Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

Hi Everybody,

Checking in to let you know I am still here and keeping up on your posts. Making some headway, everything is clean and sanitized, probably never been so clean! I keep going over the floors again and again. I just can't get that yucky feeling to go away. Maybe when the new flooring is down, I'll feel better. Concentrating on our bedroom right now, having to re-install a moisture barrier and drywall, since they tore all that out. It is slow go right now as Jeff is job hunting and I am trying to carry the load pay-wise. I really could of done without this mess, I am so tired of it all. When we go to Home Depot and or Lowes for supplies, I just close up..I can't even remember what the heck we are there for. I keep dreaming and hoping little elves will come and fix it all back up for me. All the decisions are overwhelming, colors of paint, furniture, floor, carpet, doors, molding, AHHHHHH!

Well I know you are all planning your big trip to Vegas and I am very sorry that I won't be able to join you. But I will be in Vegas 1st week of April, I am going back out to Phoenix too, to see my Daughter end of March. Just Jeff and I are going and Kelly wants to take her dad to Vegas. So, I will take in the sights and give a preview!

I don't know about the rest of you, but the tamoxifen has really put the weight on me. I have been eating for months very low cal and really watching it yet seems everytime I "pop" that stupid pill, the scale goes up. So I see my "mean" old Oncologist Friday for my 3 month check and I want to go off of it. I think I would rather risk re-occurrence than live my life unable to bend over and tie my shoes. What to do? Never ending is it?

Lynn, sorry about your birdie Willie, I use to have canaries and you do look forward to their singing.

Skye, Someone was watching over you, I can picture your guardian angel nudging you to get up and save the artwork!!!

Tina, your house is breathtaking! I hope you are happy in DC. I also hope the neighbors are nicer.

Mary, Jeff my DH, several years ago had an abscess on his tonsil that was so big it almost closed off his airway. The Dr. drained it in his office and sent us right to the hospital, he was in there for 3 days. Never really was given a cause for the illness, it came on suddenly. It was so strange. Jeff did not have to have his tonsils out, although they (Dr's)  talked about it at the time. He hopes that never happens again.

Joni, have fun in Phoenix, Kelly says it was 78 there today.

Rebecca, Amera, Jan, Viddie, Mel, Melia, Caya, Mer, Cindy EVERYBODY have a great week! Take care!  HUGS

Good Morning all,

Nancy, good to hear from you.  Lynn, I am so sorry about Willie. We get so attached to our pets; they are really part of the family. Which reminds me, Skye, how is Grendel doing?

Tina, it is hard to be alone with two kids. How are they feeling about the move?  I thought of you a lot yesterday. Someone I know in the industry, pretty high up in a major corporation, was axed yesterday. I know enough about her life to know that this is a disaster for her. I dealt with her in business for a few years; she is a very tough business woman, but she always looked out for her company, always had their best interest in mind. She did, at times, make my life difficult, but I do empathize with her situation and I know yesterday must have been a horrible day for her. Everyone at my company is acting like I am nuts to feel for her; she was so imperious and nasty that when she called, the rule was to FIND me, that no one else had to take the call, and sometimes she would call me at night on my cell, so I know my quality of life will improve. Still. She lost her job, she was the breadwinner, she has health issues so the insurance will be a big problem .... anyway, Tina, I am glad your husband has found a job, will be glad when you can join him and have your family together again.

I think my dh is making teeny tiny incremental moves towards a decision. I helped him last night with some paper sorting, am going to expedite conferences with both doctors (again), did point out the time is moving on, maybe he needs to decide. Gave him lots of hugs, told him he would be ok, that it's scary. I would like to get this behind us, but I well remember being haunted by how well I felt before treatment and how awful I felt during and after. He feels great, no symptoms, so going through either treatment is a scary thing.

Hope you all have a calm, happy day.

Melia

Oh, Jan if you didn't just take the words out of my mouth.  I was having those same hair woes this week.  Today, I just parted it not so much off to the side as I had been doing, "moussed" it and used the diffuser.  Is this my favorite look?  No.  But I've never had good hair.  At least it doesn't look dried out and overprocessed.  I am vowing to "go with the flow" so if you hear me bitching about my hair, please stop me.  I am lucky to have it.  I MAY go for a couple of highlighted streaks, but no more blond.  Jaclyn told me the other day that it was a good thing I got BC because my hair looks waayyyy better now.  (As you may recall, she said it used to look like hay...and she was right).

Nancy, great to hear from you.  You will feel way better w/the new flooring down.  Hey, this way you're getting a lot more new than you bargained for.  Not the preferred way to go, but...  hopefully you'll be very happy w/the outcome.  I find myself totally blanking out at Lowes and HD lately too.  I always need some little do-hickey for selling this place and I get there and zone out.  Post it notes are my best friend.

Melia, glad DH is easing towards a decision.  Getting past this will be great...  for both of you.  I feel for that lady that got canned.  No matter if you make $15K or $500K, job loss hurts...economically, self esteem wise.  It's hard to rebound.

Skye, think I forgot to mention my HORROR at your art almost being tossed out.  OMG!!!!!!!

Jan, I'll try to remember to make the DH take a pic of my lovely stomach.    I'll post a warning beforehand, for those who may be sick.

Rebecca, where are ya, lady?  I hope you are doing OK.  You've got a lot on your mental plate right now.

Hiya...I am here....walking in circles for real and in my mind trying to figure out what to do, even as I KNOW what I HAVE to do. 

I just can not wrap my mind around it.  I talk about it and I sound rational, but as soon as I start to think I get upset and then ANGRY at my old PS for putting me in this position.  I feel paralyzed because I do not want to risk another bad result but I really do not know what to do to protect myself...even asking to see pictures seems a bit of a risk because the Dr gets to pick which pictures you get to see.  I assure you that my old PS will NOT be flashing topless pictures of me at potential patients .  I just feel like the whole thing is a crapshoot and reasoning "well, it can not look worse...." does not seem to be holding much water for me.  I guess I could go see another one, but on what basis would I pick?

OY such angst from me about such a banal thing. Of course THIS is why I have been laying low today!

I have read all your posts, but my mind is such a blur right now that I can not respond.  I am sorry....I love you all so much.

Hello Ta Tas,

Here's a little laugh for the hair-obsessed (us!!).

Now that I have my new hairdo, I decided to venture into the local Shoppers Drug Mart (basically the Canadian Walgreens) to buy some new shampoo, conditioner and some kind of mousse/gel that would define the hair (sort of make it spikey, textured looking).  Well ladies, I have to tell you I was never so confused in my life - I must have walked up and down the hair products aisle 5 times reading all the different kinds of stuff - shampoo/conditioner for shine, for fine and lifeless hair, permed/coloured/dry hair, frizzy overprocessed hair, dull/ non-highlighted but coloured, thickening, volumizing, limp hair, etc. etc.  And the gels/mousses - OY!! texturizing, spikey, extra hold, super hold, non flaky, (like who would want flakes!), relaxed hold, shine control, extra strength, mega strength, wax/mousse combo.  I was dizzy!

In the days before BC, I had my usual products for my then long thick frizzy curly coloured  hair - well now I am the exact opposite - short, average, smooth, non coloured, mostly straight hair.  I ended up getting a Dove shampoo and conditioner for normal hair and a Pantene wax/mousse combo that sprays into a light foam that you can use when your hair is dry too - I tried this when I got home and it is perfect - gives definition but not sticky.

Only my sisters would appreciate this ramble.

xoxo Caya

Okay my DD took this picture and changed my avatar.  I will send pictures to Jan tomorrow to post - Thanks in advance Jan.

xoxo Caya

Okay I knew I was missing something when Mary referred to Jan's belly pic - for some reason I am not getting the email alerts for our "other" group - can somebody please help me out here?  Was it Rebecca or Jan who set it up?  Please let me know so I can get back in the groove - I've been missing lots of good stuff.

Thanks

Caya, your hair looks great!  And i know what you mean about hair products ... I threw all mine away in a snit last year, so have started over.  And it is confusing. I have a hair appt today just to get it shaped a little bit; I have a two day business trip next week, followed by a three day weekend in Monterey at our annual jazz festival fest with dh's family. Last year I was two days out from my third chemo, and am looking forward to having fun like old times. I am only going to let the hairdresser take off a miniscule amount. This is the third time I have gone; she clearly knows what to do, it always looks better, but I worry about going backwards.

My dh has decided, after extensive research, that he wants a different urologist. So today I am going to try to get an appt for a consultation asap. I know with the surgery, it's important to have someone who is experienced and skillful, and he has talked to enough men that he has a list in order of preference. And, of course, now that he has pretty much decided on surgery, he wants to move FAST.  So I will just do what I can do.

Yesterday was the day from hell. Worked all day, had an appt with the Social Security office re some business related to my dad, had four more stops before I could get home, dragged into the house pretty much whimpering, and my husband was at his desk. He started out by questioning the size of my cell phone bill. Now, I had spent lots of time on the phone yesterday wrangling with his doctor appts, so it wasn't great timing on his part. Let's just say I took a hot shower, an ativan, and hit bed early.

Rebecca, we are all by your side. Tina, glad you found your boy; how scary!  I hope the house sells this weekend so you can join your husband soon. Mary, glad your son is better. Skye, funny to hear your glee about your son's job. Everyone else, stay safe and warm.

Melia

Hi Ta Ta's,

I finished my ZAPs yesterday, and also acupuncture #4.  I'm starting to feel really good.  In fact I think the AP makes me feel good all over.  Anyways after my last ZAP I took my sister for lunch, and then she dropped me at Chinook Centre (great mall).  I had soooooo much fun shopping.  Bought a spiffy Swing jacket at Laura Petites, a really knockout spring sweater at Banana Republic, 2 pairs of Capris at Melanie Lyn's, a really nice jacket at Bellissima, New flat shoes at Arnold Churgin's, and a purse at Aldos.  Had so muchfun!!  Now if you come to Canada you'll know the name of some of our fun stores.  Haha.

I love your "DO"s Caya & Tina.  Caya I hope your DD's gets better quickly, and Tina I hope your house sells quickly.

I have given Dan his "Honey Do" list for while I'm gone, and he looks at me and says "I'm only a Man".  Makes me laugh.

Well with everyone talking hair, I made an appointment today for a cut and a colour.  I'm very excited about my trip.  We all love to play Scrabble so I'm bringing down my board and the official dictionary.  Should be fun around the pool.

It is so nice here today, we are having another day in the high 50's F.  Some of my tulips are starting to peak through.  Oh and yesterday on my drive into town there were a couple of gophers on the hwy that didn't quite make it to the other side....Spring for sure.

Hope all are well...hugs to everyone....Joni

Jan

I haven't sent them yet.  Will try later today or tomorrow.

Joni - I ditto Jan - you sound so much better, glad you are feeling better - maybe AP would be good for all of us.  I will ask my onc. about it next visit.

Hi gals. I have a question for you all. I just had a friend dx with stage 3. She is in the thick of the scary stuff right now and I wanted to send her a book. The one I have (Just Get Me Through This) was great but mostly geared toward early stagers. I think we talked about Susan Love's book but some folks were freaked out by it. Any good recs out there? I also send her the link for BC.org but don't think she's ready to chat yet.

Thanks,

Amera

Tina, I hate to tell you, this is just the beginning of your son's independence!  Boys do not call and they are hard to find at times.  I just pray a lot.  Good luck on your showings.  It's tough out there as you know.  Hubby is out tonight (Fri night) showing a  desperate house to an investor.  I survived my first day with Microsoft Office 2007 - no thanks to our IT person who doesn't have a clue.  Could she have told me to back up and save some things?  Could she have tried out the system first or even gotten to know it? 

Joni, glad you sound chipper!  I wish we had some warm weather.  It has been unusually cold and snowy.  I heard from my DS#2 who got delayed on his plane but made his connecting flight (because they were holding the plane for connectors - someone is watching out for him!) so he made it to Houson to see DS#1. 

Amera, I read a book called "There is no Place like hope."  It was a Stage 4 survivor's story of never giving up spaced with little quotes.  It was a good read for just hitting it when you are down and would made a great gift.

Jan, I often use your Churchill quote when I hear of bad things.  Thanks for posting it.

Debbie, welcome home.  It sounds like a fun trip.

I have a fun weekend with a bridal shower tomorrow for a friend's daughter and a bridal show that DS#1's future mother-in-law invited me to.  I might also go buy some lingerie - I think I need it!

Viddie-

I have been on Effexor XR for a few months.  I started at 37.5 once a day, and then after a couple of months I went to 75 g. once a day.  I have felt so much better since I have been on it, much calmer, not anxious at all.  And a side effect of this med is that it reduces hot flashes - which for me was a great problem once I started Tamox. I used to get up every night a few times drenched in sweat, and had many hot flashes throughout the day.  The Effexor XR basically stopped the night sweats, and now I have the occasional daytime flash, but hardly any.

I think the docs prescribe Effexor for those of us on Tamox. because alot of the other anti-anxiety/depression meds conflict with Tamox., and also because of the s/e of reducing the hot flashes.  I had no trouble adjusting to the Effexor at all, but I know some people do.  As for getting off it, I have read that some people have difficulty , but if it is a slow, controlled, tapering off, it should be fine.  I will worry about that when I need to.  As for the dosage, 75 g. is pretty common.  See how you feel, it may take a few weeks to actually make a big difference, although for me I literally felt better within days - I remember thinking to myself - I wish I had started taking this months earlier.  I was so emotionally spent and anxious from my DH's aneurysm experience - and then my BC diagnosis -OY!!

Glad you had a good time, R & R in the sun and sand is always lovely.

Happy Saturday Ta Ta's, 

Joni, congrats on finishing up your zaps and ap. I'm so happy you are feeling better.  Sometimes those successful shopping trips do wonders, especially when you shop for summer things while it's still winter.  Have a wonderful trip.

Viddie, welcome home!  Sounds like you had a nice relaxing vacation!  As Caya said, I think Effexor is the drug of choice for bc, it doesn't interfere with tamoxifen and helps hot flashes.  I'm am going to call my Onc next week (I finally made up my mind to just do it).

Mary, sounds like a lovely weekend for you..you deserve it!

Debbie, welcome back to you too.  Wow, interests thought to start your day knowing you won't have problems. 

Melia, you are such a wonderful support for your husband.  A 2nd opinion or new dr. is a great idea!

Tina, best of luck with your showings!  Hoping you get an offer!

We got another 8 inches of snow last night..ugh!  This winter just doesn't seem to end.  We don't have much planned for this weekend,  I think we'll go in the hot tub tonight.

So we all know how many Drs appt's we've had in the past year or so...I am here to tell you that I am sooo sick of going to the Dr.  I took care of my cancer/recontruction this past year, but pretty much ignored all my other medical needs.  It was on my list to make those appt's for months and I finally picked up the phone yesterday and made them.  So in the next 2 months, I have dentist (that one is the worst and is of course next week..ugh), eye dr., bone density, dermatogist. Whew!

Jan & Tina, thanks for sending the pics of your belly's.  I was going to take a pic of mine, but mine is way lower than both of yours. Mine is right at my pub hair line, so it wasn't easy to just take the pic..I'll have dh help me and see what we can do.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

love and hugs,

Lynn

Happy March everyone!!!!!

It's a gorgeous day here in Iowa. Sinny, supposed to be close to 60.  I wish the yard had dried out more so I could rake but it's still pretty swampy. 

Lynn, glad you had a good report and that your decision for the prophylactic suregry was validated. I'm sure you really weren't second-guessing yourself but it's nice to have that validation.

Tina, I agree with the others. Your home is lovely. You've done a great job preparing it for sale.

Joni, YEA!!!!!!!!!!!! for finishing radiation.

Caya, your hair is lovely.

Nancy, I'm not sure how you're coping. I guess you honed your strength a year ago and now you're just exercising it a little.

I am sad this week. My friend who knit me my titbits has been diagnosed with a rare brain lymphoma. Radiation is the only option.  This morning I pulled out my scarves and wig. I added my copy of the book "There's No Place Like Hope". I've been to the local UPS store and they are sending these to Brenda. She can use them or not as she chooses. But I wanted to extend to her the love she gave me.

Damn cancer! 

sigh.....I think I'll go sit outside on my front stoop and breathe for awhile. Sometimes that's all we can. Breathe and pray.

Hugs to the sisters here from Iowa....

Cindy