New to this forum

Hi sunbearz, I'm really sorry you are being left out of your partner's experience.  I think my dh feels the same way.  It's a new experience for us to finally find others who are in the same journey we are and actually have walked the same path.

I know you want to be closer to her about this, but let her have it with these others for a while.  she will find a safe place there and will be offering a considerable service to others as well, with her experience.

In time, she will be more available to you for the rest of your lives together.  Maybe this will become a smaller part of her and the other part of your lives will become a larger part for your two to share. 

I don't discuss my bc concerns with my dh now, 5 years out, unless something huge is happening.  I discuss it here on the boards.  I don't feel he's really wanting to, actually.

So, If after sitting down and letting her know your true feelings, you still feel left out, (you have done this?) perhaps you can find things to do together that have nothing to do with bc. 

Hi Sunbearz,

My SO was on the road much of time during my treatment and family lived out of state, so I started reading this discussion board, and joined in last fall. When he would come home, he would be tired too, but would also want my attention.  I would be tired from recovering from treatment and work as well. It was hard on both of us.

He started to say more and more things about why I was on the computer so much.  I work from home transcribing and he can certainly tell the difference between when I work and when I'm "talking" to friends.  I know he didn't understand.  But, I found friends who finally understood me and a place where I could offer help in return. Little by little, I started to share with him about the people I had met and their lives and struggles with him.  He was also able to meet one my new friends.  I've been able to give back so much to many women who offered me support.

As a survivor of 6 six years, we could really use you here to help the newcomers who are so scared and are looking for hope.

If you'd like to make some friends of your own, please join us in the Moving Beyond Wagon threads, we'd love to get to know you better.  We can offer you support and friendship while you're going through this difficult time.

You're both an inspiration to all of us who are newly diagnosed and recovering from treatment and trying to accept a new normal in our lives.

Best of everything to both of you,

Bren

Hi Sunbearz,

I really feel for you.  You expressed this very eloquently:

"I'm losing touch with what I want or need now, as she seems to not have time for this."

I have certainly experienced this realization at moments in a longterm relationship. 

I had this wacky "flash" that you could strike up something with her online using a pseudonym (as a game, that you would both know about, not as a "sting operation")...    That's not a real recommendation!  And I REALLY am not making light of your situation... just that while you face your own needs seriously, you also hang on to some playfulness in interacting with her.

Maybe just venting your frustration here will relieve it a little bit,

but I agree with Ferne that you two need some quality time.

Wishing you both the best,

Ann

Ohhh...

I'm so sorry that I got the wrong sunbearz. I was confused by the same name on both sites. 

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. It hurts to be left out; especially when you want to be there with and for her.

When I was first diagnosed and went through treatment I was on the sites alot, then it dwindled, then started up again after mets, etc.

But at the same time it's nice that you are able to get out today and  motorscooter and do something nice.

Bren is right. This site is more encompassing because there are areas for just about everyone to give and receive support. 

And I bet something separate and your own would be good.

Hugs,

Ferne 

Dawn, my dh had rads to his throat last spring and it was a bitch.  Much worse than we ever dreamed it would be.  Very painful after about the 5th treatment.  so be prepared. He had NEVER taken more than an tylenol in his life and was taking narcotics and liquid pain meds regularly along with topical washes and such.  It was really rough.

You both need to discuss this possibility with the rads doc and see what meds are recommended and get the scrips filled and have them on hand.  also keep up with constipation needs when she starts using any narcotics.  It will help to start with some carnation instant breakfast since eating will become an issue as well, not only due to throat pain, but due to taste and loss of appetite.  We also used protein waters for hydration and ensure type things for nutrition.

also get some of the fiber that disolves in any liquid, it will be needed.

Not to scare you, and I hope it doesn't happen, but you do need to be prepared.  We were not.

Hi Sunbearz,

I noticed that you stated your partner sent you an invitation to TNBC forum she was on.  You said you read some, but then stopped because you felt like she should have been sharing these things with you.  I am wondering if that is why she sent you the invitation.  Maybe that was her way of still sharing it with you.  I know that in the beginning I had no problem with sharing things, but as time has gone on it has gotten more difficult.  I started a website so I could share with whomever wanted to know what was going on, so that way I didn't have to talk about it all the time.  I don't know if that is what is going on with your partner or not.  I just thought I would offer up my own experience as another way of looking at it.  My husband checks my website everyday so that he can keep up with what is going on.  It is not that I don't want to share with him because I do, that it why I have the site.  It is just that I get sick of cancer always being to total focus in our lives and when I have to talk about it that is how it feels.  Maybe if you can find a way to read what she is writing then that will help.  I feel that the fact she asked you to join the forum shows that she still does want to share with you.  She just may need a break from verbalizing it right now.

Keep laughing,

Jenny