Who flashes their boobs to the curious?
Comments
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I do!
To any person who asks tons of questions about breast cancer and reconstruction, I say, "Do you want to see them?"
Some people wince and say, "NO thank you...." others consider it for a moment, and others say with a sheepish grin, "Can I?"I have no humility. These aren't really boobs to me. I feel they are such a great way to teach the world that it is ok to talk about (whisper) "the cancer....."
I was talking to a mom at my son's physical therapy today. I was wearing a shirt I had made that says, "CANCER SUCKED BUT I SURVIVED." She was asking tons of questions, and when the room cleared out, my son's therapist joined the conversation.
I said I don't mind showing them, so they both said in unison, "OK!"
I flashed them my chest, and they stood there, discussing my mastectomy. It was kind of funny. They discussed the scars, the nipples, and were totally fascinated with the tattoos.So, now they know!
Anyone else do this? -
Right after my exchange, I made my friend who brought me home look (mostly at the nice inframmary fold -- I didn't pull my shirt up enough to show the bandage over incision).
I feel something similar to what you said about it not really being a breast! I notice it more in terms of touching my expander or implant -- if I feel a twinge, I'll touch/scratch/massage in a way I would NEVER touch my breast in public! Then I catch myself -- it's so weird, it just doesn't feel like a "private part" -- my right is still real, and I am much more modest about it...
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I did not have recon but shortly after my single mast. and getting the prosth. I was at a friend's house. We were talking about how no one could tell the difference (just by looking) between the real boob and the fake boob. I said that they even feel the same. As I said that my good friend's husband came into the room, while she was feeling my fake boob. He just looked at us so I said, want to feel the fake one? He said yes. Then he pretended to go for the real one and my friend said, "Don't you dare." These are good friends, not casual aquaintances.
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ha. Carol, a couple of my girlfriends grab my boobs (prostheses) and invite others to do the same - "squeeze them, they feel so real, don't they?" Sometimes, they want to look at the prostheses; I show them, show my chest - what do I care? After all of this, I really don't have much modesty left.
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I have whipped my shirt up for many a doctor or nurse. Most have never seen a bilateral tram and find it quite fasinating. My younger sister was in town for about 10 minutes after my surgery and wanted to take a look. I have not shown any friends though. They do not feel like breasts to me. They feel like lumps on my chest.
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I didn't have reconstruction, but I lost every last bit of modesty during the last 3 years. I have often joked that if the postman asked me to take off my shirt, I probably would out of habit!
It's been nice that I haven't had to flash anybody since last October!
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me? flash my boobs? Well, only in Allure magazine, Self magazine, Myself magazine (it's vogue in germany, lol... my tits are international)
They've been molded, photographed and hung in an art gallery, and if you look at the pics on the put a face to the name thread, you can see em again...
I will never forget the fear of seeing headless medical before and after photos before my mastectomies. The images haunted me. Will I look like that one? Or that one? I kept thinking I just need to connect with a face. A body. A person. Something real.
At this point in my life, I don't know if there's anyone out there who HASN'T seen my breasts. They marvel that they were made out of my stomach, and are fascinated by the advances in breast reconstruction.
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I flash too. My kids. My husband. Some male and female friends and acquaintances. Other women at the hospital. My massage therapist. Doctors. Nurses. Technicians. I even posted a pic on my blog (then removed it for fear that I'd get an 'R' rating and have my hand slapped). I think at least 50% of the folks in this state have seen my reconstructed, still nippleless, boobs. I have no modesty. I lost it in 2007. I look at it as an educational process. I'd certainly never seen a reconstructed boob before confronted with the need to make a decision to go that route myself. The photos I then searched for online scared the beejeezus out of me. Mine don't look too bad, all things considered..
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Hey there Twink! Don't you remember at the get-together at Chili's when you, me and Theresa showed our boobs (with our clothes on) to each other so we could see what the different types were like? I have saline (well, only one at the time), you have silicone and Theresa has a TRAM (I think). They all do feel different. I don't think we will be welcome in Chili's as a group anymore, lol.
Yours look terrific and I know I have said that before. I hope mine look half as good when the ps is finished.
At FORCE face-to-face meetings, we have a show and tell so that members can see what the surgeries look like and in progress and finished product. Of course, we move to a room where nobody can see bared boobs from outside. But it is beneficial and helps calm fears.
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((Beth)) I do remember us all standing in a circle copping feels... hehehe. I think we might have been banned from that family restaurant, not sure why. It's all in the spirit of sharing and educating, right? I'm sure yours will be a sight to behold once you're done with all the procedures. Are you still having problems?
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BethNY, you're way ahead of me... I'm just modestly working my way through the state and you're already at the global level. Way to go girl!
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Funny this thread came up. I just flashed mine in the beauty salon today. It is my Aunt's salon and she asked to see. It was a slow day and it was her a couple of beauticians and a nail tech. They were amazed. Everyone is amazed at what can be done with your stomach muscles.. Oh and I'm also very very blonde now! She did a great job, it was worth the flash!
Sharon
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I admire you all so much. I only had a lumpectomy, but had chemo and radiation. I never even let anyone see me bald !!!! I wish I had your courage.
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Barb-Boobs are one thing but hair-only my husband and girls saw me without hair. I barely looked at myself when I put on my make-up. Although just last week I posted my bald pic on the picture thread here so maybe after 2 years I am ok with it. Of course, now I have lots of hair so it makes it easier.
Raye-I love you avatar.
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Not me, I don't even want my husband to see them most of the time. Maybe when I have my (argh) 3rd nipple recon done in 2 weeks then get (argh) the tattoos re-done, I will feel differently.
Hugs
Erica
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I had mine started in Oct 02. There were very few pics of recon breasts at that time. I had no idea what was a realistic expectation of outcome.
I knew almost all will let you see a cosmetic job on their face, but no one goes around flashing boob (I see that has changed!) so I decided to educate as many as possible. After all the folks who had seen them to get them started/finished, I figured what's a few more.
Was working at dh's office during fills and after, showed all the gals there as we went along to exchange. It's a medical office, so they were open to discovery.
I, too, don't feel like it's a real private part, after all so many docs and nurses have seen it. I would offer to show the recon and lift/augment to almost any woman who wanted to see them.
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I didn't have reconstruction, but I'll show my scars to anyone who asks and some who don't LOL.
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Hi Twink, yup still going through "stuff". Have an expander in now on the left. Sent you a pm with details.
Love and hugs,
Beth
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Really interesting thread. I don't feel very modest about my bilateral mastectomy, no recon. I walk around very comfortably bare-chested in front of my DH. I'd be happy to show almost anyone how I look with bra and breast forms and would even bare my chest for good friends or my sisters, and I'd be happy to show any woman facing a mastectomy. But I don't feel comfortable offering and no one has asked! Sometimes, I find myself wishing they would. I want to reassure them that I look much better than they probably imagine. I feel as if people are curious but don't want to invade my privacy. The only person I have shown anything to is one of my sisters. She was visiting and I was showing her my website (BreastFree.org) and I said, "Here's what I look like," and whipped up my shirt (I had bra and forms on). I know she was curious, but she could hardly bear to look.
Barbara
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Such great answers-I was worried you would all find me insane (although with all the things I've shared on here, why would this one thing make me appear insane?!?
). I did the same thing last night at Sears while buying a new washing machine. A lady asked me about my shirt, and I spent 30 minutes educating her on breast cancer reconstruction, rather than focusing on my purchase.
I want to be a huge advocate like you, Beth! You are such an inspiration. I had thought with the NY Times article, and then the article from the Peoria Journal Star that I was on my way to changing the world, but since I have moved, it's like I am starting all over as the town's "Cancer Sucks" girl.
When I was back in Peoria, I was getting a sonogram for my ovarian cyst, and the sonographer was telling me about "this girl she read about" which turned out to be ME! It was so cool.Keep the answers coming, ladies!
Love and prayers, Deb
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OK....funny story. After I got all done with my surgery (Bilat mast, no recon) and was fitted with my silicon forms there is one person who would just NOT shut up about it...."Oh, they look so good!" Or "They look so natural"...blah, blah, blah. This is a guy I am friendly with, but not a close friend. I think he was just looking for ANYTHING positive to say and was babbling. He did the same thing about every micron of hair I grew. Anyway, one day we were at lunch with a big table of people and he started in again. There was a gal there that I didn't really know and she didn't know I had been through cancer treatment, so this guy told her the whole story, from his perspective of course...which was eye-opening in and of itself....I was just sick of it being a topic of conversation so I reached in my bra and plopped one of my size 11 silicon boobs right on the table and said something like - So, there it is...My much admired boob. I thought he was going to swallow his own tongue! Everyone laughed until we were all crying. It got passed around the table and everyone got to ask their questions. Now no one brings it up. I don't know if they got all their answers and it is just not interesting any more or if they live in fear of me whipping it out again! LOL
I have shown my chest to many women. I live in a small town and since I was very open about my cancer Dx, I have become kind of the go-to info girl for newly diagnosed patients in town. The docs have my number on cards to hand out...lol. One of the things they all want, but are afraid to ask is to see my scars. Almost all of them felt better after seeing not only what I look like now, but that I am so OK with how I look. In return, I end up seeing lots of other ladies topless after they are done with surgery. It has become an odd kind of show and tell! LOL
Good thread J
Deb C
AkA the flasher!
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This is a great thread! I also do not have much modesty left about my breast. Mast and recon on L side. I haven't really shown it to anyone outside of ALL of the Dr's, nurses, etc. I guess no ones really asked. However just about everyone has had there hands on it, feeling it! We were out with some aquaintences one night and one of the guys ( big guy into lifting weights ) was trying to impress us by flexing his chest muscle, everyone got a big laugh when I could do the same!
Lynne
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Yes, I have. Partly because I had good cosmetic results and wanted female friends and relatives to know nothing terrible had happened. Als, I got so desensitized during treatment that every time someone asked me how I was I wanted to pull up my shirt and show them!
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PinkRibbonAmy,
I always want to ask you about your avatar. You MET Rosie O'Donnell?!?!?!
How cool is that?
I used to LOVE the Rosie O'Donnell show. I was such an addict to her show that I named my kitty Rosie O'Donnell.
It's too bad she gets such a rotten image from the media now. I still think she is funny.Anyhow.......love these stories!
I think it would just be fantastic to have some sort of website where we can share pictures openly with women who are walking the journey after us.
It's so true about the headless mastectomies. We NEED to know that you don't become a headless, nameless being with no identity just because your breast or breasts have been removed.I am still a woman. I still have an enjoyable sex life, even without my breasts (thank GOD for the mojo thread, though!). I still wear pretty things even though for a time I couldn't fill out my shirts and wanted to wear a burlap sack.
Before cancer, I would have thought the very same thing as everyone I encounter. I had NO idea what to expect, and thought my mastectomy would look like it did in the cheap crappy manual they sent me home with on the day of dx.
I thought I'd look like a stick figure woman with a big erased blank where the breasts once were.
My breasts (despite the huge scars) really do look real. I fooled a nurse practitioner when we moved here. She thought I had a boob job, and still had breast tissue. HA!
So, I say, "Shirts UP" to us all. Who else is going to teach the world that you can ask a cancer patient about "the cancer" and not upset them?!?!
Love and prayers, Deb
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AlaskaDeb,
I am snorting at my monitor. Hilarious!
Great thread!
Bugs
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BethNY,
I tried to "stalk" you just now to see if I could find the Allure article/pics. It figures, I stop subscribing to it and there is something in there I finally want to see!!!
Do you have links to the articles? -
I too, have whipped my shirt up more times than I can count. I almost always offer if I see that curiosity.
I do it for various reasons. Mainly, like Beth and you said said, I was so fearful at the thought of a mastectomy. I would really like to help eliminate some of the fear for others if I can. The pictures in those pamphlets and on many websites...they're more scary than real. Maybe everything needs a good updating...they should hire us
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omg - I am dying reading these stories!! Thank you. I really needed to laugh today!!!
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I meet most weeks with friends (usually 8-10 couples) for dinner. At one of these I was feeling sad - as usual - as I didn't think my TRAM looked very good. I didn't say anything but 2 other women in the group asked me about it. I said they could see if they wanted. Well, all the girls marched upstairs and took a look. THEN, one of them admitted she just found out she had bc and now felt so much better knowing that she would look so great when she was done! Another one said she had been putting off getting a mammo AFTER SHE FOUND A LUMP!!!!! as she was afraid of getting her boobs cut off. She then said she was no longer afraid. So, besides making me feel better about how I looked, I truly feel I helped some friends. When the docs/nurses tell me they look good, I just think they are saying so to make me feel better.
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I have to say I am not very shy and if anyone wants to see my onesided ;nonrecontructed mastectomy I don't mind showing them.
I also go hiking a lot with a group of friends in the summer and have skinny dipped with them since my mastectomy.
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