Starting Chemo in JAN 2007

I hope we have turned the corner on my son's illness.  I really think he has mono but we'll see.  At least we found an antibiotic that isn't killing him.  It's the third one we've tried.  He actually ate something today.  His girlfriend is taking him back to school.  I hope he's up to it.  At least he only has one week and then a week off.  I am going to have my DH take him to the surgeon on Tuesday and try to find out what exactly he had.  If it was a virus maybe he doesn't even need the antibiotic.  I just hope he can finish out this semester well. 

Tina, I know selling the house is very stressful.  It does look beautiful so hopefully someone will want it soon.  Skye, hope you are feeling better.  Lynn, hope Willie is doing ok.  Hugs and thanks for the support - it really helped when I was trying to handle this sickness all by myself.

Tina, I interviewed with the Fairfax County school system in VA right near DC when I first got out of grad school. Apparently they are very highly regarded.  I got lots of positive feedback when I told people I was considering taking a job there. Lots of diversity because of the Pentagon etc.  Well educated population in the area. I heard at the time that it was one of the best systems in the country.

Have you chosen an area yet?

Thanks, ladies, for the school scoops.  I have heard Fairfax is good, Amera, and will do more investigation...it's just that there's no new construction out that way...  at this point, I think I need to become more open in general.  Melia, Vienna has a major train station that is accessible from some towns I'm looking at w/new contruction, such as Haymarket.  Toll Bros. has a huge golf course community neighborhhood out there called Dominion Valley Country Club.  I'm kind of looking at that.  All in good time, I guess.

DH and I watched Gone Baby Gone tonight on our movie theater downstairs.  I swear, if we had time to watch 3 movies together down there.  Anyway, it was OK...entertaining, but not uplifting.  Boston acents were HORRENDOUS.  (Horrendously accurate, that is.)  I guess we will just try to enjoy Sun. through Thurs. am when he leaves.... and after that it's when our new chapter begins.  Should be interesting.  That's one thing w/him....life's always been interesting.

Took Jaclyn to her skating party today w/her friend Olivia...the one whose mom said they couldn't play together anymore last fall and I flipped out.  I'm sure you all remember it well.  Anyway, I went w/the assumption that I'd be dropping her off, but I stayed.  It was just me, her mom, the next door neighbor mom and the dad.  We all skated w/the kids, had a lot of laughs.  It was so relaxing...nothing like all my previous interactions w/these ladies.  Must be because I'm leaving.    But really, Jaclyn was SOOOOOO happy that I was hangin' w/her friends mommies.  She said "maybe now we'll be invited to those cool parties!"  (I'm like Jac, don't hold your breath.)  Anyway, I was glad she was happy and I honestly did enjoy myself and a good afternoon.

Ok, I am trying to pull my wits together to head out to this new PS.  Not sure why I am so nervous...maybe it is just the persistent thought that he is going to look at me and say "everything looks fine...just what were you expecting?".

And yes, Mel I have been walking around doing a unilateral impression of Pamela Anderson at her boobie-est.  My reconstructed side bulges out of the top of my bra AND shirt neckline.  I look like I have cartoon cleavage, but the whole thing is flattened in the front so it kind of looks like a hamburger bun.  To compensate for my marked assymmetry I have to wear two different kinds of pads in my bra. 

If I had known that this is what I was signing up for I really do not think I would have done it.  I hate to sound ungrateful...because honestly I am just happy to be here and reasonably healthy, but I think having this hamburger boob probably garners as many stares as having only one boob would have so what have I really gained?  Ah well....no looking back.  It is done, and would be very difficult to un-do so I have to make the best of it I guess.  My expectations are really modest I think, so the rational side of my brain is very clearly saying that there is a high probability that this Dr can help me...but the emotional side of my brain is quivering jelly right now.  UGH.

I will post back later with what he says. 

Hi Ladies,

I haven't read all the posts yet but will write before I go to the next page to finish.

Mary, I hope by now your son is better and the surgeon has contacted you. It does sound like something more than strep and also like he needs to be home resting.

Melia, what a beautiful thing for everyone involved with those gowns. I gave mine to Goodwill 15 years ago when it became apparent I'd never have a daughter to wear it, and it just seemed silly to hang on to it. And now I'm sure it would look totally out of date. It probably became someone's Halloween costume, LOL.

Mel, I'm sorry about Ted. I remember that stage with my last pup, Tundra. It was strange because I somehow knew that she knew it, too. Hope things are going well with Joyce and you had a nice lunch. And we never forget you.

Tina, I don't blame you for wanting new. Then you can get just what you want.

Viddie, keep having fun.

As for me, I never did get to do the radio show Sunday as I was too ill with this flu to get dressed, much less drive for half an hour and tape a show. I haven't felt that wretched since chemo. I was so sick I watched "The Waterboy." It is better today so I plan to lie low again. And then we get another 5-8 inches of snow again tonight. This winter never quits.

Going to read the next page of posts now. - Skye

Ok, just back from the PS…not sure why I found this whole thing so unsettling, but there it is. 

New PS is the total opposite of Old PS in every possible way I can think of.  My old PS was a little elf-looking guy who wore expensive suits and loved to hint at the famous boobs that he has worked on.  It became apparent to me over time that the heart of his practice was cosmetic in nature, which of course is why he does not participate in ANY insurance (it was not just my insurance he did not take).  He was very friendly, and spent a good deal of time flattering and wooing. New PS was very businesslike and had a grandfatherly appearance.  He was very serious, and in fact did not so much as crack a smile.  He is part of a large practice (about 5 drs) that seem to emphasize reconstruction and the more “medical” aspects of plastic surgery rather than the cosmetic (although I am sure they do that too)  They take every insurance under the sun. 

At first, I thought that my deepest fear was realized…he looked at me and said, “well, you have a reconstructed breast…what did you expect?”  my heart dropped into my shoes, and I fear I started to stammer.  Finally I managed to get out to him what my concern was.  I said that I fully understand that a reconstructed breast does not look like a real breast, however, I did not think that it was supposed to be jutting straight out underneath my collarbone like that.  I then added that part of the reason that I was there in the office was to find out if my expectations were realistic or not.  He hemmed and hawed, poked, prodded and lifted for a bit…I think I caught a rueful headshake at one point, but he hid it pretty well (DH thinks that he did not want to openly criticize another Dr’s work).  He told me that we could take some volume out of this one (recon side) and that would take care of the bulge.  This would involve taking out the existing implant and replacing it with a new one.  At which point I asked him about silicone…and he said that I would probably get a better result with the silicone.  After the implant change, we would probably have to revisit my OTHER breast to bring it into line with the recon. This would most likely be another lift coupled with a smaller implant.  Through all of this he refused to give me a straight opinion about my reconstruction result…which I found a little upsetting, but I guess I can understand why he would do that.  I DO, however, think that he did not like what he saw, because during our discussion he said that  referred to the recon breast as “that thing sticking off your chest” and said that it was too large and “inappropriate”. 

Bottom line is that the implant is too big and that is why it looks the way it does.  He sent me home and said to think about it and then call.  My gut instinct is to go for it…although I loathe the thought of more surgery.  I guess I have to decide which I loathe more…that huge thing on my chest or going under the knife again. 

Oh, and regardless of what I decide, I probably have to have SOME kind of repair work to the recon breast….remember the little wound that I posted about?  WELL that turns out to be an opening into a virtual CAVERN right under my skin.  He pulled out the scab/plug, looked inside and then put a tweezer right in there…he put in about half an inch right along my scar line.  He said that it was not healed properly and there was gunk under there and that I “should get that fixed”  GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS

I feel like I am agonizing over this decision, but the reality of it all is that I know I have to deal with this.  Of course “have to” is the very reason that got me INTO this mess in the first place.  The part of me that is resisting this is reacting to the idea of having to adjust to another change in my body shape.  Just the thought of it makes me want to cry.

OY, I sound totally schizo!  Sorry for the ramble…it is all still a bit raw, and still coming out…hopefully in a day or two I will sort out my feelings enough to be coherent. 

Rebecca, I agree with Melia, you are so young and you should be happy with the recontruction.  After having this dreadful disease called breast cancer, and that you went through more surgery with reconstruction, you should be happy with the result.  It's tough to have more surgery, but I think you'll be happy you did because you definitely aren't happy now.

Melia, I'm sorry you are frustrated, perhaps if you are the information gatherer, you can have the conversation with him that lists his options and the pros/cons.  I think it's fine if you tell him what you think, I would imagine he might appreciate your take on it.  I know that when I was going through it and was having to make decisions, I was glad George told me his opinion.  I didn't always take his advice, but was glad he gave it to me.

Well, Willie was put down this afternoon.  He kept getting worse all weekend and George brought him to the vet this afternoon.  The vet said the mass is bigger since last Wed, which is a lot for such a little parakeet, and that he would not get better.  The Pet Cemetary could pick him up and bury him or we could get his ashes, which we chose to do...we'll spread them in our backyard.  Poor little guy.  He did have a good 9 years with us.

Here is one good thing that happened today. It's a "little voice" story. I was staying in bed this morning as dh got ready for work as I was still not feeling well, when suddenly something told me to get up. I didn't feel like it but put on my robe and went downstairs just in time to see him carrying some extra garbage out to the curb, minutes before the garbage truck was due. Except one of the bags was not garbage, it was my artwork from that show I was recently in, packaged up and stuck in a big Bed Bath & Beyond bag I'd brought it home in because it was easier for me to carry that way. Luckily he had left the main door open so I could see him through the glass storm door. Luckily I came down at exactly the right moment. There were four of my best pieces in there. It would have been MAJOR loss and angst for me. DS had mistakenly set it next to the garbage and DH never thought to look inside it. As they say, that little voice is there for a purpose! How many times I've ignored it to my regret, but I'm so thankful I listened this time. - Skye

Rebecca - when I was trying to get approval for my DIEP I met with so many surgeons. NONE of them would come even close to saying anything slightly negative about another doc. NONE of them would acknowledge that it was reasonable for me to want a ps who'd done DIEP more than 8 times. (That was one reason why I was so thrilled when my onc validated that I would have been nuts to go to the ps my insurance was pushing on me.) Anyway - my point is that you are right that you won't get new ps to openly admit that old ps sucked. It sounds like he came as close to that as he could though. I am so glad to hear that this doc has a reasonable sounding plan for getting a better result. I TOTALLY understand your hesitation to go back under the knife. It will take all my willpower to go back for stage 2. BUT you gotta figure you are going to have those boobs for another 40 years. So a few weeks of discomfort now may well be worth it if you end up with something you are more comfortable with in the long run. You've never been happy with your result and you deserve to be. I say go for it when you are ready.

Melia - I don't envy your position. I don't think I could exercise that kind of patience. Your DH is lucky to have such a wonderful support. I hope he comes to a decision soon.

Lynn - I am sorry about Willie. He was clearly an important part of your family and it sounds like you gave him a very good life.

Skye - whew! That was a close one. I've learned to always listen to that little voice. I've paid a price more than once for ignoring it. I actually had two car accidents as a teenager right after I decided to ignore that little voice.

I am feeling stronger daily. I took the dogs for a very short walk today. I was pleased I was able to manage both dogs successfully and walk at the same time Some of the stitches in my belly button (yup - how gross is that?) came out last night. Finally. I hope the rest of them dissolve away soon - there are only a few but I get grossed out by them.

Birthday madness starts at our house tomorrow. Cupcakes to DS1's school, bday gifts at home in the evening, then cupcakes to DS2's school on Wednesday followed by presents for her Wednesday evening. Saturday is the big joint bday party. We've invited 36 kids. Of course, I am raging at parents who don't RSVP. I have no idea how many kids to expect. Last year I swore that I was going to only give out the party location when people called to RSVP - I wish I'd done that.

Ooow Mary, watch your son and the diarrhea. We're seeing a lot of people who are getting a C Diff diarrhea reaction from antibiotic use. It's gross and can wipe you out. And contagious. Watch out if it gets mucous-y, strangely awfully smelly - let the MD know if it gets like that. Encourage yogurt or acidophilus pills to support his GI tract.

Rebecca, what a whirlwind you've been in. Doctors and decisions. I'm seconding/thirding/fourthing all the others. We've all had to face ourselves and decide what we can live with - or without. Seems as if you don't want to live with that buoy that is apparently attached to your chest. You consider this new doctor's words and what he didn't say. Decide what you're doing and let us hold you up and push you on when you get tired. 

Skey, hope you're feeling better soon.  Wow, what a close call on your art work!

Melia, maybe you could open a conversation with your husband "Honey, now that you've been reviewing all that information, what do you think? What's going on in your head?" Sometimes sorting out the pros and cons like Lynn suggested is good - and having someone who so obviously understands the  fear and worry of considering a cancer treatment...that's gotta be a good thing, plus being his absolute favorite number one wife....that's gotta be a better thing.

And Lynn, so sorry about your little bird. Wow, 9 years seems like a long time for a wee thing like that. Is that true?

My latest boob news is ...I now own a matching set! I shopped at the "Image Recovery Center" which specializes in services to cancer patients. The woman was great. A 16 year ovarian cancer survivor! We talked genetics (we both have lots of family DXs), she assessed my first prosthesis. I now have two boobs and a spare.

She didn't think that the first boob is the best shape for me. It is more of a sideways, egg shaped  piece. The new ones are triangular with the point to the top. It gives me more shape up on the chest wall. Actually, I now have more shape than I ever did except when I was nursing!

They're  still heavy, a little warm after wearing them awhile. I don't know that I'll wear them all the time but I now have symmetry which is a good thing after the year of lopsided-ness. She helped me pick out two bras that are nothing like what my great-grandmother wore. The  bras I got last year are horrid. At least now I feel more more age.

It was an expensive week. New boobs (I'll have to pay for one of them) and bras, new water heater , paid for my tax preparations yea! I didn't owe anyone, in fact will get back $19 from Iowa! Woohoo!, also finally bought a medic alert bracelet for my allergies and for the lymphadema alert. www.laurenshope.com has some great options if anyone needs a medic alert. I've got a tag with two interchangeable bracelets. I'm surprised but I do feel more comfortable having that information about the lymphadema on my wrist now.

That's it for me. Seem to be back into a normal routine for the most part. Work, home, occasional house chores if I feel like it, playing with the dogs, seeing or talking with my girls when they check on me. I am just so ready for the sidewalks to be dry and clear so I can get to walking outside. Sooon - Spring is coming! Yea!!!!!!!

Happy Monday, everyone! Hugs to all from Iowa. 

Cindy 

Hi Ta Ta's,

Happy Tuesday back, Rebecca. You seem more like your regular self today. Do you think for research you should see a third ps for another opinion? I am not sure where else to go either but yeah, you want to take the time to get this right. Please ramble away to us.



Cindy I wondered where you'd been. New boobs and bras for spring, sounds like it gave you a lift (no pun intended). I hadn't thought about medicalert bracelets but is probably a good idea for anyone missing lymph nodes. I am envious that you have taxes done!



Mary I agree it was wise of your son to drop a class. His health has got to come first at this point. When my DS2 was in school in Chicago, I kept getting calls from him that started, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, I've suffered a head injury, but don't worry...I'm oookkaaaay." One he fell off a fence onto some concrete while filming a school project, another time a truck hit him while he was crossing a street on his bicycle, another time he got cut off on his bike and went over the handlebars...It's such a helpless feeling when they are hours away and get sick or injured. Sounds like your son is in the healing stage now though, and hope it continues to work out for him.



Jan, I'm glad you are feeling stronger. Handling 2 dogs is great! I once had belly button stitches when I had an ovarian cyst removed by laparoscopy. It looked and felt weird. And wow, two auto accidents from not listening to the little voice? It is amazing what the voice can alert us to. My artwork was the farthest thing from my mind yesterday morning, too.



I am feeling better today too, I think I'm pretty much over the illness and now just have to take it a little easy to finish recuperating. I did about 20 minutes of walk/aerobics to ease back into some exercise this morning so I know I'm on the mend. And we dodged the bullet of the big snow dump, just got 3 inches or so and the sun is out to melt it. Happy Tuesday, indeed! - Skye

Tina - my tummy still has some swelling and is still so bruised it's hard to tell what the scar will look like. My guess is that it will just be a very long thin line, but I can't tell yet. I'm not bothered by it. I haven't worn a 2 piece bathing suit since high school so I'm not going to start worrying about my tummy now. I do obsess over what the new boob will look like when the swelling is all gone and the scar is faded. 

I didn't get a new belly button - but I was convinced I had by looking at it. Apparently I asked about it in detail in the hospital, but I don't remember it at all (oh, the converstations I have when strug out on morphine). Anyway, DH later recounted the whole thing for me. It IS my belly button (so he says) but  it doesn't look the same. Before recon it was all stretched out and kind of lopsided from 2 pregnancies. But now it's little and perfectly round - I guess that changed when they stiched up the edges of it. I'm thinking that during stage 2 I'll ask the ps to strech it out like it was before (JUST KIDDING).

DH did give me all of the details on exactly what happened to my belly button during surgery - but it's pretty gross. 

Sorry for the long answer - but I've found the whole belly button situation rather fascinating.  

I took cupcakes to school today for DD's 7th birthday. She also had "share" day today. She took some things that my aunt (who died last month) had left to her (music box, charm bracelt, books, teddy bear) and told her class about her great aunt and the gifts. Apparently it was quite touching. I probably would have bawled if I'd been there. The cupcakes were a lot of fun. She also had a field trip today - so it was a good day. 

Joni, your comment on how many sleeps until we meet really made me smile!  Before your cruise last year when you had the sleep count down, I had never heard of countdowns by sleeps, only by days!  I like your way better!

I know you've been so looking forward to your trip to Pheonix, have a wonderful time!

Sounds like your boss and your company are real gems! 

Tina and Jan, I didn't get a new belly button either.  My PS described it to me like this.  They keep the belly button part of the belly button, but just make a new hole to put the belly button in once they pull the skin down.  My 'new' belly button is smaller than my old, but looks just fine. My PS said it was a little challenging because I had scar tissue from 2 laparoscopy's.  I didn't have any stiches, just a big scab that stayed for about 3 weeks, then eventually fell off.  My abdominal scar is quite dark and purple at the moment. It's very smooth and doesn't hurt at all.  I'm not bothered by it because my bikini days are long gone and DH doesn't mind it at all.  I assume it will lighten up in time.

Skye, what a close call with your art work...yikes!  It must have been fate that you got up and saw dh...wow!  Glad you are feeling better!

Jan, good luck with all the birthday's...36 kids..wow!  Try to keep all your hair...lol!  You are such a good mom!

Cindy, congrats on your new boobs! woo hoo!

Thanks for all your kinds words...I haven't been home yet since Willie was put down, so I will probably feel it more later this week when it's so quiet in the house.  George had a hard time this morning, but is better now...it takes time to get over it.

Have a great night!

love and hugs,

Lynn

Hooray for you, Joni!  Glad you got that bonus.  You deserve it.  You are so lucky to be going to Phoenix!

Happy Birthday to DD (Emily, right?), Jan.  Get some rest before the big bash this weekend.  That is one huge party.  Glad your scar isn't bothering you...  you, too, Lynn.  I swear, I'm gonna have the DH take a pic. of mine and post it.  Just so you know what I'm talking about.  I know everyone here can handle seeing a healed belly scar, right?  Or is this TMI? 

I'm feeling in a bit of a slump today.  DH leaves Thurs. am and I guess I'm kind of dreading being the sole parent for an indefinite period.  It's going to get overwhelming pretty fast, I bet.  The kids are stir crazy with all this damp, cold, snowy weather.

Joni, you are so brave, I hope you enjoy Phoenix.

Yes Caya DH was able to get DS to the dr, a long snowy blustery drive but they got there and he confirmed that it was tonsilitis but that he should be okay, so he gets to go on spring break Fri.  I've been having a pity party tonight - everyone gets to go on vacation but me - but I'll get over it.  I think I'm just worn out and sick of snow.

Jan, glad you enjoyed your daughter's birthday.  Nothing makes a mom happier than when her children are happy.

Rebecca, just like you to want to do research!

Caya, lets us know how the hair trim turned out.  My "colour" and cut are looking better - sometimes it takes a week or two to get used to it.  Nancy, I hope you are making some headway on the house.  Skye, your son really was accident-prone!  Cindy, sounds like you made some good purchases - it makes me want to go shopping!  Hugs