2 years later and I am fealing overwhelmed.

Hi Sue,

I work in the mental health field (employment). I am not a clinician or therapist but just wanted to let you know that there is help and calling the hotline as you did was the first step.

Depression strikes so many and having your feelings validated is very important. I do hope that you call your family physician and make an appointment to see him to discuss your feelings and symptoms. There are so many medications available and the stigma associated with taking these drugs has declined tremendously. There are also many bc support groups that meet and there may be one that you can go to this week.

I pray that God sends you His blessings and keeps you in His gentle care.

Bernadette

Dear Sue,

Perhaps I'm assuming too much from your post, but if you have a gun in the house, can you please get rid of it--give it to someone to hold for you if you don't want to get rid of it.  

I'm glad you called a hotline, but can you see someone professionally to help?  You're not feeling sorry for yourself.  I'm 18 months out, and many days I forget about cancer altogether and many days it's all I have on my mind, usually if I have a new ache or pain.  I think the eworry about BC returning is the worst of it, not all the treatments.  I believe that if we knew we were completely cured, we'd handle the treatments so much better.  And on top of your own problem, you have your mother to worry about.  But a doctor can help you, perhaps give you anti-depressants to get you over this bad time.

My heart goes out to you.

Hey! Sierrasue! Where the heck have you been, girl!  I was thinking about you and your mom a while back and wondering how ya'll were doing.

As you know, as much as anyone THINKS they know how we feel, they have NO clue.  It just isn't possible to put them in our shoes and have them walk.

You've given it your best shot and now is the time to take the meds to help with your (i believe) PTSD.  You are certainly not feeling sorry for yourself, Sweetie.  You are carriying the weight of the world on your shoulders right now=time for help. 

I'm sure you know that it takes the meds a couple to a few weeks to kick in.  Also, the first one may not work and you may need to try a different one or different dosage.  Don't let that deter you from getting the help you deserve.

Gentle hugs.

Hi Sue, like Ravdeb, I won't repeat what the others have said.

I am too so glad you called the hotline and are going to start your antidepressants. You are right, some people just do not understand. They think we are "better" or "cured." Well physically, we just might be, but the psychological toll is ongoing.

Thinking of you. You are not alone.

Raye

Sue:

  Hey there.... I understand you. As do many here. Believe me. Anyone who hasn't been thru it, doesn't understand. Period. They may try. They may fake tryiing. But in the end, unless they have been there they don't get it.

 I know you don't feel good. Man, oh man, can I relate to that. Treatment takes a major toll.... major.  Its been almost 4 years siince my dx... and I feel like crap!!!

  I too have days where I think, what is the purpose of this? I hate living like this, feeling like crap. Its not self-pity. Its anger and grief and fed-upness. And no-one gets it. No-one....

  So good for you in taking the step to take the antidepressants. I hope they help. If they do, let me know, and I will up my dose. I take the lowest dose of Effexor to manage hot flashes. I sometimes think if I wasn't on the effexor I might really be in a bind.

  God bless you and you are in my prayers.

Wendy A

sue...i take salsa too!  its great!  even though i have achey bones, its so much fun!

g

Hi Sue,

I'm in the Portland area.  I take lessons and they also have a weekly salsa circle, where there's all different levels.  And yes, lots of salsa clubs up here!  Grants Pass is so pretty, its at the other end of the state. 

g

Hey Sue,

First of all..thanks for the nice comment on my hair! It's a touch longer now than it is in the picture but it may go back to that again soon!

Salsa..my daughter likes to do that on occasion and has taken some classes. My son was learning that from a friend during free time in the ARMY!

You are right..you do seem to know how to get yourself back on track and that's good. It's often hard to just get out on the evening of a fun class. I used to take pottery classes and just dreaded getting dressed to get over there. But once there..it was fun! My sil takes yoga and loves it but she will call my brother at work and tell him she's too tired to go and he will encourage her to get herself over there and she is thankful every time!!!

Keep writing on here. It really is great therapy!

Sue,

I'm sorry about what you're going through but I'm so glad you talked about it. I relate to what you're saying so much. I'm 18 months+ out from dx and my family thinks I should be back to normal. ? They don't understand that I'll never be that person again. Not to say that I can't be as good just very different. I've had to experiment with anti-depressants and still don't have the right one but I do know they help so I continue to try. I can't seem to make my family and friends understand that I want to be well as much as they want me to be. Sometimes they think I'm just not trying and that's not true. I'd hate to see myself if I didn't try. Good luck to you.

Sue, I had severe Post Partum Depression after the birth of my twins. At 5 weeks I reached out for help and got anti-depressants. It was the best move of my life.

When I got hit with cancer and 1/2 through treatment I felt hopeless, I upped my meds.

I have several of the feelings that you describe..(like will I live long enough to see ...) but the meds help me cope with it, and put it on the back burner.

No, no one understands except for other survivors/patients.

I hope you started those meds. You will feel the difference in a few weeks.

Hang in there.

Janis