need some hand holding please

Calico · February 2008

Calico · February 2008

I am at my low point again....it's PET time, had it on Wednesday and get the results on the 8th.

I would be "just" "normally" freaked if my hip wouldn't hurt so much.

It doesn't hurt during exercise or when I don't move....it's more like when I move like a stretch, bend or the like.

I fell almost 3 weeks ago downhill on the trail on ice but on my left knee...I think...that one was green and blue. I don't remember hitting my hip.

Sooo, didn't do much for a week, started up again nice and strong, knee didn't complain but the hip. First on the outer, then on the inner somewhere...got better with the heating pad then it flared up again, Advil doesn't do much....so now I am doomed!!!!

Told them at the PET, they made a note they said and if there was a concern like a fracture, they would call back.

Sooo....if it is mets, they wouldn't call back right? It's all in the report and the onc is getting that.....I am supposed to pick up the disk....I could check but I am paralized with fear and want to be in lalaland until....need to clean house and search the boards for possible chemos....arrrrggghhhh....

....and no matter what you say to comfort me, I won't believe it Tongue out

so, what am I doing here rambling? (don't you know......because we are all just a CT/PET/MRI away from a mets diagnosis......)

I don't think God likes me or my family, sometimes I pray but I really think for ourselfes, my family, it is useless. Still trying for our sisters with mets...but here I seem to fail big time too.

I even started to omit my "God Bless" a few times....I think it might make things worse...like reverse psychology because I am doubting....not sure if I make sense.....

ravdeb · February 2008

Hey Calico...just "listening" to you. Hang in there. It's probably bruised or something from the fall. You and I were diagnosed around the same time...we all have that mets fear...just kinda gotta hang in there and wait. Good luck...Let us know.

celia088 · February 2008

calico, if you hit your knee hard enough to make a bruise, then you very likely could have either injured your hip also, OR, you may have been unconsciously favoring that leg with the sore knee and have made your hip hurt too. I am saying this because i had a bad knee for years: two accidents in which i tore cartilege, 2 arthoscopic surgeries where they remove more cartilege, and finally a knee replacement. I discovered that my hip on the same side was painful when i was rehabbing my new knee and i was told that that hip had taken some abuse during the bad knee experience.

I think that the feeling of panic over getting a scan and then getting ahead of yourself in your thinking is normal for all of us. My only thought is to try to keep telling yourself that you need to slow the pace down for yourself, because you really DO have some other legitimate reasons (than mets) for the pain that you are feeling. Afterall, you did have a fall on the ice!!

hugs,

celia

ps. i know that you don't believe me lol

HeatherBLocklear · February 2008

Calico --

You're in my prayers and wishes. I once had a cat named Calico -- she was one hell of a fighter, and also a fiesty survivor of former abuse. She beat up on much bigger cats that tried to get too close to the one litter we let her have before she was spayed. Calico people are fighters and winners too.

Annie

PuppyFive · February 2008

{{{{{CALICO}}}}}

Big* HUGS* and Holding Your Hand!!!!

xoxoxoxo Puppy

TenderIsOurMight · February 2008

I'll help hold your hand, Calico, with your sisters here. Scanxiety is the pitts..about as low an ebb in this journey as possible.

I'm hoping of course for good news, but also for fast news.

Truly if physicians read this board, addressing scan turnaround time by shortening it would be a great gift to cancer patients.

Keep posting... it's too hard to bear the weight alone for most of us.

Tender

jadatemple · February 2008

Stay strong Calico. Remember to breathe and that you can get through this. Fingers crossed for good news coming your way.

Calico · February 2008

Thanks ladies,

the sleepless week has started, don't know if I'm a boy or a girl Tongue out ...re-reading the old scan with my lung nodule being 4 mm instead of 6, could Femara do this after more than a year? I mean, if it would have been a met responding really late? nooo, it's not a met...I know but if....I really really would like to have a brain MRI and yet...I really really don't....

(and I just read that there is a rare possibility of the disease, that my daughter has, metastasizing...I thought it's benign, agressive but benign, I am not happy...so much at stake, I need to be here.....damn diseases).

luvz2bmama · February 2008

I wish I was magic so I could wipe away everybodies fear, but I know thats impossible. Although God is very much with you and he will lead you right out of this horrifying fear your going through right now. Get some rest and TRY your hardest to have faith that your going to be fine, because you are. I will be praying for you every night. God Bless

honeygirl · February 2008

Hi Calico. OK , nothing I say will comfort you. But I would like to share with you , something that happened to me. I was walking into a building , just one "step up" into the doorway , and the toe of my shoe caught and boom , down I went , right on my right knee. Really hard. Well , I scrambled up , knee hurt a bit , but I was , of course , more embarrassed than anything. I ended up with a scrape on my knee , and some soreness and thought that was it. Well , about a week later my right hip started to hurt. Mainly , after I would be sitting for a while , and I would get up , Ouch! Then , I could kinda walk it off. I kept having pain there , and then one day at work , I started having muscle spasms in my back , and by the time I got home , I was in excruciating pain. The next morning , I went to my doc , and I didn't tell anyone about the fall I had cause I didn't think it had anything to do with my hip since I fell on my knee. They sent me to the physical therapist , and she took one look at me and said , oh my , your hip is out of place! I of course , was in shock. How could I have put my hip out?! Well , yes , it was due to the fall. And my back spasms was from the hip being out of place. So , the moral of my story is , yes Calico , a fall to the knee can cause hip pain. I know I can't comfort you Wink

, I'm just sayin'... xxxxx Melody

honeygirl · February 2008

Good luck to you Calico , you're in my prayers. And don't omit the God bless , God loves you and your family more than we can comprehend.xxxx Melody

Anonymous · February 2008

Oh, Calico, my dear sister, I am just offering you my hand-my loving and supportive hand of a sister who knows just how scary this cancer thing is.

I agree, I am the same way-it doesn't matter what anyone says, I'll still freak out at something. It always makes me feel better when I am surrounded by love, though.

Let us know what's happening, or if you are still freakin' out.

Also, GOD LOVES YOU. He is by your side and will not leave you. I know sometimes it gets hard to believe in His love, and that is when you need to hold on with all your might.

Love and prayers, Deb

Hanna60978 · February 2008

When I broke my foot, my foot didn't hurt but my hip did! Hips are like that.

Also radiologists out there, this isn't funny anymore. You all really need to pick up the pace when it comes to reading scans. Read them fast and read them right pretty please?! Way less false positives and no false negatives. Also, contrast solutions also need to be better and not cause weird side effects so please invent some new ones. And, as long as I'm on the subject, since we have to endure this totally unreasonable waiting period in which we imagine everything we ever did wrong will come back to bite our butts on the latest scan....we will also be needing some kind of amnesia pill to take afterward so we don't sweat bullets like we do and can just get our work done and keep everybody else's heads on straight because when we're out of order which we are when we are waiting on scan results, everything in the house gets dysfunctional!!

Calico, your hip hurts because you fell -- I will bet you a box of Godiva chocolates! Prayers for you too ~ hanna

ravdeb · February 2008

hanna..couldn't agree with your post MORE!

And Calico, I want you to share those chocolates!!!

Hang in there....

Anonymous · February 2008

Well said, Hanna!

honeygirl · February 2008

Yes Hanna , very well said. I totally agree. I agree with ravdeb too, Calico , you have to share the chocolate!

Calico · February 2008

You guys are really sweet, really really sweet.

I heard Godiva is good, I hope you are right Hanna and you win.......

I am glad you are sharing more hip stories here and Honeygirl too, thank you, gosh....the pain is not going away....this is so not me I think, I thought I am sportier than that.

I don't know if I should run or not at all. I am afraid if I'm not, I'm at risk for disease.....awww....what a slave of fear I am...

In my case the scan is read already, I could have picked up the disc and read it myself, but I can't bring myself over to do that. I don't want to know yet..I want to think all is okay....

It is sheduling scans and visits that bring on the wait.

still fretting.....maybe if this is okay, I just should do once a year onc visits....

Hugs to you all and

God Bless Wink

Anonymous · February 2008

Yay! The "God Bless" remains!

Good for you!

Love and prayers, Deb

honeygirl · February 2008

Oh Calico , I know just what you mean about the fear. I felt the same way getting my biopsy results. And once we are on the other side of the disease , we really don't want to know results! But right now , you are fine. Try not to let your mind go to the dark places. Try to stay calm and focused. If you can't read the disk yet , then don't. Its ok. Take the time to think positive. Remember us who have had hip pain that was caused by something other than bc. Running may aggravate it , so be careful. Hugs to you Calico.xxxx Melody

PuppyFive · February 2008

Laughing Wink God Bless, Sweety!!

Puppy

Calico · February 2008

Thanks Puppy

Calico · February 2008

Leaving the house in 45 minutes...

Please say a last minute prayer for me.

I am sick to my stomach.

I don't even know what to ask for if in fact something would lite up.

God Bless

PuppyFive · February 2008

Right along side of You {{{Sister}}} and holding Your hand!

JTTW

Puppy

ravdeb · February 2008

Okay Calico...we are all there with ya. What will be will be. Whatever it is..we just keep on plugging with you.

good luck today. Take a deep breath and walk out!

Calico · February 2008

oh oh

another in retrospect diagnosis

I need your advise

The nodule is stable but there was a "mild" uptake in the "proximal" femur.

Where is the proximal femur? Upper, lower?

And it was there last time, before that and on the CT in 2005.

Probably nothing but that's what my radiologist said after he missdiagnosed me with my bc.

So,

is the radiologist (this one read two previous ones, others were read by different ones in same hospital) just covering his bu##??

would you sent it to MD Anderson or Sloan?

What are the costs involved, do I need a referral?

I grilled the onc again if this was mets, if Femara would have kept it in check?

Feeling a little rattled.

And

did I mention that my DH left me cold not going with me because he has to work?

Yes, I grew up quick in a matter of 60 minutes, baweld my eyes out.

Now he sits here telling me it is an honor to support me, he would have if he knew I need it, and he told me yesterday already he wouldn't go (not true, he's dreaming....I would have asked a friend to come along)

Need a chill pill....and my potassium is still high to.....need to go to GP to have it investigated onc said....hmmmmm......time to change oncs??

Thank you so much for your support, if it wasn't for you guys, I'd be admitted!!!!

God Bless

mkl48 · February 2008

Calico,

What did your onc say? Was there actually more up-take? Are you really wondering if you have a met that Femara is keeping stable? If it is stable will

anything different be done? Beth

PuppyFive · February 2008

Sweety, We are here!

just take a few minutes to calm down, and then come back!

I Hope someone comes by soon to answer Your question about

the femur bone! We will always be here for You!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

Puppy

otter · February 2008

The nodule is stable but there was a "mild" uptake in the "proximal" femur. Where is the proximal femur? Upper, lower?

OK, I'll take that one. (That's the only question Calico asked that I can answer.)

"Proximal" is the opposite of "distal", and they are directional references. Something that is "proximal" is closer to you (or in this case, closer to the main part of the body); something that is "distal" is farther away. So, the upper part of the thigh bone (the femur is the thigh bone) is "proximal", whereas the lower part that connects to the knee joint is "distal".

otter

Calico · February 2008

He said all is probably okay.

This appears to have been there but nobody told him or me....something like UUUPSSS....

I have no clue....I am trying to be calm but also getting my scans on disc and probably sending it out for 2nd opinion....

My glucose is 106 and says pre-diabetic. Having a hard time believing because on PET day they measured and it was 94.....

My question to the onc was if Femara could do this to a met, like keeping them in check....He says "unlikely"....these things appear all the time....

Well, lets hope it's nothing but I am rattled...."in retrospect" haunts me....if my mammo would have been read in 2004, I could have gotten treatment more than a year earlier, I guess a few fall through the cracks....got to suck it up and go on....

ANybody knowledgeble on CO 2 and Potassium elevation? Do my lungs compensate for something? We are at a high altitude but I run daily (okay, thanks to my hip/fall etc not that week of scans/tests)....

Ahhh....just receycle me....

Calico · February 2008

otter,

Thank you. Could this be the hip? like femur head? because I fell?

need some hand holding please

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