helping my sister

I would not push this at all.  She doesn't need to look at herself until she stops hurting, at least.  Then, maybe a better way, would be for you to print off some mastectomy pix from the Internet for her to look at first.  Helps with the shock.  A couple of women have had tattoo's over their areas that are so beautiful.

And, of course, she, by law, can be re-constructed if she wants to do that. 

So just take it easy, she will be ready soon enough.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann 

There are many ways to show support. I have 4 sisters and it is amazing how each reacted differently to me. One has ignored me, the other has called me daily, another calls every Friday at 8pm and the other just looks me and tears up!!!  They have all agreed to join a study called the "Sister Study". It is something that they can do to support me and the cause. If any one is interested the web site is info@sisterstudy.org or call 1-877-4sister. The study sounds very interesting and if the shoes were on the other foot I would definately join the study. Not too much time involved but might really show something someday.  Quinnie

My 40 year-old sister is having a masectomy tomm. so it's very helpful to hear comments from all. This does suck. We just keep joking that we will all be jealous of her new perky boobs. We've viewed photos..and seems best that she try not to "look" until some healing and reconstruction has taken place. She will be getting implants. When she is nervous about the surgery, I mostly listen and support and validate her feelings. I also point out how much stronger she is than me..that's why God chose her to deal with this. I try to empower her by telling her that having this surgery is the way to kick this cancer in the ass! Tomm. night..we can celebrate her being cancer free...since it has not spread to lymphs..this surgery will be it for her. I try to help where I can ..run to store..anything to keep stress level down.  Seems most important thing is to be emotionally available to her.

Thanks Quinnie,

I am sorry you have bc. I will tell you, my mother had stage 3 (13 positive lymph nodes..bone marrow, stem cell ect..)..she pulled through great..that was 13 years ago! She always says the thing that got her through was all the support and positive attitudes around her. So we are trying to provide the same for my sister. I always wish there was more I could do.

Yes, I just registered for the Sister Study. I first had to have 3 biopsies..the they were all good..so I just completed my registration.

I am just now recalling that they can find invasion once they look at the tissue after the masectomy. Fretting that right now. We all just want this over for her.

Thanks so much for your good wishes...and hug your sister, husband and sons. You are so lucky to have them!

cat2026 -- I haven't had chemo -- but I'm sure those  who have will weigh in about the side effects of the drugs.

But there's also emotional ups and downs about chemo ending -- you might be interested in reading THIS THREAD and THIS ONE.

I think your sister needs someone around her to be strong and "absorb" her fears rather than "resonate" or "vibrate" with the same anxiety she has.  Please don't tell yourself "if she stays like this, she'll never make it" (through mastectomy or beyond).  Please tell her she WILL make it, and tell yourself "she won't stay like this."  Maybe she needs a sleeping pill and/or anti-anxiety med.

(On the other hand -- if she's already taking those, it sounds like they need to be adjusted or switched in some way.)

Is she alone in the house with her boys?  Maybe they ARE watching too much TV right now!!!  Maybe it would be helpful for some adult family member or close friend to come to dinner at least a few nights a week -- bring dinner, engage the boys in heating the food, setting and clearing the table, possibly doing the dishes after -- or  jovially asking them, "which do you want to do next, dishes or homework?"  Be around to observe that homework gets done, dirty clothes go into hamper, use of TV/video games/computer is in compliance with house rules (1 hour after homework, or after homework until set time, or not at all on schoolnights, whatever the house rules are).'

Just my thoughts,

Ann

P.S.  I hope I didn't sound scold-y!  You have every right to be very scared for your sister!  You did a great thing by coming here with your fears!  I just wanted to convey to you some sense that things can calm down and get better!  Hugs to you!