Hurting

Im soooooo sorry you are feeling this way.....although everything you've been through makes it very understandable...

First off, welcome to the site, you will find wonderful help and support here from many ladies.....they will have tons of suggestions to try to help....

First off I think the first one would be some kind of counseling.....I too am single and went through my breast cancer journey that way, those were some of the loneliest nights I have ever spent in my life....but you know what...I did it!!!! and so can you.....these feelings are normal but extremely hard to pull yourself out of.....it takes alot of work to dry the tears, calm the fears and jump back into life....it will never be the way it use to be, but the way I see it is: theres only one way to go from here and thats UP.....

Try talking this out with a close friend that you feel comfy with, or me here if you would like, but talk, its the only way to settle yourself...

Here to help if I can....

Hugs

Jule

Hi Searching,

I also had a bilateral 3 years ago.  I went through reconstruction w/implants that caused me much pain, and so I opted to have them taken out Jan 11.

My body is awful-looking with scars across my chest and many criss-crossing my stomach.  I'm happily married to a great guy, but I've wondered what I would do if I were single again.

I guess everybody has some flaws, whether physical or in their personalities.  And maybe it would take finding a partner who would also have physical flaws, or someone who was accepting and sensitive to them. Which would actually be a very attractive quality.  

Frankly, even in my pre-cancer years, I wouldn't have been attracted to  someone too physically perfect.  The self-adoration thing is a turn-off.  Now I would be drawn to someone who needed the qualities that I can bring to a relationship.  If it's boobs they want, I'm not their boob!

Another sally 

Searching,

I'm sure we can all relate to your feelings, single or not.  I'm another one who went the reconstruction route and, due to complications, went flat, one side. I'm married but a friend of mine, who had a mast at age 28 when she was married and then got divorced had some heartening words. She said that she tended to like older guys anyway (she's now 43), and that most of them are missing something or have some health issues too so it hasn't been a big deal.  Keep in mind that you're not the only one worried about being unattractive.  There are a lot of men out there with similar kinds of worries.

My Mom, who's now 70, had a unilateral mast without reconstruction and she is single. One guy she dated said, "Why would I be unhappy about your mastectomy? It saved your life!" Those guys are out there but you will need to work through your trust issues, perhaps with a therapist, so that you can see them when they are there and not scare them off.

We on this board are here for you too!  We all feel weak sometimes.  It's okay.

Hugs, Susan 

I wanted to say the same: you are not weak! You are expressing your feelings, which is very positive. I was single when I had my surgery (partial) and met somebody later on. I remember the lonely nights too, the question (will I meet somebody?) and my confidence that was affected. In a way, it is good to know that this man really loves me for what I am. He did not mind my look ( a much smaller breast on one side due to the surgery and the radiation). Give yourself time, trust yourself too... And remember that you are not alone...

You are all amazing, awesome people.