continued Tissue expander pain!!

Hi ladies, haven't been able to post.  Crying for days now.  I just keep getting smaller and smaller.  I am a b cup.  my old bras are large on me.  as swelling keeps going down they are so small!  I could have stopped expansions 6 weeks earlier than I did to get THIS result. I am just crushed, he encouraged me to go for what I wanted!  and I am stuck now with smaller than I ever dreamed.  Will be luck to be a full b cup.  I just don't know what happened and it is not the size that has me sobbing, it is the pain I went through that i endured for that result....trying to make lemonade out of these damn lemons i had forced on me....all those nights of pain i couldn't sleep and i could have stopped and had these.  it was all for nothing........

oh and i am done with the wood and have taken it easy all week other than working.  called in help from boys and friend and haev just sat  in chair working.  Just typing for 12 hrs.  Long work days are over tomorrow night. 

the emotional stress is what is eating away at me now.

Bravo Sharon very well put!

From one itty bitty titty bc girl to another.

Denise

Hanna,

Don't you dare apoligize, we all have our moments....I am so pleased to hear that you are doing well. As for Terri and myself, I think it's too soon to make any judgements againts our ps or our chest size. Like I was trying to explain to Terri, any of us just have bad days sooner or later. What makes these posts so great are all the women who understand how we are feeling and their words of encouragement to help bring us back to "home base". So never say your sorry for something you are pleased with!!!!! And thanks for the new web site, I'm going to check it out next.

Have a great evening...

Sharon

Sorry!  Me or my computer posted twice so I just got rid of the second one!

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I know that I don't post too often, but I have to let you ladies know how invaluable your comments/responses, whether good or bad, have been to me.  You all (or y'all, just move to Texas almost 3 years ago, been a Yankee my whole life from Chicago) are a whole step ahead of me (just started my journey of fills, 2 under the belt), but I've been keeping up with all your progress, your ups and downs, and your trials and tribulations.  Look, I'm awake at 4 AM and I'm catching up on the last 2-3 days that I missed.

Jani - Thanks for your stupid question, but remember there are no stupid questions as the teachers would always say.  I was wondering the same thing.  I was guessing damn husband, but I like darling better.  Mine has been just darling throughout this whole bc thing.

Jean - Thanks for the dh clarification.

Terri - I hope things are looking up and you are emotionally feeling better.  This bc thing is such an emotional roller coaster, but you have the support and care of a lot of women here.  This group of ladies is unbelievable!  Give it a little time, but if you are not happy I'd definitely talk to your ps.  You also need to give yourself some "you" time.  You seem to be working way too hard.  You deserve to kick it back.

Sharon, Hanna - You girls ROCK!

Sheila - I'm so glad you are happy with the new you.  I hope to be there someday too.

Well, I've been awake for the last 2.5 hrs, maybe I'll try to go back to sleep.

Take care and I'll catch up with you later.

Sandy

Hi Ladies,

Sharon, I had the same experience in Wally World. Fortunately hubby never let me drive anywhere without him since the recon process and almost passing out in class in front of my students. WalMart bathroom....I'd rather throw up outside thank you! For some reason, the ones here believe the more flowery stuff you spray the better the bathroom smells...NOT! Flowers and poop aren't a good mix! Glad you were able to experience a bit of freedom from HB (hell bra). My ps told me I didn't have to wear one after a week and I haven't (YEA!!!).

As far as my new boob, like some of you, I'm not loving it. I had the exchange Dec 18th and I'm not loving it yet. I still have minor pain in the arm (probably from the snb) and rib area. They're far apart (I can get 4 fingers between them when prior to the mast, the girls were always touching...major cleavage!). Sometimes it feels like it's trying to migrate back under my arm (where the expander was all of the time). It looks great though; the reduction/lift side and the foob are almost identical in size. You can't tell unless I'm naked that the foob is rounder and a tad higher than the real breast. Then of course, it doesn't have a nipple and won't until I decide I'm keeping it. My 4 yr. old granddaughter takes pleasure in giving me a new "nipple" every week (I pick her up from school every Friday and she always brings stickers for me to use as nipples).

Jean, I'll pm you tomorrow. I'm stopping at the place we talked about on the way home from school and let you know what I find out. Your day is almost here!!!

Yall have a good night.

Margaret

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Hanna, I am orig from OH but moved to NC in 1975. I now live south of Boone in Hudson. I have not acquired the taste for grits, I like cream of wheat, found with instant oatmeal, the grits might be in that section also?

HannaB,

Polenta in the tube is nothing like grits!!! My goodness, buy some on line to get the real deal!

I grew up in Lenoir, and spent many a fun day in Boone, whether at band camp at ASU or hiking in the mountains. That's where my roots are!

Sheila, my dh is from Ohio, and I have turned him into a grade-A grits lover! Fortunately, we can get them in most any diner here in town, so I don't need to make my own. Now, if I could just find some good country ham...

Anne, expanded fully and counting down to May

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Greetings Ladies, from a very Ice Covered Michigan...

Hanna,

Bess sounds great, hopefully a two for one package! It is sooo awesome to watch them foal. I love Haflinger's, a friend of mine up here in MI breeds them. They are sooo gentle, like most Drafts are. That is so great about the donkey and duck, and as you probably know, you can never just have one horse, that's why you get the donkey, unless you like to do alot of fence repairs!!!!!!!You sound like your alot like me. I have 2 dogs, 1 cat, 3 horses and a killer bunny. Now here's my funny story on the bunny. His name is Benny, I got him from one of my students when he was just 6 weeks old for my Birthday. He's solid black. Now Benny had a huge cage, but one day he decided to jump out while I was cleaning it. Next to his cage was a huge dog run that I used to keep my St. Bernard and Lab during the summer while I would clean house, or make them dry off in when they jumped in the pond. Anyways, Benny decides he likes the dog run, so fine with me, I left him in there. He eventually digs his way out, just to tease the dogs, then runs back in. Well this has gone on for at least three years. I have tried to put other rabbits with him, and he just kills them all! He wants to be alone, unless he's in with the horses in their stalls.He now lives anywhere he wants. Now I live on 25 acres with woods and pasture, Benny could go anywhere, but just stays in the yard. I haven't feed that rabbit in years. (Horse poop is his diet!) The Lab and Puggle try everyday to catch him, but never do, he's the fastest, most clever rabbit I have ever owned!

Shelia, get ready for 20 questions - you mentioned that you did the nipple tatoo's, did it hurt? And how do they make the nipple itself? Did they just gather scar tissue? How long did you have to wait from after your exchange surgery? I was just wondering what my next step was, and what I was in for this time!!!! If it sounds like it sucks too bad, I may just do what Margaret does, and start collecting stickers!!!

Margaret, how sweet your granddaughter is....do you get alot of smiley faces? I actually told my husband I should get those for nipples!!!!! And by the way, our Wally World sounds like yours, and I wish I could have made it outside, that was one experience I will not do again, I'd rather have them do "clean up in Frozen Foods"......

Terri, where the heck are you?????????????????

Talk to to all soon,

Sharon

Sharon, no but I see my PS this week for my final fill. Iam hoping I can have these monsters removed ASAP...but it's only possible if someone else cancels their surgery date. He's too booked for now. Maybe my Cardio will tell him it's too much for my heart and get these things out.

Sorry, I got jetlag and can't sleep, and these are all the things I have been thinking about sharing with you. So rather than lay there just thinking about telling you all about this thought I would get up at 2:00 am and do it!

Sharon, I think your advice is good. That was exactly the conversation that I was having with myself coming up to my exchange. Whatever it is it will be the new me and, unless it is really unacceptable, I will grow to accept and be happy with it. Like when we were 14, 15, 16 we had no idea how our breasts were going to turn out. They could be too big, too small, one big one small, big areolas, too small or too big nipples, hairy nipples, or what not, right? At that point you just say, “Wow, this is the grown up me”. There was no, “but mom I hate my breasts, I want them changed now!” (at least not back then!). My friends and me were all proud of them –defects and all! So that was my attitude going into the exchange, but like I said within limits. If things were really out of whack I was prepared to go back and problem solve even if that meant another surgery. So I guess, if after some amount of time – like 3 months – you are still unhappy and by that I mean that you are worrying about your breasts often, or that you lack confidence in the way you look with or without clothes, I mean if its really affecting your social or love life then I would say find the energy to get in there and tackle the problem. Ask for a redo from your PS if you still have confidence in him/her or find a new one that understands your expectations and that you think has the skill to meet them.

The thing that I learned from my exchange is that you should not expect to look in the mirror and fall instantly in love with the new breasts. They really are new. They won’t look like the originals (not sure why I was so certain they would). It really is a process. The first time you see them you are just being introduced to a part of your body that is brand new. This was a very emotionally confusing first meeting for me. First utter shock – like this is not my body! Then yes it is, then lets see what is wrong with them, then I think they are okay, then but this isn’t me. I just stood there spinning. I just kept repeating through all this, “but this isn’t what I expected”. Luckily my sister was right there and grounded me with, “what are you talking about, they look great, I wish I had those boobs”. It turned out to be the right thing to say at the right moment. I then went away from the mirror for about an hour, then went back for another look, then another, then another, till finally I just set a mirror up right beside me so I did not even have to get up to take another look. I think that this is what the brain needs. Lots and lots of looking to understand that yes, these are brand new boobs on my very own body. The natural thing, at least for some of us, is to pick them apart and figure out what is wrong with them and that is really easy to do about any part of our bodies, right? You really have to be careful about this. Be sure to center on what looks good about them and I would strongly recommend having your best friend with you when you take your first look or two. At 1 week later doesn’t matter if I am in the middle of making dinner or in the middle of the night I pop up for another look. Yup they are still there, they still look the same, and these really and truly are my new boobs. I guess I am not only finding a way to accept them, and even though it sounds funny, I am actually falling in love with them! The point is you should expect a process that takes time and it really is not reasonable to expect an instantaneous identification with these new additions. Our original breasts were amputated. It takes years if ever for the brain to incorporate a lost body part into your image of yourself. So even though you don’t know it you really are set up to expect to see the original boobs appear and not these new ones that absolutely do look different. Come to think of it it is just plain stupid that they do not do some sort of counseling for us before the exchange. We will still feel the same emotions and confusion, but at least we would know to expect it. I was so lucky to have my sister there at that moment or I would really have been off on a wild tangent. Luckily it was not my husband – he has a way of saying the exactly wrong thing at just the right time to really shake your confidence –absolutely unintentional of course, just not very sensitive and probably just trying to be funny!

I actually think this period is critical to how quickly and how well you adapt and accept the new breasts. So I recommend spending some time thinking about this first meeting and actually planning it. Make sure you have someone you trust to provide a sensible voice and to anchor you. I expect that it will be a few to 6 months before I look in the mirror the way I did pre mastectomy.

Okay its 3:00 am. I need to try to get a few more hours of sleep. Kids get this week off school so its nice to lounge around with them, though I certainly do have work building up for me. But I figure this is my week to recover. It will all be waiting when I get to it.

Nighty night ladies! 

WOW Jani

You traveled from Norway to SD for surgery. WHat will you be doing for your follow up? 

Yes I guess I am up next. I will have my last fill on Thursday, if we moved forward with that. My PCP called me yesterday, yes - Sunday - and said she feels I shoudl not have the last fill as my BP is so darn elevated. Surgery will be in TWO WEEKS, or sooner, if possible. My PS is booked solid, but if anyone cancels, unlikely, it will be moved up. I cannot imagine one more oz (cc) being injected ...I just want these OUT.

Good luck with your implants and hope you continue to feel well. Wasn't the flight unbearable? I know there is no way I could fly with all those pain pills. They all make me vomit.