FRIENDS

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Missjaq
Missjaq Member Posts: 69
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
FRIENDS
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  • Missjaq
    Missjaq Member Posts: 69
    edited February 2008

    I came to this site when my friend was diagnosed with stage IV BC, mets to the bones. I received so much infomation and support. Peg is not a talker about her disease. She avoids conversation and is always "fine". I have learned from listening here, each person handles the battle differently. She prefered to do what the doctor suggested as opposed to looking up alternatives. I am a different sort and wanted to know all that is available, all the choices. I learned to only interject if what I had to say was going to be received comfortably from her. I understand it has always been her battle. She lives 6 hours from me. I have been able to go and take her to treatments. I was able to help care for her when she could come to my city. If I do not go see her now, I am sure I will not see her until heaven.

    My dilema is that I am not sure I want to see her. She would know why I am there. This seems so awkward and foreign to our friendship. I trully think she would hate me to see her and not allow me to tell her how much she means, how fun our friendship has always been.

    You have helped me more than I can ever repay, so I look to your guidance now. Heart Broken, jacqui

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  • jansdaughter
    jansdaughter Member Posts: 265
    edited February 2008

    Jacqui, Your friend sounds like my mother.  She always said she felt fine even when we knew she didn't (you could look at her and see she didn't).  She never wanted to talk about her bc either so we didn't.  I researched things for her and gave her the information for which she was very grateful.  I know this is different, your friend, my mother.  But I will tell you, my mother was very hurt by her twin sister, and some of her friends because they didn't call or didn't come spend time with her when they had the chance.  Now it's too late. 

    Cancer may have changed the way my mother looked and at times, her personality, but she had the same wonderful smile, the same love for everyone, and the same spirit for life. 

    Write your friend a letter and tell her how much she means to you and how much you enjoy her friendship.  Then go see her.  I think you will both enjoy your time.  Don't wait until it's too late.  Cancer just stinks doesn't it.  I hate it.  Hugs to you.  Dianne

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  • OneBadBoob
    OneBadBoob Member Posts: 1,386
    edited February 2008

    This was written by my dear friend who lost her battle two years ago.

    Go see your friend.  Don't find yourself out of touch, and out of time.

    Tell her your love her.  Give her a hug. 

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  • jansdaughter
    jansdaughter Member Posts: 265
    edited February 2008

    That was nice Jane.  May I print it and keep it?  If so, could you please send to me.  Thanks, Dianne

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  • ravdeb
    ravdeb Member Posts: 3,116
    edited March 2008

    I'm bumping this topic up.

    I have a good friend who is stage 4 bc. I'm a survivor myself but that's just it..I'm surviving. Have not had recurrence or mets though have had a few scares since I met her and she has always been so supportive despite what she is going through now.

    I cannot possibly understand what she has had to experience...WBR...and the pain that she is suffering from today. We are waiting for her visit with her doctor. There is a chance that she may get more treatment and there is a chance that they may say there is nothing more they can do. She's triple neg...like I am.

    I am in touch with her daily either by text messaging or phone calls and I see her when I can..she lives far from me. I was just there and she has told me several times that it makes her smile when I'm there face to face but I can't go daily...it's too hard on me emotionally and it's too time consuming as I need to continue in my own life.

    I guess I'm wondering..just what can I do? Or maybe I just need some assurance that I'm doing the best I can despite that I don't see her on a more regular basis. She told me this morning that if I don't hear from her and I am worried, to call her sister. She has told me this before. I just feel that if I start calling her sister, then I will move out of denial that she is just not going to make it. I still feel like she is when I hear her cheery voice on the phone.

    Very hard for me. Anyone else been through this and can help me ease my mind a bit..that I'm doing what I can? I guess I just need that assurance... or something. Not sure what I'm asking for...

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  • Missjaq
    Missjaq Member Posts: 69
    edited March 2008

    For All who encouraged me to go see my friend, Thanks. I went last week and visited. She is so adorable and we share such wonderful memories. It was wonderful to see her mom, sis, and brother showering her with love and care. She and I would speak many times a day on the phone. As she has grown weaker, I have to speak to her brother or sister. It was hard for me to do at first Ravdeb, but it is impossible for her to use her strength to chat the way we did. We share a love for sunflowers so I knitted her a shawl in ribbons and fuzzy stuff to look like a field of sunflowers and brought her fresh sunflowers. I don't imagine I will see her again on this earth and am fine with this. I thought her debilitation would burn on my retinas and hover on my heart covering my wonderful memories, but it didn't. Her family has her room clustered with pictures of friends and momentos that makes us smile. I could recognize she needed her family now and they needed to give her care. Although I was able to sit by her and give them a break for many hours, I know the time is coming that one of them will remain by her side. My sisters live in the same town so I was able to visit with them in between and appreciate our good health and our love. When the time comes, I know my family will be there for each other. We will welcome friends inquiries and well wishes.

    I don't mean to ramble, but my dear friend, Peggy, taught me a lot about living. Ravedeb, you will know when your friend can't chat as often on the phone, she won't answer, or she will take days to call you back. Don't be afraid to call her sister. Her sister will pass your love on to her and she can quietly think of you and your special times together. My friends sister is so preciously caring for her that I feel more pain for the sister now than my beloved friend. I hope this makes sense and helps you with your decision.

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited March 2008

    Blessings to you both during a time none should have to endure.

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