Starting Chemo in September?? where are you ladies

Hello everyone!

Tri, I echo everything Marietta said!  Please try not to worry, though that is easier said than done, just focus on the positive.  And truly, I hope you enjoyed those brownies without guilt!

Marietta, I hope you had a nice dinner with friends.  I am trying to figure out an "end of tx celebration dinner" and I think I will hint heavily to my son and his wife, who are moving into the brand new house they built next weekend, and she is an awesome gourmet cook at only 22 and makes the most wonderful spaghetti sauce! At 51, I still can't cook hot dogs without ruining them (they're bad so I shouldn't be eating them anyway!)

Paxton, are you any warmer today?  I hope so!  It was in the 60s yesterday and we went scouting on some game lands for a place to hang my stand for next year.  I barely made it up the steep hill, but heck, I made it!  It was so good to get outside and sweat and needless to say, I slept great last night!  And I am excited-- all of a sudden, I've gotten on a bow-fishing kick and want to buy some equipment-- I've never tried it but I'm determined that is going to be my new hobby for 2008!  I can sure use some hints, tips, and information!   I shot my bow yesterday and did extremely well!  DH was really surprised.  It sure boosted my morale and made me feel "whole" again.

Pardon me, but I need to whine for a while!  I just noticed this morning that the toe nail on my big toe is coming off, weeping (gross-sorry!), and I am so afraid it will get infected.  I do believe this is a Taxol side effect-- anyone else had this?  What can I do to care for it?  It is starting to hurt this evening.  Crap, after finishing up the Taxol, I thought I was home-free from S.E.'s!  

Ok, I'm thru whining for now...

Take care!

MJ

Hey there Tri,

The pup in my avatar is actually my "first grandchild"-- she is my daughter's miniature dachshund and her name is Darby. I thought since I put Mason's photo up there, I would give Darby equal billing.  She is going thru a transition phase with the new baby in the house, but for a doxie, she's doing quite well.  My daughter picked up Mason out of his bouncy chair the other day, and Darby immediately hopped up in it and laid down.  That was the cutest thing--wish I'd had it on video.  I did get a photo- will try to post that later.  I have other "grandchildren" too-- they belong to my son and his wife-- two cats and a black lab-- will try to get some pics of them too.  I just loved the photo you posted of you and your running partner!  

Thank you for your encouragement about the toenail.  I go this afternoon for my first solo Herceptin, so I'll ask about it then. I'm chicken to look at it again, but it isn't hurting much now.

HANG IN THERE while you're waiting on that phone call...  waiting is the absolute pits! Let us know as soon as you hear the results, ok? 

Marietta, I read your comment on being "decrepid" on the Jan. rads thread and Oh yes, I can relate to that!!!  I think we all need a good soak in a hot tub with some good wine and chocolates?  BTW, how did you do with your first solo Herceptin?  DH is going with me.  Dang it -- I wanted to go alone and visit the mall next door to the cancer center but bless his heart, he was afraid to let me go alone since this was my first solo H.  If I do well, that will mean trips to the mall every three weeks from now until November!! YAY!  I'm not normally a regular mall visitor, but I'm getting desperate to get out and see some different scenery... I'm broke b/c of co-pays and extra gasoline, but lookin' is still free, right?

Paxton, how are you today, Cheryll, are you ok, and Karyll, where in the world are you????? 

HUGS to all,

Mary Jo 

Oh (I always seem to have Oh's now )...mj, your story about the dog jumping into the bouncer reminds me of my friend's pug.  My bff's pug, Phoebe, was the baby until she actually had kids.  When I'd visit, we always went for walks and of course, Phoebe, always came along.  Once the first baby was born, we took the stroller with the baby along.  Phoebe was getting older and after a bit of walking, she'd hop her big butt into the diaper bag basket under the stroller.

I made an appt with a dermatologist for Friday.  I know what you mean, mj, about getting worked up and being overly paranoid about having cancer or other things.  I'll let everybody what they say.

I don't think I'm going to be able to exercise much now.  I'm just dragging and feel horrible.  I can barely use my arm now because my chest muscles are sore.  Skin still looks ok though.  Just keep going. 

Hi to all,

I had my first solo Herceptin yesterday and everything went fine!  I had no side effects at all that I can tell at this point, and it was so nice not to have the benadryl and steroids! 

While I was at the cancer center yesterday, I picked up a free wig to bring home and try out.  It is very blonde and styled in a short layered cut-- very different from my original hair!  I wore it to work today, and can't recall when I have laughed so hard and had so much fun!  I work with about 30 guys and 3 other ladies, and the men were telling me I was a "hot blonde" and calling me "babe" and "Blondie" and other silly things like that, but all in totally innocent fun (we are all married and know each others' spouses and are like a big family).  It was such a fun day and I needed it!  I took a photo of me with my cell phone and hopefully it shows up ok in this post.  Hugs to all!

Mary Jo

Hello to all!

It's just past midnight and my husband just woke me up from a deep peaceful sleep, opening the bedroom window because it is blazing hot here!  It's going to storm, then turn off cold again   Of course I am wide awake now and he is already sound asleep again like a baby!

Tri, I am glad you got some good info from your oncologist.  I think you are on the right track.  I really like what your onc said about the port removal- can I borrow those reasons in case mine says we need to leave mine in?  Although I won't have further surgery, I feel everything he said makes sense and I don't even want to hear anything about mine not taken out the minute I finish Herceptin.  And at least you will have plenty of time to heal before rads.  You go girl!

Paxton, good luck at the derm's office and like Marietta said, it is a really good idea to get checked out regularly.  Is it warmer there yet and how's your car?  Hope you're feeling better and just keep plugging along-- tx will be over soon and you'll be on your way to total recovery!

Marietta, sorry to hear about your wig but glad you are ok.  And I'm glad your herceptin is going well.  I feel really great and can really feel a difference in my energy level this week.  Thank goodness I don't have the downhill slide off the steroids-- that was dreadful!

Are you all getting hair yet?

Well, here's my pre-chemo (and pre-chemo fat) photo, as requested by Tri!  I look pretty washed out and droopy...    MJ

Hi Paxton,

Yes we do understand and no, you are not whining. You've had a pile of stuff to deal with lately and none of it has been in your control.  I'm glad you got your computer working again, and hope you get your car fixed soon. 

I bet in a few weeks you will really see a difference in your body, but great for you that you're eating right and exercising!  I'm sure you've got muscle now instead of fat since you've been working out.  Is your taste pretty normal?  I think that is my problem-- nothing tastes right and I keep eating hoping to find something that will.  I love fruits and veggies, but they don't taste like themselves, but ice cream does!   My chemo nurse said it would take several weeks for the metabolism to get back to normal after all the steroids and crap along with the chemo. I feel like I am bloated 24 hrs a day and after reading that stupid article about weight gain and cancer death, I am just ready to throw up my hands in disgust. I've got to lose about 35  more pounds to really be healthier and that will take at least 40 years at the rate I'm going. 

Don't worry about the hair color-- from what I've heard, whatever comes back eventually changes back to what was there before.  Mine looks salt and peppery too but at my age, who gives a hoot. I must admit the wig made me feel more feminine.  What your bf said was funny about putting on your hair!

I really hope you get your inner ear problem resolved soon.  That has to be just totally miserable. It's good that they have a corrective surgery for it, so hang in there, ok?

Take care and stay warm.

MJ 

I had posted in response to the book I suggested but it disappeared into cyberspace. Anyway, yes, MJ that is the right book. I didn't really notice any negative comments but then I have probably forgotten. I wonder where the earlier post went. I hate to repeat myself.

Anyway to make a long story short. I am having a hell of time. So damn emotional I can't stand myself. Finally went to the family doc and put me on lexapro. I don't know if it's chemopause/menopause, depression from finishing tx, or separation anxiety from my kids (ages 21 & 25). It started around the holidays, the first time I've had to share my kids (with their significant others and their families), so I finally got off the pity pot about that and then 2 weeks ago I invited (3 separate times) my daughter and her boyfirend over for supper and was turned down as they had plans with his family. I fell apart! I was a complete basketcase all weekend, crying that wouldn't stop. Then I got mad at myself for carrying on. I hate this!!!!! Anyone else feel so pathetic? They say it will take about 2 wks. for AD to kick in. I'm feeling better now but who knows what might set me off again?

Hmmm, guess I didn't really make a long story short did I?

I live alone-exhusband left me 6 yrs. ago for the neighbor lady (I use the word "lady" very loosely) after 20 yrs. Part of the problem I'm sure is that I hate being alone so much. I'm not lonely ie: needing or wanting a man in my life; just hate being alone all of the time. I started walking at the Y so hopefully that will help.

Sorry for the venting. I'm just really tired of all this crap!

Take care!

Oh, I went commando today in front of bf.  I put on some eye makeup so I didn't feel like a man.  He reacted ok, supportive but not sure because its so different.

Hello all!

Cheryll, you go girl with those salutes to the dr.!  I wish you'd kicked him too as he left the room, and I am not normally a violent person... And by the way, I re-read some things in the book you mentioned, and I didn't find them negative at all... See, you're not the only one with moods and being emotional... I'm sure I was the day I read whatever it was I read in the book that I thought was negative. 

Tri, your family is absolutely beautiful!!!!!  And I know what you mean about the love-hate photo thing.  But I look at my current photos and in most of them, I see more of a 'spark' in my eyes than in the ones last year... hmm what does that mean?  I've also listened some to Joyce Meyer and she is great and a gutsy lady.  And I love what you said about staying busy inventing our new selves-- that is exactly what we have to do!!  But, we must never feel badly about being emotional-- heck we have a good reason to be, but I feel it's going to make us tougher when we come through all the tx's and recover our physical selves.

Paxton, I am excited about bowfishing! I am going to start bow-shopping soon since I don't want to keep my hunting bow set up just the way it is  because it sure shoots sweet (sorry if I've already said that somewhere).  Do you shoot a compound or recurve bow for fishing?  Mine is a compound but I'd love to try a recurve or even a long bow. There is a thermal lake in the adjacent county that provides cooling for the power company there, and it is full of tilapia, which is considered a delicacy around here and is perfect to bowfish and I am so eager to get out there!  They don't allow electric motors on the lake, so it should be a nice, quiet peaceful place to take our drift boat.  Hurry up, fishing season! Sorry you didn't get drawn for turkey season.  You can always come here to NC and the bag limit is two.  From my office window this morning, I witnessed about 45 marching down the road until one of the guys test-driving a bus came along and they all flew-- pretty impressive sight!  We have got plenty of them, that's for sure.  I'm just now getting used to going commando around my husband, though he doesn't care if I wear a hat or not.  He shaves his head so he matches me anyway, except for his beard- and I may end up with one of those too, who knows?  I think my taste is improving some, but I'm starting to really crave cold food like salads and of course ice cream... strange!  Please let us see your picture when you finish drawing.  You're very talented!

Ok, here's the wacky and emotional issue that I've been dealing with lately:  my husband's ex-wife, who has not remarried and has no significant other, has been calling our house for various reasons, for instance, to tell him what their grandkids are doing (their daughter and three kids live with her), asking about how to repair something at her house, car, etc. I have no reason to think anything at all is going on between her and my husband, but my fur stands up every time she calls    DH cannot understand why it bothers me when she calls and actually takes up for her saying she has changed from a very bitter woman to someone nicer in her old age.   She has also called to ask about me and how I am doing and is probably genuinely concerned, but the mean ol' bitty in me wants to say "no I'm not dead yet!"  I have even had times when I imagine them getting back together after I die of breast cancer... is that sick, or what?  I am not normally a jealous wife because I have no reason to be, but how can I stop my imagination from going wild?  I think if my ex called that often (he never calls anyway), I have a feeling dh would not really like it either.  I can't stand feeling this way!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent...

Mary Jo 

For bowfishing, we shoot barracuda compounds.  Nothing fancy but it gets the job done.  I'm working on contacting a guy in South Africa about some of my bf's mounts.  He spent a month over there 2 years ago and traded his $1200 bow to make sure the loose ends would be tied up and his stuff would make it here.  Needless to say, it hasn't.  I managed to get a hold of the guy's mom so we'll see what happens.  This guy spent some time here working which is how they met so its not a stranger who you'd think would screw him over.  It would be nice to even just get the video and pictures.  I can't imagine what mounts he would have and where would we put them.  Good grief!!

Well, I broke down and stopped at the thrift store after tx.  They were having major sales to clean out so it was a great day to go.  I got 2 pair of pants, a cool sweater, and a few shirts.  Its really lifted my spirits.  I've been dressing in my bf's t-'shirts because mine don't fit.  I think I need to feel a little spruced up.  I got this cool western shirt that's a lot like one's I have that are too small right now.  I also got a waffle maker (bf has been talking about making waffles for weeks), a few odds n ends for the kitchen, and best of all....this all cost $20. 

I haven't been feeling sick and so tired this week so I'm real happy about that.  And my spirit is definately higher than its been. I even bee bopped to the radio all the way to town and back.  On the downside, the crease under my boob turned red and blistered this morning so now I have the special cream and I still have 12 tx's left.  I shudder a little but I will move forward. 

Here's my weird cancer drawing. 

Yay, Paxton, glad the mole checked out fine!  I know you're very relieved and I don't blame you for leaving it for now.  You've been thru enough pokin' and proddin' by doctors for now.  I'm glad to hear you're feeling perkier now!  Hang in there-- rads are almost over for you, you lucky gal!

Thanks for the info on the Barracuda bows.  I've looked at those and they look like what I need. 

Gee, aren't thrift stores fun?  We have several in our town, including a big new Goodwill, but my most favorite is the REACH Thrift Store whose sales benefit abused women and children, and I have found 4 pairs of jeans there since I gained the chemo weight, and paid $1.99 a pair for them!  They suit me just fine and I feel good when I support that particular thrift store.  I like donating my stuff there too.

I love  your picture!!!!!  It depicts cancer perfectly!  Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Take care and have a good Saturday!

MJ

Hi Marietta!

Glad you're almost at the end of your rads, and don't worry, you're not grossing us out. I feel better when I hear all that everyone else is going thru.  Looks like I'll have my first tx on February 25, my dad's 79th birthday (he's in better shape than I am and is at the gym every morning at 5 a.m.!!!)  Maybe I'll ask him to go with me as a good luck charm

I noticed on your rads post that you are having problems with itching-- what do you use for that?  My skin is pretty sensitive and I itch anyway, so I want to be prepared when I really itch!

How is your herceptin regimen fitting in with you rads?  I will have to work around that with mine, since I have mine every 3 weeks.  How often do you get Herceptin?  Sorry if you've already told me-- still got chemo brain

Best of luck with your kids shoe store- wish you were nearby so I could buy shoes for my little Mason.  He would be a male version of Imelda Marcos

Take care and good luck w/the rest of your rads!

I hope everyone else is doing well!!! 

Hugs! 

Mary Jo 

Hi Marietta,

Oh my! Boob-b-Q-- that is SO funny!!!!!  

I had my tattoos today and CT planning.  I can't remember if I related the story about my difficulties with the radiology oncologist on this thread (I did on the Feb. rads group thread), but my consultation with him was 02/06, and I literally wanted to bolt and run after meeting the doctor.  Some reasons why: he removed my cap without asking to look at my hair re-growth (not sure why he'd care), examined my left boob first (it was my right one w/cancer), told me I would have a "break" after 3 weeks of rads (no one else has had a "break"-- scary) then told me they had no afternoon appointments when I asked for them.  Well, I agonized over it a few days, then called his office and told them I was going to another practice (a much longer commute) so I could have afternoon appointments.  I want to work as many hours as I can, then leave and go to rads, then on home to crash.  I even set up an appointment with the other rad. onc. practice.  Well, 5 minutes after I talked to his receptionist, the first rad onc called me at home and at work and told me he would do anything to accommodate me and they could do afternoon appointments, and they really wanted me to come to their practice.  My surgeon/onc had recommended him, but he just left a bad first impression.  But to his credit, his office ladies and rad techs were very nice and totally ok.  So, I decided to go back and now I'm glad I gave him another chance.  The rads tech that did my CT scan and tattoos is great-- nutty but very sweet and seemingly very competent.  She also explained the reason for the "break", and she said it would be for skin-breakdown reasons and if I needed one, it would only be for 3-5 days, a normal thing for big boobed women like me (yay.) So, now I am happy, I reckon.

How neat that your son got to go with you to rads!  I'm glad to hear he was treated like the true prince that he is!  And Happy Birthday to him!  I bet the movie will be a fun experience.  What are they going to watch?  Just get a big tub of buttery popcorn and have fun too! 

And please let me know about your website!  Sounds great!  My son-in-law's dad just totally outfitted Mason in hunting camo clothes at BassPro, so he will definitely need the appropriate footwear!  I hear he got three hats, onesies, overalls, and shirts, all in camo.  Watch him turn out to be a golfer, which would delight my dad and son, of course.

Have a great evening, everyone!  Hope all are doing well!

Mary Jo