MOJO Without Matrimony!

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited February 2008

    I had to post, if only to bump this up!  :)

    Mr. Wonderful is MIA. Too bad, so sad, for him as he won't get MY goodies again.....

    I do, however, have a 'date' next Sunday night with a guy I met about a year and a half ago and I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. It's been about a year since our last 'date' but I don't think that's going to be an issue.....  SurprisedLaughing

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2008

    This is sounding good, Jaybird. Maybe it would be nice to do something extra special for yourself in preparation....a hot piece of lingerie, a sleek Brazilian, a tasty new lube? I'm sure it will be spicy enough without, but why not?

    Of course, we'll be expecting a full report!

    ~Marin

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited February 2008

    As a matter of fact, Marin, I am getting waxed this week..... Wink

    I still have a $50 V.S. gift card from Mr. Wonderful (from x-mas). Guess I'll have to buy something 'special' for me and then figure out who deserves to see it! Surprised

    I have absolutely no time to shop and don't even know when I'll get myself all packed up and ready for NY! My sump pump went out last night so I had to waste time shopping for that today and then helping my friend switch them out (like I'm gonna do it myself???) so no real 'me' time anytine soon. But, I'm really looking forward to next Sunday night when I'll get in a little R & R!

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2008

    Jaybird....Why don't you use the gift card online? I buy so many things from VS that way:

    http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSBRPSXYZZZ&cgnbr=OSBRPSXYZZZ&rfnbr=4698

    It sounds like you'll be getting more than "a little R&R" next Sunday. R&R you can get alone in your easy chair!

    Got a nice bit myself yesterday when J came (literally!) for the afternoon & evening. He's really learning what turns me on and pays so much attention to all of the little things like exactly where to touch and how much pressure to use. I've never had a man quite like him since most of them seem to think they are sexperts and, besides, all women are alike, right (and like porn stars, of course Undecided)?

    ~Marin

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited February 2008

    I am SO happy for you Marin!

    I've had a lot of great sex in my life and while I'd like to have a lot more I guess I can't complain too loudly when I get a dud or when there isn't anyone to play with.....

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited March 2008

    Marin, I am waiting to hear how your date went over the weekend and if you went to cycling class.  We are leaving in the morning to go on a mini vacation gambling.  Hope we win big.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Oh spar2, thank you for asking! I missed cycling because I spent all day Friday at the hospital getting mammograms, an ultrasound and getting set up for my biopsy which I'll have tomorrow afternoon. Ugh.

    The weekend was amazing! J invited one of his best friends to dinner and we all cooked and partied and had a wonderful time. She is someone he met quite awhile ago on a dating site...they hit it off as friends, but never dated. So, after she left, there was several hours of awesome sex, including a position that I can't even describe (Surprised). All I wanna know is where did this man come from? He just has an inexhaustable arsenal of ways that he tries to give me pleasure. Geez, I can barely get a few tricks in! I will report that I am now a huge fan of WOT (woman on top, of course!) and, prior to J, I didn't much like it at all....too much work, ya know? But now I feel very okay going at different tempos and positioning myself forwards, leaning back or even supporting myself on my knees or feet (very athletic these are Wink). AND the best part is that he uses his hands and fingers to stimulate me OR I do it myself. It's really quite lovely....

    On a much more meaningful and less purely sexual note, this relationship becomes more intense and wonderful by the minute, hour and day. I'm afraid that I might even be verging on using the "L" word. He is already saying it, while I just smile and say something dumb. But I think I might...."L" him, that is. Scary.

    ~Marin

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  • spar2
    spar2 Member Posts: 6,827
    edited March 2008

    J sounds wonderful, my guy is pretty wonderful too.  Hope your tests were ok and you can still dance with Ned.

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  • xxxx
    xxxx Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2008

    .

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Hey Michelle....WELCOME to our singles' corner! We have a terrific group of women here and lots of good advice and ideas. I think it's awesome that you can express how you miss your breasts while still navigating your life and the dating scene without them. You certainly eliminate the fear that someone's dating you because he's obsessed with boobs!

    How do you meet your men? I met J online at plentyoffish.com. He is so wonderful and really does have that aforementioned arsenal. I really don't want to know any details on how he acquired his skills though, if you know what I mean Wink!

    ~Marin

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  • xxxx
    xxxx Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2008

    .

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  • tiinajk
    tiinajk Member Posts: 11
    edited March 2008

    Hi ladies,  this is exactly the thread I needed to read.  I have just started dating a wonderful guy and really need some advice.  I haven't been on the boards for a while so will just update you quickly.  I'm 36 and coming up to my 5 year mark from IDC in May. (Yay!)  I was/am single with no kids and have had bilateral mastectomies with LD-flap reconstructions but no nipple recon.  Healthy and happy but have been very lonely for some time. 

    I have only really dated one person since my bc and that was for about a year of on-again-off-again with a guy I've known for ever and knew that it would not go anywhere.  I saw it as a way to get back in the game.  This year I decided I'd had enough of go nowhere relationships, broke it of with the last guy and joined an online dating site and so far to great success.  I have been emailing a few guys, gone on dates with 2 and now finally found a guy I want to be intimate with.

    The guy I'm seeing is so supportive and understanding... we clicked right of and I felt comfortable telling him all about me bc on our first date.  He thinks I'm brave, corageous and feels honoured to be a part of my life.  We have slept together a couple of times now, he says he loves my body and thinks my breasts are beautiful. Could a guy be more prefect!!!

    I just can't get into sex. My problem is in my head I'm sure.   I am so turned on by him, he feels, smells and tastes so good. He lets me lead and we only do what I'm comfortable with so why does it feel so difficult for me to get into it.  No matter how he tries, I always have to "finish" myself off and even then it takes me ages.  Haveing been single for so long I know what gets me going but with a georgous naked man in my bed I just can't get there.  I so want to please him and have him please me physically and am worried if I don't get this happening soon he might stop trying. 

    Any advice, experience or comments would be much appreciated.  Help me get my MOJO flowing...

    T. 

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  • xxxx
    xxxx Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2008

    I wear prosthesis to work so that I look the same as I did before my bilateral.  Outside work, I do not wear prosthesis.

    I went on a date Friday night wearing jeans, boots, and a shirt with ruffles. I was pleased with my appearance and my date simply assumed I was small. How do I know this? I'll tell you.

    Even after making out in the car like teenages - he couldn't tell. I was delighted. After a bit, I asked him if he could tell that I didn't have breasts. He said "no" and that made me awfully happy.

    I think an inordinate amount of time is spent pondering the "when to tell" question.

    He asked me why I didn't have breasts. With a straight face, I said that I wanted to become a man, began the process, and then changed my mind.

    For a second, he looked horrified. Then I said, "Just kidding. I had breast cancer."

    He doesn't care that I don't have breasts and he likes the way I look and he likes me.

    We had a great time and he emailed me the next day with his schedule and plans for our next date.

    No reconstruction for me. I'm happy with my body and reconstruction is both painful and expensive; all to create "breasts" than I won't even be able to feel!

    On the other hand, a man I've known for about 10 years who knows about my diagnosis and surgery said he'd never date a woman without breasts.  He'd be ok with it if it was someone he'd been with for years, but not a new woman.  Good grief!  I held back with what I was thinking, but I wanted to tell him that I only date intelligent, mature men.

    T, congrats on five years !!! 

    I'm sorry I don't have any words of widom, but I am certain that there are smarter women than I am who will have terrific and helpful advice.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Hey T. I'm wondering if you're identifying your "problem" as lack of passion and enthusiasm for sex or the inability to have a physical response in a "timely manner"? I do think that "finishing yourself off" is absolutely fine and if it takes awhile, please realize that some women can take up to an hour to climax, though it's more typically 20-25 minutes. So I'm thinking that, first of all, you should try to do away with those self-expectations and instead of recalling how it used to be, try to accept how it is now and go with it. But you should also add some fun to this effort, fun for both of you. I'd suggest that with some good lube, show your bf your own technique for self-stimulation by first, having him watch you (carefully!) and then, by taking his hand and using it as you would your own. Use words also to communicate how you like it (how much pressure, how much movement, whether in cicles or more up & down...whatever). Then you can add toys of all sorts but, basically, should at least have a fun vibrator. Somewhere above I talk about the cock ring with the little mini-bullet vibe. I highly recommend one of those and the ring will hold him off alot as well as give him a better orgasm when it finally happens. And finally, I recommend one of my favorites....oral. Have him read Ian Kerner's book She Comes First for lots of ideas on technique or just talk him through it. You can't lose here!

    I'm hoping that will keep you busy Wink. The most important thing, of course, is to try to relax and enjoy it!

    ~Marin

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  • tiinajk
    tiinajk Member Posts: 11
    edited March 2008

    Thanks for the input Marin. I think I'm just more hung up on the body image thing than I thought.  I know that all the right responses are there when I'm on my own, it's just with a partner that my mojo gets stage fright. I know that the relationship is still in the early stages and that together we will get better, I just am frustrated in myself.  Like you said, no point comparing to how it used to be.

    I went out and bought some new underwear to help me feel sexier and some other bits and pieces to try and the rest will have have to be patience and practice... That's a point... I'm prepared to put in HOURS of practice if necessary to improve my "fitness" <smile>

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  • xxxx
    xxxx Member Posts: 30
    edited March 2008

    .

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  • LisaSDCA
    LisaSDCA Member Posts: 2,230
    edited March 2008

    Oh, you guyz - I've got to share this article from The Onion!

     http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/as_a_working_mom_its_hard_to

    For those of you not faimliar with The Onion, this is not straight reporting. these folk poke fun at every thing and every issue, sacred cow or not.

    Lisa Cool

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited March 2008

    Marin, re: your original post - I think I like the alligator pouch the best! Will it attack me if provoked??? SurprisedLaughing

    Okay, so I'm bored. I have no money to pay a babysitter otherwise I'd be out and about dating.

    I do have a tentative date, though, this Saturday night in NY. I missed my trip this weekend and had to pick up another next weekend and will be between trips that night, staying in NY. I have an old friend (male) who I'm really wanting to see that night but if he's busy then the new guy gets slotted in!

    I've had the most 'success' with aff but still have profiles on eharmony and POF. It seems most men can't read (like I'm surprised at that???) as they think I'm looking for them when I'm really looking for someone else but my ego does enjoy the attention (albeit unwanted) nonetheless.

    That's all, just "so many men, so little time" is all I have to say.

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited March 2008

    Lisa, that was cute. Love the "me time" reference! Does The Onion still come out in print form? I never see it anywhere anymore.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    I get excerpts from The Onion every day on my Yahoo home page. You can check out the website here:

    http://www.theonion.com/content/index

    Also, one of the cable networks broadcast The Onion videos regularly. J. Tivos them and I watch some on the weekend. They're hilarious!

    Jaybird....the alligator pouch, huh? Hmmmmmmm......

    ~Marin

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  • paige-allyson
    paige-allyson Member Posts: 781
    edited March 2008

    The Onion does come in print form but seems like it's only available in certain places- my son brought me a copy the last time he was here- got it in Phili I think. LOVE the Onion- for you singles they even have personals- how fun is that! I tried one years ago- didn't pan out. Did meet my husband via Match.com however.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Great....I don't meet enough freaks, I gotta get more beauts from the Onion personals??? OY! Wink

    ~Marin

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  • paige-allyson
    paige-allyson Member Posts: 781
    edited March 2008

    It's a great place only if for some reason you want to meet smart 14 year olds with too much time on their hands.

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited March 2008

    I think I'll stay with aff - at least they're adults, even though they do still act like 14-year-olds!Frown

    I have to say, though, that aff has really come through for me. If I had a cheap babysitter I truly could be out almost every night of the week! I have SO forgotten about the last loser who wouldn't even acknowledge my phone calls (perhaps he knew my calling him an asshole was too true???) and have a few new dates lined up! Laughing

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited March 2008

    Jaybird...I like how you keep on keepin' on! It's unfortunate, but men DO have something we definitely want Tongue out!

    ~Marin

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited April 2008

    Yep, I'm always on the prowl for fresh meat! Surprised

    Saw an old beau today and I was hoping the 'es-ee-ex' would have gotten better with him after 3+ years apart but no, unfortunately, it just wasn't. I SO enjoy his company, though, and we DO have a spark (hence the sex part) but there's just too much 'wrong' for me to look past and actually WANT to have him in my life again.

    Now, the last guy I actually dated (who just disappeared without as much as a "f**k you" to me) was REALLY good and we both agreed that the 'es ee ex' was "phenomenal" so go figure.

    I have a few more lined up - wish me a-happy-hunting!!!Kiss

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    Jaybird....As I pursue my search for some real connection with a member of the male freakazoid population, it has amazed me how one can have incredible, mind-blowing sex with complete jerk! Though I've always been able to enjoy one-night stands, I never expected any more than hot sex. But once I decided to consider the possibility that I might be able to both like someone and have hot sex with him, I became rather fond of that idea. But so far the two types of attraction, rolled up in one gorgeous body, has eluded me. I don't get it.....after all, I'm both hot and interesting!!!!  Surprised Kiss Cool

    Oh well, I'm beginning to correspond with a few guys online and two look pretty good. If these don't pan out though, I'm taking a break from seeking a "real" relationship, lowering the age range of men I'm open to dating, and just concentrating on getting laid. So much simpler.....

    ~Marin

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited April 2008

    I think I'm going to give up as my normal-guy radar is obviously broken!

    I've spoken with a few guys over the past few weeks and have tried to line up some dates and actually had a tentative one today/tonight but they've all flaked-out on me! The one today flaked-out on me some months ago and I called him yesterday to confirm but he hasn't called me back.

    One guy flat-out never responded to an e-mail I'd sent him after we spoke and one guy called me from Vegas (drunk? lonely?) and when I called him back about 10 minutes later he was too busy to talk to me (???) and then never called me back as he said he would. Yell

    I don't have a lot of time to date and absolutely no money to pay a babysitter so I have to rely on family for that and when I set something up but the guy doesn't follow through it's doubly frustrating for me.

    I think I'll just stick to cyber porn and the occasional get-together with the few guys I already 'know' despite their not being 'all that' in the bedroom..... Frown

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited April 2008

    Aw, Jaybird, sounds like you're just going through a dry spell. If  were you, I'd keep my profile out there and log in a few times a week to see if any hot guys are a-callin' and then correspond casually for a bit. Then you wouldn't be investing much time or getting yourself all hot 'n bothered by anyone.

    And speaking of "hot," anyone who would like to can PM me if you're interested in a very good cyber-porn site that a friend turned me onto the other day. It's free and you never download anything, so you never take a chance on a computer virus. Ya gotta check it out!

    ~Marin

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  • Jaybird627
    Jaybird627 Member Posts: 2,144
    edited April 2008

    Wow, Marin, it's the youtube of porn!!!! SurprisedLaughing

    So, no dates for me this week. I have two long layovers in Salt Lake City later this month - ya think I got a chance there???? I'm not exactly opposed to a 'group thing' but I'm a Pagan so that in itself probably limits me there..... Undecided (j/k!!!)

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