When The Wife Says... Stop Farting Do It

Options
evilelf
evilelf Member Posts: 1,066
edited June 2014 in Humor and Games
When The Wife Says... Stop Farting Do It
· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • evilelf
    evilelf Member Posts: 1,066
    edited February 2008

    IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.
    THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 70 YEARS.
    THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE
    RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD.
    ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM "WHAT WAS THE MATTER?"
    HE SAID, HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT. ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?ASKED HIS WIFE.
    WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST
    OF THEM BACK IN.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2008

    OMG - TOO FRICKIN' FUNNY! Love it! Who the he** comes up with these jokes! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wishiwere
    wishiwere Member Posts: 3,793
    edited February 2008
    Surprised  OMGOSH!  That's too funny!  Thanks for the chuckle! good thing there is no one here to wake up with my laughing!  :D
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • bluedahlia
    bluedahlia Member Posts: 6,944
    edited February 2008

    There should have been a "Depends" warning on this one.  I'm dying here LMAO!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Isabella4
    Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
    edited February 2008

    Oh I laughed my sox off at this one.

    I used to have the same problem with DH, but now he has his own bedroom. I make sure he leaves his window ajar!!!

    Isabella.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rebecca
    Rebecca Member Posts: 971
    edited February 2008

    LOL!!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Barb1953
    Barb1953 Member Posts: 479
    edited February 2008

    no need to pray for me---I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my face----I know a man just like that !!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories