A Horrible Son

miles661ca · January 2008

A Horrible Son

miles661ca · January 2008

I'll be frank- I've had better relationships with clothes than I do my parents. Don't get me wrong- they're good people who were great parents. However, somewhere along my way to adulthood (such as it is) my priorities and choices have more-or-less sanitized any relationship I had with my parents. We speak about once a month, and I see them about once every 5-7 years or so. We are friendly- but not friends. We "love" each over- but are not loving. We respect each other- but are merely civil.

So the problem is really me.

And now Mom has breast cancer and Dad tells me it is between stage III and IV.

Here's the moral of this stupid, little story: Don't be a dick to your parents. I may lose my Mom and all I can think about is how I deserve the loss.

lewisfamily503 · January 2008

First of all, just because you and your parents are not super close that doesn't make you horrible and you certainly are not alone. Many families, unfortunately lose touch with either for a variety of reasons. It's never too late to make amends, though. I know your mom would welcome a phone call, or a visit from you, and no matter what has occurred in the past, families are families. For better or worse, we are related and have to put up with each other. You really can't choose whose family you are born into, and that's just that. You are not a "dick." PLEASE.....get in touch with your mom. Believe me, speaking as a mom myself, we love our kids no matter what.

Hugs,

Anne

SandyAust · January 2008

Hi Miles,

I am sorry to hear your Mum is sick. I know a little bit of what you are going through as my mother died seven months ago from cancer and at times our relationship was "strained". I think you should stop feeling guilty about the things that have happened in the past. You can't change the past but you can influence what happens now. Make contact with your Mum, hug her, tell her what you need to say and what she needs to hear. Do your best that's all you can do.

You are not horrible and you don't deserve to lose your Mum. You obviously care, if you didn't you wouldn't have come here asking for advice.

Also I just want to say as a mother myself, I agree with Ann. We love our kids no matter what.

Take care,

Sandy

JapanLynn · January 2008

Miles--

You deserve nothing of the sort...these things just happen, and it can't be foreseen. Families are something else...can't live with 'em sometimes, and can't live without 'em. All families have their issues...yours are probably no worse than anyone else's.

My advice, for what it's worth...make contact and, like Sandy said, say what you need/want to say. No matter how it turns out, at least you can tell yourself you tried. Regrets re: things undone are hard to live with. I doubt you would feel bad that you made an attempt, no matter how it turns out, but you might beat yourself up for not putting yourself out there and making contact.

Having said all this, your mom may well be around for years to come...treatment for later-stage bc has come a long way.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Miles...you sound like a caring person to me. Good luck to you and your mom.

Lynn

dash · January 2008

Oh gosh, Miles, just make a new start! You coming back into your mom's life may make all the difference in the world to her. She's alive and here, NOW is the time to make some positive changes so you don't have regrets in the future! She's your mom, she loves you!

yellowrose · January 2008

Miles, I replied to you on the husbands and boyfriends thread. Just remember, a mother's love is very deep. Your parents need you to reach out. Take care and keep coming back with questions.

iodine · January 2008

Hello Miles, may I suggest: before you go see your mom, write her a letter expressing yourself and if you want to address the the things that have pulled you all apart, do so in the letter.

It will help get your thoughts in order so you will be able to say things the way you want to have them heard.

You can decide later if you want to give her the letter or not. I always keep letters for a week before I send them when they are very important, makes sure I'm saying what I want to say.

It's not too late, with your mom or with your dad.

I hope you will be able to return here after a while and let us know how it went and that it went well.

puterhed · June 2008

Dearest Miles,

As one who has also been alienated from my parents (we have nothing in common), and also as a cancer "victim", I implore you to NOT lose touch with your mom now. At a time when I need my mommy, I am having a difficult time dealing with her standoffishness and snotty attitude. She's a handful but is somehow consoling when I am having difficulties in my life. Don't let her feel abandoned like I do. Cancer is very hard to deal with, especially emotionally, and the things that are going through HER mind are "how could have I been a better mother". She NEEDS you now. Make a new beginning. Moms are forgiving because they love you unconditionally, no matter how you get along. Your renewed (or new) relationship could cure her! Focus your guilty energy to POSITIVE energy. Call your mom!

Love, Mombo (to a son who doesn't call me either)

May54 · June 2008

Dear Miles661ca,

This is one of those times in life,where you must push past what has or has not been done or said up to this point and forget it. You jump in now with both feet, for better or worse and make a go at it with the relationship with your Mom. You need to at least try...you don't want to look back later down the road and wish you had. Just do it, it's worth it! Your Mom is here now, take that opportunity while you have it, its precious. You're precious to your Mom, come on Miles you can do this!

A Horrible Son

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