Starting Chemo in May 07

OK, if you girls don't think we need a private yahoo list, my most recent posts (over there) are a good argument for having it!

Hey ladies,

I didn't have my CT scan today.  The technitian(sp) was sick.  I have it tomorrow.  I still have chemo on Thursday and hopefully they will have the results.

I did have a good day.  Mom and I hung out in town went to a bunch of different thrift stores and stuff.  My sons girlfriend had a doctor appt and I went.  They did a stress test on the baby and we ended up going over to the hospitol for a better test.  Everything is fine.  She has an sonogram on Monday and I get to go with her again.  Being there makes it more real and I cannot waite for the baby to be born.  I want to hold her and spoil her so bad.

My chemo this time is: epirubicin, 5FU, and Cytoxin,  I go every 3 weeks with scans after every 2.  I should have 4 more left.  I'm still down and out for 3-4 days after chemo then I'm ok.  I've actually got energy (most days) and am trying my best to keep my spirits up.

OH YA I was sorta offended today by the OBGYN doc.  We were talking about the baby and other stuff.  She looked at me and asked if I was doing chemo.  I said yes that I'd had a reoccurance with mets to my liver and lungs.  She said wow you look good for having all that.  I told her I had alot to look forward to, especially the baby.  I'm not sure why I was offended but I think it was the way she asked or something.  Usually things like that dont offend me.  Maybe it was because she was a doctor and could still say it the way she did.

Ok I need to get off here now.

Big hugs to all and thanks for all the encouragement,

CindyKS

Hey Cindy,

My Onc said that is was the 5FU (that name is appropriate) and the cytoxin that was making me feel so bad when I did my chemo. So sorry you are having to go thru chemo again......................so sorry.

I happy about the baby though. My niece had her baby in Oct remember...she is started to really make noise and look and grab and it is so freaking cool I can't believe it.

I also can't believe I'm never going to have my own.

I don't know if I ever told you guys  this or not but, I had an abortion when I was 18. I've been crying about that since my dx. It bothered me before but NOTHING like it bothers me now. I feel like I'm being punished. I know....not true but......man, now that I've had my hystectomy.....it weighs heavy on my mind.

Cindy (KS) I know you have way bigger probs and I'm sorry for bringing it up. I can't wait to meet you. I really want to meet all of you.

I went to Little River, CA once (remember...Same Time Next Year...) and it was heaven on earth. We could go there instead! I just really want to meet you guys. I've met two girls locally and it's been really fun. I really want this to happen. Although.....you Cindy's are going to have to wear you screen names as a name tag so I can tell y'all apart!!!

Thinking about you tomorrow KS.

Hugs, Traci

Tracy - Hugs, I'm so sorry you're sad. Completely understandable.  But all that past stuff, it's done and over.  You did the best thing you could for yourself at the time, and while I know it's normal to wonder - there are at least two kids that I will never get to meet due to young, young ages, pregnancy and abortion (not mine, but close), and I can't help but think, oh, that baby would have been 18 this year  - it's just not a productive, helpful line of thought.  Normal, but not helpful.  Maybe go out and do something fun and make the most of today?!

And if the goal is to have children in your life, there are ways to do it, right?  Being an involved auntie has been my solution so far.  Other ideas I've had, and I'm not in a position to do it, but I've been thinking of foster care as well.  That or being an awesome step-mom (involves meeting a guy, but hey, details).... I'm sure there are more, let us know what you come up with

Yea MN....post a pic. It's easy. Just go to my home and then edit.

I'm o.k. Sorry I got on that soup box.

I'm the favorite Aunt to 12 nieces and nephews. Thank goodness one of them just had a baby cuz they are all getting old and I'm not liking them anymore. (Just kiddin' but man....do teenagers have attitudes these days...)

I've thought about adoption and foster care but now....cancer has kind of messed with my financial position. Adoption isn't an option unless someone knows where it is free. I might seriously consider foster parenting once I am settled. They might not give a kid to a single girl with the bad kind of BC though.... 

I think I'm going to play hookie. Today, two of the systems that I use all the time for work are down and making me crazy!! And, I lost a potential good customer. Man people piss me off. When she said "no" I felt like saying "you stupid idiot". LOL!

Virginia, do you take Ambiem (sp?) When I take that stuff I have crazy nightmares. I don't think I told y'all....Saturday, (my roommate was in the bahamas and wasn't taking her phone because they don't work there....) I started looking for her cell phone because I couldn't remember where I put it after talking to our mutual friend Victoria on Friday. I looked all over the place. I mean, there are only so many places it could be right? I was trying to retrace my steps and couldn't remember s*** so, I called Victoria and said "Victoria, yesterday when we talked, what time was it?" (hoping that would help) and she said "Traci, we didn't talk yesterday." At first, I thought she was kidding but, she wasn't. That really freaked me out y'all. It was confirmed when my roommate called me on Monday, from her cell phone, to let me know when she'd be home.

I can't remember whether I took an ambiem Friday nite. I'm losing my mind.....wait, check that....I've lost my mind.

Well, going to go see if the freaking programs work!

Love y'all!!

Traci

This is really going to help me alot. : ) You are too cute!!!!!

Amanda...is Lunesta over the counter?

Happy Hump Day everybody!

OK I GOT BRAVE.  Here is the most recent photo of me.  YA I'm bald.  I've decided that if it wasn't so cold I wouldn't wear a head cover.  It's been so long since I had a nice head of hair that I guess I'm used to seeing myself bald and I'm comfortable with it.  My head is nice shaped and doesn't have any bumps or dents. LOL  anyway just thought I'd let you all see me this way. 

CindyKS

Cinrae.....Cindy??....LOL!......did you do the thing where you get email notification??

Hugs, Traci

Hey Cindy MN--you didn't post the new pic in the yahoo group.  Did you give up on yahoo?  I can't keep track of who's over there, who's only over here, and who's doing both.  Did you not have an avatar all along?  Maybe it was the other Cindy's, but  I thought I had seen your pic already.

Well, I have some photos in an album on the Yahoo group, but no avatar there. Yet. <grin> I had no idea how easy it is to post an avatar here. You used to have to use PhotoBucket or tinypic and it was a real pain. Is it as easy on Yahoo? I'll check it out.

CindyKS, you *are* brave and beautiful. I was tickled when I read about the disabled kids you work with. We've got a bunch of group homes in my neighborhood, so a lot of the kids ride my bus. It's fun to interact with them and to listen to their daily dramas.

Hang in there. Hope you get good news from your scan results.

--CindyMN

Thanks for all the hugs and encouragement.  I really love you guys.  I did not get good news from the scans.  The lung mets have not changed but the liver tumors are growing.  I'm waiting on a call from the onc nurse to see when they can get me in for a consult at KU med in Kansas City.  My onc already consults with them but I want them to actually look at my paperwork and scans and see what they think.  She talked about putting me on xeloda and avastin but would rather do Carboplatin, Gemcitabine, and avastin its more aggressive.  She also talked about some trials I could qualify for but they would all involve travel.  If I go to KU she works with them so I could still do the chemo in Topeka.  KU is about 2 hours from me and Topeka is only 1 hour.  Either way I'll do whatever it takes.  I'm really tired now cause that was a hard stressful time.  I'm now wondering when this will end.

I just keep thinking about that grandbaby I have on the way and how much I want to be able to spoil her as she grows up.  That helps me keep my spirits up and keeps me going.

On the good side of things, after we left the clinic today mom and I went to eat at Olive Garden, they have the 5.95 soup, salad and breadsticks.  I've been craving salad so it sounded good.  We also had desert. YUMMY.  The waitress came by our table and said someone already covered our check.  They told her to tell us Happy Valentines Day.  We have no idea who it was but both of us almost busted up in tears.  LOL  I've never had anyone do that for me.

Well I'm going to update my spaces.live account then take a nap.

I'll check back soon,

CindyKS

Traci,  Thanks for the hugs it really feels great to know I have you guys.   I went to the link about bimmers post.  I read some of what he wrote before his wife passed away but I havent done much on the boards lately except go to this one and the triple negative group.  I think it is sad that if someone is affended by something they cannot just ignore it.  Thats what I do.  Where is the freedom of speech? The 5th ammendment (isn't it)

if you go to www.ocinny414.space.live.com I have a blog spot there.  Its sorta like myspace.  I post whats going on with me.  There are pictures and a youtube video of my son holding the ramp for the remote trucks. I also have an online playlist that automatically plays some of my favorite songs.   I update it as often as I do on here.  LOL  I've been really bad about updating things lately cause I've been really busy with other stuff.  You and anyone else are welcome to check it out.  Try and sign my guestbook if you go to the site.  I've been told by some that it wont let them.

Hugs,

CindyKS

PS Upload the elephant and camel joke you put on the bimmer conversation.  That was cute.  I'm not sure how you do it on spaces.live but I liked it.

OK Hugs

KS!!! That link doesn't work. I'll Google it.

Your (5th Amend?) CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freedom of speech would be the 1st Amendment.....the 5th is the "I'm not saying sh*t cuz it might get me busted" amendment!

I'm not laughing at you sister....I laughing with you!!! That was sooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!

Man.....I envy your spirit!!

: - ) Traci

CindyKS, I was on carboplatin and taxol for my 2007 chemo. I got it three weeks in a row and then rested a week, for four cycles. I found it much easier on me than the dose-dense AC/Taxol I had in 2005.

I've heard that carboplatin is often used for triple-negs (which I am, too) because it works especially well for us.

Get some rest. I know today was a tough one.

--CindyMN