can't have children, considering adoption
Comments
-
I was 30 when I was initially diagnosed (stage III)...had just gotten engaged and had my whole life in front of me. After a year and half of chemo, lumpectomy, more chemo, time off to get married, radiation and then more chemo I was finally done and put on Tamoxifen. The chemo had put me into menopause so my husband and I were investigating adoption. It was 3 years since treatment ended and we thought we were in the clear. We had just finished our home study when we found out that I had mets to my liver. Just one lesion but it meant we had to put our adoption on hold. After a year of chemo (taxol and avastin) I was considered NED. I was anxious to start the adoption process again but my husband wanted to wait awhile. My latest diagnoses took it's toll and he was afraid of being a single dad. After 9 months of living "cancer free" we found 4 more lesions on my liver during one of my usual scans. We knew it was coming back but thought I would have a little longer. I'm back on chemo now (abraxane) and the plan is to do a liver resection following 3 rounds of treatment. I know that this isn't curable now but I do believe I can live a long time with this disease. Maybe by then they will come up with a cure - it's all about buying time. Here's the thing, I still want to proceed with adoption. Being a mother is something that I've alway wanted. I hate that this disease has taken away so much of my life and this isn't something I want to miss out on. I've talked with some adoption agencies...it seems we would have a hard time getting approved internationally but domestically we don't have to disclose my diagnoses to the birth-mother. That seems kind of sneaky to me and I'm not sure I have the time to wait for domestic adoption. I'm trying not to be selfish. I know it's a lot to ask of my husband to do this for me knowing that I may not be here to help him raise our child. But no one knows how long any of us have. I could live with this for a long time.
So, is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation? Any insights on adoption? Has anyone else made the decision to have children while living with this diagnoses? Any mothers who already had children before they were diagnosed?
It's so nice to have a place like this to ask these questions of people in similar situations. Thanks for your help!
mpd
-
god, this situation is so hard. i wish i could tell you something positive, but everyone i've ever talked to about adoption and people who've done it... you are usualy required to be out of actual treatment from anywhere from 2-5 years at the minimum and most domestic agencies require your doc to sign a form saying either a. they expect youy to have the same life expectancy or b. your chance of recurrance are very low. i don't knwo how you can go through an agency and not disclose your illness. that seems odd to me.
good luck. our thoughts are with you
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team