because I didn't know how to do this part.  I didn't want to make mistakes and cause more grief than we already have. They have the knowledge and the experience to guide us and I believe that they did that well.

I hope that this helps you in some way. I pray for you and for your family. I hope that you can feel their love as Deb did, and draw stength and hope from that.

I said I will lurk as it gives me a place to go. Thanks for asking.

With love and hope,

Floyd

Linda, I am deeply sorry for your loss.  For my

Debbie, the last part was relatively quick as well.  I hope your family is as supportive as mine.  They have all come together and have supported us tremedously.

We made our final goodbyes, as Deb was laid to rest.  She was a middle school teacher and as a tribute the district teachers were bused to the funeral.  The  church was standing room only and the Preist said that it was a record crowd for a funeral.  It should have been no other way.

The girls and I are trying to figure out what to do next.  I am trying to get them to return to their schools and their lives.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

Floyd